Confused by Capricorn Man-- Please Help!
SamSammy last edited by
Ok, I'm going nuts and really need some advice here. I know this is super long, but it's the entire story. I'm at a loss like never before in a dating situation and I'm a grown adult!! I've been seeing this capricorn man on and off since October. I'm a gemini just so you know. We're both in our early 30s. We met at a bar in July and he gave me his number. I texted him days later, and then he texted back...for a few weeks he asked me out here and there and I always had to say no...b/c I was so swamped with work. Finally, he stopped texting/calling. Then a month goes by and I texted him out of the blue, horribly I was drunk one night and remembered him and just texted him! The next day he texted that my contacting him was random, I apologized and said yes, I had too many to drink and it was...and that I can be random. About a week later we finally met up. We went out for drinks and had an instant connection, like I'm taking chemistry that was hot! I have to admit up front, we had sex right off the bat and it was great, possibly the best sex I've ever had, we just have a really good physical connection. For the next 2 weeks, he was the one mainly doing the contacting...And then we started to learn more about each other and realized just how much we have in common, we're both over-achievers and have leadership qualities and ambition....but we are also fun people who love a night out on the town and parties. I'd often tell him things I did at work or in personal life and he'd look kind of amazed and comment about how that sounds exactly like something he'd do. But after a few weeks, after sex one night the convo turned to "relationship" he told me he didn't want to lead me on and that he wants to take things slowly and see what happens..and I replied saying great, I feel the same way. I told him I don't like to rush into things either and I told him that if he had said "hey, let's be in a relationship right now" I would've freaked out. He also admitted to me that he's never been monogamous in past relationships, although he's been in 3 long-term relationships...and they weren't "open" relationships! (But as a sidenote, he told me this after I had told him something deeply personal about myself, the time we last hung out before this conversation).
Anyway, we both were super busy with work and both were traveling here and there, and then the holidays came. We started to go long periods where he didn't text or call and I don't usually ever chase men, it's not in my nature and to be honest they usually chase me, so I don't text or call him, but I do feel like in the beginning he was reaching out more...and then I kind of started reaching out more after time went by and started to get frustrated/ticked off when he didn't always respond...or I don't hear from him. Time goes by and he might check back in...and a couple of times after me not hearing from him I've sent texts that clearly show I'm upset/angry I haven't heard from him and he does always get back to me, even if it takes a day or two for him to respond... Last month I sent a very long text telling him I felt like I was being ignored and that I'm worth more than that and if you're getting to know someone you should make an effort, I sent this long text around 4am on a Saturday, and he called the next morning around 8:30am saying let's talk. But then we played phone tag for 3 days...before he left town for a few weeks and I never heard back from him!!! I had given up on him, deleted him from my phone...and about 5 weeks after that long text...we ran into each other in a bar and it was like a scene out of a movie! He walked thru the door, saw me at the bar and he did immediately smile at me and walked over. We both were shocked and you could feel the tension...I got so nervous and was caught so off-guard, my friend told me I went rigid. I can't even recall what he said. He ended up going over to his friends, and before he left he came by...we chatted and the vibe was there. He invited me to his place and then he left. I ended up going over later that night. he told me he just got a huge promotion at work and it happened right when he got back into town and things got hectic, he claims he tried to call me the week before but didn't leave a message...I told him I was glad to see him and he said the same, I asked if he even missed me and he said yes, that if he weren't traveling that much time wouldn't have went by w/o seeing each other. Again, i didn't contact him after not hearing from him and not discussing my long text. Anyway, we ended up having amazing, passionate sex...literally just making out for what felt like forever before even progressing onto anything else. It was great. And then afterwards, he laid on my chest, commenting on how fast my heart was beating...and then we started talking. I asked him if he knows how he affects me when I don't hear from him. And he said, well, I read your text. And I said ok, well what's your response because we never talked about it. And then he took his time and slowly began to talk, he apologized for being selfish and inconsiderate...he took forever to spit it out, but he did end up apologizing several times to me and I said thanks, I appreciate that. And he said