Blmoon, can you give me some advice...



  • I also think that its normal, I remember too well how long it too me to get over my ex, but it still bothers me a bit. He mentioned her when talking about one restaurant they went to together and then when he was saying that he would like to live in Miami and apparently his ex´s mother just bought a house there, so ha said jokingly that maybe he should regret the decision to break up. Which left the impression that he was the one who decided to break up with her. Anyway, she lives in New York, so I don't know if they are still in contact or not. I saw a picture of her in facebook, we look kind of similar... But then again, when I showed my mother and sister a picture of the Spanish guy, they said that he looks like my ex. So maybe people just have very specific preferences for physical appearance.

    I didn't get any uneasy vibe about the friend, other than that he indeed may be quite a womanizer. They actually want to organize a barbecue soon and told me to invite my friends too, or a s they said preferably women. So I guess he (or both) are eager to make new aquaintances. It seems that when they are together thay are trying to act like two studs. I will try to keep in mind what you said about him.

    Thank you for your help!

    K.



  • I think the new friend is trying to help his buddy "get over his heartbreak". Your intuitions are good. He has pumped up the tetestoroin. It is like I said--when females break up and cry on each other's shoulders they are allowed to feel the range of emotions. Men, tend to have to swallow it unless they have a trusted female or still can talk to mom altho after awhile grown children know mom will say whatever makes her child feel better. Men on the other hand like to give their heart broken advice like get over it bro--the sea is full of babes--take your pick--enjoy your freedom man. I imagine your broken hearted friend is right now going through many life changes--like you. I think you two have become friends long enough that you can ask him at the right moment what happened to his relationship--say your curiouse to know more but if he's not ready to talk it's ok as you yourself went through a major break up and that is kinda how you found yoursef there. You need to ask more questions of men you usual don't. That is what CHANGE is all about. I think his bolder friend is more aggressive where he is passive so together they are different than alone. Maybe he is a lot like you--a loner that is attracted to bold extroverts as well! Keep observing and watching and being in a place of awareness. BLESSINGS!



  • Dear Blmoon,

    I have a feeling the spanish "friend" might not be as innocent and sweet guy he seemed to be. Yesterday we went out with him, his roomie and one of my girlfriends. All started out nicely, we went to various different places to eat and drink and had a really good time. He was a bit quiet at first but as the night went on he became more and more sociable. In the end we came back to the house and they invited me and my girlfriend to their place for a drink. This is when things started to go wrong. The first thing that caught my attention was that we (being quite drunk at this point) started to talk about what are the important qualities in people we would have a relationship with and what we find physically attractive. A lot of stupid things were said, but what bothered me a lot was that he made some really bold statements about women like he would never be with a women who is out of shape or is not perfectly waxed at all times. He himself seems to be very obsessed about looking perfect too. Another thing that ticked me off was that at the end of the evening he kept his phone in his reach all the time and kept texting with someone a lot. He did the same thing the other night when he invited me to have dinner with him and his roomie, but then I thought that I will try to not read too much into that and maybe he has some work things to do etc. On saturday night that explanation doesn't seem very convincing... And to top it all off, at around 1 am he just suddenly stood up and said that he will go to sleep now, and left me and my friend with his roomie. I just don't understand what the hell happened yesterday, I 'm so furious with him for so many different things. And I'm furious with myself for thinking that he was someone different. His roomie was really nice though, he was a lot of fun, acting like the perfect gentleman and being very considerate in every way. My friend thinks he is gay but I'm not really sure about that.

    Thank you for your help!

    K.



  • Well the alcohol warning now is clear!! Much was revealed and you are lucky they were not total predators and took advantage of you. Do not be too mad at yourself just take notes. It is not easy getting to know a person overnight. That's why different un controlled situations helps reveal them but mostly, a person if they choose to lie it's your burdon to test them. Think of questions or conversations you could have had that would have revealed his shallow side. AND be proud of the fact you are not his usual prey. He tends to look for aggressive needing woman who intitiate all the first moves. Right now he's hoping you are saying why did he didd me--what did I do? Am I not good enought? THEN it turns on the PLEASER in a certen woman---you are NOT her. Pat yourself on the back and step around that pile. AND do not ever drink too much around men you do not know and trust like family! BLESSINGS!



