What am I doing wrong???

  • I am going to see my BF in 2wks,well after I booked my ticket he said we should rethink trip...well I cant change it, so instead I'll be staying with my brother. Question is what do I do when I get there??? i Know he has alot going on..but we havent seen each other in 6mths. Wondering if he's changed his mind and just to chicken to say. Oh yer...am going from Canada to England, for what was supposed to be a romantic Valentines and our one year anniversary.Help anyone??

  • What to do when you get there? Well usually when you visit someone you go see them so I suggest you go and see your BF as soon as possible.

  • I will call him. But should i ask about seeing him or leave the ball in his court??

  • Well that usually depends on what you want to do? If you want to see him then ask but if you dont want to see him, dont ask. Its up to you.

  • And also when a person usually goes and sees a BF they usually do want to see them. If I were to take a trip to go see my BF I would definately want to see them but it does depend on what you want.

  • What are you doing going to see a BF and then you dont see them? I'd definately ask to see them thats the reason you want to see your BF?

  • I get it...was more concerned about whether i should give him space. i want to see him otherwise I would not have bought ticket. But he waits till I've paid for it then says we should rethink trip. i'm now thinking maybe something is up and not sure what to do once i get there. He's being somewhat stand offish. dont want to push yet am scared if i dont push this situation could potentially carry on. I'm gonna call him when I get there and see where the cards fall...not much else I can do I guess. thanks for the response..even though I sound freaking crazy.

  • I am very sorry to say what i want to because is not what you want to hear. I think you should not go through this pain and do this trip. Don't go !!

    I feel your BF didn't believe you would buy the tickets and left you hanging on until realized that it happened. If I were you I would return the ticked immediately and forget about him instantly.

    there is more fish in the sea.

    best, U

  • My advice is not to overwhelm this guy and be careful not to put too many demands on him. His trouble at the moment is that he cannot handle you, his job, his life etc. all at once. Tell him you are coming but make it seem as if it is your brother you are coming for and that if he (Maitland) still wants to see you, then maybe you can get together for a coffee or whatever. Keep it light. Cancers like to think they are in control.

  • You want to give him space and yet you haven't seen him in 6 months? Huh? If I were you I would go anyway, think of all the other things you can do and see and you get to see your brother.

    Congratulations though for sustaining a long distance relationship for so long, he must be a great guy!


  • That is kinda my thought. Except I cant return ticket so have chosen to stay at my brothers instead of my BF place. Like I said he has alot on his plate so do i call him and see about getting together or do i simply send him a text before i go with my brothers #, and wait and see. If he doesnt call within a few days its basically done.

  • Hi Captain...thats what I'm doing basically. I told him that i didnt want to add to his already stressful life, so I'd stay with my brother and we'd go from there. But my insecurities are really starting to come out. I know he's overwhelmed, i just hoped I'd beable to help him through this. isn't that what team work is all about.

  • Hi Paddi, I have already been planning for worse case scenerio...have lots of friends and family to see. I shouldnt be home being depressed if things dont go as planned. But I am hoping that once i'm there he'll come around. If for no other reason it has been 6 mths, so i know a coffee date will definately lead to more time together. I just have to wait for that coffee date. Also...do I call him or should I wait for him to call??? Again, its back to playing my cards right...why cant relationships just be easy...lol

  • Sahara, leave it up to Maitland if he wants to see you. Let him know you are in the country and if he wants to get together, then let him know where you can be contacted and leave it at that. Don't call him again. Let him do the running as he likes to be in control. You just enjoy sightseeing and being with family. Don't make this seem like life or death (of the relationship) or you will worry yourself into illness. Relax and take it all as it comes. Don't overthink it to death.

  • Thanks Captain...I will try and continue to play it cool, and give him his space. I'll text him just before I leave giving him my brothers home number and time my flight arrives and leave it at that, then just wait and see what happens. i don't leave for another week, so I'll start from now. I will only text him if he texts me first. Let him have total reign for now of the situation, as you said they like being in control. So he can have it. Just going to have to deal with the emotionally end of it. Hopefully it pays off. By the way am really good at the whole over thinking thing.lol.

    Thanks again.

  • Hello again. Talk about not being able to let this go...

    I can give him space..that is potentially easy, of course only easy if I know he loves me...there in lies the trouble.

    Does he love me???

