Blmoon, can you give me some advice...



  • You validate my first impression ---he has an addiction to "stimulants". And Their are many kinds. We will leave it at that---the truth is going to come out soon. I see him as having an addiction that grew over time and his choice is stimulants--not all illegal but do see him as also being a recreational user of something more. This is mostly about his pushing everything to the limit and how rough it is on the body. He was born an adict--that will never go away. It is an illness he cannot change but manage. He stopped drinking but still struggles with that compulsion to consume something to extreme---wether it's adrenaline rush of extreme sports or consuming high octane substances that stimulate the body. He is now at the consequience time---and he knows it and it is a big pluss that he already once surrendered and gave up drinking so it's within his power to do it again and get out of denial. Part of his quest to stay busy and on top helped him forget drinking but he goes too far--THATS what an adict does--goes TOO FAR. His body is the baramoter of that. As for blood tests--doctors just treat--and they have told him what he needs to stop doing. Doctors are concerned with doing their end of the job. This is the "crisis" time for your cousine that can change his life--where their life starts unraveling on many levels ----you need to step away if you truelly cannot be objective ----he is not unlucky. He goes to extreems. Seperate the soul from the man with a problem----he can have a problem and still be a good soul. He is not a bad person. I didn't read back to past readings for you as I let go of those in my mind--but spirit just mentioned that they DID give you a headsup on some family crises--health related----though this may be early. Perhaps won't peak till later---anyway, you have little power over this other than the suggestions I gave which mostly are meant to sway him because HE is the only one that can SLOW DOWN and change course. I know what you want to hear--is he going to be alright? I do not get that answer----what I get is he is in process and for you to instead of feeling sorry know that any bad things that happen right now for him--including the theft accusation are meant to HELP him change a path that is not good for him. Your father wants more than anything not to believe he stole. It was not taken lightly. For YOU spirit says this family crisis is just the kind of thing that scares you and is part of your all or nothing feelings about being close to others----it scares you--overwhelms you--family ties and love and worry and possible loss. This is a great oportunity for you to grow more strength over this--to find a middle ground of being close but not overwhelmed by family. Do not let this consume you as your own life is about to take off on a fast track and doors will be opening for you and you need to have room for hearing your intuitions. I see three as being important in this cousin situation---3 weeks I believe will be a turning point. BLESSINGS! PS--Also, you are about to get sidetracked by a handsome man---very near future. Lucky you! It will be bittersweat--and lots of fun.



  • Hi Blmoon,

    You did give me a warning about some health issue, in July, so maybe it is related to that. I think you are right, that there is not much anyone can do unless he wants to change something. I did tell my other, what you said, hope you don't mind, so she can decide if she wants to try to talk with him or not. I think she is one of the few people my cousin might actually listen. Turns out he had some other problems at work too and he is just completely in denial about his role in all that.

    I will think about what you said about finding more middle ground with all the family stuff. I know I should focus more on getting my own life on track at the moment, its tempting to find distractions for that. Well let see about the man thing, I have been pondering here that I really do feel that I strongly prefer latin men to the men in my own country:)

    Love,

    K.



  • Hi Blmoon,

    It's been a while. Hope everything is going great!

    I haven't written much because on one hand there is not much going on, no big changes or news really. Still trying to finish everything related to Mexico, my landlord has not returned the guarantee deposit for the department, which just drives me nuts as he promised to do so like a month ago and I could really use the extra money right now, but legally he still has 2 weeks left to return it. But he isn't answering any of my e-mails, so I'm not sure if he even intends to return it. Another friend who bought some of my furniture also owes me a bit of money still, but at least that is not so much. It just stresses me out to deal with these kind of problems that should have been solved by now. Do you see if thing will work out okay with the landlord or should I just give it up?

    I haven't found a new job yet, I'm going through the job advertisements daily but nothing seems quite right, there are several ones where I could apply with my background but nothing that I really feel would be exciting. I decided that I can be picky for a while more, but by September I really need to be working already.

    The end of June was hard, my family has 2 dogs, both 10 years old already, and one of them seemed so much older and sicker to me now that I came back compared to december when I was here for the last time, so we finally went to the doctor with him and the doctor said that he had a very advanced cancer and need to be put to sleep. So we had to do that. I adored him and this was so unexpected, although in a way I knew that something was wrong, I had a kind of chest pain that I get when I'm anxious about something for several days and the night before he died I had a very strange dream about him.