he was just in a selfish place and I said do you understand how I could think that's directed at me and he said it had nothing to do with me at all, and I shouldn't take it personally. I told him I thought he could be more considerate and was I giving him too much credit thinking that and he said no, he could be more considerate and that he wouldn't ever ignore or not respond to my texts again...but that his answer might not always be what I want to hear ( I think he meant he won't always be available when I'm asking him to hang out). the next am I asked him what he was doing that weekend and he said he had plans w/ friends friday night and was leaving town for 4 days for work on Sunday. That was about 11 days ago. The Saturday before he left he text to ask me what I was doing and I told him I had lunch w/ a friend in town, but no set plans after that...and I asked him what he was doing. No response. Later that night I texted saying hey, I didn't hear back from you. and he said sorry, day got hectic and he's packing for his early flight and then he asked where I was, when I told him wrapping up drinks with friends, he didn't answer. So then a full week goes by...I don't contact him and I don't hear from him...this past Saturday night rolls around and I'm upset I haven't heard from him and I text him, saying that running into him reminded me how much I like seeing him and hearing his voice but he's so elusive...he responded an hour later, saying he's out with friends but let's hang this week. I responded hours later saying "ha, but of course you r...ok, call me Monday and until then think of me and my sexiness :)" He didn't respond to that text...and then monday just passed and he didn't call. Am I an idiot?? Should I trust him? Am I handling this all wrong? Do I need to be contacting him more or just keep waiting until I hear from him, which takes forever!
I just can't believe that after he opened up and apologized like that he hasn't really made more of an effort to contact me or see me since that. When he got back in town, I can't believe he didn't text me to hang out. It's driving me crazy. I know when we're together he likes me, he does find reasons to touch me a lot...he smiles at me a lot, and the last time we went out to eat he literally cut pieces of his chicken up and put them on my plate to share with me. But we've never really seen each other more than once a week, except in the very, very beginning but that's was more about having such a connection sexually. We have amazing sex when we're together, pretty much every time. But admittedly, I don't go out of my way to be affectionate with him when we're just hanging out b/c I'm not like that...and also, as much as I'm an independent woman I don't like making the first move, it's just super hard for me! Especially when oftentimes, I'm ticked off for the first hour we hang out b/c I feel like he's been ignoring me. It's a vicious cycle... The other thing is that I'm upset because he's never really asked me to go out on a weekend night and every time I text him asking what he's doing on the weekend, he says he has plans or is out with friends but then says let's hang out tomorrow, or next week. Why doesn't he invite me out with his friends then?? Please help provide input.
TheCaptain last edited by
This man told you at the outset that he wasn't monogamous so you cannot say he misrepresented himself. But I guess you thought he would change for you. The fact is he just doesn't need to see you as much as you need to see him - you'll have to accept that, for a Capricorn, work is his first 'mistress' and he 'loves' her more than any woman in his life. 'She' will always come first for him and she is very 'demanding' of his time and energy. If you can't accept the man like this and cannot deal with only seeing him infrequently, then you had better find someone else who wants to be around you more. He's not going to change and the more you try to change him, the more he will dig his heels in.
The biggest mistake people make is thinking they can change the other person into something more suited to them. It never works. You can only either accept or reject this man the way he is.
yummybrummy last edited by
In my experience also with Cap men (2 in the past) they seem to be hellbent on 'head games' but somehow they will turn it around that YOU are the one messing around!!! Goddamn infuriating not to mention frustrating. Can blow hot and cold at a moments notice. I go with Captain and find someone who won't do your head in - she's right, you won't change them.
xVirginiax last edited by
Hes keeping you hanging so he can have sex with you when he feels like it. Its highly unlikely that he will ever see you as more than that as you didnt make him work hard enough to get you.
Adminisrator last edited by
leoscorpion last edited by
I agree with the captain also
I was married to one for 11 yrs. he is very goal oriented.
if his goal is relationship with you, then he will be very ambitious contacting you, please you.
if not, he will not be.
and why would you want a cheater anyway? here is what he said according to you
"He also admitted to me that he's never been monogamous in past relationships, although he's been in 3 long-term relationships...and they weren't "open" relationships! "