  • Hi all-

    In need of some scorpio advice. I’m a cancer woman and he’s scorpio male. To make a long story short, my ex scorpio and I have not been together for a year now; however he was vindictive after our break up and got himself a new lady and still continued to be rediculously mean to me. He esentially caused the tornado that demolished our relationship. Lived together for a year as well. I moved out temporarily, or so I thought. We loved eachother to the moon and back; had that passionate and emotional connection. We were inseperable even living together; it’s almost sickening when I look back on it. Anyway, the last time we spoke was about 7 months ago around my birthday. He blocked me on facebook and it upset me, and I contacted him asking why we just couldn’t be civil since we had a history together. and the convo did not end nicely. He made it clear by screaming at me on the phone that he wanted nothing to do with me because i was his “ex” and we could not even be civil and it’s “out of respect for his girlfriend” as well as he “doesn’t care whats going on in my life or anything that has to do with me” . Keep in mind even after our break up it dragged out for almost 8 months and that one incident was nothing. We haven’t spoken since then. I’ve been silent and did not contact him at all. About a month ago after all these months I noticed he unblocked me on fbook. Then to make it worse; At my work the other night (which he knows where I work) he showed up randomly with his friend. I was bartending, and then saw him. He was almost hiding behind his friend apprehensive to approach me. Everytime I looked in his direction he was staring right into my eyes. This continued for the next hour or so. Staring hard into my eyes. I broke the ice by making his friend and him a drink and made it strong. A little later after I guess he had “liquid courage” he asked me for a drink and was trying to joke around with me. I felt so uncomfortable because there was so much unresolved issues between us. I laughed it off and made him his new drink; And he starts asking me how my family is; going down the list of my relatives. I was giving one word answers because I’m still confused as to why he was at my job. (He never goes there) I decided to be nice and ask how his girlfriend was; and he laughed and said “be nice; she’s good.” I replied; haha I don’t give a sh*t I’m seeing someone else.” Then he says “Ok, then why are you over here talking to me?” And I said right back; “Um, what the **** are you doing at my job?” ( he was practically up my butt the whole night; you would of thought we were best friends. But I was sweet and sour with him. FInally I just got so agitated that he was there acting like everything was fine and I went to the bathroom. Ironically he was walking into the mens bathroom. He stops me, and says “Come on, I want to be civil; I want to be friends”. I got angry and said “Why are you here? And thats not going to happen because the guy I’m dating wouldn’t appreciate that.” We went back and forth saying things like “go be with your girl” and him saying “go be with your man” etc. For a minute I thought it was about to blow up..but then He tried to keep it cool infront of me when I told him my new man wouldn’t appreciate us being civil but he got so mad he told his friend he wanted to leave; but then his friend convinced him to stay and just relax. Then I felt bad and didn’t want to leave it off like that, so I told him to meet me outside to smoke a ciggarette out back. We walked outside and he lights my ciggarette for me and started talking. I told him that I appreciated him attempting to be civil or friends or whatever, but it’s not going to happen and I didn’t know what to think of it. He goes on about how happy he is now in his relationship and how he never thought he would of met her after me and how shes a sweet girl. (April 2011 by the way when we talked on the phone he told me he had a hard time accepting that his new lady wasn’t me for a while”.) Then he says “You and I were together did our thing and we’re not 2gether anymore so it is what it is.” I just said ok, and told him I just wanted him to be happy and I hoped he wished the same for me. He said he did, and said “you’ll eventually find somebody, you’re a good girl”. I reminded him (it was like he was in denial) that I was seeing someone that treats me really well. He then says “Better than I treated you? That must be pretty damn good”. I said “Yep, better than you”. He just laughed and said “Ok, go be with your man”. He then wanted to go back inside to meet back up with his friend; more like a quick exit. I told him to wait, and said whats the real reason you’re here. He said he was just “out” which was bs. Then he goes on about how apparently his girlfriend’s “ex” is still around her family and he said it’s “akward”. So i said, so thats what this is about; you’re here out of spite? He replied “no not at all.” I felt like he was just trying to justify why he was at my job. Anyway, if he wanted to spite her I would be the wrong person to do it because she hates my guts and wants him nowhere near me and would not be happy if it got back to her that he was sitting at the bar I worked at acting like we’re best friends. Then somehow we started making our old “inside jokes” when we were together and made eachother laugh a little bit. He told me to “come here” and called me his pet name for me when we were together and hugged me. Not just a “hi how are you doing hug, more like a let me hold you hug. I felt weird because I knew he was drunk and I was still in disbelief and couldn’t figure out his real intentions, so it was more him hugging me. I kept my head into his chest as he squeezed me glanced up real quick and it felt like we were about to kiss or something but we both quickly pulled away. We went back inside. Later he was out on the dance floor dancing with girls and occassionally peeped over at the bar I swear to try to see if I was seeing it. It was like he wanted me to see it. His friend and him ended up leaving quickly because there was some arguement outside and the cops came. We were closing down the bar and the DJ asked me if I was ok, because I seemed like I had a lot on my mind that night. I told him I was just stressed because my ex did a surprise appearance on me. He then says, “I know who you’re talking about, he was the dude outside earlier smoking a cig asking me if I knew the bartender with a flower in her hair and talkin about u.” (the girl with the flower in her hair was me. I don’t understand what all of this means; Now he wants to be “civil”? I feel like if he was truly happy with his girlfriend why would he be seeking me out like this. I don’t understand. What do I do??! Please help!

  • Kimmy, this is Sahara's personal thread. If you want advice, start your own thread by clicking on the "Create a new topic" button at the top right of this page. Someone will answer you there.

  • Ok I was confused for a sec. Thanks!

  • Sahara, if you have to ask if he loves you, then he is not making you feel loved enough. When someone is truly loved, they feel it and never have to ask. Your partner either doesn't love you as much as you need him to, or doesn't express his love the way you expect him to. Long distance doesn't give you the chance to know for sure. It's something you will have to intuit face-to-face on a daily basis.

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