    As for my cousin, it seems that the aneurysms have somehow healed for the moment, the blood vessels have gotten stronger so is seems that there is no immediate danger for now. But it seems that he has not learned much from that. After 9 years of being sober, he has started to drink again, not much but he should know better...so really, if he doesn't want to help himself then what can anyone do.

    I hope that all this already covers the health warning you gave me... enough surprises for this time.

    1,5 months of family time has been great, but I'm more then happy to get moving now. I'm already starting to get irritated by the family dynamics that never really change no matter if you are 12, 22 or 32. The "new" sister has been spending quite a lot of time here too and I have observed how she and my father interact, and he really seems great with her, doing a lot of thing with her etc, but I still can't quite remember if we had the same kind of relationship or maybe he has changed a lot, which seems more likely.

    Thank you for all your help and I hope you are enjoying the summer!!!

    Love,

    K.



  • Hi Blmoon,

    I understand you have taken a break from the forum, hope everything is going well.

    I wanted to ask if you have any insight about my job search. I still haven't found a new job. I have sent some applications but nothing yet, summer was of course very quiet time on the job market as is was vacation time in most countries. The interesting thing is that, I don't know if you remember, but last September I applied to one job in Switzerland and had an interview with one Spanish man with whom I kept in contact for a while afterwards. However, in the end they chose another candidate, but you said back then that you can see that this person will not stay in the position for very long but you couldn't see if that would affect me in any way. Well, you were right, the person left in July and they started looking for a new person for this position in August. I saw the job posting and wanted to apply again, but then I read that this time the position is not a full-time job, only 60%. So I contacted the Spanish man after not having talked with him for almost a year and told him that I wanted to apply, but I don't understand why its only 60% now. He answered immediately and said he was very happy to hear from me and he wanted to have a call to explain the reason for part-time position. So we talked and it turns out that they had made some rearrangements and the work load would be smaller from now on. I told him that I will think about it and let him know if I decide to apply. But after some serious consideration and budget calculations I decided that I will not apply as it would be very hard to manage with the 60% salary. He said that he understands my point and he will let me know if anything else turns up and that he really hopes we can work together soon. Another opening did come up last week, he sent me the position description and told me that I might want to apply to that position. This is also in Switzerland but not in the headquarters where he works - its in one of the subsidiaries -so he probably doesn't have much say about whom they choose for this position. I did apply to the new position, but I know that I don't meet all the requirements they mentioned in the job description and I told that to the Spanish man, but he said that your CV might move in different ways within the organization and who knows what will happen. I understand that he really wants to help me, but I don't know if and how it will work out. Do you have any insight about this situation? I'm thinking that I have been trying to get into that organization for over a year now, applying to different positions, but it hasn't worked out so far, should I keep trying or it this just the wrong door for me?

    Thank you for all your help.

    Love,

    K.



  • I did not respond to this right off as Spirit says that some changes were very close and my response would be irrelevant---specially since your boring down times are meant to be tolerated and PATIENCE was called for. Dont you just hate that advice : ) ? PATIENCE! I feel your angst. First, the part time thing is universal now----many companies are regrouping on that subject. It's been newspaper fodder for awhile. A major large corp announced due to shrinking profits and government changes they will be cutting full time positions---that means benefits. Many company's have jumped on that . Here in the states we have a large backlash because of new healthcare laws. The laws are complicated and we have more fear than comprehension. Anytime government buttsheads with free enterprise there is revolt on some level. Company s who cut benefits would look bad---but give them something to blame it on and it can become excusable. Specially if others join in. That's where we are at right now so expect to see more of it. The position you applied for is not anything more than just a job. Hold out as long as you can afford. This company is in process off total reorganization right now and no not good timing---best to let the dust settle---they have management issues on the top level. Not very employee friendly at the moment---in fact your Spanish friend truly wants to help you but he himself is not too happy right now but of course can not speak up. I am getting that there is a position possibility very close to home---near you right now. So if a friend of a friend mentions something like that---follow up. It may not excite you but have future possibility. BLESSINGS!



