Confusing cancer man

  • I have a cancer man in my life who plays tug of war with my heart. He lives in another state and when he comes to visit he alternates between deep heart felt emotional conversations where he really seems to care about me to treating me like crap. I asked him why he is so mean to me and his answer was "I really do not know". He claims there is no one that knows him like I do, he looks at me down to my soul and holds me in a very protective manner. I asked him to lower his walls just a little so he can see the great amounts of fun we could have...

    At this point I cannot decipher is he is just playing games or cares but scared.

  • Well, you're not the only one! Cancerians are generally a handful, and you'll find plenty of articles here complaining about them.

    I have been involved with someone for 9 months now, who did just about everything to break me, not just hurt me: from breaking up 4 times, to emotional (sometimes physical!) abuse, continuous insults, public humiliation and several other hurtful things...

    If you think the person is worth it, hang in there, if not, move on, because it WILL be a tough ride. And the problem is that you'll never know!

    The thing with these creatures (I feel they come from another planet, haha) is that they are so afraid, terrified like kids, but cling onto you, so if you walk away, they'll follow you, but when you're with them, it's a constant pull/push. They're afraid of getting hurt, feel very deeply, have many insecurities about themselves and others. My best advice is to monitor what is ticking him off possibly, try to figure him out, 'feel him through' (logic will get you no where, it is simply not in their books) and really understand him. When they have their weird moods, leave the room and go do something else. Give them space and go. They'll come back - always. If problems are persisting and they break up, know that it's spur of the moment and they'll come back.

    Some pointers on what may bother them:

    • They sense your intentions, and have strong intuition which they rely on (sometimes it's not true, but usually there is some truth to it). So you REALLY need to love them.

    • I feel they test you through to see if you'd stick around (because apparently they would - i guess - and they're always terrified of losing the one they love).

    • They usually get into their weird moods at least once a month. Don't take it personally.

    • They will resort to emotional manipulation and tactics and games (though they insist they're not, but to the rest of the world, they are) to feel you through. This will range from: guilting you, treating you like shit, spewing mean words, acting like a mad person on crack, bullying you, practicing self pity, trying to acquire attention, etc. just ignore these, give reassurance and if you can (though it's hard sometimes), laugh it off and treat it in a light manner. Or be extremely supportive and understanding.

    This cancerian guy is the one that made me think that this horoscope business actually works!

    Good luck, you're sooooo going to need it!

  • I have to say we should go and hide during the full moon with our crabs! That seems to be the moodiest time of the month lol.... I have had my Cancer man come back into my life after 32 years.. We also have a long distance relationship and that makes it even harder to deal with. BUT he has been down to see me 4 times in a year and we get along good when he is here, have a great time, the man is the best sex partner I have ever had by far! BUT when he goes back up to home all the sudden he withdraws, acts real real moody and like he doesnt want anything to do with me! It is like this every time, I just cannot understand it. Me being a Leo, very sensitive and love to be affectionate and all the sudden I have to just stay back and realize it is his "shell time". He sure can be loving and so wonderful and turn around the next day and be totally opposite. A roller coaster ride for sure. Sometimes I just dont know what to say. I just try to stand back and let him contact me. I really hope we can make a go of it this many years later. So all your Crab other halfs, hang in there!!! They will NOT forget us for sure.

  • My best advice ever, you just cannot take their actions personal. They have quite a huge inner battle going on with themselves. If you truly want a relationship with a cancer to work, in my experience you just have to be as solid as a rock for them. You can depend on them, but not like they need to be dependent on someone else.

  • Oh no! This is utter bull****. I refuse to date a Cancer man no matter how wonderful they make me feel for a few days then. What's the point of being happy a few days and then being treated like garbage whenever they get into their "weird moods?" I rather have a man that, although not perfect, at least normal like me. I want someone to seriously love me, not in a selfish manner like they do, but seriously and responsibly. How can a cancer man expect to be loved and someone to be "solid as a rock" for them when they can't even be so himself?

  • "How can a cancer man expect to be loved and someone to be "solid as a rock" for them when they can't even be so himself? "

    I think that is why they retreat, because they CAN'T be as a solid as a rock and they don't want you to see it. Then, when they feel better, they are back. I think the key, is if you know they truly love you, then you don't mind the temporary need for retreating. Because you have the security of knowing how they feel. That is the tricky part - knowing how they truly feel about you.

  • If it was me and I was feeling like meant my heart was not in it. Listen to him carefully- he might throw little tidbits out that let you know how he feels and if you dont pick up on it he will retreat. We never go straight after something due to it being a vulnerable position. The reality is he should just tell you what he feels, but it is really hard for us to just come out and say it. We dance around the subject and are watching every move and analyzing your reactions. Truthfully though- if you love someone enough there needs to be at least some sharing early. He should be able to tell you something that can make you understand what is in his mind. I feel like I got off track but hope this helps.

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