A re-lationship once very serious that lasted 6 yrs many yrs ag

  • After 30yrs of not seeing each other We met again, He never married I did ,I never thought of him over the yrs,as I had always felt he was not fair to me and that is why we did not marry along with many other issues, I really loved Him very much at the time but I also felt it was not a good situation so I LEFT THE RELATIONSHIP. NOW HIS BACK AND TELLS ME HE ALWAY,S LOVED ME AND THAT IS WHY HE NEVER MARRIED . THE PROBLEM IS HE IS RICH AND FRUGAL HE DRINKS CAUSE HE IS TROUBLED. BUT SOMEHOW I FIND MY FEELINGS FOR HIM ARE BACK AND I AM FEARFUL .. DON,T KNOW WHY I AM SINGLE AND VERY LONELY AT TIMES.MY MARRIAGE BROKE UP- 7YRS AGO. AND I AM OVER THAT, THANK GOD. ANY ADVISE FROM YOU YOUNGER ONES. OH YES WE DANCED VERY WELL TOGETHER AND STILL DO.

  • If it was me I would say give him another change but do not just jump into was ever is given. Take it one day at a time and see how it goes. He may be the same but he my be worse or better just try and see for a while.

  • I'm in total agreement with you Sweetlady! Life is too short to regret and some things happen at a time in our lives when you'd least expect them i'm in a bit of an odd relationship but i know for sure this guy is my soul mate and when the time is right we'll be together it means upheaval for me to another country and i have had to harness patience which for me as an aries is difficult ! lol!

    Leoinda i say go for it ! dont jump straight in but dont hold back too much or you may miss a second chance.

    Good luck hon! x

  • life is so short, peop;e come back in our lives sometimes for a reason , give it a try , if its not for you , move on . you sound lonley , mabe you need more people in your life , they dont always have to be lovers ... good luck

  • Well, I'm not a "younger one," but I am a 54 year old who went back to a previous husband after being divorced almost three years. I suggest that you do proceed, with caution. That is, with your eyes wide open, along with your arms and heart. Be "wise as a serpent, but gentle as a lamb." You already see some potential problems with his drinking behavior, frugality, and "troubled" spirit. So, that's a good sign that you are looking realistically. Yet, when the heart is involved, we can become blinded quickly. You say that you're lonely; spend time together to meet that need for companionship, but don't rush in foolishly to a long term committment. Let your friendship evolve anew!!! Get to know who you both are NOW. Live for the present, plan for the future, and don't look too much into the past. You can't change that anyway. Blessings to you both!! ~ Lady Mariposa

  • Hi Leonida,

    My thought is to give it a chance but move slow. I would be concerned about the drinking "because he's troubled". Do you really want or need someone in your life that handles trouble that way? You might try taking it slow--test the water, stick a toe in, see how it feels, before you dive head first.

    My husband and I have been in recovery for 23 years. I've been sober for 23 and he's had multiple relapses. He's been sober 11 years this time. People that "drink" when they're troubled usually make poor companions. They also have a tendancy to say what you want to hear but have trouble following the words up with action.

    Lady Mariposa, I'm intrigued by your response because I'm also 54 and I'm in the middle of a divorce after 27 years of marriage and hoping that someday we'll find a way to be together.

    My husband (a gemini) had an affair and confessed and I kicked him out and he moved in with her. I filed for a divorce and then he left her (so he says) and got his own place and told me that he still loves me and begged me to reconsider the divorce. That was 2 weeks ago. When I told him that I was going thru with the divorce, I haven't heard another word from him.

    I still love him (I think... definitely still have powerful feelings) and I'm in so much pain and grief. I know though that it's in my best interest to divorce him and if there is anything left, we'll have to rebuild from a new place.

    At this point, I totally don't trust him. I don't know if it's really over with her, whether he's sober, or whether he truly loves me or if it was an attempt to save himself financially and the fact that he misses the comforts of home.

    I don't know what my next move should be. Just wait and see what he does, grieve it, bury it, move on? Contact him?. I'd appreciate your insight.


  • thank you very much for all your replies I will take it slow and and try to enjoy what is good about us I also feel he was probably my soul mate if there is such a thing, it,s very strange how someone you thought was long gone and over with ....... comes back after this many yrs . and WHOOPS theres that spark and tenderness you had not felt for yrs. I am frightened .. but feel how will I ever know if I don,t try I will keep you posted. Leonida

  • I have been in a marriage for 5 years, together for 6years, he is from another country and I firmly

    believe that is a major issue for us. Now he has come to me and asked for a divorce and I have recently found out that he has another relationship with a hispanic lady. He says he still loves me but there are too many problems in our relationship. This man is the love of my life

    and I am hurt that he would start another relationship without a divorce first. He tells me that

    he does not love me anymore, but he has only known this other women for approx. 2 weeks.

    I am heart broken please give advise

  • Awwe I'm sorry for your troubles~

    your husband is a grown man~ and unfortunately ~ has blinders on & is mesmerised & attracted to this Hispanic woman~ When a man ask for a Divorce ~It is never easy or Fair ~

    not sure if there is anything or anyone who could change your Husbands mind~ this is strickly between you two ~ you both have to come to terms to what is best & whatever decision he makes ~ will be his best ~~ I'm so sorry

    peace & comfort Sweetheart (((((( Hugs )))))))

  • Hi Leonida, How did he come back into your life. Did you contact him. I would not fall hook, line and sinker. If you did the initial contacting, better really think hard about it. If you all happened upon each other, I think he's somewhat delusional.