  • SORRY SO MANY TYPOS!!! I need more coffee and a new keyboard!



  • Hi Blmoon,

    Thank you for your answer. I think you are right that he likes very extroverted and more aggresive women who initiate the first moves. He seems very introverted and quiet, almost shy at times. I think our personalities are very similar in that way. So we both like the more extroverted types who make us feel more comfortable and its just easier. I think he find me physically attractive but he hasn´t tried anything beacause I´m not really his type or he is expecting that I will make the first move. He is also not my usual type. I think in fact we both feel a bit uncomfortable with each other but at the same time also attracted to each other. I find it annoying that sometimes he just doesn´t say anything as if he expects me to lead the conversation, I´m not really used to that. But it was funny that when he got a bit drunk on saturday he started to talk even more than his very extroverted roomie. Another thing that I find interesting is that he is pretty much a chain smoker and when I asked him about it, he said that he smokes so much because he really enjoys it but also because although he seems very calm and relaxed, he often feels very nervous or anxious, so smoking helps him to calm down.

    I think that maybe it was good to see the other side of him, the one I´m not so impressed with beacuse until now things were going quite well and I think I got a bit carried away with imagining what could be and wishing that things would move faster.

    I´m not sure I understood, but are you saying that he expects me to turn needy in some way and pursue him? I think he has enough women who are more than willing to throw themselves all over him, in fact I suspect that maybe he has hooked up with someone already, because it just seems strange to be texting all the time with someone at nigh when you are out drinking.

    Thank you for your help!

    Love,

    K.



  • Yes, he prefers to be chased and is just waiting to see if you are one of those. The woman who chase him are the kind that have rejection issues. It takes a while to set that up --lure her. But he knows all he has to do is ignore intimacy YET ack very interested otherwise--like dangling a carrot in front of a horse to get it to move. Think about it--if you HAD found yourself truely interested in him--falling for him in a need him way you would have made some kind of move to push things toward sominthing physical. This man is always on the fence. He is easy and polite in some respects but doesn't really get hooked. Woman tire of doing all the work. He will invent flaws in woman to explain to himself why he pulls back. It's a red flag when a man has a list of turnoffs that seem petty to others. A true marriage would never happen under those conditions. Even our most beloved has quirks that urk us but we compromise realisticly for the whole package. Often committment issues are hidden under the lie that one just can't find the perfect mate. We all have a few basic deal breakers but they are not shallow.. A man with a true passion for a woman could care less if her legs are shaved! I think you are fine to be friends with this man as long as you stay aware of who he is--only if you truelly enjoy something about his company--otherwise it's toxic. I have men friends I enjoy because they may be funny--inteligent and good company on occasion yet their love live's may be a mess and usually I can tell them honestly why and they laugh or agree like friends do. But do not see this guy as dating material. If he likes you as a friend he'll stick around despite you not chasing him to bed. Also, it could be him with the drinking problem---or more likely an addictive personality in general--the clue you picked up in his smoking behaviour. He was uncomfortable and anxiouse when your get together opened the possability for more. He wanted to do something more but gets stuck there. Do not get sucked into a relationship with this man even if he does make a move. It will not be good for you!



  • Yes, he prefers to be chased and is just waiting to see if you are one of those. The woman who chase him are the kind that have rejection issues. It takes a while to set that up --lure her. But he knows all he has to do is ignore intimacy YET ack very interested otherwise--like dangling a carrot in front of a horse to get it to move. Think about it--if you HAD found yourself truely interested in him--falling for him in a need him way you would have made some kind of move to push things toward sominthing physical. This man is always on the fence. He is easy and polite in some respects but doesn't really get hooked. Woman tire of doing all the work. He will invent flaws in woman to explain to himself why he pulls back. It's a red flag when a man has a list of turnoffs that seem petty to others. A true marriage would never happen under those conditions. Even our most beloved has quirks that urk us but we compromise realisticly for the whole package. Often committment issues are hidden under the lie that one just can't find the perfect mate. We all have a few basic deal breakers but they are not shallow.. A man with a true passion for a woman could care less if her legs are shaved! I think you are fine to be friends with this man as long as you stay aware of who he is--only if you truelly enjoy something about his company--otherwise it's toxic. I have men friends I enjoy because they may be funny--inteligent and good company on occasion yet their love live's may be a mess and usually I can tell them honestly why and they laugh or agree like friends do. But do not see this guy as dating material. If he likes you as a friend he'll stick around despite you not chasing him to bed. Also, it could be him with the drinking problem---or more likely an addictive personality in general--the clue you picked up in his smoking behaviour. He was uncomfortable and anxiouse when your get together opened the possability for more. He wanted to do something more but gets stuck there. Do not get sucked into a relationship with this man even if he does make a move. It will not be good for you!



