Can I have a reading please? (Addressed to the Captain)
I'm giving this a shot! I've been with my man for over 9 months now...it's been a bumpy ride sometimes, but I am interested in what the stars have to say...my birthdate is: 23 May 1986. His birthdate is 11 July 1963...
Friendship is actually the best and easiest relationship here. A love affair or marriage between you is likely to be tumultuous and unstable. Should your partner's desires get out of hand, they may have to be capped, like a burning oil well. Yet he should have enough wisdom, self-control and self-knowledge to prevent this from happening. This may lead to a different problem, however, resulting in a self-protectiveness that will prove a sexual challenge to your often more aggressive self, and you will long to break through his barriers. Although rebellious, you often back off in fear, and end up depending instead on your partner's protective, caring and nurturing qualities. Together you may share spiritual, psychic, paranormal and predictive tendencies which can favour activities ranging from self-actualization workshops to gambling or other forms of speculation.
You like to be able to do your own thing, free of anyone else's input, Victim. Yet you are looking for the ideal, committed (impossibly perfect) relationship. Your partner's need for absolute control can really feel oppressive to you at times and eventually you will want to break away from it and his insecurities (fear of being abandoned and left alone) altogether. Yet when he is nurturing and kind, you feel you will love and stay with him forever. If only he could always be that way! You yourself have a tendency to fall in love with all the wrong people to prove your worthiness to be loved. You tend to idolize people, then be horribly disappointed when they turn out not to be the love god you imagined they were. Try to be more realistic about love and romance.
Thanks so much for this...
Interestingly enough, some of this is true...I am idealistic, and feel that I have unrealistic expectations...I do put my lover on a pedestal, in the sense that I see him in the light of the best man he can become (but not necessarily wants to become that person)...We did have our issues and I do see a change in his behavior towards the better (I also changed VERY much to accommodate his needs)...we both agreed that the worst is over now and it can only get better. You're right that he has insecurities (MANY, in fact), and that I have a desire to just do my own thing, even though I really want to be in love with someone - and hope that it would last forever. And Yes, when it's good, I wish it stays like that forever...but lately, it has been better. He is very domineering and controlling and doesn't like me to take the lead...however, he claims to be one hundred percent faithful, and if anything, loyalty is one of the hallmark pillars of his personality.
I disagree with you that if a relationship needs a bit of work, then we're better off as friends...I believe that that is the true test of love, to work things out, instead of calling it quits and leaving just at the nearest sign of danger, so to speak...things take time and need work and an investment (although we all wish it came so effortlessly and easy - sometimes, it actually does!)..
I don't understand this part clearly, i feel i have misunderstood it:
"Should your partner's desires get out of hand, they may have to be capped, like a burning oil well. Yet he should have enough wisdom, self-control and self-knowledge to prevent this from happening. This may lead to a different problem, however, resulting in a self-protectiveness that will prove a sexual challenge to your often more aggressive self, and you will long to break through his barriers."
I did not say that you should give up on a relationship when it has problems - indeed most relationships take a lot of hard work, even the good ones. But you have to be realistic here - are you making progress or just banging your head against a brick wall? Are you in love or just feeling sorry or responsible for this man and wanting to 'fix' him? Do you see him as some sort of child you have to take care of or as some sort of authority figure or parent who will protect you? Some relationships are not right and won't work for the longterm no matter how hard you try. You have to decide what sort of relationship yours is, for your own sake as well as for your partner.
"Should your partner's desires get out of hand, they may have to be capped, like a burning oil well. Yet he should have enough wisdom, self-control and self-knowledge to prevent this from happening. This may lead to a different problem, however, resulting in a self-protectiveness that will prove a sexual challenge to your often more aggressive self, and you will long to break through his barriers." = this means your partner can suffer from mood swings and depressions when he might not want to talk to you and may even go off on his own, despite you trying to bring about understanding and peace. He is over-sensitive at times and might misunderstand something you have said or done, and may withdraw into his protective shell or even withhold sex when he is in a bad mood.
Well, things went great for a while, we had a setback that led to a break up, then on and off (he would come back, then break it off, etc.). Until I just completely ignored him. He came back and promised to change and address differences...I do see a change, and things (more recently) have improved significantly. I don't feel I must fix him, as I think that people should do that at their own pace (it yields better results anyway) and it has worked, slowly though. I've been very patient, and found that it yields results. I'd like the relationship to be more on equal terms, and we try to achieve that, however, I've learned a great deal on how to be more sensitive in my tone, how I talk and address issues, how to keep his securities at bay, etc. Yes, he is very sensitive, but I do notice that I'm a bit too impulsive, so I watch and pick my words better now...we're getting better at communication. There still is an element of fear sadly, due to the pain that we inflicted one each other during the break ups (though I think I suffered much deeper wounds - he really went nuts). Last night, he mentioned that the magic is back in our relationship
It's very common for Cancerians to come and go a lot, due to their overly protective and hyper-sensitive natures.
