Reading from Captain



  • Dear Captain:

    It's been a long road and I am wondering what you can pick up about my situation with Bob and what outcome do you foresee.

    Much blessings.



  • You have to ask yourself if Bob really is worth all your time (so much time) and effort. He really is a fair-weather friend, someone who is happy for you to be there in his time of need but not when you express your need for him. What has he ever really given you but a false sense of hope? He needed your help at the time but doesn't need or want it now. He is not someone who can handle commitment to one person or any sort of responsibility, even to his own kin. He prefers to have casual affairs that require nothing of him so that he can move on when he tires of them. He does not want what you want. I feel that you are more in love with a 'situation' or dream - a happy family - than you are with this man, and that loneliness is what is urging you on, rather than love. I think you even love his daughter more than him, but you are trying to convince yourself into liking him for the sake of your goal of having a family. You can keep on trying to work your way back into his and his daughter's lives, but it won't work. Sadly you have to accept that they have both moved on from you - and you should move on from them, too. The past is over and you are the only one clinging to the memories. Once you allow yourself to be truly open to the idea of meeting someone new, that person will appear in your life. But as long as your life is still so full of the past, there is no room for anything new to come in. Do yourself the biggest favour and let go and move forward.



  • Thank you Captain. Weird, you picked up his daughter without my mentioning it. You're probably right that I need to move on. Not what I wanted to hear, but probably what I need to do. I actually did get one email communication from Bob in mid-December. He responded to my email. He hasn't done that in two years and he has told a mutual acquaintance that it's okay for me to see his daughter if I wanted. When I did see her in October, she remembered me. That's why I get confused because there are little indications. Not of a relationship, but something is shifting in his mentality. He finally put up pictures last year of his partner who passed away in 2004. It has been a long and lonely road for him. I can understand the casual acquaintances. He's a hurt man. In all his previous relationships, the woman has cheated on him (Bob told me this himself), including the partner who passed away. He discovered this after her death through love letters hidden away. He doesn't have any friends and very little contact with his side of the family. He holes up in his home and lets the nanny raises his daughter. It's a very sad situation given she's 7 years old and spends most of her time with a nanny. He even let the nanny take his child to the Philippines for Christmas. He followed a week later. She convinced Bob because he had nowhere to go for the holidays, no one to spend it with, and no childcare help since she would have been gone herself. Don't get me wrong. They are not in a relationship. The nanny only feels sorry for him. She's got her own family. I love the idea of the family, the child. I also do love Bob. He and I were very, very close but he felt betrayed by me and felt I judged him. I did not cheat on him. I guess I have to completely let go. Very hard to do because I really do love him.



  • I feel like Bob never wants to let himself be in love again because losing the one he loved so much - his partner - was so very painful for him that he thinks he couldn't bear it again.

    You have a lot to give, RKDreamerRK, and you will find the right person/people to give it to.