    Be friends, that's it. I see potential big problems. Don't ask me why. Could you answer the questions tho to help understand.

  • Hi Trosales, The best thing ever that you can do in this situation is forget him. I know it sounds impossible at this point but it's the best thing in the long run. Might want to think about getting away, going somewhere for a vacation. Anger will do nothing, just hurt. I will say that in situations like this I don't hold a lot of respect for the other woman.

    Remember that life is good. Don't think about sadness, think about being joyful. If you carry good thoughts, it does wonders. Don't give stress any room. Pray. God answers prayers. I know.

  • Dalia, He came into my life after finding out from my brother which he ran into, THAT I WAS NO LONGER MARRIED, He then decided to try & reach my sister and called her several times for my number after a week she called me and asked if I would accept a phone call from him. She told me he informed her he was very anxious to speak to me and had always cared about me. So she convinced me to try and I have. Honestly I see the problems but some how find that all the good old feelings where there almost immedietly. That scared me, and now I am not sure what to do. We have argued We have laughed We have cried and he has decided we should nt see each other anymore, and yes I am broken hearted already. what a mess I am in again. I am a lyrical and he is a mad Mozart piano player. & I love every minute of that. feeling a bit sad right now.

  • I am very sorry that you are sad right now. If you want to talk, please let us know.

  • hello Dahlia, I think you are right , even thou I did not come upon this situation by pursuing this outcome, I am still very confused but can see that this man is delusional and i am working at not falling into this crazy world of his. Why would he even try to do this to me again in my life? I was broken hearted and for a long time after my marriage broke -up I was finally starting to write my poetry again do some art and now I,m here almost crying to you someone I don,t even know, don,t take me wrong thats hard for me as I really can see that i,m not myself again. I do truly appreciate your offer to listen & advise. Thank you so much... Leonida

  • Hello Dalia , well it has been almost 3 months & i,m a mess I can,t believe what has happened and I am so down , He pulls me in then pushes me out I have been on my own for 6yrs often felt lonely but never thought just trying a relationship would bring me to this hell hole. He says he has C.B,D,is that Compulsive Behavior Disorder. I don,t know but it is scary to me and on top of that he drinks . So you where right I need to just RUN from this situation.

  • Hi Leonida, I know how you feel. Sometimes we are lonely and think pursuing a relationship will help. Often times, it is the worst thing and can make us feel even more lonely. You still have to be careful. When you mentioned before that he drank (and I assumed it was often for you to mention it), the fact alone sent up flags to me. You have to maintain your spiritual side and I know you are spiritual. He is not capable of true Love as you are. I said a prayer this am and I will include your situation. May Jesus open the blind hearts to Love as He Loves. And may you feel and experience true Love and may he protect you.

  • Thank you Dalia, I woke up this morning feeling a lot stronger and wanting to go back to a place of peace & harmony. I just think right now I need time and space I told him so and asked him to not contact me, and of course I will not contact him. I told him he needs proffesional help and I need a good rest from all this emotional drama. Again thank you for responding to me and your prayers.

  • You know, I'm artistic also. I draw, paint etc. I was thinking this am that all of my relationships have been with musicians and artists. I know that a lot of my thinking and reasoning comes from the right side of my brain. I recently met a man that's not artistic. I couldn't really put my finger on the differences between us but there are many differences. You probably were a good match for this fellow--had things in common. He has issues though and unless he gets help or quits drinking at least, they will continue. He sounds a bit stubborn. Is he a fixed sign like Aquarius, Virgo, Scorpio etc. Maybe his heart is just not big enough. Sometimes all we can do is pray. Pray that God leads your friend to Him. Jesus said that nobody comes to the Father except by Me. But also, the Father is the One who sends us to Jesus--confusing but true. He has to have an open heart and remember to always seek Him. That's really the best advice I can give anyone.

  • Dahlia, I am the Aquarius - 2-5- 43 born at appr. 7:25 p.m. He is a Taurus -5-6-44, don,t know the time. He told me he is interested in becoming a born again christian, but something came to me today and I really don,t know why, he seems to be fighting his demons and I thought about what he said, first of all he lives very simply he is not financially poor as a matter of fact he is a millionaire, but you would never know it He was always romantic but very frugal in the past that used to irritate me as I was a widow with 3 children and often times I was having financial problems. Of course I just recently told him it is easy for him to be romantic because it costs him nothing,You see I am not quite like I was when I was younger.Naturally he did not like this statement. I raised my kids on my own 2 of them are professional musicians and one is a physics engineer they all went university.

  • there.s more I got married again when they where finished School. that marriage broke -up 6yrs ago and now I have this old flame in my life. I can sometimes feel things and I am not sure but I am wondering about his sexuallity Since he never married and he has said things that make me uncomfortable we have not had a relationship that way yet. Could it be that he is fighting this and not telling me. I hope you can read what I am trying to say and hope to hear from you thank you.

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