  • Blmoon,

    Oh, I definately didn’t really want to hear that. A big splash of cold water…

    When you gave me a full projected reading for the year back in april you said:

    “I think when you meet the new man---the one that sticks around will be around November and he will be guarded but also very open minded---he will be ready to change and has made a vow to not make any more mistakes---I get that he lost a relationship and blames himself but could not fix it. The woman found another man but did write him a long letter from her heart that really hit home for him--he got it and realized it was his problem and for awhile he went into depression. This relationship will not be fireworks at first--in fact he will seem not your type but you two will slowly get closer and be very good for each other---he will be part of your job change---either you'll meet him at work or he's a neighbor---I just see you are in a position not to avoid each other. I see he is part of a seed planted in May--some decision made in May leads you to meeting him in November.

    The man opportunity will surprise you. If you make the changes now and stick to your awareness about your relationship habits by Nov. you will have changed your energy and that will be reflected in who you attract and who finds you attractive so it's not like this new man will be not attractive to you it's just that the usual pattern will have changed so you will not be so immediately drawn in--there will be less "compulsion" and more of a slow building of relationship. Also, you will not be looking for a relationship as you will be very busy working.. This man will not come on strong--in fact as I said he will be just coming out of a time of isolation BUT there will be a true attraction to you he can't resist. He will not be the usual charmer---more quirky and funny and he will just be a sense of new territory for you---Although you will both share the loner thing he will not be as self destructive with love in the past ways you were used to. He will be at a crossroads of wanting to change old habits and is also like you sensing awareness about himself. You are used to fast talkers who know what say but this one will seem tongue tied at times and as you two get closer you will get him and realize he's not good at communication but once you get him you help him and he trusts that. Where past men felt their walls invaded by your insight--this man will appreciate how you get him.”

    So now when I met him, I remebered that and I thought that he fits the description pretty well and maybe the reading referred to him. But apparently not. The thing is that I think if I keep seeing him, at some point I will be tempted to try something with him just to know what it would be like. Well in fact I can´t really avoid seeing him even if I wanted to.

    I swear, I think I will soon be ready to throw in the towel because no matter what I do, nothing seems to change…the work and relationships…everything same old, same old.

    I asked “What is the point of meeting him”? And I got the Preception card. Even the card is mocking me…

    K.



  • Dear Blmoon,

    I had a dream tonight that my grandmother was hugging me lovingly but it also felt very final, like it was going to be the last time I will see her. I feel a bit anxious about that because when I was on vacation we spent the holidays together and I was surprised to see that she seems to have lost interest in everything apart from spending some more time with family.

    Love,

    K.



  • That's your intuition just now speaking out loud. You sensed a change in her but it was too scary to dwell on or even begin to do something about. Our fears often pop up in dreams. Here's what I see. Your grandmother is right now and very much when she saw you thinking in the moment. Her reality is--boy--this is it! Anyday could be my last. Even though no one has that certainty of time it becomes too much reality at the last stage of life. You picked up on HER fears. We take for granted our loved ones more when our lives are in full swing with jobs and responsability but in the later phase we feel the running out of time and sometimes there is this great need to grab on to family---I went through a few years of that around 55 to just recently----the family shifts and you begin losing your place as the head--the matriarch---children begin having there own family gatherings and you are no longer the center but find yoursef suddenly out of place--it is a great lesson to let go of expectations to allow time to let things come to you. To gather your joy where it it presents itself. At her age she feels the loss the drifting off of others and so yes for a bit she is wanting to hug all her family tight and close. As you all gathered you all where enjoying each other but with confidence that you are all close and will be there again and had busy lives to get back to. But she WAS thinking as she hugged each of you that how suddenly nothing else in life means as much as her loved ones. She also is reviewing in her less busy head the past--the regrets and all she can't change and all she will not get done!! She is alone with these thoughts because really no one else is in that place and it seems silly to burdon anyone. Also, at your age it is hard to accept seeing your loved ones suddenly being old. You should send her loving cards. Take time to mention real events with her that you remember so she doesn't get bogged down by regrets and instead dwells on the good. This will be a great comfort for her to remind her in little bits of how much she did touch you. If you just say things like--I miss you or love you it seems expected. But to say oh grandma I will always remember the day you let me bake with you or that christmas you bought me that princess crown---real events. It will heal you both. As yes--she will pass like we all must and you will not be haunted as well with thoughts of things left un said. BLESSINGS!



