Watergirl





  • Hi Flow,

    Hope you are doing better - the past few weeks have been strange to say the least. Everyone I know has been going through extreme highs and lows. Personally, I have had a lot of practice confronting my own shadow.

    After convincing myself that Elmo (tired of calling him the ex!) had patched things up with his gf last weekend, he called me Sunday and wanted to see me. It felt like just the opposite had happened as he was being a lot more open and vulnerable with me. I guess he missed me while I was gone on my trip. I was sick when I got home, however so I told him I didn't want to get him sick - he came over anyway. He remained very open with me this week and reached out to me more than often. It felt like he had emotionally shifted and decided to take a leap in my direction. We were to see each other Wed. night but he couldn't make it and then he woke up sick Thursday. So, haven't seen him since Sunday although we have communicated. I guess I need to just continue taking one day at a time and seeing where this goes.

    Thank you for the story and lyrics to The Rose. The story is very a propos - I love the part about people on their death bed never regret things they had done, only the things they did not do. I also love the lyrics. I remember that song well, but hadn't heard it in a very long time. It brought back memories and also reminded me to allow myself to be open to love instead of closing myself off in order to avoid the thorns.

    Let me know how you are doing and if there is anything I can do to help.

    WG



  • Hi WG,

    Sorry for the delay in responding. I wasn't in a great place and all the activities around me took a great deal out of me. So yeah the last couple of weeks have been intense. Some things speeded up and some had a funny outcome and some oh well....just crazy. And it had me all tensed up and not really in the mood to communicate much.

    Regarding Elmo. I have been very "careful" in what to respond to you. From moment go I didn't (this is a personal thing) like you holding on to the negative thoughts in how he was moving. That's why I asked you how is he when he has stress in his life...how he manages it. From where I am standing he is sorting himself out. And yes he is shopping on both side of the isle. Now it all depends what kind of quality goods he is going to throw in his shopping basket. Meaning...he is a crossroad of his own. He needed to find out for himself what both of you means to him. Not fair yet that is how the cards are dealt. So he is exploring.

    That's why I said to you not to cross your own guidelines that you set up for him. Stick to your guns..lol

    I am on my way out again...hopefully after this week things calm down and I can get back here a bit more often. Will let you know. xx

    Flow



  • Hi Flow,

    Sorry to hear you are out of sorts. Wish I could be there to buy you a cuppa or share a glass of wine. I do think of you as a very dear friend and mentor.

    Yes, Elmo is playing both sides of the fence so to speak. Yet, I have come to a place of calm. Acceptance, I guess, for lack of a better word. Although it is very likely that he will hop to the other side of the fence, there is something going on for me that is very healing regardless of which way it goes. He has been incredibly thoughtful and caring - aware of MY feelings in all of this. That is something that was lacking in the past. He has also shared parts of himself which he always kept guarded in the past. I guess we have both done some growing in the past couple of decades!

    Yes, he has some thinking to do and a decision to make. For now, I am happy with what the situation is bringing to me both spiritually and emotionally. At some point, if he does not make a decision of his own, I will need to make it for him. But I will jump off that bridge when I come to it!

    Sending you so much love - hope the tide has turned and things are going well for you!

    XO,

    WG



  • Dear WG,

    Thank you. I too have grown fond of you. You are a bit like me at times quirky, energetic and funny. I will continue as best as I can to get you through this phase.

    You can’t believe how I would like having that cuppa on a nice sunny terrace at this moment. It has been snowing and freezing the last couple of days. I have been also supper stretched with a great deal of things and my body have thrown a wrenched into everything I was undertaking and I have to take it easy. And the planetary movements we were having weren’t helping either.

    What you said about you reaching at a place of calm is exactly what you needed to get out of this experience at this moment. This is for you the extra piece of growth that you were missing.

    To be honest it still can go either way it all depends how you two continue to interact. Don’t change who you are just to make this pleasant no need because that is not what he is looking for. Be the person I have seen between the lines because that is who you are. Keep stimulating yourself in the areas of your interest and share that with him when you chat up.

