AstraAngel...may I have a reading?
Thanks for that reading...yes, I still feel deep love for him coupled with pain. I have been focusing on the tangibles in my life though. Real life things...not all of the fantasy stuff that this man always brought out...I am wondering that Ace of Pentacles...
I don't feel the same deep connection anymore, because of his treatment towards me. He is like a complete stranger now...That 6 of cups is how I remember him...how we were and I hold onto it. So I don't forget.
But I truly feel like that fool...lol...he's married, I am married...and I hate that I still love him. I am in counseling and she just tells me to let my feelings flow over me and not judge them...but I truly HATE that I do...
The reason I took the dirty look so personally is because he hasnt physically seen me in 14 years...and THAT'S the reaction...our relationship was 100 percent online...via chat or video chat...so, it hurt...my impulse was to smile wide and say hi....and his was to scowl.
After my reading request to you, I sent him a message via LinkedIn...asking what I ever did to him...reminded him of all the stuff we used to talk about and that he was obviously fake before because he used to be protective...he was with a friend when I saw him and when he rejected me, his friend laughed...nice, huh? Like the movie "mean girls" only with 40 something year old men...I felt no protection from him...only cruelty.
This all sounds like ascension symptoms to me, you are moving from a lower vibrational frequency to a higher. As this happens you encounter some painful emotional energies as you are changing (maturing). The Universe arranges some painful relationship contexts (ending up as memories) that you are powerless to do anything about. This helps you attain that calm center in your soul that you need as you travel higher. I know it hurts, I wish there were 'solutions' that were easy, but fixing past relationships is not where you want to be focused.
Keep in mind that whatever connection you had with him was a connection with a set of Universe Energies that resonated with you on some profound level. Some unique combination of intellect (communication), emotion, actions and his physical appearance. These are all ENERGIES that you were in love with. "He" was simply the representation of those energies. That is what we all are doeyed, unique and beautiful combinations of higher energies.
Now, the good news is that whatever you "had" with him can be found with another who also has similar energies. The energies are universal, no one person or entity possesses these energies. They can easily flow from one manifestation to another (person).
So I would try to separate the energies you loved about him from the man himself.
Make a list of all of the nice aspects about him you enjoyed. Anything that comes to mind. For example:
Sweet to me
Saw eye to eye on social issues
Liked rocky road ice cream like me
black hair which I like
kisses were wonderful
we dreamed together
great in bed
shared the same feelings our past
You get the idea.
Now, write his name down below this list
Mark (or whatever his name is)
Now, cross out his name and start writing other guys names that come to mind...
(refer to a baby name for boys website to get some name ideas)
Now, ALL of those nice aspects you wrote above can and will flow through ANY guy, and there are millions of them out there for you. Any guy. NO one person possesses ownership of these nice energies - they are the GIFT of the Universe for you and they can come in any package.
In a sense, the thing you have for him is really a thing for the "ideal" of love, and it is a very spiritual mysterious relationship. It is much like having a love affair with an angel, or some celestial being who you can't see, and yet you love. This celestial being can then manifest easily as another form, person, man for you. And I promise you that is what you will have, a BETTER guy, a NICER guy, a WONDERFUL relationship that will eclipse whatever you had with "Mark".
This is a part of the ascension process, as we come to understand that we are ALL made from the same pool of energies - physical, emotional, intellectual, and actions (roles). You fall in love with a guy who is wonderful for you, you are really falling in love with an angel, an expression of the Universe for you. And sometimes this angel may be a little strong with you, and do some things that hurt, in order to help you move on (ascend). This then releases you from being so fixated on any one person or thing as the only possible manifestation of that love you have.
You are really in love with a higher being (expression) of the Universe, and this expression then can change their form as needed to bring you the love you long for, connection, intimacy, physical pleasure, sweetness, tenderness from a guy...
Honestly doeeyed, you could walk out the door today and run into some guy who would cause you to forget all about "Mark" in a split instant, because you would recognize those same (and better) qualities in this new guy that you saw in Mark. The new guy would be a new manifestation of the same or similar energies that you connected with in Mark. Then... you arrive at a higher vibrational level with a wonderful relationship that is fantastic.
I know that may be a lot to ponder... maybe that at least gives you something to think about. 14 years is a long time to be hanging on to someone who ended up hurting you. You deserve better , a lot better.
Anyway, those are simply some thoughts I have this morning. Do I know all of this for a fact? No. Just my sense of how things work in relationships.
I would refrain from contacting him any more. He will probably only ramp up the hurtful stuff until you release him. Assuming he is a manifestation of an angelic being, he would want you to let him go so that you could be open to a newer, higher vibrational love with a man. In some strange way, the way he has treated you, the hurtful words, was actually an expression of how deeply he loved you. As if he is saying:
"Doeyedpisces, you know I do love you so very much. I live in a higher realm though my darling and I am taking you to this higher realm. As a being at a lower vibrational level on earth, I am teaching you to release your hold on the physical manifestation of people and open your heart to the infinite possibilities in life. For this reason, I am going to cause you to fall in love with me deeply and then do something that will also hurt you. I am sorry about that, however it is the only way to help break you free of dependence on the material manifestation of life. Let go Doeeyed. Release my physical form and delight in me as a pure energy that you can relate to in these higher ways... then, I will come to you at a later time in a new form (manifestation) that you are REALLY going to love, and we can then really have the amazing relationship that I want for you. Have faith doeeyed, I love you dearly, however I also love you too much to stay at this lower level and miss out on the pleasure and emotional fulfillment that I have planned for you."
Love, your angel
Thanks...no, I won't contact him again. My heart may be slower in letting go, but I won't give him another way of hurting me.
But the heart part - my therapist tells me the fact that I keep saying that I have to let go (and my friends have been telling me to)...is making it hard to let go. I need to not judge my feelings, not put a time limit on grief, just let the feelings come and go...and so far it has been working. So, about the letting go part with respect to my heart. I have to say - It is out of my hands. Whenever it happens, (where I don't think about him anymore) it happens. Not going to try and control any of it.
But I thank you for taking the time to read for me.
Hi, i was wondering if you could give me a reading? I saw this man Mike ( jul 1, 1966) again last night. We were at the same event that i was on the committe for. He pretended not to know me an i didnt say high but we saw each other he was with his not so attractive wife. Can you tell me what his feelings and thought were towards me after seeing me?
Astral may I have a follow up reading about Mike. Today is his birthday. And now he has terminal cancer and going through chemo for 6 months now. I want to make peace with him. And have some resolution. Thx.