Conflict in this relationship: healthy or harmful?
Hi, all, I'm in a dilemma and requesting insight and some fresh perspective on a relationship that has me confused and uncertain. His bday: 29 June 1965; mine: 17 Oct 1970.
A little background: I met this man—J—a couple of years ago. Although we both felt an instant attraction, and a mutual friend tried to matchmake, I didn't date him for three reasons: (1) he has deep roots in and ties to this area, where I've lived for eight years but have never felt at home and have always intended to leave at some point; (2) he's politically conservative and fairly religious, whereas my political views are deeply liberal, and a childhood steeped in Christian evangelism left me with severe allergies to organized religion; and (3) power struggles with my parents in childhood and then in my former marriage to an angry, abusive man have served to heighten my natural Libra aversion to conflict, as my thoughts and feelings in those primary relationships were regularly belittled and squelched.
But J's attitude is very live-and-let-live, and as we share a social circle, we developed a good friendship over time. He has a lot of qualities I value—among other things, he's rock-solid steady and caring, always ready to lend a helping hand, artistic, musical, can build or fix just about anything, and he's a great dad to his son. Moreover, unlike virtually every other guy I've dated since my divorce 10 years ago, he's actually emotionally available—scary, but I think I've finally come to the realization that, self-protective as it is to date guys who have no inclination to get truly close, it's also not very satisfying in the long run.
We were both dating other people, but our friendship was flirtatious and teasing, and our many (many!) disagreements have always been amicable. When we were both free again he asked me out. I shared my reservations with him, and we agreed to just take it one day at a time and see what happened. I find his physical presence deeply comforting, and there's no doubt that we have chemistry; still, my reservations persist. I know I can't avoid conflict altogether, but do I really want to proceed down a relationship path with someone whose differing opinions challenge me at every turn? On the one hand I can see that the universe is presenting me with a rich opportunity to resolve some of the lingering scars of childhood and marriage (learning healthier ways to navigate conflict than my usual retreat within), and if I can manage that I think we could have potential for a strong partnership—on the other hand, our disagreements, which didn't feel threatening when we were just friends, are much harder for me to handle now that I'm emotionally invested. I have a deep need for peace and harmony in my daily life, and when it comes to fight-or-flight situations, I'm very strongly tempted toward flight.
If anyone has insight or guidance to offer—psychic, astrological, tarot, pure practical wisdom, you name it—I'm listening and grateful : )
blessings & light—
watergirl18 last edited by
I did a 7-card relationship spread for you using the Psychic Tarot deck (sorry, don't have pictures to upoad!)
Card 1 represents past influences...things you have experienced in your past that have influenced your life and that you have brought with you into the current situation. These could be things you have learned or not yet learned that are impacting the present.
Card 2 represents the present or where you are now...who you have become as a result of your past and/or what circumstances you are facing now.
Card 3 represents the near future as the situation evolves...this gives insight into what you can expect next as things develop.
Card 4 represents the obstacles...what you need to overcome or what helps you overcome obstacles that stand in your way.
Card 5 represents outside influences and/or the other person involved...this gives insight into how the outside world or other person sees you, relates to you, and their views on the situation.
Card 6 represents the recommended course of action for the highest good of all concerned...this is your insight and advice on what to do next.
Card 7 represents the potential outcome...what you can expect to occur if you follow the course of action suggested.
Card 1 for you was BASE CHAKRA. So this current relationship is being affected by your early memories and experiences with regard to family, safety, security, and survival. Yes, this is the fight or flight center you mentioned in your post! So you are on the right track with your assessment of what is going on for you right now
Card 2 for you was MEMORIES OF LOVE. This card is related to the 6 of Cups in the traditional Tarot. This card suggests that these experiences from your past are indeed affecting your current relationship. It also suggests that there is an influence of support, dedication and unity with this man, however your memories from the past may be tainting this. Your heart and soul are urging you to release the past and allow yourself to receive love.
Card 3 for you was FOUNDATIONS & ACHIEVEMENTS. This card is related to the 4 of Wands in the traditional Tarot. This confirms that you can expect lovely things from this relationship if you are able to release the past. It reflects a time for celebration and firm foundations for the future. It is a good card for relationships so once again, you are being urged to open yourself up to receive.
Card 4 for you was THE WAITING GAME. This card is related to the 2 of Wands in the traditional Tarot. In this deck it is about choices and decisions. As an obstacle it is urging you to release your fear and not allowing the past/ingrained beliefs to constrain you.
Card 5 for you was CONFLICT & DEFEAT. This card is related to the 5 of Swords in the traditional Tarot. This man - who is appearing as a positive gift to you from Spirit - can see your conflict about the relationship and that you may be allowing your differences to determine defeat before you give the relationship a chance. Remember you must release your past. Just because you have different views and opinions does not mean that there needs to be conflict about it. It can be fun and healthy! Being with someone exactly like you and who shares all of your opinions and beliefs can be boring
Card 6 for you was RECOGNITION & REWARD. This card is related to the 3 of Pents in the traditional Tarot. As your next best step it is once again urging you to open yourself to receive! This relationship is appearing as a gift - do not look a gift horse in the mouth (lol!).
Card 7 for you was PATIENCE. This is the Temperance card in traditional Tarot. Also, interestingly, this deck was not designed to use reversals but it came out reversed so I pay attention to that. Upright this card is about the need for adjustment and balance in dealing with others as well as the integration or blending of the physical and spiritual. It says to open your heart and mind and allow other people's thoughts, opinions, and perspectives in. In the traditional Temperance card it shows the angel BLENDING the waters in two cups. This signifies the blending of the two of you, I believe. Also, since this card is called PATIENCE and it showed up reversed, I think it is also a nudge to stop holding yourself back and just go for it! Remember your obstacle to overcome was "the waiting game." What are you waiting for??? Release your anxieties and worries and allow yourself to experience joy and harmony as it is presented to you
Watergirl, thank you so much for reading for me. I had done a few too many readings for myself about this (I know better, but…!) and I really needed to get out of my own head and stop confusing myself. You definitely tapped into the situation—I can tell because your reading made me bawl You've also validated my own readings somewhat, in that I've repeatedly pulled 6 of cups and 4 of wands as well.
Deep breath. I'll try to act on your advice and that of the cards, and trust the gift of this relationship. I don't think of myself being generally anxious or panicky, but this is cutting so close to the past, it's bringing up a lot of old trauma. Gifts come in the least expected form sometimes... J even looks like my father, and his home roots are the same as my mother's (can you see me running shrieking for the hills?!) LOL. Okay, rolling with it... off to see him in an hour.
Love, blessings, a big hug, and many many thanks—gd
watergirl18 last edited by
You're welcome Let me know how things progress...
Thanks, Watergirl, I will! So far, so good