  • Hi Blmoon,

    Thank you for your answer. I get that, that she is in a place right now where she understands that not too much time s left. She is 82... I'm trying to remind myself that I have to make sure that I keep in touch because I know she doesn't want to call me too much, because she thinks that she might be bothering me and that I'm very busy. It makes me feel quilty. Every time we talk, she thanks me for talking with her, that sound so bad. The thing is that we don't have too many good memories form the time I was little. She always seemed very cold and serious to me when I was little, it made me feel uncomfortable to stay with her, I liked my other grandmother (my moms mom) much more because she was so warm and bubbly. Unfortunately she died when I was 8. Anyway, when I was already grown up, I understood more why she is like that. She has had a very tough life, but never really liked to complain or talk about it. She came from a very big family, they were rather poor, so she had to work and live on her own from very young age. Later came the war and she just saw too much death and suffering. So I guess all that made her toughen up. Anyway, I come form a culture where its not common to talk about feelings too much, so I can't really say things like "i love you" or "I miss you", I have to let her know that in other ways.

    Another thing came up today, that I knew for a while that would turn up, but I didn't know when exactly. My father had an affair 10 years ago, the woman got pregnant and soon after that they split up. My parents want through a pretty rough time after that, but in the end they stayed together. This issue has not been really discussed in my family, although we all knew that my father kept in touch with his other daughter. My mother, my sister and I have never been in contact with her. Well anyway, my father went through some really tough times and lost pretty much all he had been working for all his life about 5 years ago, so in the end he decided to go to a round the world trip for 2 years and came back just this summer. It seems that the trip has changed him quite a lot and he has set some new priorities. Anyway, now that he is back he has also started to spend more time with his other daughter and trying to be a good dad. She is 9 at the moment. So far they were spending time going to cinema or some cafeterias but finally my mother said that this seems stupid, that if he wants he can spend time with her at their house. So today my father brought her home and my mother finally met her. She said that she is a lovely little girl and she is a lot like me. Well after that my father told my mother that he would really like if my sister and I would have some kind of a relationship with her. And that he hopes that the first time his children meet won't be at his funeral... I don't know what to think about that. I mean if that is really important to him, I expect him to talk about it directly with me. Although I feel really awkward about all this, I can see that we have much in common, and we have a huge age difference. At the same time I feel bad for her, all this mess is not her fault. I'd like to hear your opinion about all this...

    I haven't seen or talked withe the Spanish guy since the last weekend. Don't know what is going on with that. I did see his roomie today though and we had a nice chat, but we didn't even mention him.

    Wish you a nice weekend!

    Love,

    K.



  • Interesting that you brought up the change in your grandmother when really the message fits for your father more than her! Although, it is true for her it is even more true for him. You are on a path of getting why you choose situations and relationships you do and this is relevent--the family dynamics---your wound of silence. You have been brought up like many under a code of not askling questions and worse not having an outlet for EMOTIONS under the disguise of respect and obediance of an elder. You cary this over to your adult life. A dutiful daughter. Their is a lie about the good girl code. You knew to speak up could mean alienation and possably a loss of aproval and love. Also, you grew up seeing the first example of what love is and unfortunetly it became to acceptable to close an eye to betrayal and problems. That silence code allows problems to fester untill it snowballs and in your face. Like a secret sister who now has this DNA of being not just someones daughter but a problem and a lie. I believe you should show her kindness as you both have been hurt by this. I also think to heal your future relationship possabilities you MUST find a way to express to your parents or at least your father your childish emotions or that confused hurt child will be trapped in you forever with her mouth taped shut. You have a right to be angry, hurt, betrayed scared etc. This little sister is a gift and a opportunity for you to heal through her because you are disconnected from your own little girl self. You have been a big girl, grown up too soon good girl. Don't feel awkward with that meeting with dad--make sure you meet alone in a private place and be real. Then forgive but you need to FEEL again what you have burried too deep--the tongue cut off must grow back even stronger! BLESSINGS.



