That man can go to hell.
I married a mean, violent man. His heart is good, but his behavior is all I've said. I don't know where to go from here. I don't want to go home today.
I want to commit suicide.
dont think that way, it will get better soon
This post is deleted!
How can a mans heart be good if he is violent and cruel?
LeoLight, I don't quite understand why you say that his heart is good, if his actions are mean and cruel. Actions are the only criteria that ultimately count, and you must take steps to protect yourself. Suicide is not something you should consider, as we are on this earth to learn lessons, not to run from them. There is a not so remote possibility that we take our unresolved issues with us onto the next life times, so you better resolve them now. I think yours is to learn to take care of yourself. Dmick's advice is a good one - ask for help from any place you can think of - friends, relatives, churches, women shelters...You are a proud and capable Leo, and you will live up to your sign when you decide to.
Leo loght a chant that helps me through difficult times, keep chanting under your breath, in your your head or out loud. It brings strength, wealth abundance, comfort and enlightenment.
You may have heard of it before its a buddhist chant:
Has anyone ever had a mean father? Of course he loves you, and he only thinks of what is best for you, and always fulfils the hard, cold responsibilities he has, and when you do well he feels proud and when you're in pain he feels sad, and would do anything for you, but he just can't manage to be a kind, nice, reasonable person, and you will always be afraid of him. Any one that's had that will understand. There's no question he has love for me, he's not CRUEL. Just mean spirited. No respect. Demeaning. Contentious. Destructive. Stubborn. Controlling. On top of that, he tells me that the one that has all these problems is ME, and blames me for "Starting" a fight. "You just want to fight! You just have to start a fight! You always disagree with me!!" Well, asshole, if you had any perspective, you would see that I was only stating my opinion, and YOU started FIGHTING. WTF, it's like he THRIVES off of negative energy. If he's not yelling at me, he's yelling at his mom, and he's always throwing sh it. I really try to be compassionate, and I try to accept where I make mistakes, and where I have my weaknesses, but I am not stupid, I have my own pride and self-respect, and I won't stand to be told what/who I am when I know exactly who/what I am, and I won't be your fucking doormat. And don't I have a right to be upset once in a while? I am human, damn it, Especially if that is only 1% of the time??? And don't i have a right to point out where HE makes mistakes, because he's not perfect either, at least I show respect when I say something!!!!
I really don't want divorce, it's just barely been a year... I never imagined that I'd be thinking about divorce. I swore to myself it would never be an option. But I just CAN'T live like this forever. I don't care if you want to make it up, time is lost, and feelings are hurt, you can't just erase it and forget it if it is happening ALLL THE FUCKING TIME!!!!! And he has too much arrogance to go to counseling, for himself or for me "i can fix myself." :((( And I don't have anyone else that gives a shit about me, so I figure, what the fuck, why the hell am i on this earth if no one can appreciate me, or befriend me, or respect me? It's not like I'm 19 and depressed. It's like I'm 26 and in hell. I don't see a single genuine person I can run to, everyone I see is willing to take advantage of whatever I have to offer. Where the hell did I go wrong? And so I see no future, because I just want to quit my job, run away from home, and just dissappear. I don't get what's so hard for people to just stop being so selfish and negative, and just love others, and be honest and genuine, you know what I'm never going to find anyone that will be that way.
And if anyone can give me some insight to where I am wrong, to where I can fix things without depreciating my self-worth and respect, I am open to it!!!!!
LeoLight, I know what you mean, I know the type very well. The only thing you are doing wrong is thinking that you can fix him/things. People with anger issue usually don't change. If he is yelling at his mum, he is highly unlikely to ever be nice to you either, unless one day something happens that turns his world upside down, and even then it's unlikely to last. Why don't you want to get a divorce ? It seems like the only reasonable, grown up option to me, and nothing to be ashamed of. Thank God, we are not living in 19th century. This is not the kind of life you need - you deserve love and respect like every human being on the planet. Ask yourself why have you got yourself into this situation - did you have a mean/controlling parent/sibling, and were attracted to the familiar type ? And most importantly, start making an escape plan. For instance, before quitting your job, try to find a new one somewhere where you have friends, or family. Do you have any good girl friends, who you can stay with for a month or two, while you are working/looking for the new job ? Stay strong, this is just one of life's challenges, of which there will still be many, and you have to start learning to deal with them effeciently.
