Captain Could I Please Have a Reading
I am a Gemini born 6/19/88 who is in a very loving relationship with a Capricorn born 12/30/88. He says he wants to marry me, which I believe when he says, but at the same time I have a feeling like something bad is going to happen. We have known each other for 15 years and have always been very close, but just recently entered into a relationship. I guess what I'm asking is what you see between us. What could be causing my bad feelings? Is it just my insecurities, or is there something I should be worried about? I guess I should note he struggles with depression, and a bit of an addiction to alcohol, but since he's been with me he says I make him feel better than he has in a long time.
Doll, you are right to be wary - this relationship can be very demanding at times, making it difficult for marriage or the longterm. Its perfectionist tone can create a lot of unfulfilled expectations and emotional complexities. Your partner is as a rule rather demanding to begin with, both of himself and of others. You may, by your very nature, be able to alleviate some of this, but you will not be able to ease the burdens of the relationship by yourself. In fact, this particular combination of personalities will put your partner under intense pressure and scrutiny. Tension may also spill over onto you, and you will respond with self-criticism - as if it were in your power to do anything to improve the situation for your partner. You both need to focus on learning to relax, worrying less, and overlooking small problems.
Your love affair will reveal the emotional difficulties in the relationship. Your partner can get quite emotional, but will rarely be able to discuss with you whatever is really bothering him. He wants you to see his good side so that you will love him, and he may feel he has to conceal his darker side and more troubling feelings and problems or at least downplay them much of the time. He has a deep fear of losing his mental or physical health, yet he will often do things that threaten it as if it were inevitable. Sanity is a big issue for him and he needs a rational explanation for everything, yet can end up filling in the 'gaps' with his own broad interpretations or what he believes is the truth. You in turn may doubt whether he really understands or appreciates you. The relationship can bring out your fears of abandonment or unhealthy ideas about what a family is like based on your own childhood experiences. There is often a strong physical attraction between you two, but this is unlikely to help much, and in fact may widen the gulf of misunderstanding.
Marriage can be tough, since the relationship's perfectionist energy is apt to create the kinds of tension that prevent relaxation. Also in marriage, your partner may not feel he has to keep up the pretence anymore and may hit you with the unexpected full force of his problems, most of which you had thought you had already seen and coped with. You might come to resent the relationship, and your partner might dislike it for not living up to his expectations.
Friendship is often the easiest relationship between you. As friends, you may be more jointly critical of others rather than of each other. Drawn to irony and humour, you two sometimes will enjoy yourselves by making fun of other people's foibles. But the friendship will have to learn to laugh at itself too, particularly when the energies boomerang back on it.
This relationship in every form must maintain high standards but scale back its persistent perfectionism in favour of a more accepting view. You must both let up a bit in your expectations of yourselves and each other and take things as they come. Lower the tension, not the quality by learning how to unwind and let go. Practice kindness.