Blmoon, can you give me some advice...



  • Hi Blmoon,

    I hope all is well…you haven’t been around much lately.

    Not very happy at all…I don’t see anything getting better yet. I spent the weekend with my Spanish neighbors; we were going to some markets and to dinners together. We had a good time and I was glad to get to know some new places in the city. The neighbor I like invited me, but this time he was treating me as just a friend and kind of made a point of not being alone with me or sitting next to me etc, in fact I got the impression that he would like me to have something with his roommate. And then I realized why… At out last get-together with my friends and his, there was one girlfriend of mine and he was flirting with her at the party. So after the party my girlfriend told me that and that the guy added her to facebook. So I talked with my friend that I like the guy, but he seems to have some issues and I´m not sure about him but I would like to get to know him more and because of that I would appreciate if she didn’t try anything with him even if he wanted to. So my friend said that of course and she would never go out with him and so on. But yesterday when I was talking with my girlfriend again, she said that my neighbor has been writing to her every day now and invited her out. So I asked her if she has changed her mind about him and she said that she doesn’t know if she wants to go out with him and that she thinks that she will not, but I´m not entirely convinced… I told her as before that I would prefer that she didn´t, because it would feel very awkward to me to hang out with my neighbors knowing that the guy I like is going out with one of my girlfriends. The thing is that now I´m really upset with my girlfriend, because I have told her several times how I feel about this situation and although she seemed to understand at first, now I have a feeling that she just won´t be able to resist the temptation and will try something with him anyway. I´m just not fine with that and I decided that I will tell her one last time on Friday when we meet and if she doesn’t get that, then I just can’t really trust her anymore and I have to let her go. I hate this situation; it just makes me so uncomfortable and upset. What do you think I should do about this?

    Love,

    K.



  • Let this be. Let them hook up. I t will not last and he is trying to get you to feel rejected and be more of a chaser. Don't do that to yourself---this is a pattern you do -falling for MYSTERY. This man expects the woman to do the work and prefers she needs his attention and will react to his turnng it on and off in away that keeps her tied up. Let the girlfriend go for it and you will learn a lot more about him through her. He will use her to get you jelouse so do not trust anything wonderful she first reports--it will fizzle as long as you ignore it.You really can not blame your friend as unless you are together it's really the girlfriends choice and she may learn something from it. You must examine why you would be interested in a man who has chosen to chase your friend. You except rejection in men as a need to keep trying. DON'T!! Also, as a loner--be careful that you do not unconcesiusely find faults in friends to give yourself reason to stay a loner. I have done that . If this guy did turn out to be the one then it was meant not to be you and if he doesn't she did you a favour as he will reeal himself. I do not see them lasting. Once she makes it easy and the chase is complete and you ignore it --he will go cold on her as well. He's really chasing you--but not in a good way but a manipulating way. I have been very busy but can easiliy see this current drama will pass quik. Within two weeks --maybe one----you will wonder what you were thinking! This interest in him will end soon. Blessings. I do see another interest soon. This will start more friendship and I see girls all around him--but not like a player---either he lives with many sisters or is a girls best friend kind of guy. He's not very s exual but fun. I get the letter T--could be a name or place. And the number 3---actualy seeing three twice. BLESSINGS!



  • Hi Blmoon,

    I wanted to thank you for your answer, it kind of helped me through the weekend without doing something I might have regretted later. I was thinking about the girlfriend situation and you are right I can´t tell her what to do. So I met her yesterday and we talked about things and she said that she hasn't gone out with my neighbor although he has invited her various times, but maybe she will. She is kind of interested in a few other people too at the moment, so I don't know what will happen with that.

