Will this Cancer man ever love me? Please Help me
My first post. I have been an avid reader of these forums for some times. I have read the stories of Cancer men and the struggles that all of you have been through. It is scary just how similar it all is.
He fell madly in love with me via the internet, sent me handwritten letters, supported me through a crisis, and was my dream man. We shared everything. He told me he has never felt like this for anyone ever, and he WAS sincere. I am not a silly woman. I felt it, he truly believed this.
I was not in a place nor ready to be in such an intense relationship. So we continued to talk via online, and build an even stronger bond. WE TALKED ALL day. We shared everything. He cried, I cried, we were completely open with one and other, we discussed sex in detail, and shared intimate moments nearing the end of those three months via the phone. Finally after nearly 3 months, I decided enough I need to meet this man. I love him.
I begged him not to have SUCH high expectations, that I am just a girl and am not perfect. As soon as we met, he kissed me, I felt butterflies. We were VERY nervous and conversation was not relaxed. We could not keep out hands off one and other. We ended up being intimate fairly quickly, but we both knew that would happen. Spending three months speaking to someone ALL day, sharing everything, he and I did not view our partnership as a 'new one'
The next morning we wake up, he is super super affectionate with me, cuddling with me, and we are laughing in bed and just relaxed... THEN BAM. He starts crying. Bawling. I am trying to comfort him, but at the same time I have no idea what is going on. All I can think is "he is disappointed in me, I am not what he had hoped" I KNOW my Cancer man desperately wants REAL love. He thought I was that for him, he declared all this verbally and through handwritten letters, and now the next morning after meeting, he broke down because something was not right for him between us.
We talked it through and he said he just thought it would be perfect, and I would basically move there and start my life with him, but now that we have met, he is unsure in his feelings and if it is that. I was crushed. He promised me he would not sleep with me or be intimate with me (as I have not had sex in nearly a year and was not in a state to handle that type of behaviour from anyone) I stayed strong and comforted him and assured him again that nothing is perfect. We after a long discussion agreed that we would continue our weekend together, he ASKED me to stay, said he loved spending time with me. I was fully prepared to leave.
FAST FORWARD TO MONDAY MORNING.
I get home. The entire drive home I know in my gut, something is wrong here. He does not love me the way he promised he would, and I always told him to NOT have such high expectations until we meet. We both knew what one and other looked like, shared recent pictures daily ect. And we LOVED one and other personalities, but I guess something just was missing for him face to face. I was devastated, but I am used to not being compatible romantically with people, and have been single for most of my adult life, so I know I am strong enough to handle it.
I send him an email saying something seemed off with him, and it makes me sad that he voiced it was not instant attraction to me. I was open and honest. He called me within a few hours:
"I don't think its going to work out for us, I tried to ignore those thoughts, and hoped maybe my feelings could change, but I don't think they will"
I Hung up without saying a word. He continued to call, text, email, and harass me for a week. Saying he is an asshole, a jerk, PLEASE talk to him, he is so sorry. ECT. This man was my life for three months and now he is gone. He sent me multiple messages for a week before I broke. I sent him an email and told him he IS an asshole, he professed his love to me, and was my partner for three months straight, then I go there he sleeps with me, and then decides he does not feel it will work. I told him he never gave us a chance, but in no way did I ask him for one. My email was very strong yet honest. We started talking and decided we would slow down and just see what happens - HIS DECISION.
The next time I saw him we cooked dinner, he sat me down and said "Do you love me" I sighed, as I don't like being put on the spot that way, especially after what we had JUST been through, but he has these eyes, and I just cannot lie to him. I said "Yes.... I do" He then said" I love you too" I said "well why did you do to me what you did- He replied that he was an idiot.
Since then we have been seeing one and other frequently. We have has our ups and downs, usually every few weeks when his mood shifts, or when I have a jealous burst over his exes (one in particular) whom he is still very close friends with, who has asked him to have sex (I saw the text) recently... but we are truly best friends. We spent Christmas, and New Years together, He has asked me to meet both his mother and his children, he has invited me to spend New Years at his very close group of friends house ect. We have a lot of fun together.
My Cancer man is depressed... and has been for some time, he is divorced and I think his ex left him because of his depression, he voiced she could never understand why he was always so sad when he had her and their two children ect. It is almost as though he accepts it. I can tell by the look on his face which man I will be with that day, the soft caring fun and happy one, or his quiet, distant, in his own mind, seemingly sad man. It breaks my heart.
Anyway, now it is over. He was distant with me for a week, not in spending time together, but when we were together, not touching me, not being intimate with me, not talking ect, not being on GCHAT all throughout his workday, when that is how we communicated all day...ect - I knew something was up. I tried to reach out, and he just did not want to talk about anything. We had not been intimate for nearly two weeks, which is VERY odd for us as we are both VERY sexual people, averaging twice a day when together. Last straw - I spotted on his computer that he laid down right in front of my face, which the GCHAT chat history log pulled up on the side of his itunes. and I noticed his ONE ex whom I do not care for at all, whom he stated he had barely any communication with he was talking to A LOT, more than me. I was upset, very... but I said nothing. I went to sleep, woke up in the morning and went home.
I ended it... and he agreed. Said he was doing this on purpose, and he is sorry but he just does not feel that chemistry, and it won't work. I was upset because I felt as though we were at our CLOSEST a mere week prior to this. Laughing a lot, slow dancing in the New Years, just very close. It was the happiest I'd ever been with him ever. I felt we were really moving into something solid. He had JUST asked me to be his 'official girlfriend' seven days earlier. So I sent a few nasty emails and lost my cool, I told him EXACTLY what I thought of him, I told him I don't trust him based on what I spotted on his computer, I told him he has f'in problems, I told him to go keep f'in with girls minds, and taking advantage of them, and that oh poor him, can't help it he changes his mind every few days, and if he is sad he will blame it on whomever he is with, and it is there fault, ect. Not my best moment, but I honestly meant every single word. I was tired of being the nice girl at that point, which I have been all throughout this.
Then after a few days I calmed down, and sent him a honest 'now that I have had a few days to calm down, you're right, we don't belong together and good luck" type email. He replied saying he hoped we can be friends, and he honestly loves spending time with me and he ended it with 'i hope to see you again soon, and I miss you" This was a week ago.
UPDATE- We have exchanged a few messages since, like TWO- He seems to keep popping up on GCHAT now, and signing off quickly, then popping back on ect and sending me a message, I have been playing it VERY cool...we decided to meet Feb 10th (as friends) for drinks- as I told him I am not ready for any type of friendship at this point, and I don't know if I ever will be, but we decided to meet on that date none the less... and I told him its best we do not speak at all until then. This was yesterday.
My question is: Will this man ever love me the way I need him too. I just want to take care of his heart and be there, but I can't get trampled on in the meantime. I won't. I am pretty strong girl in that I can walk away even if it kills me inside, I have pride. But I really think I love this man. Not in an passion filled, sexual intense type of way, but a nurturing, take care of you, hold each other, best friends and lovers type. I feel very deeply for him, and I know me as well.
The MANY Cancer man posts I have read on here lead me to feel this is doomed...Am I just going to get my heart stomped on here? Is there hope...
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