  • Hi Blmoon,

    You are right, there are only few words I hate quite as much as PATIENCE☺. And anyway, how does one know when you are practicing patience and when you are just passively standing still when in fact you should be moving on?

    I haven’t heard anything form the job where I applied but the deadline is in about a week so that’s normal. What you say about the job possibility near home that doesn’t seem exciting to me, is something I want to resist as long as I possibly can afford. I just don’t see the point of accepting another job that only makes me miserable. What would have been the point of all the changes I have tried to make in the past few years if I end up with a lousy job here and living at my parents home?

    Honestly, I’m starting to feel quite desperate about this whole situation. I don’t know how to stop this aimless search and start gathering some foundation instead. I feel like I don’t know how to connect all the scattered puzzle pieces together. The job part is the most urgent at the moment, but I also crave a relationship and a family of my own and a home of my own, but still not sure how and where all this should take place etc. Yesterday we went to see an apartment my sister wants to buy. It was in a beautiful 110 year old, 3-storied wooden house in one of the loveliest romantic/bohemian districts in my city. The apartment was adorable, beautifully restored, full of light and just felt so warm and loving. I hope she can buy it and I’m very happy for her if it works out, but it also made me realize how much I want my own home and made me sad that it’s not even an option for me at the moment.

    Or maybe it’s just the moon that makes me emotional and nostalgic☺

    Love,

    K.



  • Desperation brings nothing good!! Chill those fearful vibes and gather some joy---get out of your head. And yes the moon stirs things up!! BLESSINGS!



  • Dear Blmoon,

    I hope you are enjoying the beautiful autumn! I certainly have. It is funny how I had forgotten how much I like autumn in my country, the colors are amazing. As much as I enjoyed the pretty much non-stop summer in Mexico, I might actually prefer a climate with more distinct seasons.

    So I have been gathering joy as you recommended. Doing the things that I have always loved but somehow put on the back burner when I had more urgent things to do. Like going to the theater. I went to see an excellent play called "The Far Side of the Moon" and I thought of you, you would love it, I think. They even made a movie about it, so maybe you can find the movie if you like. I have many other plays already booked for October and November, so there is something to look forward to. I have also been busy working on some interior design ideas, which is a great creative outlet for me I think. My mother is redecorating the house and asked for my help, so I have spent days selecting wallpapers and fabrics and tiles etc. Also, my sister bought an apartment and I’m helping her to brainstorm some design solutions, although she will probably go with her own vision anyway (being a typical Taurus:).

    As for the job search, that is not going very well. I have not seen any good opportunities yet, neither in Switzerland or here. I have told pretty much everyone here that I’m looking for a job, but most of my friends work in completely different fields, so they probably can’t help me much with that. I wonder if I need to lower the bar soon and just get some job. Needless to say, I’m not enthusiastic about that option. I might be able to wait for a few more months, but I don’t know if that will change anything. If you have any more insight about that, I would definitely be interested in that.

    Otherwise I’m enjoying the “different way of being me “, if that makes any sense… I feel like a completely different person than who I was in Mexico or Chile or even who I was here 4 years ago before I left. I think a big part of it has to do with cultural differences, Mexico and my country could not be any different. In Mexico I would always be the quiet and shy introvert but here I’m easily confused with an outgoing talkative and more assertive person. It really does depend very much on the context. But I think I have also changed in other ways, many people have told me how they like the “new me” even more, whatever they mean by that. Perhaps the best proof of that is that my first boyfriend with whom we had a long but very rocky relationship, that hurt me so much because he would never be really committed and I was always the one trying to make it work, seems to have changed his opinion about our relationship. For many years now we are just good friends, as we have many-many friends in common and we see each other often. However, we hadn’t really talked very honestly about the time we were together and what happened etc. A few months ago the topic came up, and I told him how much he really hurt me and how much I loved him back then, but how I can see now that we were never right for each other and it wasn’t a good relationship for either of us. But he on the other hand seems to have come to a conclusion that it was mostly good and that he did care a lot about me and the problem was that he didn’t know how to show that he cares and that I have been the only person with whom he has ever imagined having a family with. Also that he likes to see me so much more independent and confident now. Interesting how the tables have turned completely, not that any of it matters anymore, but I can’t help enjoying it anyway.

