Gemini girl with some Cancer boy problems
I met my crabby crush (Scott) at a Halloween party. We started talking on Facebook and becoming good friends and it was going great. Then I got very drunk at a party and made an idiot out of myself and he was so annoyed by how immature I was that he deleted me from FB and told me I was a nightmare. I was so crushed and I didn't even talk to him to apologize because I was so embarrassed. He ended up messaging me 3 days later to tell me how sorry he was for the way he treated me and that he hoped I could forgive him and blah blah blah. So we talked and he ended up telling me the things I was saying about him when I was drunk to other people. Apparently I said I wanted his...you know...and he was like "So is that true? You had a little crush on me?" and I was just like "uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I'm so embarrassed...." and he's like "why? don't be, it's flattering."
Anyway so even though he knew that I had some sort of feelings for him he continued to talk to me and we started becoming very close. We talked every single day and most of the time he would be the one to contact me first and he'd always invite me to go places with him and we ALWAYS had fun.
He'd always tell me how nice I was or how much he liked doing stuff with me so I thought that maybe he was starting to like me too.
That is until yesterday happened...
I got really really drunk (because i hadn't eaten all day and the medication i'm taking) and acted like a complete idiot.
He kept saying that he had to go (and I drove) to go back to my house and pick his car up so he could get ready for his job interview that he had today. But for some reason I kept saying no and that I wanted to stay later and I was just being so rude and selfish (which is not like me AT ALL)
I don't really remember much else because I blacked out, but I messaged him this morning to tell him how crappy I felt and he was just like "yeah you suck lol"
And so I apologized for being so dumb and he seemed fine. He had even sent me a picture on my FB wall after he dropped me off at home so I figured he couldn't have been mad at me.
Then after his interview he messaged me and told me that he failed at it (I guess his friend that works there told him he didn't get the job) and he started blaming it on me and asking me why I couldn't let him go home and why I was being so selfish etc. etc.
I just started balling my eyes out, I couldn't believe the stuff he was saying.
I kept apologizing, but he said he didn't know if he "could get over this for awhile"
And then I was like "no matter what I say you're going to hate me"
and he just said that he didn't hate me because he doesn't hate anyone and that he just didn't really want to hang out much more especially when I was drinking because i can't control myself.
I feel so heart broken and I don't know what to do, I feel like I ruined everything between us in a span of a few hours. I already apologized over and over again, but I just feel so distraught. I just want some kind of advice. What's the best way to apologize to a Cancer? He's just so much different than any other sign I've ever dated or liked.
I just feel so upset and wish I could take that whole night back.
He's the only one that's been able to make me happy in so long and now that's gone.
What do I do?
Update* He just messaged me and told me that he was sorry and that he just blew up.
I appreciate his apology, but that doesn't change how terrible he made me feel!
I'm a Gemini and even I'm not THAT bipolar.
I'm an idiot because I still like him so much
watergirl18 last edited by
What to do? Stop drinking. It's easy to make it about him - to concentrate on his reaction to your drunken behavior instead of your own. But the more mature thing would be to question why you are not able to have a couple of drinks without going into a binge and blacking out. Don't blame it on the no food and medication as that is just another excuse. Seriously. Do yourself a favor and just stop drinking for a while.
Hehe...yes, I am well aware of the FB delete-block routine...also aware of the 'please don't drink syndrome' and of the seemingly bi-polar dynamic! I guess that getting shitfaced is a gemini thing (i do it every once in a while - it feels great to be that loose and do something foolish every once in a while).
Obviously the guy likes you, but Cancerians (especially if his Mercury is Cancer as well - i guess) sometimes burst - they're so emotional and sensitive that they feel so much emotion and if they act then, they usually become hurtful. Basically you were unreliable (sorry) and he was offended, you didn't take his needs into consideration, got upset and then gave you a piece of his mind.
Words mean little to Cancerians, they're more action-oriented. I suggest that you show how sincere you are by NOT drinking at all for a couple of weeks. Then have a couple of beers every once in a while with him. If you do feel like getting drunk, put that up front (give him a heads up basically) so he knows what to expect. I don't think he'll be upset, he'll just be prepared and might even tell you it's not a good time (gauge his reaction and look for hints to see how he reacts). Try to limit your interactions to real-life and not over text or FB with Cancer men - it's better to read their faces and expressions, as they move sideways and don't reveal much (however, they are usually more candid and frank behind a screen)...
@watergirl18, yeah I know I thought that was the obvious decision for me to do for myself personally haha.
It's strange though because I have gotten black out drunk 2 times in my life and both of those times were when he was around. I guess i just get nervous being around him and I drink more and more and then when I'm finally really drunk I am so mean to him (I am usually the sweetest person in the world to him he always tells me) I feel like I may be pushing him away when I do that, in fact I think I push everyone away whenever I feel like my feelings for them have grown from physical to emotional.
@victimofcancerian, I love that name! haha! Yeah, part of me thought it was only a matter of time before he came around and started talking to me again (because we've been so close) but I don't even know how to reply to his message. How can he blow up like that and say the meanest things to me that anyone has ever told me and then just say "no it's ok i'm over it" as if it never happened?! I'm not usually one to hold grudges, but my feelings towards him have changed a little bit. I feel like maybe the best thing to do is distance myself for a while until he comes to me? Either way there's a party this weekend that I know for sure we're both going to so I guess that will be my chance to show him that I'm serious about quitting drinking. I'm glad to know there's other Gems like that too! In fact, most of the Gem (especially females) I know seem to get completely wasted at least a couple of times when they drink.