  • Hi Blmoon,

    Thank you. Well the meeting with my dad or half-sister will have to wait. As I live so far away I go home only once a year generally and as I just went I don't even know when will be the next time.

    Well all this affair thing and the child happened when I was already grown up, I was 21 at the time, so I don't see why that would affect me so much. While my parents have kept it a more or less secret, like none of their friend or our relatives know about it, me and my sister decided that we won't put up with the perfect little family image any more and all our friends know about it.

    I have talked with my mother and my sister about things in the past, but with my dad no. We really don't talk about anything serious, I really can't imagine that conversation taking place.

    Love,

    K.



  • Hi Blmoon,

    Things with the Spanish neighbour have been a bit awkward since the get together 2 weeks ago. We haven't really talked too much, but I did see him last sunday by the pool. We greeted each other, but as he was talking with another neighbour, I started to read a book and didn't really pay too much attention to him. Anyway, a while later he took out the book I gave him a while ago that is about funny stereotypes of people from my country, so he turned to me and said he started to read the book I gave him. So we talked a bit about the book. Soon after that he said that he has to go beacuse he need to work and asked me if I´m planning to go to the gym later and he said that he will call me when he goes if I want to join him. Well he never called.

    So this saturday I'm planning to have a small lunch with my friends at my place and we are going to cook some mexican food etc. As the Spanish guy has invited me to dinner to his place before, I thought that I should invite him too. So I sent him an e-mail yesterday asking if he would like to join us, but he didn't even bother to respond. What's the deal with that? A simple "sorry, i can´t" or something would have been fine but just not answering makes thinks even more weird. Any insight about that?

    Love,

    K.



  • The deal is he's looking for a girl with low self esteem who will wonder what she did and then slip into the role as the chaser and the needy one. So far he doesn't quite get you as you gave some signals yet to your credit you did not get sucked into pleasing him or needing to chase. He was waiting for some emotional outpouring with the invite. Like you sending an e-mail focused on him and you asking for answers to his behaviour. But you are just treating him as a friend. Do not ask him again. You invited him and he did not respond. Leave the responsability and his share of the friendship in his court. Good practice for you. And you are wrong about your father's choices not affecting you. The personality was in place long before the event. You have had a don't ask secret wall between you for life. YES it does affect your attractions. You are smart and there iare enough books out there that cover this issue. Knowing your attractions by nurture or environment---the part of you formed by outside influence will help you sort out compulsions and attractions that seem to happen on auto pilot without the head to intervene. Too many woman only guage a possable relationship by attraction. But attraction can lie. Your past relationships reflect the same do not ask rule you learned from your father. You learned to let him control the relationship on his needs. You ignored any intuitive thoughts because they had no where to go. Speaking up is your issue and you always new deep somewhere your dad is not trustworthy and keeps secrets ---not that we all do but your dad did not play fair with loved ones as secrets that harm another--that other has the right to speak up. What are you afraid of in your father? I had the same issue. My father did not cheat but I was not allowed to express my feelings or ask questions--I was raised children are seen and not heard. This eats at a womans power and can cause an attraction to abusive relationships--not just physical but emotional. It can effect trust issues---it can attract you to jobs where bosses ask too much and you ablige and you are afraid to speak up. You must accept your father has affected you--if you do not solve it life will keep bringing you situations and relationships that will test that until you do. This neighbor is interested in you BUT he is used to his own auto pilot method--he is a certein way with all woman and attracts the same in every relationship--but he too can change if he chooses to truelly accept he'd like to. Like you are trying to. I don't really feel he's made that dision. I think after he broke up he did say it will be different next time but I get that he still just thinks it's the women s faults and he just picks wrong--he has no awareness yet. Which is why a very good lady friend could help him. He is in denial about addiction as well---he does have addiction problems--wether drinking, smoking--obbssessive situations which are part of detachment from seeing his problems. It would be a lot of work right now to be in love with him. His x got very very tired. I do not see you getting seriouse with anyone right now---if you do--free will--decide to it will only be a lesson and not a laster. IO see the job issues being in the forfront right now. Like before I see several offers at once but you will not feel any real attraction but definetly August will be very good for carreer. I see you feeling at home somewhere. I know patience is hard and you like to make things happen but for awhile longer life will feel too low but that's what is meant to be so avoid any self critisism for not moving fast enough. This is alone time for awareness about you--and being too busy would not help. It's an uncomfortable stage but it's good. Spirit says learning to make nurturing friendships will continue. Specialy with men--by not being inlove it allows you to learn about men--specially the ones who have girlfriends and share with you their thoughts. You need to learn what's behind the wall of a man like your father to empower you for the future. BLESSINGS