    Love,

    K.



  • What a nice post!!! You are exactly where you should be and there is a timeliness


    if you were focused on a new job you would be missing the harvest of recent validation. I am so proud of how you speak up now----your honest talk with the ex---that's an achievement. I think in the past loved ones and friends had a hard time reading you OR being afraid of offending you because you could misinterpret things said or events but now you just ask and clear up any confusion in your mind. Good for you. Your time in mexico could have been spent totally distracted by a love object that was all confusing--but instead you took spirit advice and got to know yourself and change patters that did not serve you. I imagine after this harvest is over the job will come and you will be so extra busy---November will be full of tests and new situations that will put to work your NEW YOU. Stay strong in faith that you are ready. Resist seeing yourself as in the past but take this recent validation that whatever happens it will pass. Patience Always! BLESSINGS!



  • Hi Blmoon,

    Thank you for your kind words. I agree with the being hard to read in the past thing, I have been told that, in fact my ex (the mexican) was really frustrated with that, some of that was a cultural difference I think, they are much more open and like to show their feelings, whereas people in my culture are much more reserved. Maybe some people have avoided saying things that might have offended me too, I probably didn't want to see or admit some things to myself.

    I now think the time in Mexico was necessary, although I hardly got to know the country, I learned much about myself, mostly thanks to you. I had a dream tonight that I was still there in Mexico, I was not working anymore, but still stayed there for some strange reason. Then I saw the Spanish neighbor coming to me and kissing me and saying in a kind of creepy way that I'm so glad you are still here and that its been so long since we have seen each other. I remember feeling kind of desperate and thinking how come I'm still here and why haven't I made the change I was supposed to make yet. When I woke up I was so relieved when I understood that I did make that change.

    People are asking me all the time if I have found a new job and I'm getting a bit tired about explaining all that. I do hope some opportunity will come up soon. But at least I made the decision to use my free time for something constructive. I "remembered" that before I went away I was working towards completing program that would grant me a membership in a global body for professional financial specialists. I have already completed 90%, so I just need to take 1 more exam to finish the program. I found out that I could take it in the beginning of December here in my city. I think it would be good for me to focus my energy on something positive like studying for a while.

    Love,

    K.



  • I am soooo proud of you! You have grown your own psychic in your wise lovely head!!! BLESSINGS!

    and ps--fall is my favorite time !! I am down south and miss the brilliant drama of colour change up north. Enjoy for me too!



  • Hi Blmoon,

    I hope all is well with you.

    I have a strange question today, actually sounds a bit crazy, but I thought I would ask anyway... for a few weeks now I have had very strange feelings or sensations. I have been doing a sort of meditation thing for almost a year now, nothing very diciplined, just something for relaxing. I do generally get that feeling of energy moving in the body, noticing the slight changes in vibration and things like that. But recently it has gotten strange. When I go to sleep at night, for 2 weeks I have felt as if the bed itself was moving or vibrating (crazy, I told you so). I even told my sister and asked if she had noticed anything strange, well she hasn't. I have had similar experiences in Mexico, but there I always thought that it was due to some minor earthquake, the area is very seismic there and the buildings are built so that they would respond to any movement and that sometimes feels like a strange vibration. But the thing is that here in my country there is absolutely no seismic waves at all, so that can't explain that. Anyway, I find this very disturbing and it makes me anxious as I don't understand this.

    Love,

    K.



  • Is it more like a buzzing? And it comes just before drifting off or wakes you up? I do not get any kind of spirit bothering you . I think it is physical. I have experienced something similar---mostly when younger. I was often over tired or over stimulated when it happened and it is very unpleasant because you feel out of control and unable to stop it. I read that often our tired body will go to sleep but the brain is awake and kind of short circuits causing different confusing sensations that may not be real. I also would get them when my allergies were bad--say after cleaning or in the fall weed season or spring. The brain swells and your breathing is impaired at night so adrenaline pumps up and causes you to as well feel sensations of vibration or buzzing. Have you had this after being out in busy crowds or when over tired. Keep a diary of what your day was like before it happened. If it is allergies---you can also feel as if the bed is moving but really it is the inner ear congestion or irritation that throws off your equilibrium---I have had the sensations of bed spins! Don't be afraid--it definitely is nothing spirit related but something physical. BLESSINGS