To be honest with you...i really don't mind the 'oppressive' part, if I really knew that he had my best interests at heart...sometimes, I feel he's a bit too selfish. Sometimes, I also feel he's not very reliable, as seems to be petty about money. I understand that I will never be his number priority (he has kids).
I am idealistic, and trying to enjoy the ride for what it is and just take it as it comes (without trying to plan - basically, just to figure out ways to stay together in the future without compromising my career, and not having to be forced into a long distance relationship). i would be than happy to give up this role frankly, but his seemingly selfish side sometimes makes me weary...
I know it is callow and silly to believe in, but I do believe in (and want) a relationship that would last forever. one where both parties are equal, or at least have their best interest protected...I feel that cancerian men do want the same...
would appreciate your thoughts on this...also a thing that has eben puzzling me: scientists claim that astrology doesn't really work...I'm at odds at this, since I do find many similarities in behavior between people of the same star signs...I also managed to explain a lot of my behavior through my birth chart...but it is true, how can the stars and their alignment really affect our personalities? Why only at the time of birth (which is so difficult to pinpoint) and how does the mood and planets alignment impact our moods, behaviors, personality?
The universe gives us many ways and signs to help us understand ourselves, and astrology is just one of these ways. We are all connected in spirit - to each other, to the plants and animals, to the planet, to the stars, to God. And as such, so our moods and behaviours correspond to everything else in the world.
Two people will stay together as long as they both want the same thing and as long as their needs are being met. Open and honest communication is also key. If you and your partner have these things, then your relationship can endure.
Yes, I absolutely agree with you on relationships...I guess it's my Cancer Venus that needs some form of reassurance that the person will be there through thick and thin (because I would)...
Then you must make sure your partner has the same values and end goals as you do. Or else it won't work in the longterm.
Captain may I please get a reading.. My friend monica suggested you and i'm in need of some answers. Please help
Sarah80, this is Victimofcancerian's personal thread so i will answer you on your own thread.
Victimofcancerian...I am also a 'victim' of a cancer man! I wanted to share with you how I deal with him...
I hope you both don't mind me responding. I wanted to validate all that you have said. My husband sounds EXACTLY like yours! He was born July 13. Even though we are supposedly compatible (I'm a scorpio), he drives me absolutely nuts with his hot 'n cold nature! We have about a month of total bliss and then 1 or 2 months of him just being completely disconnected and MOODY! God...the moodiness! I keep reading this is just the cancer nature though. Mine is also very sensitive and insecure and constantly fears I'm going to leave him. And he has that little streak of selfishness too, like you mentioned. For example, he recently erased mine and kids' shows off of the DVR to make sure there was room enough for his. This might just be a "man thing" as well though! Their good qualities often outweigh the bad (depending on your needs). Every person is going to have issues to deal with in a relationship. Are these the ones we would rather deal with as opposed to others? ..or are these issues too big for your needs?? The thing I ask myself is, "If he stays just like he is forever, can I deal with that?" Catch me on the wrong day and I'll say, "no!" haha, but mostly it's "yes".
We've been married 12 years and have 3 kids. He's still a mystery to me on some levels, but I find that he seems to need a big kick in the pants about every few months. He's like a kid who tests his boundaries and just needs to make sure they are still there. I think he actually feels secure when he sees he can still rile me up! It's like a child acting out to get attention. From experience I can tell you that smart@ss remarks don't work at all...but it does make ME feel better! HA What DOES work is a heartfelt, well thought-out letter or email. It's non-confrontational, gives me a chance to think out my words before saying them and gives him time to think about what I said before responding. I pretty much write the same letter to him every few months, but hey...whatever works!
I have started studying astrology in the past couple of years, though I'm still only a 'beginner'. You should start delving deeper also. It's very fascinating just how accurate and detailed it can be. It is all very mathematical and precise. There's no psychic power involved, although intuition does help (so they say). You can search the internet for a free birth chart and see what sign each of your planets are in, then search the internet for each of those combinations. You can find out SO much about yourself and your dude. It goes even deeper than that but I haven't learned about the deeper stuff yet.