Besides all of this mess though, say we were to go right back to where we left off, he seems SO SHY! How long am I supposed to wait for him to acknowledge any sort of romantic development between us before we permanently end up in an awkward friend zone?!
I think you really need to show him what you feel...they are usually reluctant to convey their emotions ESPECIALLY if you didn't communicate that first. Basically, they won't invest unless they see an interest from you...they're afraid of getting rejected or hurt...
Oh I KNOW the getting drunk part when you're nervous...it happened with me as well a couple of times! hehe (with the same cancerian guy)...it's bizarre, because usually I'm quite confident and in control with others...I exude this comfort that attracts other guys, but you know sometimes we get a bit weak...however, do not falter, i think that cancerian men like confident, assertive people!
I say approach him and focus on him (not on the booze) and clearly indicate your interest! He might be worth it, especially if you really like him...good luck!
I saw him today at this political meeting actually, which was odd because I'm the one who got him interested in the election at all. (when we met he said he didn't care about the stuff either way)
And even though he knew I'd be there he showed up and stayed the full 3 hours. That's not even the weirdest part though. I saw him through the crowd, but he didn't see me looking so I quickly looked the other way (I figured "he hates me he should come to me if he wants to talk") but the crowd was ridiculous. Anyway later on he was standing by a wall and when I looked out the corner of my eyes he was facing me completely. Like his chest was towards me and he was just watching me. BUT HE WOULDN'T COME UP TO ME!
I still pretended to be completely oblivious and tried talking to people around me to look like I was too busy to notice him. Then I left the area and went outside and I was standing by this fence and when I looked straight about 30 feet across the lawn he was standing at the other fence with his arms hanging over and again just staring at me. So of course I couldn't avoid it this time, I just looked up waved and smiled and he did the same.
We didn't talk because we were so far, but he did start texting me.
I. am. so. confused.
What's there to be confused about?
The guy likes you...but they move sideways...they don't approach you directly, they sort of make themselves available and make a connection possible, but you should approach him...I know that traditionally, you might not want to do this (if you want to assume the typical gender role), but I say screw that...if you like a guy, go for him and do it...muster out the gemini social courage you have and put on the gemini charming side and talk to him...you'll both laugh about this incident months from now
That makes a lot of sense actually.
I'll wait until I see him in person on Saturday.
I sure hope you're right, I've been so miserable with this awkwardness between us.
I feel like I've lost my best friend : /
and btw, my Cancerian guy liked the fact that I was passionate about politics...they like to see how passionate you are about something and like to be there for you, I feel that they like anything you do with feeling and passion...they're feelers really..
He's been commenting on all my stuff on FB, but it's not like how it was before.
Before he was always positive or sweet with me, but now it seems like he's purposely being a douchebag. He's disagreeing with me (which he would NEVER do before) and he'll mention how hot a girl is in a video that I posted. He never talked about other girls before, but now it's like he's doing it to hurt me. I know he's not stupid, he knows it bothers me. I don't know why he's doing this to me!
maybe his ego is injured? This is a period they go through...it happened with me...after I had broken up with mine...he would act so weird for a month, and publicly insulting me was one of his reactions. Let him be and just ignore, ignore, ignore. i would even say disappear (trust me) from his life and see his reaction. that's the ONLY way you can see if a cancerian man likes/loves you or not...
Once I get to a phase where I no longer want to be sweet to a partner, I know that my heart is not into it. We sometimes have a hard time letting go of people in fear of hurting them even when the most mature way to deal with it would be to tell the truth. So setting it up to where you break up makes it easier. Personally I have worked on this negative aspect of my personality but it depends on the person.
Alright so we got into a big fight and it was totally out of nowhere. He started talking to me and trying to say I was being weird around him by not looking at him or talking to him at a party we were both at and I was like "Yeah, i was hurt and confused with the way you treated me" so he got all upset and said "Ok so I guess we're not friends like we used to be anymore" and then we talked more and more and eventually I was just like "Let's just forget about our fight and me getting drunk and pretend it never happened" and he seemed happy with that.
But then out of NOWHERE he was just like "Listen I know you have some sort of feelings for me and I just don't want to lead you on bla bla bla"
and I was like "When I first met you yeah, but the more I got to know you the less I liked you like that"
and he seemed very offended and was like "Yeah, bull shit what about when you did this and that etc." and he just kept naming off things that even I thought people who were JUST friends did together.
THEN he started telling me things HE didn't like about me and saying he wished he could tell me everything because he had SO much to say to me, but he couldn't because he can't "trust" me.
And so he's ignored me and I've ignored him and we've posted very mean things about each other on Facebook and even though the posts are indirect all our mutual friends can tell when we're talking about each other.
But lately he's been going back to how he was. He's started commenting on things I say, trying to be funny and flirty etc.
It's just weird because all of our friends say that it's OBVIOUS that he likes me, but I just don't see why he'd say he doesn't. It just doesn't add up. I think he's gay -__-
That's weird, my last comment wouldn't show the last word where I said "I think he's ---"
Since when is g-a-y a bad word?
But yeah, I think he is literally homosexual at this point.
you say gay like it's a bad thing...I am quite offended frankly!!
No, I don't mean it to be a bad thing at all. It's just him and I have had a discussion before on the subject and he told me he wasn't.
I just don't understand why he'd lie to me about something like that if he is.
well I'm quite sure that for a straight guy...that can sound as if it diminishes their masculinity...cancerians dont like direct questions and that would be interpreted as rude, intrusive, judgmental and harsh.