All men can go to ***** as far as im concerned,
Your words "he's not CRUEL. Just mean spirited. No respect. Demeaning. Contentious. Destructive. Stubborn. Controlling. On top of that, he tells me that the one that has all these problems is ME, and blames me for "Starting" a fight. "You just want to fight! You just have to start a fight! You always disagree with me!!" Well, ****, if you had any perspective, you would see that I was only stating my opinion, and YOU started FIGHTING. WTF, it's like he THRIVES off of negative energy. If he's not yelling at me, he's yelling at his mom, and he's always throwing sh it."
THAT is ABUSE my dear. He is abusive and you are in an abusive relationship. You are making excuses for him. This is NOT LOVE.
Get out while you can.
WARNING SIGNS brought to you by the National Abuse Centers of America
The abuser puts down the victim by calling her names, constantly criticizing her, provoking public or private humiliation, or making her feel "crazy."
Bruises and injuries:
The victim often has bruises and injuries that can't be explained, or offers weak excuses for them.
The abuser has threatened to hurt the victim, her children, family members, friends or pets. The abuser blames the victim and other people for everything and gets angry in a way that scares other people.
The abuser checks up on the victim constantly by asking about her whereabouts, calling her at work or on her cell phone, checking her car mileage and listening to her phone calls. The abuser manages all the finances and monitors her spending.
The abuser is jealous or possessive, often accusing the victim of flirting or having affairs.
The abuser tells her not to see certain friends or family members, keeps her away from school or work and makes her stay home when she wants to go out.
The victim seems to be on edge or fearful, or become quiet when the partner is around.
Behavior of the Children:
The children of an abuse victim frequently get into trouble at school or are quiet and withdrawn and don't get along with other children. Conversely, children may also exhibit "perfectionist" attributes and may excel in school so as not to draw attention to themselves or their situation at home.
WHY DOES THE VICTIM STAY?
The reasons for staying in an abusive relationship are complex. Often there are many aspects to the relationship that do not allow the victim to leave. Most often, she is afraid and fears for the safety of herself and her children. Some reasons victims don't leave include:
She fears she will lose custody of her children, or she fears the abuser will cause emotional or physical harm to her children if she tries to leave.
She may have limited financial resources or lack access to alternative support or skills to secure at work.
Religious beliefs may stand in the way; a religious community may not support a victim who leaves or seeks a divorce.
Friends and family may not support her leaving. The abuser may have convinced friends and family that their relationship is good and that any problems are the victims fault or "in her head."
She may have grown up with violence and may consider an abusive relationship "normal."
She may not want the relationship to end - she still loves her spouse or partner and just wants the violence to stop. She may believe that love can change abusive behavior.
She may feel shame about being abused and reluctant to let anyone know that abuse is occurring in the relationship.
She may not know who to turn to for help or where to get assistance.
There may be language barriers that prevent her from seeking help or independence, or she may fear deportation.
National Domestic Violence hotline
1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or
National Sexual Assault Hotline
The National Center for Victims of Crime
1-800-FYI-CALL (1-800-394-2255) or
FOR FURTHER INFORMATION ON DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
National Network to End Domestic Violence
I have been through years of emotional abuse by a controlling man with violent behavior myself, my father also behaved the same toward my mother. I am an advocate against violence against Women and Children and I am against Human Trafficking.
Please find a Women's Shelter near you and get yourself away from him.
Thanks everyone. I think I reached my breaking point last weekend. Something's gotta change, and we'll see if he does it.
Wait and see if he changes. That's what needs to happen. I think his problem is a combination of male ego (machismo), insecurity and plain meaness. I've been thru this recently as well. They're quick to point out mistakes in other people and they are just too smart to ever have any faults. They also holler the loudest when something happens to them because nothing is ever supposed to happen to them. They can advocate for others and can't handle their own problems. The friends they pick are their friends only. Sound familiar--I know--don't feel alone. I want you to read some scripture regarding words. Hope it helps.