Zoinkss, thank you so much! I'm almost tempted to ask you to exchange email addresses just to share war stories! also tempted to actually start a support group for Cancerian men significant others!
I don't know what to tell you, but I'm quite shocked that even after a marriage, children and 12 years, he still has secrets, still needs reassurance, and still fears abandonment? WOW! that does scare me a bit, as we're a gay couple...I don't think marriage will ever be in the picture (he's been down that road before), and he's quite older than I am...So I wonder if he'd ever open up to me or trust me fully...
Anyway. I have been reading up on astrology, check out Linda Goodman's Love Signs, there are actual conversations that we have had that were mentioned there! I do think that a lot of his relationship depends on his childhood, upbringing and mother...what's weird is that he adamantly says he's beyond the past, but sometimes I get glimpses of him when he opens and realize these things are true...I've come to realize that whatever he is staunchly against (about himself personally) might well be true...hence, if you're defensive about something, he'll have his suspicions.
Frankly, sometimes I do see us together forever, at other times, I don't...I'm a Gemini with Scorpio moon, though, so I'm quite moody myself, but I have a Taurus ascendant that really helps to keep me grounded (since when do Geminis even think of forever? LOL).
I guess you're right with boundaries, and yes, they do need a slap in the face sometimes, I think they lack the awareness that others may have...for example, while browsing around these forums, one person was complaining about her Cancerian guy, and another Cancerian guy replied...'I don't see anything wrong in any of that? That is regarded as hurtful?'
I've found that displaying emotion in times of distress (and I swear I don't use this on purpose, it really comes from deep hurt sometimes) usually works wonders. It's like they realize that they've hurt you and sort of retreat...I usually distance myself after an argument and just act a bit distant...sometimes he comes back and I don't berate him or remind him of the fight and just forgive and forget...of course the hurt would still be there but I don't show it. Other times, if we have a fight and he doesn't approach me after I went out with friends...I call him up and make plans...
They can be a handful sometimes...it's such a long, on-going process. I usually like things a bit quieter (I don't mind the occasional drama, over something worth it at least, or at least have it presented in a 'cute' way). What bothers me are the fits of fury, the accusations sometimes, etc.
Our last fight was over something very silly...and I was compared to his mother! Also, whatever insecurity or thought I said, he would say 'that's exactly how I feel about you!' I was quite shocked! These things make me NOT want to plan or invest long-term...although he actually hates when I do plan long-term (his theory is that that made him miserable for a while, because he is adamant that the universe conspired against him to produce his bad luck).
OH my goodness, mine does the same thing about accusing me of what I'm accusing him of! Drives me nuts!! Again, it's like a kid just coming back with whatever he can throw at me to shut me up.
Thanks for mentioning the part about showing him emotion seems to get through to him. I had not thought about that but that is so true. The only times he backed down and softened up during an argument was the few times that I burst into tears. I hate doing that too. I usually am burning up mad first and then go off by myself and get sad and cry it out. I don't like to cry in front of people but maybe I just need to let some of that come through the next time I'm telling him something like that.
Mine has mother issues too. He always thinks I'm going to leave like she did when he was a teenager. I guess in a sick way, I sort of think it's sweet that he is that scared of me leaving but on the other hand it gets exhausting.
hehe yes, I usually do the same thing (I prefer to suffer in silence and alone), they usually sense that and might be offended I guess. Basically, they like to be the ones with privacy and secrets, while you remain an open book...it's a weird dynamic, you need to be assertive, open in every single way, and they will retain the right not to be! What's good for the geese is NOT good for the gander (I find myself using that idiom in a lot of our arguments). Also, you cannot be overtly jealous, needy, emotional, sensitive, or sentimental, but they reserve the right for that!
I just hope that one day he wakes up to the fact that I sometimes DO need to be like that (because I am awfully similar to him) and need him to be there for me (he really usually is, come to think of it) - but usually only at the beginning of coming back together...
I dunno if mine thinks I will leave him, but he does say that I will break his heart from time to time, that I would go back to my ex, that I'm in just for the sex sometimes, that I still need to explore and hunt...that I have people on the side...if only he knew!!! LOL and it bothers him if I dare to even THINK those thoughts!
Still, I love him with every fiber and beat of my heart...I just hope that the bliss stays longer...or that he realizes what he means to me and just takes it easy sometimes (it makes it easier for me to relax and just take it easy as well - without taking him for granted).