    The main thing here is this. Not many people actually get the chance to get miscommunication or misunderstandings out of the way with an ex. A great deal of us hang on unto pride or are blind-sided by what we think is love. Love start with self love and when you got that right you can see what is really before you and share with that other person. No matter how long or short the journey is. I think the way you two travelled on that road last time wasn’t how it should have been and now it is as it should be. The result is yet to be seen what it will be. I always say stay true to yourself. Fakery never has a staying power no need to force anything in this. His conscience is working overtime. 🙂

    Changing the tune….what are you doing for Easter? Do you celebrate it? We are invited for an Easter egg hunt yet I think that I am not going ….it is far out in the country and its cold. They said if the weather keeps up like this we can have speed skating competition on the natural ice (lakes etc). Uhmm and that means it will continue freezing… what it has been doing for the last week and half now. Brrr. So I am pretty sure I am staying in and make the best of it here.

    Much love WG and I will check in soon.

    Flow.



  • Hi Flow - Happy Easter. Hope you are doing better. Sending you pink and green light energy 🙂

    You are right - I am not myself these days, but it's more about my work and travel schedule than Elmo. I have barely seen him and probably won't see him for a couple more weeks. We have had a few brief telephone conversations and some text messages, but my time has been so limited. I had a sales trip to Salt Lake City and Phoenix a few weeks ago, was back for a week with a very hectic schedule, and this week I was in Denver. Had to work all day yesterday to get the end of quarter stuff buttoned up and am off today. Spending Easter with my family. This week is crazy busy again and then Friday we have a bunch of clients flying in for a reception/dinner followed by a concert and all day activities Saturday. Sunday I leave for Chicago. On Tuesday I fly from Chicago back to Denver. Drive to Boulder on Wednesday for sales calls all day and a client luncheon. Drive back to Denver that night. Thursday is sales calls all day in Denver with a client reception/dinner in the evening. Fly back home Friday morning and head straight to the office to work all day. Saturday is my niece's bridal shower. Back for 2 weeks and then I am in Dallas and Houston for a week. Whew! I'm already exhausted. Most of the time I am fine without seeing Elmo because we have tried to keep in contact, but there are days when I really miss him. There are also times when it feels like he is a bit worried - thinking I may be seeing someone. It's kinda cute. I did squeeze in a weekend with him prior to leaving for Denver. He invited me to his house at the lake. Maybe I shouldn't have gone, but due to the time schedules I threw caution to the wind. It was a lovely weekend and a lot of progress was made. Technically, the home here is HER house and the lake house is his. He loves it and it really feels like his sanctuary. Sharing it with me was his way of letting me in to his world a bit further. I did, however, have some inner struggle with it. There were pictures of the ex in the house and I wondered what was REALLY going on with them. I talked about it a little bit with Elmo. She had cancer 6 years ago. He was there to support her, but I think that when a person goes through something like that it is hard for someone else who has not gone through it to truly understand. Even though he tried to be there for her emotionally, it wasn't enough for her. It feels like she hooked up with someone in her support group. Made me think of that basket analogy you spoke of. Anyway, they drifted apart and the relationship kinda fizzled out. I get that he doesn't want to be the jerk that leaves her and she feels guilty and does not want to be the one to hurt him. Although I believe her move to California was a step in that direction. It feels more like a familial, brother-sister type of love. Anyhoo, I am still just riding along the lazy river and seeing where it takes me 🙂

    Hope your weather has warmed up! Take care and talk soon,

    XO,

    WG



  • Hi Flow,

    Thinking of you. Long, exhausting yet exhilarating week. Leave for Chicago tomorrow - so much to do, yet piddling around today because I'm so tired :). Anyway, since I can't pop over and buy you a cup of coffee, thought I would send you this...

    http://youtu.be/CvJHWvIQk1o

    XO,

    WG



  • Hi Flow! Back from my Chicago-Denver-Boulder trip. I have 2 whole weeks at home before I leave again. Hope you had a chance to listen to the song I posted above. It really raises my vibration when I listen to it - I get a warm tingling sensation from head to toe. I haven't touched my oracle cards in a while, but have recently felt the urge to pick them back up again. I even ordered 2 new decks by Lucy Cavendish - Wisdom of the Faery Oracle and Mermaid Oracle. I have another deck of hers which I have always connected with really well and her artwork is always beautiful. Hope you are taking the time to nurture yourself. I would love to try out my new decks on you when they get here 🙂

    Take care,

    WG



  • Hi WG,

    Sorry that I haven't been around. This is the first time in days that I have time to read up and write back a bit. As you know I was already stretched and then on top of it a dear family member of mine which I consider my 2nd father got a stroke. I found him and had him rushed off to the hospital. He is doing much better considering what he had went through. He is 70 yet fitter than me and you together...lol We think the problem is his high blood pressure that caused all the problems he is having. I am glad he is still with us.

