Stalker ex Boyfriend and ex husband now hanging out with my kids - help!



  • Hi,

    I wrote 6 weeks ago about my Pisces ex boyfriend (3/4/65) who can't seem to let go and has basically been stalking me (11/22/68) via phone, text, & email for the past 2.5 months. I have told him repeatedly in no uncertain terms that he needs to leave my family and me alone yet he has continued to contact me daily until about a week ago. I finally spoke to him briefly because he wanted to pick up some things left at my house. He asked if it was definitely over between us and I said it was. He said he was sure we were meant to be together and would I give him another chance and I said no. He asked if I would see him when he picked up his things this week and I also said no. It was a calm conversation and seemed that while he was sad he was finally accepting the fact that I meant it was over and that he would leave me alone. The next day I felt better, and actually a bit sad myself for him because it was never my intention to hurt him, but I also finally felt relief like the pressure was lifted.

    That is until my kids came home the next night from their weekend with my ex. It seems that my ex husband (5/26/68) had invited my ex bf and his kids to go bowling, which then expanded to hanging at my ex husband's house and later even included dinner at my ex husband's sister's house (whom he had never met before and is not a fan of mine nor I of her) with his mother and her husband. Keep in mind that while cordial to each other my ex husband and ex bf were NOT friends and only knew one another casually through me. My kids did mention that that their dad had called my ex boyfriend with them on Christmas Eve (his idea, not theirs) and in the conversation had alluded to bowling together sometime soon. Surprised and concerned, I immediately emailed my ex bf and told him to please not answer any further communication attempts from my ex husband and definitely not to see them. I didn't bother saying anything to my ex husband as he loves to push my buttons and knowing it bothered me would only encourage him.

    This has all made me feel really confused, angry, violated and frankly a little scared. While I don't think he's dangerous, I definitely feel my ex bf is unstable - why in the world would anyone drive an hour to hang out with the ex husband of their ex girlfriend when they are not even friends and then hang out all day with him - and his family that he does NOT know - especially after I specifically told him not to? I cannot even comprehend this. My ex husband got engaged on Christmas day to a woman my kids are not crazy about, and my babysitter mentioned that they fought the entire night before the get together, though she did not know about what because she does not speak English well, and then they barely spoke to one another the next morning before she left on a business trip. I thought nothing of that until I learned about this. Wonder what she would think of it all...

    Anyway I am at a loss as to what to do here. Should I be worried? Why would the Pisces deliberately do this and will he ever just leave me alone? And why is my ex husband so caught up in my stuff when he should be planning his wedding? He can't seem to leave me alone either - just a month ago he showed up in the early am at my house with the kids when he caught wind that I might have a "friend" over and he has occasionally done that previously as well. I just want some guidance as to what is really going on here and whether you see it becoming a bigger problem and if so what I should do about it.

    Since I originally posted this two weeks ago, I sent the Pisces a formal email stating that I would pursue action against him if he had any further contact with my kids and that he could pick his stuff up last week when no one was home. I also emailed my ex husband to fully explain my concerns about the kids being around my ex bf. The Pisces never responded, but did pick up his things. My ex husband said he was sorry for my problems with my ex bf but that it was none of his concern - and then went on to tell my kids that all this was bs and that they needed to work this out with my ex bf and would be having sleepovers with my ex bf's kids, etc. WTH? Mind you my kids don't really even want to see them anymore and were never that friendly with his kids to begin with. The Pisces texted me several days ago saying that he will always love me and wishes it could be different, but understands it is over and hopes we can be friends. I haven't heard from him since which is a good sign, but I worry it is because he is now becoming enmeshed in my ex husband's family. Meanwhile he and my ex husband's sister - who never has anything nice to say about me - have now become "Facebook friends." I was hoping this would all die of it's own accord as my ex husband generally has trouble maintaining friendships, but do worry they will all get together again and I will need to get the restraining order. I do not wish to pursue legal action here as it is not my intention to hurt anyone, but feel compelled to if this does not stop.

    Thanks in advance to anyone that can provide some guidance here!!!



  • I am so sorry you are going thru this - get a the restraining order against the exbf make sure your childrens names are in the order - have your cell phone company provided you with copies of all texts and phone calls and print your emails so these can be attached to the order

    the exbf will try to keep tabs on you via your ex-husband (been there done that)

    as for the exhusband he is trying to control your life and like you stated he knows how to push your buttons he is still mad over the divorce you can also tell him you are going to put a restraining order on him for putting the children in a potentially bad situation - check with your legal aide department for guidence. you might have to do a child visitation modification with supervised visits & have you ex go to anger management counseling. this is a starting point to ask the legal aide or if you had an attorney when you filed for your divorce

    You are right to feel afraid trust your instincts good luck & keep us posted