Words either carry life or death. How powerful is the spoken word.
What do the following verses have to say about the spoken word---
A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver--Proverbs 25:11
The sovereign Lord has given me an instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary. He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught. Isaiah 50:4
With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. James 3:9-10
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29
When someone speaks encouragement into our hearts, the course of our lives can be changed forever. And when we believe in someone else, God uses us to build confidence and security in a heart that may have otherwise been paralyzed by doubt and security.
LOAP - Lol, that's one solution.
Leolight - You said this: "I don't get what's so hard for people to just stop being so selfish and negative, and just love others, and be honest and genuine, you know what I'm never going to find anyone that will be that way". And everyone that has responded to you on this thread so far clearly cares about you honestly and genuinely and with the love to help you or they wouldn't have bothered responding. Right? So right away you can see that there is something ELSE out there in the big world for you and you found it because you reached out to find something new. There are people different than those you are currently surrounded by who leave you feeling such disappointment. All that firey emotion you've got going is the energy built up to push you on a new path. So don't despair, just accept that you are at a great turning-point here and you are ready to face unknowns to find something better than what you have had so far. I wish you great strength as you start on your new path.
By the way, I've lived with a lot of Leo's in my life and one thing I know - nothing ever gets in their way for long when they have their mind set on something and like any big cat, they always seem to land on their feet in a better position than where they started!
leolite run do not walk away from that man he will not change as he thinks he is always right
it is better to divorce and make yourself safe and happy than to be drained emotionally and possibly in the end dead
detox love has given a good starting point for you call from work (and do not quit your job) they will be able to get you help & start you on your new life free from abuse.
also start taking extra clothing a little at a time and keep it in your car if you have one so when you are ready you will walk out of his life with your head held high also put a kit such as toilet paper, tooth paste & brush, eye make-up and such in your car
start your own checking account so you will have funds available to you; make sure you have the statements go to a different address for now other wise he will get very angry
I think we all realize that YOU are the ONLY person with total control on your fate in this marriage with this man. Do know that as a standard rule of thumb, people never change. On a great occasion people can change but it is usually through a tragic event that has occurred such as a life after death experience, a vehicle accident that had almost cost them their life, an accident that has cost someone their life through the individuals hands (accidental manslaughter) or someone who has faced abuse. It is not necessarily certain that the person will improve and in-fact they may become worse than before. However as a general rule of thumb people do not change.
It is okay to love someone and not be with them especially if they are hurting you physically, emotionally or verbally. I would hope that you would DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU and your life. Love is easy to come by but we usually close ourselves off to it once we have been hurt by it. Love is everywhere even if you cannot see it now, it does not have to always come physically. Love is purely emotion based and sometimes it may seem that no one cares but you will always meet someone who will. NOBODY DESERVES MISTREATMENT and when someone is mistreated they end up growing cold and bitter toward others. Resentment can build quickly when the mistreatment does not stop.
LOVE YOURSELF FIRST and take some time away from your husband if need be. You may discover you are better off without him, however you can never know if you do not try. It takes a very strong person emotionally to walk away from a marriage especially when you love someone so much. I know because I had been there at one point in my life. You just have to do what is healthiest for you.
Just wanted to say thanks to everyone again, life is getting better, if you wanted to know, I always come and read these comments when i need to I gave him quite a wake-up call a couple months ago when I finally told him that he's not good enough to be the father of my children. Since then, he's been very nice to me But it's been hard, I haven't been myself for a long time now, not since i had that meltdown. I don't even feel like I am myself, it is SO WIERD! So now i am trying to climb up a mountain of what used to be myself and my character and what I used to believe, and what I have become: angry and defensive, and sad sad sad, all those things that you have mentioned when one is mistreated It's hard, because I know that if he had to put up with someone like him, he wouldn't do it LOL, I guess that's why he is the way he is. But he's been treating me more normally now, and I try to keep faith that he'll stay on the path of improvement, and me too, now. We will see!!!! But you all are very right and thank you for your comments sigh, it would be nice sometimes to take a break from life, and just be myself again. But, I'll tell you, I won't go through it twice, that's for sure, that's for damn sure.