    The weekend was weird again. On friday the roommate of my neighbor invited me to their place for dinner and I thought that there will be other people too, but he had invited only me. He said that my neighbor is at work and will join us later. So it was nice, I like talking to him and everything but I'm not attracted to him at all. So when later in the evening he told me that he really likes me it was a bit awkward and I quickly changed the subject. At one point during the dinner the other guy called (the one I liked) and was asking if we were having some romantic dimmer or something and that he will come soon. So later he came and the Spanish couple also who live in the building. We were just having some drinks when at around midnight the doorbell rings and arrives one woman, who is apparently a colleague of the Spanish guy. And then I realized that she was his booty-call for the night. The poor woman had driven all the way from the other part of the city in the middle of the night to sleep with him. Anyway, I was thinking about what you had said before and so I just ignored them, because he was just all over her, like holding her had and putting his legs on her lap and just being riduculous in every possible way considering that there were 4 other people around. I didn't say anything that night or the next day when we all went to lunch together with the neighbors (he didn't invite his lady friend).

    What you say about him trying to chase me in some manipulative way...I don't understand why he would need to do that, from what I have seen and heard from his roommate, his has plenty of women who are willing to do all the work and make life easy for him.

    Love,

    K.



  • YES, but you have NOT been easy yet--captured. He has plenty of woman but no longer feels the rush of the chase--like fishing--a man of sport. He catches a fish but the sea is full of maybe a bigger one. He is insecure and feeds on the power of getting a woman to "come to him". His insecurity feeds the like in the woman who as well is so insecure she must question herself, that he flaunts another but does not choose her--she must feel the false power of being "chosen" by him. You are learning about different men. When around a man like him you must always feel your Goddess power. Never play his game. AND never let his crazy logic tie up your brain. His mystery is part of his bait. Remember your father was --and is still mystery. It will always trick you. A good man can surprise you with productive mystery but a insecure weak man can lead you astray. You can't change who you are--you will always love a man with a bit of mystery---but you can manage that by only choosing a higher evolved man who is a good mystery. BLESSINGS!



  • Hi Blmoon,

    Well, so it happened... he hooked up with my girlfriend. We went our yesterday with all the neighbors and he was just all over her. I think I did well ignoring him for most of the night, but he really is pushing my buttons, so in the end I got really angry with him when he started asking me what do I think of his roommate and if I like him etc, so I just snapped at him.

    My girlfriend is being too easy and that annoys me too. Not very sure if it is a good idea to hang out with them. My girlfriend said that he told her that he really likes her and would like to go out with her. She said that she hasn't decided if she wants something more or if they will be more like friends with benefits. I don't know if I should distance myself from this situation and not spend too much time with the neighbors or just wait for all this to pass.

    Love,

    K.



  • You are asking yourself very good questions! At your age it is a good time to be more discerning about your choices. Maturity calls for it for those who want more vision and less surprises in their lives. Youth tends to live n the moment and craves social get togethers and is more forgiving of strangers. Maturity starts really looking at those you surroundd yourself with--it keeps you safer. I'm not suggesting being paranoid but really, deciding if others energy matters and yes others messy lives can cross your boundries if you are not careful. The main thing here is how YOU feel. Never stay around people who do not feel healthy for you. I have had friends I did not agree with their life style---feeling they were promiscuouse by my standerds but otherwise I enjoyed there friendship very much---but I was not around them during times their lifestyle clashed with mine. We did things together I enjoyed and they as well shared. You seem to be outgrowing the party, intstant gratification scene. I went through that---and at that time in my late thirties I went to collage and got more focused---I started seeing my activities as a measure of energy. I became more aware of time wasting. If this friend is fun in other aspects--keep your outings one on one and if this loose and free party scene withe no strings attached is not where you feel true to yourself you must own that and not be PASSIVE. Not being passive in your own life is really what your learning now. Be true to yourself--it really does matter! BLESSINGS! PS--your friend will learn her own lessons----she thinks no strings attached s ex is without consequence but there is no such thing. You know that.



