The perfect cancer man till ..........
I met a cancer man online and yes, like most think, the Taurus female and Cancer male can hold 7-hour conversations.
I suppose he was persistent enough, more so than me initially as I was initially just flippant (aries moon talking?) and then cautious before finally caving in to acting like teenage lovers who inconveniently consumed so much of each other's waking hours.
I did receive alot of understanding as my aries moon traits are stamped all over, making me this edgy, wild horse on a daily stampede. He suggested a daily 5 minutes exercise to just "be nice", particularly to people I would like to blow off.
In return, I consoled him on his endless daily hurts and no, I didn't think any of it was a big deal. I did tell him that a trade for the 5 minutes was for him to speak up at work if he felt he had a point.
Being extremely work-driven, I have 1001 goals , to which he would assure me that I'm going to accomplish them. To someone who almost exclusively deals with aries men who would hardly, if ever provide such encouragement, it was really refreshing.
We did meet and spent a day doing absolutely nothing at all, other than to be glued in each other's company.
In the last 6 years, I don't think I have ever found company that just gelled so seamlessly so yes, I thought it really was me finding someone at the right moment when he was looking for me.
He had this habit of sending songs to me and the last one was new order's someone like you. I probably swooned alittle considering that I am a lyrical analyst though I have always always pretended that I didn pay attention to any of the songs.
It was perfect till 1 day after sending me the new order song, he told me that he had something to tell me and he knew I would be angry. He dragged his feet on it and skirted around the issue till he finally said......
"My wife is away for 6 months."
When asked why, he said he never had the opportunity to tell and the taurus sun aries moon in me completely took over to lambaste him for the blatant lies that he said when he claimed he was single.
He sat in total silence through an hour of absolute sarcasm (I suppose it was alot of hurt which I could never bring myself to reveal through a flood of tears) before I slammed the phone down on him (well, partially because one can get tired of talking to oneself after 1 hour).
I understand the logical long and short of it all but possibly just like to ask the very naive question in cyberspace which I have kept mum to friends, considering their imagined frowns : Did he ever like me or was he just using me as a tool to occupy himself in his wife's absence?
I am sure it was a bit of both. Sorry something like this has happened to you. The only important question is - will you live up to your straightforward Taurus sun and Aries moon and move on with your life, or will you get dragged into a lifetime of false hopes and promises ?
He liked you... probably A LOT, which is why he did eventually reveal the truth to you. He knew you both were getting to a point where he could not keep it hidden no longer.
Please cut him out of your life. He will NOT leave his wife. Cancer men, they say are supposed to be loyal, but every single one of them I have known and gotten close to whether romance or friendship have all have women on the side filling the emotional void they feel is missing at home.
I am sorry this happened to you.
Oh, I have sooooo been the tool to occupy a cancerman's need for emotional closeness...because he is married to a cold a . S. s. Gemini. So funny about the sending of songs for a message. My ole cancerman used to do that All the time....
Same @ doeyedpisces....same.....
Well this makes me feel a whole better about my guy! LOL...it's bizarre how many complaints Cancerians get (and little complaints you get from them - I guess it's because they prefer not to discuss their issues).
It sometimes crosses my mind that I'm just a tool for a while (until my man's assignment finishes up in the country we bpoth currently live in). Oh well!
TaurusAries, if your so certain this guy is the one then why are you not with him? Why then dont you do something to be with him?
The ball is in your court, so to speak.
I do feel ethically-bound to not pursue him because I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the same positive light ever again.
I probably also know myself well enough that sharing is out of the question and strongly suspect that what littleharmonica says is true - he will not be leaving his wife anytime soon or ever.
There's feelings and then there's reality. It probably is very Taurean of me to lean on the realistic part of me but I'm disinclined to believe that there will be a happy ending for this story.
We have not talked since, I suppose the ball is nowhere near my court then though I must admit that the logical part of me is quite relieved that I have the time to heal.
