Captain :]



  • Hello, Captain!

    It's been a little while since I've last asked you for help... I don't feel I've gone through any major changes, but I have a few new things on my plate. I'm currently seeing somebody, "M" dob - Feb 7, 1986 (& mine is 3/3/90) and the beginning is nice and slow, which I truly appreciate. My needs are hard to meet because they're constantly changing, but I'm trying to be disciplined so that I stick with this and see how it goes. Any insight?

    A wonderful friend of mine has temporarily moved to another city and she listed the principles that guide a new spiritual church she is going to... They're all things I believe as well and she has this desire to start something similar in our city and she came to me with the idea because she knew I'd be just as enthusiastic about it as her... It wouldn't cause harm and I can only imagine spreading such beautiful guidance and truth could only help. No dogma, no persecution, no accusations. Just light... I'm terribly excited that it is a potential future endeavor. Thoughts?

    After my surgery in November, I was a little lost. Healing took emotional energy I didn't even know I was expending... The pain killers distracted me from what I needed to do and where I should have been going. I decided to try counseling to work with the root of some of the destraction and I think I'll stick with it for a bit to see if there is anything else it might give me.

    Also, since my surgery, my eating habits and cravings have improved immensely. I'm much less emotionally attached to certain foods and look for nutrition value and wholeness in what I eat! It's so nice to not have that weight of WANTING...

    Captain, I hope you're doing well. I felt like writing to you... Thank you for being so kind to all of us here on the forum. :]

    ~Angela



  • You need to research setting up a new church, AV, because it takes practicality and planning as much as spirituality and light. Where would you build or set up the church, for instance? And you would have to ensure you let people find their own way to you. There is nothing more sure to turn people off than door-to-door religion salesmen or people stopping you in the street tp press you to join up. If your church is a good one, people will fidn their way to you guided by spirit. You have to be the best advertisement for your church by being a living example of its beliefs. And you have to allow others not to agree with you, no matter how good your intentions.

    You and M: the focus of this relationship will be your responsiveness to each other's needs. But although you two may be quite aware of what each of you needs, you are not always sure of what you want. The result is that together you have difficulty making strong, sensible decisions and definite choices. This problem may be related to a certain lack of desire in the relationship. Neither of you has a lot of objections to most of your shared activities, but neither may you have much feeling for them, either. Thus you can stay together in quite a semi-satisfied state for years without ever making really strong demands on each other, or on the relationship. Although happiness should not be sneered at, in this case there is often a feeling that something is missing.

    A love affair here can be affectionate in some respects and quite cool in others, but it is rarely passionate. Whether overt or covert, it can last for years without having to face a serious crisis. Marriage too can be mutually satisfying, and also somewhat uneventful. Any children you had would benefit from the relationship's stability, but might find it a bit uninspiring. Friendship is usually the best sort of relationship this combination can achieve, fostering warm and caring attitudes without getting stale or boring.

    You both need to ask yourselves what you really want. Dig deep to find your heart's desires. Be more demanding, less easily satisfied and liven up your lives a bit. What's the point of being alive if you're not really living?



  • I've looked into the research of setting up a church and it would definitely take some important steps to really get it off the ground. We'd be fine starting from the bottom at an apartment with us and one or two people... As it grows we'd accommodate and we aren't the pushy type. Not looking to make money... Just looking to share with anybody who wants to be a part of it. This isn't something we'd do right now. It would take a couple years to really manifest it. Thank you for the pointers!

    And with me and M, that sounds right on. I'm not physically attracted to him yet, but I know he's got the temperment and mannerisms I appreciate... Feels more like a friendship because we are comfortable with so much space and freedom of agenda. I wonder if I should save the frustration that would set in later... I'll have to think on this for a bit. Liven up to our lives a bit... I'll bring it up as a topic of discussion 🙂

    ~Angela



  • I've got one more question for you...

    Why is it so hard for me to get attached to somebody in a romantic way? I know people who can just talk with somebody and feel heartbroken when it doesn't work, but even if I'm dating somebody it seems like I grow more detached. I'm grateful for how difficult it is for me to be heartbroken but it would also be nice to feel comfort and affection for somebody I'd like to care for. I suppose it's something that can't be forced, though...



  • I would ask you - why you are in such a hurry to be in love? Being in love is wonderful but if you think it will solve all your personal problems and social issues or validate yourself as an attractive person, then you're quite wrong. Everyone, in love or not, still has to do the inner work on themselves.



  • Well... I'm so content as a single person, dating is frustrating because I don't have any feelings for these people. Had the opportunity to try a relationship with a nice guy after a couple years of being single, so I figured I'd take it to see what happens. He's a fine person, but I don't have feelings for him. I could just be impatient, though. I see what is happening but I don't FEEL what is happening.

    I don't think being in love will solve my problems... In fact, it might get in the way of some of my goals I've formed while my head is de-cluttered from complicated feelings. I do believe I've done a lot of inner work, but there will always be more to do - like you mentioned. It's fun and enlightening and feels so fulfilling! However, I do have this desire, in the back of my mind, to fall in love with somebody new so that my first love wouldn't hold as big of a place. Maybe I'll have to work on that a bit on my own.

    Thank you 🙂

    ~Angela



  • OH and don't get me wrong, I've felt attracted to some of the guys I've dated but it didn't get to turn into real feelings... I just realised the way I've talked about some of my other "potentials" might make me sound very wishy washy. I ask about them here because I'm so curious to know what their chances of working out are.



  • You need to enter relationships because you genuinely want some intellectual companionship and to have some fun. But many people jump into relationships out of loneliness - meaning they don't wait for someone special, just 'anyone' will do - and that seldom works out. Some people feel pressured by society or their family and friends into getting into a relationship and that never ends well, either. Examine your reasons for wanting a partner. It has to be on your own (positive) terms in order to work.



  • I think I'm realising that I really don't know what I want. I'd love intellectual companionship and fun, but expecations and a feeling as though my options are now limited doesn't feel so exciting. Friendships give me fun and intellectual stimulation, though, also. I really rarely feel lonely. I might be feeling pressured by society because occasionally, one of the first questions I'm asked when somebody is trying to get to know what I'm about is if I'm seeing anybody. So I guess my ego jumps to conclusions about why that should be important.

    One side reason for establishing a "solid" relationship was so that I could use it as an excuse for denying offers... I didn't like the idea of lying about a reason I couldn't date somebody, and I didn't want to bum anybody out by just saying no. But it makes sense to just say no if I don't want to. I figured since he seemed like a good guy, trying it out wouldn't be a bad idea.. But if I don't want it, then what's the point of staying with it.

    Thank you for your insight and for letting me vent! I appreciate your time 🙂

    ~Angela



  • Just say you are not dating at present because you want to take some time to devote to yourself and your own life.



  • And because that's the truth, it shouldn't be hard to say. I'll work this out soon enough. Thank you, again!

    ~Angela