Reading Request - Some Guidance Please.
jo716 last edited by
My relationship ended somewhat recently (within a month ago) after a Very short dating period and the relationship itself ended rather quickly. We’re still friends it seems…I’m just still so drawn to him and I’ve never met anyone quite like him before that I can connect with (but we really never got deep into that either after the relationship started). It was all just too fast, too soon, too unsure (for the both of us, I can tell that much). But what was the point/lesson? And what should I do from here? I’ve learned to not jump right in and listen to my intuition but I feel like there’s more to it…but I don’t want to delude myself because I do have a tendency to hang on sometimes.
My Dob: July 16, 1987. His dob: August 6, 1981
Any insight or guidance would be much appreciated. Thanks.
TheCaptain last edited by
A love affair here can be sensuous but will rarely reach the wanton heights of abandon. You two are always a bit wary of each other emotionally, and at times can be suspicious of each other's motives. The relationship is rarely completely trusting which means it has no real basis for a solid match. You two will have difficulty committing yourselves wholeheartedly to each other, and lengthy engagements may deliberately delay any plans to marry. Your doubts about carrying through are often quite realistic and can prevent later disappointments and catastrophes. Jo, I feel you got a bit carried away with what you hoped would happen here rather than what was actually the reality of the situation - that you two never really relaxed your guards enough to get close.
It's easy to mistake feeling connected to someone for something inspired by the other person - when it is really just an indication that you yourself are growing more open and aware of other people.
jo716 last edited by
Thank you for the feedback Captain.
This guy acted in a way and especially said allll of these great, wonderful things to me in the beginning (like in the movies, in the romance novels, and I Was wary but I had a feeling he could be trusted) that told me that he wanted someone special and wanted to be in a relationship and was talking about how previous women were just not providing him with the effort needed in a relationship. So I being the total romantic, sincere and genuine in my feelings towards people, believed him and wanted to be the person that could give him all that (and because of the kind of boyfriend he said he could be). A part of me still does believe that he does want those things because things were nice in the beginning, but especially towards the end of the relationship, it showed through how he handled the ending (very immaturely), talking to his friend who even felt that this guy is still very emotionally young, and now seeing how he's gone back to moping around about how things never change and how these are the cards he was dealt, etc, I see that he's just got a lot of growing to do but he often says and shows that he's very set in his ways, attitude like: this is who i am, I've done such and such before and i know it ends up hurting me a lot but this is me, etc. Some of that (the last statement specifically), I heard from the start and that red flag should have stopped me and made me slow down and get to know him before we committed and before I had those expectations of what a relationship should be. I don't think I was hoping for too much in regards to what a serious relationship should be, but I Did hope for more than what my logic (based on some red flags he'd shown) was telling me was possible with him at this point in time, given how jaded this guy is by now due to past experiences.
I think we did have a connection (he had interests that I've always had and haven't had the chance to talk to other people about even though i've got plenty of friends and am very open to people, and we had such an appreciation of that) and it Is possible for us to have a deeper connection but he's such a complicated person and from the start, he had his guard up and practically told me so (in other words), which made me put my guard up - so I don't think it was my expectations that caused us to not get close so much as that he was just SO not ready (and i think still isn't) to let someone get close to him. He started the relationship and was already telling me he wanted to see how long I'd stick around, said he used to always get so excited when he met someone new but he's been through enough to realize that we never know if things will last. This may be something we all think in our heads but with it being SO new And my first relationship...it was just completely non-reassuring. From there: Downhill. I need someone reassuring and dependable and honest. He seemed to be all of that in the beginning, but I figured it out by now that he Can be all those things but only when it suits Him. A person with baggage and he's selfish at times. I've learned my lessons, I hope he learns his. But I know you can't help if the person doesn't help themselves.
Sorry for all the words...but I think it's really helped me I was thinking through more things while responding. Thank you
TheCaptain last edited by
Good luck to you - every relationship is valuable because we learn something useful for next time. It's all about working out what we want and what we DON'T want.