  • Hi Blmoon,

    You are right, I have to decide what kind of people I want in my life and which ones are not so good for me. I have outgrown the party scene for quite some time and I have pulled back from it, but I can´t avoid it completely, if I want to meet new people. From the people I have in my life at the moment I enjoy mostly hanging out with the Spaniards, because in that group there are many people who are in their late 30s and 40s, who have families and who have a different lifestyle than my younger friends, so it is kind of refreshing to talk with them. But if I´m going to be clashing with my spanish neighbor a lot I can´t really hang out with them, because the other Spaniards are mostly his colleagues.

    With the girlfriend, I don't know, I like her but at the sametime I feel that her values are in some way trying to undermine mine and it gets frustrating. I mean, what man wouldn´t like to have his cake and eat it too and if there are enough women who make it too easy for the guys then it inevitably makes life harder for the women who don't want to just hook up.

    I have been thinking a lot about what you said a while ago that if I don't really look for and build relationships myself, then the types that come to my life are sort of more pushy people, and I think that is exactly what has happened here during the last year. I need to try to change that.

    Love,

    K



  • Hi Blmoon,

    This situation is not improving very much. I thought that I will try to avoid contact with my neighbor and my girlfriend, but without making too much fuss about it. So yesterday I was preparing a dinner for one friend of mine and the roommate of the spanish guy (he was out of the city for the day, so it seemed ok to invite only the rommate). But then in the evening the spanish guy send me a message that if I want to go to his place for dinner and I said that I'm organizing a dinner myself and he can come if he wants to. He said that it would be nice and that he will come to say hello when he gets back to the city. So he showed up in my apartment 2 hours before the dinner and was acting all friendly and nice, said he can help me to cook etc. And the he said that by the way I invited D (my girlfriend) also. I was not very happy with that, but I didn't say anything. In the end the dinner was okay and there were 5 of us and it was fun, but I'm getting very tired of this mess. My girlfriend told me how nice he is and that he is pushing this a lot and wants something more serious with her etc. Ok, I remember what you told me about not believing anything wonderful she might first report, but I don't think I want to hear that. Do you still think it will fizzle soon? How can I withdraw from this without making a drama? My girlfriend seems to think that everything is absolutely perfect and that its fine that we should all hang out together.

    Love,

    K.



  • OH MY!!!! Your so called friend actualy got me angry when I got to the part about him just casualy saying by the way I invited my girlfriend? How rude!!! Spirit says this not a mistake but a good time for you to deal with anger in a constructive protective way. Your buttons are going to keep getting pushed and it will amp up until you get the lesson. Rude rude rude and out of line to show up two hours early? Then invite someone else? The key to your challenge in this is your question how do you end this mess without drama? Step back and look at yourself again--remember your issue is being passive--why are you sometimes too passive? What are you afraid of? Heres your chance to start redoing that block. Sometimes conflict--drama is nessasary!! You can not always protect your boundries by assuming others will be respectful. He's a boundry crosser!! Were is your sword? Where are your teeth--where is the equal male energy of your balanced self who protects---you lack a healthy male energy--your father has not been a healthy example for you to grow balance. The signs of being too passive are eventual depression--a loss of respect for oneself and dreams of either losing important items like a wallet or purse or other valuables and dreams of being in a vehical with another at the wheel. When you blindly just go along and eat your feelings that energy turns inward on yourself so if you do not take action expect to feel c rappy about yourself . Without grossing you out but just as a possable perspective eye opener I will tell you that this nice guy is fishing for a threesome. Respectful people do not invite friends to anothers dinner without asking and they do not show up hours early. Unless they are a long time childhood friend but even then real friends call first! Would you do this? Stop being passive. Is this guy a nice guy because he says the right things--ACTS like a nice guy? What is it?--because you are letting him manipulate the nice guy image---stop using your feelings of magnatism without eaqual head brain back up--remember I told you what leads women most astray is they put too much power in the energy of some folks magnatism. They assume the attraction means something positive. NOT always true. Some folks are just born gifted with magnatism and it is their burdon to choose what to do with it---they can become positive leaders and gifted helpers of service. OR they can be lazy and use their charm and magnatism to get things easy and feel the power of control over those who can't resist them. Take some time alone--really alone--cleanse your home space your life and let your brain do the thinking. Be your ownbest friend--cook a decadent meal all for you--buy yourself flowers a new music cd---candles and a favourite movie. Be the Goddess. BLESSINGS!