    I finally got some zzzz last night and today I have to make appointments for him now that he is home.

    I promise to read up this weekend and answer. Glad you are back home too!!!!

    Take care,

    Flow



  • Hi Flow,

    So sorry to hear about your 2nd father...glad he is ok and back home. I knew something was wrong and was worried about you. I'm sure you are getting him to a good doctor - blood pressure can be treated with medication which will help a lot. Does he have any paralysis or speech impairment from the stroke?

    Make sure you don't forget about taking care of yourself!

    WG



  • Hi WG,

    Me peeking in again. So terrible not able to catch up with people. Even my email friends haven't heard from me as much. I will TRY to get to that too asap.

    My 2nd dad is a miracle on foot...lol He is doing much better no paralysis or speech impairment..well not much of the last. Just need to think a bit longer than he normally does when tired. He is a fighter for sure. He even is running up and down stairs also have energy for 10. I think the meds are part to blame. He gotten a great deal a meds (a cocktail of pressure, cholestorol and blood thinners).

    He needs some other check ups that are scheduled for next month.

    I am basically TIRED....I had a meeting today yet the person cancelled so I got some time to clean my house. Much needed.

    I feel bad neglecting you and everyone that I kept a regular contact with. Yet I have also said that I am putting me first then I get back to others. Yet life always have a habit of keeping me very busy. Ugh...Bora Bora keeps coming to mind....lol

    A while back I used to chat up with some past members on this forum and we joked around about getting to Bora Bora and enjoy a well deserved vacation....that sounds very very good right now. Only need to find that hidden money tree...lol.

    I'll try to catch up...geez sounds like broken record.

    Flow



  • Hi WG,

    Thanks for the u-tube link. I didn’t get to see Glee when it was on TV here I hope they do a rerun so I can finally get into it. The song-Pure Imagination made me feel calm. I have missed just sitting and listen to music yet most of all relaxing. I cancelled appointments today and stayed in. The weather wasn’t that inviting to go outside anyway. A half an hour from now there is X-factor and I heard a male singer of this neighbourhood is going to try to get on the show so I wonder how he will do. He already had a few CD’s out so I don’t fully understand why he is trying for the show. This is him. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jU-ndaPlfII

    How is Elmo? And most importantly how are you? I have seen that you picked up those cards and tried them out. I am tempted to take up your offer. I am going through a process now and it will take up until mid August. I love to make a total career change and I was wondering if you can see if I will find the courage to fully go for a music career and how it would work out. Okay…I took your offer...lol. At this point I am so tired of the corporate world and my spiritual journey has been rough. I will get into that another time because if I start talking about that right now I will get worn out again. I need change and I am totally banking on some positive change only can’t see clearly from what angle it is going to come.

    Are you off to your next trip coming week? Oh next week our new King is going to be installed. His mom is abdicating after 33 years and he and his Argentinean wife is going to be the next King and Queen. The whole ceremony is going to be held here in Amsterdam and I decided to stay in instead of being in town as I always do. TV will give me a better overall view of what is going on. It’s going to be crazy with all the royalties and presidents from around the globe being in town and don’t forget the press, security etc…jeeezz. So yeah…I am staying in. If the weather is nice I might have myself a BBQ. I already made some yellow plum sorbet yesterday yum. Okay enough about food…lol

    You take care and thank you for all the positive thought you sent my way…much appreciated.

    Talk soon,

    Flow



  • Hi Flow,

    Will be happy to look into your singing career for you 🙂 I love my new cards, but one of the decks I am just not connecting with very well so I think I will put them away for now. Interestingly, it is the Mermaid Oracle. I am an air sign, but I am the water bearer! Growing up, you could not get me out of the water for ANYTHING and my name is WATERgirl after all! Oh well, maybe the mermaids are waiting for another time...

