Captain...My Captain!!

  • You should move forward and try to take the emphasis out of your life of finding a partner. Concentrate on your life and the things you want to achieve. Don't make finding a mate your main goal, just something that happens serendipitously while you are enjoying life. We do not come into this life to found a partner - we come to find ourselves and work through our issues and fears. Having a partner doesn't make you happy or solve all your problems. If you aren't a complete person BEFORE you meet your life partner, you won't be after you meet him. Completeness is only found inside yourself. It is not the by-product of a relationship, even with a soulmate. We put too much responsiblitiy on other people to make us happy when it's our duty to do that for ourselves. The kindest and most loving thing you can do for your potential lifemate is to work through as many of your fears and issues as you can so that you don't have to do it while you are with him - and thus your life together will be so much easier and healthier.

    Generally in life you find what you are looking for, when you are not looking for it.

  • Hi Captain,

    Lots going on these past couple days with the BF. We talked and he apologized for his behaviour etc, but am wonderfing if the worst is over. Do I still need to worry about this relationship or are we going to end up on solid ground soon. I am seriously thinking about taking a project management course via coreespondance. Is that a good move and would I be successful at it.

    Your thoughts are greatly appreciated. I have truly come to rely on your readings etc. You have been so accurate its kinda scary.

    Thanks again.

    Also, am seriously thinking about

  • I am sorry but I feel your BF will waver and behave like this (sometimes wanting to be with you, sometimes not) until he resolves the deep issues that are causing it. You will have to decide if you can put up with this sort of erratic behaviour because he's not likely to change anytime soon.

    To what end would you want to use this correspondance course in your life?

  • Hi Captain,

    Thanks again.

    I feel doing this course may give me a better chance of finding a job in Sierra Leone, but also I have a dream of opening a non profit maternity Hospital in Sierra Leone, and in order to achieve this dream I am going to have to beable to show that I have some skill at running a project from start to finish. I want to be hands on preferable in the Pilot or co-pilot position with this as it will never be as I intended it to be..if i had to simply share my idea and have someone else run it.

    As far as the BF goes..if I know that this will end the going incognito and that he genuinely does love me and wants to have a future with me, then I would be prepared to deal with this.

    He has told me he loves me, but after all the things my friends have said..I am worried that he is just giving me a line and that he really does infact have another woman in his life. I dont want to be made a fool of. Once bitten...three times shy. I have been cheated on in the past so not keen on being in that place again.

    I Just neede to know if he genuinely loves me and if we have a future together. If I knew that then maybe we could work through this. But I need to sort out my professional life too, and figured maybe taking this course would be good two fold, first for the distraction but also for my Mat hospital. I know I have big dreams but I know that I have a good chance of pulling it off.

    Thanks again

  • I'm afraid your BF loves himself more than he loves you - he always puts his own needs first and that never makes for a healthy relationship.

    The project management course sounds like a good idea but because it is by correspondence, would that make you less likely to stick with and complete it?

  • Hi Captain,

    I do agree with you. I believe my BF will always put himself first even though he may argue the facts, i do see him since my trip as being very self serving and selfish, yet its funny that I cant seem to switch off the love I feel for him. I keep hoping that he will change but logically i know he wont or cant because it is his character. What a sad state of affairs i find myself in. I keep praying for a miracle, but I think at times the miracle will be me finally loving myself and saying enough is enough.

    As for the correspondance course i do worry about my staying power, even though it is only a year. Yet I want to get back to Sierra Leone and the thought of actually going to school makes me nauseaous. I always struggle so much with my professional life, what to do, how to do name it. I just wish I would grow up and pick something. Trust me you have never met someone so paralized by there indecision for future work plans etc. I think that is one reason why i look so much to relationships. What do you think???

  • I think your inner wisdom and intuition is very strong - you just have to listen to them more and not let your emotions (what you WANT to happen but what might not be true or right) rule your decisions.

  • Hi Captain,

    I finally know what my inner voice sounds has taken years to get here. I agree with you that I should listen to it, but frankly the thought of it is terrifying. I have always let my emotions rule me and trust me..they have never been kind to me. I know I need to be more logically motived and I am steps steps. With each day that passes I feel as though I am becoming a stronger more complete woman.

    Thanks again for all your wonderful advise.

  • Your own self can be the best friend and partner you can ever have.