    ps--and do not fear being a B itch or not nice--if this guy shows up unanounced during your alone time do not let him past the door---be firm--you owe him no explenations--say you are not in the mood for company--nothing personal--he will not want to except that so start practicing--and once you do this without all the drama you imagine you will feel good about yourself and others will respect your boundries---right now they are weak.



  • Hi Blmoon,

    Thank you, you are right of course, I know need to step back and see what is really happening here.

    I think the thing is that I’m not very good at dealing with anger. In that sense I’m a true Aries that when my buttons get pushed I really have a very short fuse and my quick temper has gotten me into more trouble in the past than I care to remember. So I have worked hard to try to control that. The problem is that if I make a drama and do or say something that seems completely out of proportion to the situation, then in the end my reaction to the situation becomes the problem and not the thing that I reacted to. So that is why I don’t want to make a drama, because then it will be about me being unreasonable or too sensitive or whatever and it takes the focus off from the fact that other people in this situation are really being rude and insensitive.

    What I didn’t tell you before was that I had to actually invent an excuse for another girlfriend not to come that evening because she knows both my neighbor and my other girlfriend a bit and how all this mess started. She is a very feisty Mexican woman and would have created a huge drama, because she thinks my neighbor is an intolerable jerk and that my girlfriend is not being a good friend and that I shouldn’t even be talking to her anymore. So in some twisted way I ended up having dinner with some people I didn’t even want to invite in the first place and had to cancel plans with the person I did want to see. That is just crazy. Can´t happen again.

    I think you are right about the alone time, because in the end of the day I will feel better having a nice quiet weekend than dealing with other people who are playing some mind games. I let this get to me and I loose my balance and in the end I'm just so upset that I don't even ejnoy doing the things that I usually like.

    As for the flowers, candles and nice meal is something I do a lot for just myself and it works like a charm:)

    Love,

    K.



  • We have a lot in common--which is why spirit has chosen for me to help you. My moon is in Aires. And I have a Taurus temper. I choose my battles. Plus being a healer with extra energy I can really be a mighty force. So, I too have had to juggle that responsably. I get about all or nothing. The trick is not letting the little things that are truly not acceptable go or you risk storing up resentment and as you said then one day the straw breaks the camels back and you suddenly goes balistic over a small thing and the offender is shocked. BOUNDRIES. If you are firm about boundries there is an energy put out to the universe and people get it and eventualy they know you and do not even go there. That is the ideal go. The core issue is with how deserving you feel to be demanding. You must come to a place to feel secure with entitlement to be you---without apology. People can sense pleasers---do not give off pleaser vibes and again people will not test you as much. Much of your entitlement issues come from childhood as did mine. When a key parent puts you in a position to not be free to speak up, ask questions---show true emotions it sets a habit you are not even aware of. If a parent makes you feel that if you speak a truth you risk losing their love it makes you a pleaser. Detached parents also set in stone your need to please. There is a fear. People who lie to themselves and are your parent---teach you to hold your tongue and not reveal the truth. To live with that you start trying to make the lie work in favour of the loved one but down deep your own truth suffers greatly and this is toxic and self destructive. You fear anger for more than one reason. I as well have feared my own rage because when I was younger it was a very big anger box that started in childhood so of course to open that door could be dangerouse. The thing is that part of us wishes to heal--wishes to unload that big pain anger box so we may find ourselves unconsciesly choosing situations that will get us angry---because we need to unload but dont know how to do that IN AWARENESS. When I was younger I did not get that---that drama didn't follow me around but my pain anger box attracted it. I always did very demanding physical things to help release--I was a runner---did dancing--worked out intensly---did lots of yard work. Once you are aware of where your TRUE anger comes from then you get control and it controls you less. I went through about a year of just allowing myself to feel the pain and emotions--knowing it was not anything in the present but old stuff---I would walk for miles and I would cry a lot alone--not in a bad way but in a release way. I gave myself permission to release what got stuck inside. I think I was in my early forties then. Also, i see in you the regret circle that keeps you from loving yourself unconditionaly---we are never fixed we manage in an awaerness. So, its always good when we can see our shadow side in play and own it and say--thats where I lost myself a bit---regret and being disapointed in yourself only feeds that pleaser in you that now must be extra nice and make up for something. Don't wait till your fifty to feel entitkled to please yourself and be you. Most woman find that by fifty theyve earned it to have things their way. Im a peace maker by nature and at times it backfires when in the end no body gets pleased including yourself. Being consideret and compromising is ok with those who deserve---you just have trouble knowing who deserves that and who the boundry crossers are that need to be treated with a raised sword. I'm busy and have plenty I can say but must leave you with this much for now. BLESSINGS. Actually, in your alone time guidance will come and it is good to both get advice from me as a messanger but also good to transition into self reliance. Believe in yourself. BLESSINGS1