  • Hi Blmoon,

    Thank you so much. You gave me many things to think about. I have been doing some reading about the attachment styles, relationship patterns etc, but not sure if I have found what I have been looking for, but I will try to keep digging deeper.

    The family things is very confusing at the moment because of the new sister thing. This weekend she spent the whole weekend with my parents and my dad tried to convince my older sister to spend some time with them, but she has her own life and things to do, and she is not very excited about that. She was joking with me that how convenient for me to live so far away and leave her to deal with all this. I think my dad is not handing the situation very well, as he just doesn't know how to talk about things.

    Well the spanish neighbour did answer my invitation on friday evening, he said he is sorry for not answering before but he has been very busy at work and that he had a plan to have dinner with some friends and it would be nice if we can all meet up. So we had a barbecue together with his fiends and mine. It was very fun. But I'm still very confused about him. He didn't pay to much attention to me and when he got more drunk, the same thing happened that last time. he changes a lot when he drinks. He is usually very quiet, doesn't talk much, but when he gets drunk he becomes very sociable. So yesterday he started flirting with my girlfriends. I was really annoyed about that, but I didn't say anything. Both of my girlfriends that have met him now said that he is very-very attractive but he is acting very strangely and they would not recommend me to try anything with him. Anyway, yesterday his roommate started to really hit on me and that was a bit awkward, as I like him a lot as a possible friend, he is so much fun, but I'm not attracted to him. At some point in the evening when we went out with my friends and the roommate, we started talking about what happened at our last get together, more specifically why the spanish neighbour was acting so weird. Even the roommate agreed that he crossed the line with some of the things he said and that he had told him that the next day.

    But today in the morning, I was by the pool and the spanish neighbour came to talk with me and was acting all sweet and nice and afterwards invited me to dinner to his friends apartment who also lives here in my building. Lovely spanish couple I met yesterday, they are super nice people and we had a great time. The roommate was also at the dinner. The thing is that he is so much more sociable that he kind of steals the show so I was talking with him much more than with the spanish neighbour, as today he was his usual reserved version at the dinner and didn't talk too much. So I think we are now treating each other as friends and nothing more. The only problem is that even if we are just friends, I don't like that he is hitting on my girlfriends at parties, I don't know what to do about that.

    The job things is kind of on hold now, I don't know at the moment where or what I should be looking for.

    Thank you for your help.

    Love,

    K.



  • Hi Blmoon.

    You haven’t been around much lately; I hope everything is going well.

    The Spanish neighbor is still very much on my mind. For now it seems that we don’t really talk during the week but we see each other in the weekends. On Saturday I sent him a message asking if he will come to the pool and he said that he is working but he will cook dinner later and invited me to have dinner him and the Spanish couple who also live in our building. I went. I like the couple a lot, they are about 6-7 years older than me and have a little baby. The husband works with my neighbor so they spend a lot of time together and they work at home in the weekends so they usually have dinner together. Anyway, the dinner was very nice, I had a good time. But I saw that my neighbor just looks so tired and exhausted lately. He works crazy hours during the week and works on most weekends also half a day. So I asked him what happened to him, because he looked really awful, he said that he is tired and stressed out for working so much and that the night before he was sleeping very restlessly and that in the morning when he woke up he saw that he had somehow ripped off the sleeve of his t-shirt. He seemed quite puzzled if not freaked out about it himself. I think he is not doing very great and I´m not sure if it´s only the stress from work or something else too. What do you think? Although the wife of the colleague of my neighbor told me that her husband is also working so much and is so stressed that lately he is in a bad mood all the time and doesn’t spend enough time with the baby and she is just super frustrated about that.