  • Hi Captain,

    It's been a while, since i've been on. Have had lots going on in my life, mainly good with a few ups and downs. Hope you've been good.

    I was hoping you could do a reading for me again on my boyfriend and myself. Am curious as to where you see us now.

    My birthday is Aug 14 1970 and his is June 22 1973.

    Also if you could do one for me.

    In general things have been good, busy sorting myself to move to Sierra Leone, but woke up the last two days with an uneasy feeling. Not sure why, as I have an amazing previous couple weeks filled with peace and joy.

    Thanks a million.

  • I feel you and your friend are growing further and further apart and that you will continue to do so. But I feel your thinking is still stuck in hoping he will have a change of heart and so you keep yourself living in an imaginary future instead of the real one. And nothing concrete can manifest for you while your attitude is not realistic. Yet the uneasy feeling you woke up with is your subconscious mind letting go of him before your conscious mind can do so.

  • Hi captain, wow not at all what i was expecting. Things have been going awesome. He has been communicating more, sharing more, even telling me he misses me, sending me songs. Not sure what to make of your reading and or his actions....,hhmmm. Thanks

  • Yes I sensed he was renewing his efforts but the question is whether he will maintain them or fall back into his usual withdrawn ways? I feel he will not be able to keep this up and you need to be prepared.

  • Hi Captain, I definately believe that my relationship with him will always be full of drama. He will consistantly, or maybe I should say inconsistantly withdraw into his shell. I have given that aspect of this relationship a lot of thought, and I do love him and as a result am prepared to love and accept him for who he is. It is definately not going to be easy, but there is no such thing as perfection and besides once we're together in the same town, it will definately be alot easy to handle. On another note however, I have been told of what sounds like a wonderful job opportunity in Sierra Leone, and better yet, the person apparently sounded interestted when I was mentioned for the position. I am waiting on the contact info to forward my CV, but was wondering if you look do a reading for this job. I have been doing lots of praying for this to come to fruition, as I believe it is right up my alley, and my son and I would have a better quality of life with this job as opposed to the other one I was offered.

    Thanks again

  • I feel this job offer will fall through. I think you are being way too idealistic about your life and love - you need to aim for more practical and achievable goals.

    And do you really think your lover will be able to handle having a step-son if he cannot even handle himself or your relationship all that well?

  • Also your BF seemed not to want to communicate or see you while you were there in his country - why would you hope for a future together when he cannot even get together with you in the real world? It's easy to make lovely promises at a distance but you have seen how he fails to live up to his promises in person.

  • Hi Captain,

    Sad to think I'm being idealistic, as this is who I am. As far goals go, I go far whatever happens to be on the table so to speak as far as work goes. Not sure what to say, about that. I need to find a job that pays a decent wage and that is 9-5...a day job. I have a son to think of and Sierra Leone doesn't have to many jobs out there for me to what I dont go back to Sierra Leone. I stay in Canada...I don't think so. I am done with the west. I need to go back home. So maybe I should ask if I have a future there in Sierra Leone.

    If and when the relationship progresses to the point of us living together(which I hope it will)Idon't believe there will be a challenge. But ony time will tell, as I have not had them spend much time together, as I want to first see how the relationship goes before I seriously start having them hang out. I wouldn't want to confuse my son in anyway.

    Your right of course the trip to london was a disaster. Everything that could go wrong went wrong. Thats the thing though...he hasnt made any prommises...thats whats making this even harder. I wish he had...I hear what your saying, and I wish I could turn my feelings off sometimes, but since i can't or won't...all I can do is accept him for who he is..or atleast try. I won't really know whats gonna happen or how thig will change for the better if at all, till we're living in the same town. Then I'll either have a nice wake up call, or a seriously rude awakening...or maybe i should say reaffirmation of the fact that this is it, so take it or leave it.

    But as for now..i need to know if I am going to beable to find a job, earn a good wage and beable to support myself and my son, to the standard of living we are accustomed to.

    So if you could help me out with that would be great.

    I am stubborn aren't I, I wish i was different sometimes, but when I decide something, truely decide something I just cant seem to let it go, and inevitable go down with the ship if its a bad decision.

    Thanks again

  • How old is your son? If he is young, he really needs you to stay settled for a while and take what work you cna get.

  • Hi Captain,

    My son is 4 and yes he needs stability. Which would be why I asked about Sierra Leone, and getting a job that is better than the one I have already offered.

  • Stability is not moving around the world all the time.

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