  • Hi Blmoon,

    Thank you Blmoon, you gave me a lot to think about, I will need to process all that a bit.

    I have been thinking about the speaking up issue a lot and I’m still figuring out how much of that is nature and how much nurture. Because so far I have mostly thought that that is just my nature, that I’m just a more quiet and reserved person. But the more I think about it I can also see the “children are seen but not heard” pattern. I can remember a few incidents when I threw a temper tantrum because I was told that I can´t talk or interrupt the grownups. But generally I do have a hard time remembering specific situations form early childhood and I think that if I push too much to remember something I might create the so-called “false memories”. So I think I need another way to access the memories and feeling that I have forgotten. I have done some reading about that and how the most effective way might be to check in with yourself when the emotions are running high. I haven´t been able to do it while I´m really-really angry, but I have tried it with some other less powerful emotions. A few weeks ago I was at a dinner party where I didn’t feel too comfortable because I didn’t know many people there. We were sitting at the table and everyone were talking (all latinos, so kind of intense conversation) and at some point I was asking something but I guess nobody heard it and they just continued talking and I was feeling so awkward like should I ask again or let it be. So instead I thought what am I really feeling now and after a few moment of concentrating on that I felt this overwhelming sense of sadness. I would have liked to understand it better but then somebody asked me something and I had to let it go.

    As for the anger, I don’t know how to let it out in awareness as you say. For example, when I’m really upset I also like to exercise – run or swim until I´m so exhausted that I´m too tired to think about the thing that upset me. But for example I don’t know if that is releasing the feeling or burying it inside?

    You know how grateful I am that you are helping me (it been a year!), but I get what you say about needing to transition into being more self-reliant also. I already have a pile of books that I want to work through, so hopefully I can get something useful out of these too. I´m more inclined to read about psychology at the moment than about spirituality, but I guess there isn’t necessarily a conflict between the two.

    Love,

    K.



  • Hi Blmoon,

    Hope you have had a nice weekend!

    My planned alone time didn’t work out quite as well as I had hoped. It started out well as I was working hard on Saturday to clean my house and fixed things that I had been putting off for a long time. In the evening I cooked a lovely dinner and was watching a movie I had been wanted to see for quite some time. But then the intercom started ringing and I answered, it was my girlfriend calling from the apartment of the Spanish couple of my building. She said that they will have a party there and that I should come etc. I told her that I’m watching a movie and I prefer to stay at home. She was pushing more that why I don’t want to come and if I change my mind I should call her and so on. I said I will let her know, but I don’t think I will come. Anyway, after that they called me several more times during the evening on the intercom and my mobile but I didn’t answer. The thing is that I was upset that my girlfriend of all people is inviting me to a party at my neighbors house and also that they kept calling me when I had already said that I didn’t want to go.