    I saw him again on Sunday and he seemed happy to see me. We went swimming together and afterwards talked for quite a while. When I told him that I had to go, because I needed to go to one event with my friends, he seemed almost disappointed. The things is that when we are alone together he is so sweet and there is a kind of gentleness about him, but when other people are around he just seems to close-off and becomes more distant. I don´t get that…

    Love,

    K.



  • You are getting SUCKED IN? Do you hear yourself---his confusing mystery has engaged you--be carefull where you let holes happen in your boundries. It's this lull in your life--remember I warned you how you have a pattern of needing something to fill the slow times instead of using it on you or just being alone ----your next phase will be busy so do not be at the gate drained. Do not try to make stuff happen or do too much time fuilling. That neighbor who drinks has problems with drinking. He sounds bipolar with what you say about his extreme changes--they do not sleep for long periods then drink into a blackout to relieve the exhausting cycle. Make a desicion about him. This is your boundry excercise time and alone time ---trying to balance that--to be able to be close to someone without being consumed. Because your father is not open he has groomed you to be attracted to mysterys in men and you allow too much unanswered questions. Be careful as well as where you live there are people who live double lives---men who have a secret ---I'm assuming of the illegal kind. I see two different illegal rings in your area one involves d r u g s and the other involves f r a u d and theft. Do not discuss these topics though. I get this vibe off of someone or more than one person who was around you at this gathering. Something will come up soon within 2 months that will out this so be very cautiouse about parties and new faces . Spirit is very clear that you are in the dark about something and need to pull back some from socializing with strangers. BLESSINGS!



  • Hi Blmoon,

    Thank you for the answer. Although, no good news I see…

    I know I get consumed by relationships or potential relationships because it is so tempting to focus on something exciting for a change and not all the things that are wrong and make me unhappy. And I´m completely aware of that, but how do I change it though. My job is not exciting at the moment so it doesn’t really give me any joy and I’m more than glad to shift my attention to something or someone else… I don’t know what my decision about him is, I keep changing my mind, I think I want to find out more about him, but I’m also aware of the things you and my friends here have said about him and the things I have noticed myself.

    The man/men with a secret is confusing to me. Which gathering to you refer to? The party with my friends and my neighbor´s friends or the dinner with the Spanish couple? I hate being suspicious of every one I meet, overly cautious, not trusting anyone…it doesn’t make sense to me. I don’t want to isolate myself more than I already have. However, as for the drugs, there were several people at the party who were smoking, it’s not very uncommon here, but I wouldn’t read too much into that just yet. And as for the theft, I have been wanted to ask for a while, but thought that maybe I’m just being paranoid… anyway, I seem to have “lost” a set of an antique jewelry I inherited from my grandmother. I have been looking for these since the beginning of December, because I wanted to take these with me when I went home for the holidays. I still hope it will turn out somewhere, but the strange thing is that back in November I had a dream I told you about where I saw that my jewelry had been stolen here and back home also and I remember that I saw these pieces in the dream, because they are not very-very expensive but have an emotional value to me. The thing is that a lot of things were going on in November, one friend of mine lived in my apartment while I was at the training for a week and the next week my cousin and his friend were visiting and there were a few other parties.

    As for the neighbors I really wouldn´t like to believe something bad about them, unless there is any proof, I like them a lot, they seem laid back and very friendly. I have been so glad to have more people to hang out with in my building, I love the whole community thing….having dinners and parties together etc. For the first time I have been considering the idea of staying here for a while longer… 1 more year maybe. Mostly because life is getting more comfortable here and as I have no other place where I have to or would like to be, I might as well stay here until I have a better idea where to go. The idea of moving to a new place right now and starting over from zero is not very attractive.

    Love,

    K