By the way, thank you for the kind words, VoplySoply and littleharmonica, greatly appreciated
I have had a Cancer come back into my life after 30 years and let me tell you, it starts off all hearts and flowers and then BOOM they start the push and pull thing and just go into their little shell and you are like WHAT? I just never know what to say or not to say. They are so hard to deal with but so loveable too... and very sexy!! I just had to throw my two cents worth in there ladies........ love to read all the posts about the Cancer men, seems we are all have been through this with them! I am trying to figure out whether he is testing me or will this really work out this time. We are a long distance relationship.. Leos love attention!
I just wanted to say that I am so sorry. What he did to you, was mean, cruel and abusive. If he had disclosed that he was married from the start, you could have avoided that. Yet, it happened. Chalk it up to experience and move on.
What I have learned about Cancers is, they are so outwardly strong when dealing with others. Yet, when it comes to dealing with themselves, they are so weak. Weaker than any other sign I know.
I am sure his inward torture is great, he deserves that for doing this.
Wow bummer! You are doing the good thing tho of letting go now before it's harder. Too bad he's such a shmuck! I feel for you. You are obviously very bright so you will attract even greater love! I know that cancer charm is so alluring! But they can be so confusing.
Good luck to you!
Actually TaurusAries, I have had time to think about things and it best to not see anyone at this moment in time, let it go and move on. Safer that way too.
Thank you Taurus7, Pfree and Crazycap
Letting go's quite inevitable here.
Perhaps I don't quite want to claw on because I imagine it to be extremely selfish considering that there is a legally-wedded partner in the picture.
Possibly I don't want to be her either.
Also possible that I don't want to be the one who scoots around silently on holidays either.
I know there ARE some positives that I would like to take away from this: Hey, i can bother more than two pence about someone else.
and the 5 minutes of niceness, the edgy aries moon in me can do well with that
I suppose there will be some good times and bad for the time being but time heals, yes?
Of course...you'll heal up and I'm sure you are already passed the "crossed-roads" to recovery..here's the thing..this type of guy was obviously fathom-deep in attraction towards you...he couldn't resist you. Loneliness caused it..but also he did mess up..BAD..i mean a "married man" for crying out loud..I'm a Cancer Male but I'll have to condemn that.
Him confessing that he "is married"...was a very uncool gesture..because WHAT DOES HE EXPECT TO COME OUT OF RENDERING THAT INFO TO YOU..IF HE 'REALISTICALLY PLANS' (WHICH HE OBVIOUSLY DOES) TO STICK WITH HIS WIFE...he's a douche no doubt..no doubt..he was emotionally-manipulative to the point where you were attached to him..y didn't he tell you earlier he was married?!
This type of guy was fishing around bored because his wife was away..happened to have caught a BIG FISH to his surprise in boredom..and yet instead of deactivating love-games right then & there he pushes & pulls you into a storm of emotions..then he steps out of the eternal-summer-rain cloud..while you're put under it in a spell..and curses you with it by turning it into a cursed thunderstorming cloud - "I'm Married. My wife is away 6 months"..WTF!..I don't even think he was sporting for himself..he wanted to play emotional games...
If he didn't..he could just have made it a casual relationship (which you may not have agreed to) but at least start out smooth the way he did & then communicate before you became a love-victim that it would be better to keep the relationship "aloof & alive" or something..cos that was just cruel..he knew you must've been well-worthy of any good fortune of manhood (i mean like a good woman, deserving wife etc)..so he pressed with your buttons after a while to see if you were gonna be tempted to become involved in his personal mess - clean it up - and pave him a new path. It's worse than using someone I tell you!
He intended to upset you..that's what I'm further interpreting..he knew you were gonna be "angry"..why didn't he keep it to himself..divorce privately from his wife or something..& then re-bound to you...it's just..he put you in the spotlight there. Makes you happy. Then reverts & makes you sad. **** him!!