    On Sunday I was still upset about the last night and I wanted to get out of the house so I wouldn’t run into my neighbors. A friend (the one who lived with me for a short while) invited me to a pool party at his place. I know that I don’t really like the kind of people he hangs out with, very superficial crowd, mostly just beautiful wannabes’. But I went anyway. As I suspected there were mostly models there, but luckily also a few friends I like. So it was fine at first but in a few hours it felt like I had entered some parallel universe, most of these young beautiful people were so drunk and high that it was just pathetic to see that on a lovely Sunday afternoon. So I left, feeling that I actually miss spending time with neighbors who are just so much more normal and down to earth.

    In summary, the weekend left me even more confused about what I really want.

    Love,

    K.



  • Hello Kuruts, and Blmoom, First I hope you will forgive me for reading your story Kuruts, I am 70 yrs old and today I found myself a bit lonely so I came to this forum as I often do and noticed your posts. I spent 10 yrs being treated for PTSD I had the best DR. and therapist available. SO WHY I AM WRITING is to express to YOU KURUTS .... that you have been told and guided in my opinion by a wonderful person OH YES that is you BLMOON...... What you have done in one yr with this young women is remarkable, your loving way , your wisdom and most all your spiritual inspiration it has enlightened me more than the 10yrs of treatment I had,, I feel all your answer are correct. I just wanted to tell you that. What an Angelic gift you have. Many Blessings to you both.



  • What a nice hug!! Thank you.



  • hey Blmoon, can you tell what can i expect in this semester of college, it's harder than previous one. Will i do good, is there something i need to pay special attention to? I m really worried about that, it's important to me to do good, cause i paused for two years and i feel the pressure.

    thank you 🙂

    my sign is virgo



  • Dear Blmoon,

    I think that I have started to realize, looking my life at the moment and in the past and from all the busy dreams I have been having, that maybe I really have been building a large part of my identity on a belief that “I just don’t belong” - to some group or even some place. And I guess to cope with that I´m pretty good at convincing myself that I’m fine on my own and I really don’t need anyone. But underneath that is lurking some kind of a shame, because I can’t figure out WHY I don’t belong. When I look at things rationally I can see that it is not true, and many people are and have been in the past making an effort to include me in their lives but I’m not making it very easy for anyone. But what am I supposed to do with that information? I feel something is still missing.

    Love,

    K



  • Leinida,

    Thank you for your kind words. And I completely agreed with you, Blmoon does have a very special gift and wisdom that I appreciate that very much.

    Love,

    K.