  • Hi Blmoon,

    The feeling comes whenever I'm still enough to notice, I think. It is usually when I'm wide awake (eyes open) but lying still in the bed. I haven't been out in busy crowds, but I think you might be right about this relating to being tired. The only thing that has changed in the last weeks is that I started to study intensively for the exam I want to take, so in the evening I'm really tired mentally but not very tired physically, so maybe its from mental overstimulation. No allergies that I know of, I have only ever had allergies when I was in Mexico and I think these were related to the air pollution there. The thing that bothers me the most is that I can't make it stop, I get out of bed, walk around, drink some water, but when I get back to bed it starts all over again. I hope it's related to the studying, then it should be over in less than a month.

    Thank you!

    Love,

    K.



  • I know this sounds weird but try cookies and milk before bed. Some kind of sweet. The brain needs extra carbs when overworked. I think you are overstimulating and working your brain with no replenish or rest. You may also try easing into bedtime by turning lights low---and just sitting quietly in a comfy recliner. Keep noise down. I have a nightly ritual of sitting outside alone on a swing and just listening to my water pond and fountains--the frogs etc. Also, it helps to have a little soft noIse at sleep if over tired--like a small fan--I use a room fan than filters the allergies. A little noise distracts the mind from other sensations----like movement or hearing every little sound the mind is still at work if the room is too silent it keeps the brain on alert. When I'm working hard on a poem nonstop for days it does affect your sense of reality! Too much in your head can disconnect other sensations that use your body--like touch and movement and specially equilibrium. I also have to have sweats during intense brain work. Try the sweets and milk before bed. BLESSINGS!



  • Thank you Blmoon, I will try the cookies and milk:). Being outside in the fresh air and enjoying the surroundings seems a lovely way to wind down after a busy day. I can't do that here, it is already getting very cold outside, but I always like to keep the windows open when I sleep, even in the winter, that is if I can pile enough blankets on top not to freeze:).

    Love,

    K.



  • Me too! When growing up in Chicago my parents had no idea that in the frigid winter while they had the heat blasting I always had my bedroom window open some! I cringe now as an adult knowing how much money heat costs--sorry dad! But like you--- I felt so claustrophobic in a heated closed room.



  • Dear Blmoon,

    If you lived in Chicago then you must remember the annoying time when it is just raining all the time but not snowing yet. Here it's that time, raining all the time, cold and gloomy. Days are getting very short, not much sunlight this time of year. Hard to keep the mood up and a good reminder why I would prefer to live in a more warm and sunny climate. But I know that once the first snow comes it will feel kind of magical.

    It seems I have seriously underestimated the complexity of finding a new job, especially in another country. I can’t really wait for much longer for something good to come along, I will take my exam in two weeks and can probably stretch through December, but from new year I have no other option. I just have big difficulties accepting the idea that I might have to take some random job that would be a step back in my career. I don’t know what else to do. I genuinely believed that leaving Mexico and my job was a right decision at the time, but I’m not so sure any more. I feel so stuck, once again….

    My friend who started the whole lets go to Switzerland together idea 2 years ago finally got a confirmation from her company that she will get her transfer in the end of February or early March and I would so like to go with her but I don’t know what road to take anymore. Whenever I get excited about a possible opportunity some obstacle turns up. My head is saying that maybe it is just magical thinking wishing to have some exciting career and I should just find a job and accept it but my hear is not buying into all that.

    Love,

    K.



  • Patience s ucks! I'm as well in a lull of not knowing and I'm psychic. I actually miss the grey gloomy Chicago! To feel like curling up in bed with heavy blankets and listen to the wind rattle the windows! All this tropical weather "down south" can get so boring---the seasons are so hardly noticeable. I am getting the strangest picture around you---a big beautiful church. Something church related is hovering around you----have you ever worked for a church before? I think for now you are still right were you are meant to be. I will get back to you---I must cut this short. BLESSINGS!



  • I hope you get to visit Chicago every once in a while at least. I appreciate the weather here only when I think that I'm here temporarily. I don't mind the rain, but the lack of sunlight gets depressing eventually.

    I don't know the church connection. I only ever go to church during Christmas (a family tradition) and I'm not really very religious.

    Love,

    K.