It's not like there's a section for him in the "good books of a man" bcos he suddenly confessed his marital status. He played his wife..meaning as you've said above..you could be next ("Possibly i don't want to be her either"). You're right. Ditch him. Cos this type of man wants you to get involved..that's his scheme..he's looking for a fairytale story under his own criterium..which maybe/maybe not his wife isn't providing.he wanted to secure himself sumhow.HOW DID HE KNOW FIRST AND FOREMOST THAT YOU "WERE GOING TO BE ANGRY"..the way he said it was already wrecking your nerve am sure..that was his plan..power of suggestion..emotional wordplay - If I were you..I wouldn't have jolted a pain to be reckoned as your own conceit to him..even if you loved him deeply..let it marinate as though it's normal for him 2 cheat...it would've CONFUSED HIM ARDENTLY!! He wouldn't understand you..bcos he of course has the vibe that you;re innocent & faithful (which i'm sure u r & should be)..but you get my point..retaliate the emotional game..because you have to be emotionally-fit to keep up with us CancerMen..we're very intuitive & the best in this area..along with Pisces & Scorpio..but especially us Cancerian Males..we know how to make women feel like a real woman.
TaurusAries - patience will work - as you said - time to heal & strengthen yourself will be worthwhile..but also keep subconsciously in mind whether u want him or not..cos at the end of the day..that's what really matters. Perhaps he is a good mind who had a somewhat bitter taste in his mouth (with his marriage) and wanted to rinse that away..yes he used you as the sink..but the point is..as far as to feel something..he definately did..like I said he knew he caught a one-in-the-million girl basically. So you became more than the sink..
Think of it like this..he NOW left a bitter taste in your mouth..you will be looking for a real sure thing henceforth..and pretty much when you came along you were like his escape (maybe i think) and he saw u later as the perceived real thing. Still. NO SCAPEGOAT FOR HIM..he's wrong. Broke his own vows!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If he really wants you back..he must suffer..chase you back..let it be a string of events over a matter of time that leave you at peace and him tentatively restless..before you decide to give him a second look. Then you will know if he deserves a shot with you. and i mean he must really prove that with you he won't repeat his wife's scenarios when you're gone.
Thank you for the lengthy post.
It's been quite awhile and yes, I have more or less settled into my taurean routine or the demands of older people (don't whine so much!)
I don't think I can or ever will understand what he saw of me, since cancerians do all that thrashing internally..But to be honest, he did say he "did not want to aggravate a good friend" so well, let's just see myself as such
We have not talked since so realistically, I don't think there's much for me to ponder about or dwell on.
Perhaps i currently dwell on why he has never called though I would never admit to friends, since it's all so needless. Oh well, maybe to ONE friend and I would like to hear your insights though
Haha..just a helping-hand TA..
Yeah it can be real complex trying to figure out..but when you look at the basic facts:
1. He made you look wishy-washy
2. You did rightfully talk-him-down for it
3. There's not obviosuly going to be some tension in the air..and he knows you're going to be more on your toes to accept a frienship let alone "love"..so he too..is taking the hint that "work-relation is best probably- i don't know -i'm guessing.
Well I can tell you like him. Let's just pray on God & universe maybe to guide your forces to meet coincidentally again..but HEY..he has then to change somewhat lol..all honesty on his part.
I mean there's obviously GOING TO be tension.
Let him sort himself out..don't pave a way for him..us cancerian-men can be complex at times.
Apologies for the late reply as work has been all-consuming.
I suppose I asked an extremely foolish question, of which perhaps the answer does not actually matter much. In reality, we never will be able to recreate that perfect period in time ever again as I can never find the perfect excuse for him, if you do understand what I mean.
Like a typical Taurean, I do nurse my hurts quite silently for an extensive period of time so it's nice to be able to voice out, under the anonymity one is allowed in cyberspace.
However, thank you for your thoughtful replies
Perhaps let bygones be bygones and move on.