  • I always felt different---specialy in childhood---I saw it from a negative perspective as if something was wrong with me. I always felt as if I was meant to be doing more so there was always a sense of failure. I was also very psychic but brought up in a very catholic environment. It wasnt untill my family moved across the street from a medium whos daughter became a best friend that i got that influence but even then i fought it--it was just very scary--that burdon of seeing too much and knowing things i didnt want to know. Long after I became an adult this woman stayed in contact untill she passed and I still pushed it aside. I felt isolated and different through to my thirties---always feeling that I was different and even meant for big things---then Id feel big headed and ashamed of being so concieted. THATS the problem----how does one own their power and greatness without guilt or worry over being full of themselves? In my forties I et a medium who became my mentor---she helped me for about ten years until she passed---i was feeling lost without her but the gift was i was ready for sel reliance. She was a reverend of a famouse spiritual camp. I also met another older woman who changed my life. I found my kind!!! And she was a rare gem! I realised through her jus how special I am! My family had always accused me of being too unfocused and not sticking to one goal--i changed course a lot--but in their eyes they saw it as quiting. I absorbed their perspective and thought as well what is wrong with me? I get passionate about something then it runs it course and I'm done then feeling the lull of whats next? This woman was the first person who said to me---why would you stay on one course? When you are so gifted you can do it all/!!1 She made me see the joy of being an artist awhile---then working on poetry then maybe creating something else. Oh--our time together was such magic! We did so much together---so many projects. Met amazing others---and THATS when i found that world i belonged to. I was not concieted--I was special. You can be humble yet true to your gifts. I know many famouse writers yet I feel very much at home with everyone---I do not think myself above others. I feel you have great potential but have not yet gotten there yet so there is an impatient part of yourself that wants to jump ahead but really life is the journey---not the destination----I think in my thirties I felt it most my frustration and feeling lost--as if I had a knowing of my future life yet not there yet. I do know just before my true journey to my gifts started with a sudden isolation and letting go of friends who just were happy to party. It was tough but I started seeing my life as an energy equation. Where was my energy going? What habits drained me--what people drained me? Where was the drama sources. Then I started thinking less about things and just being bold and doing it---I went to college and tried things----I stopped dwelling on failures but decided ok that didnt work but now i know. I had not a clue sometimes what I wanted but at least with a failure you know what you dont want. It was a lng winding road but in retrospect I can see how perfect it was leading me to exactly all I needed. Leaders and risk takers will often seem irrisponsable to others because they follow their intuition blindly sometimes and people want answers with a road map. It takes a lot of self love to do what is right for you sometimes as you will surely disapoint someone--but really true loved ones will see the why later. It comes down to being a pleasure--if you are too attached to pleasing others you can get stuck. Timing is everything--so alone time--solitude keeps intuition alert. And a guid always comes your way--a mentor---people come to help you--I have had such magical events happen through others---my kind. When my foundation as a writer was so critical I was under pressure from family to stop chasing dreams and get a job!!! They gossiped horrible about me as being selfish and irrisponsable. I was broke and without a car for awhile but I did it---kept going to college juggling a family and if I had listened to pleasing others Id have missed that important part of my journey. I followed my dream and my bliss without immediate reward. The reward came later. And I sacrificed and worked hard--very hard. You are just about to meet your true bliss. You are in the scary part of letting go and being ok with not doing something to prove yourself before its time. Believe in yourself. You are special and CLEAR an empty a space so your true others have room to enter. BLESSINGS!



  • Hi Blmoon,

    Thank you Blmoon for sharing that. I think your story is inspiring. It certainly takes a lot of guts to get off the beaten path and do your own thing. I get all about trying the different things and I think I have done that do, but maybe these things have not been different enough to inspire me. I still feel that to change my career I need at least some kind of a feeling that something else would feel more right for me. And that gets me stuck, because if I think of the changes I can realistically make with the experience and education I have at the moment, nothing seems inspiring. But I hope you are right that I will figure that out soon. Did you try something new without really having no idea if that was the right way to go? Without intuitively feeling that it might be right?

    The energy equation makes sense too, I think I haven´t thought about it like that, how much that really matters.

    As for creating space, I might have managed to make more space in my life than I had intended. My girlfriend who is going out with my neighbor started pushing last week that we need to resolve things, although she can imagine that I must be quite upset with her for all that happened. The thing is that I didn’t really feel like we need to resolve anything, as far as I’m concerned I´m just not interested in any of this anymore, so I told her that I prefer to take a break from this situation for a while. Then she went on that she would still like to resolve that and not loose me as a friend. So in the end I told her that the truth is that what she did is just not okay with me and I need some space for now. I hadn´t talked with any of my neighbors about any of this, but I think she did, because in the weekend the two Spanish guys were organizing a barbecue in our building and they didn’t invite me. I was with another friend of mine sunbathing in the garden and they were having the barbecue in the other corner of the garden. My girlfriend was also there, but she didn´t even say hi, whenever she walked by she was just looking at her shoes. The 2 Spanish guys did come by to talk with me and my friend but it was just a short friendly chat. So – 1 friend and -4 neighbors. I guess in the end of the day that is fine, but just a bit awkward for now.

    Love,

    K.