    I actually cancelled my trip for next week....so exhausted and some things came to light that made it logical to stay home rather than go. I am a bit relieved.

    Elmo....it depends on what day you ask what answer you will get to that question. On the one hand, things are going very well and he has had moments of really opening up to me. I so enjoy being with him and have felt a heart opening occuring within. On the other hand, I am getting (or have gotten?) to that point I warned him about -- where the way things are just isn't enough for me. After struggling with this on and off for a couple of weeks, I told him last Monday night that I needed to talk to him. With all the things that were swirling around inside of me, I decided to just pare it down to the main issue at hand at the moment...kind of a one step/thing at a time approach. He came over Wednesday after work and seemed very anxious. I told him to relax and laughed at him a little bit for being so out of sorts and he got such a look of relief on his face and although he kept trying to stifle it, a big smile kept creeping over his face. So I told him in a very short, plain sentence what I needed. He absorbed it and then happily said "okay." I was prepared for a discussion! However, this weekend is the first opportunity he had to act on it and he has not. So it feels like I am at the door knocking and he is on the other side, yet not reaching for the knob. Can't tell if he wants to and doesn't have the courage or if he is leaving the barrier there as a test. So I intellectually have come to the conclusion that I need to just release this and move on. Emotionally, I am struggling with the conclusion. I guess I just need to let the emotions flow and run their course so I can move on. I know I am strong, but it is still hard. I will miss him a great deal and I am very sad. I so wish things could have worked out for us.

    Soooo, that being said, I am refraining from doing a reading for you today as I need to clear my energy first. But stay tuned....I will get to it! In the meantime, I send you my loving thoughts for peace and happiness.

    XO,

    WG

    P.S. A new King and Queen - how exciting! Sometimes I wish we had royalty here in the U.S. The ceremonies are so beautiful 🙂



  • Morning WG,

    I understand your conclusion on what has taken place recently with Elmo. And I commend your strength in doing so. I know exactly how it feels. Yet this was needed for your own growth and honestly this is what this whole adventure was about. I know he isn't finished yet at this given time yet this is about you.

    As I said before how things panned out last time wasn't how you two should have left it and now you both got the chance to heal despite of the situation. He is still afraid and you can't take this away from him. When and if he surrenders then he can truly be free.

    You showed him the way now it's up to him entirely.

    If it's any consolation I was him in my previous relationship. And I did a great deal of soul searching into why I was so scared and honestly it all boils down in not wanting to be hurt that deep down anymore. I let go even though the Universe through readings was keep telling me that he was the one for me. Now I am in a strange place I think it also has to do with all that has been going on with me and I miss the interaction with him.

    WG you have done what was necessary for you and I commend you in this. As I said you are a smart gal and you are doing just fine. It's rough but your inner peace is important and your personality has grown stronger.

    So I understand you refraining from doing a reading. No problem. I have another pressing issue (again) to attend to so it's okay. And I am happy for you that you were able to cancel your trip. Rest is so under rated...speaking out of experience 🙂 Yesterday just to clear my head I went to the movies and watched Iron Man 3. It was funny so yeah that helped a great deal. Today the weather is just a gloomy as it can be. Wet and cold.

    Got errands to run for my 2nd dad.

    WG be proud that you followed your heart and let your head guide you. This is the key for all of us really. You found courage and that's a great gift. Keep your head up high.

    Sending you a big hug.

    Flow



  • Hi Flow,

    Thank you. I do appreciate having you here for me through all of this. I did tell him that it was up to him at this point - that I had already communicated what was the absolute bare minimum of what I could accept - and that he needed to decide if he was ready/willing/able to step up to the plate. Have not heard from him and not sure I will at this point. I do feel that he is struggling very much with this and drowning his sorrows in alcohol at the moment. Unfortunately, that knowledge does not make me feel any better. I have been in and out of acceptance all week. It's just sad, really. For both of us. Trying to maintain a belief that something better is out there for me, but this is difficult after so many years of nothing.

    Hope you are doing better! I promise to break out my new cards for you once I am feeling better.

    XO,

    WG



  • Hi WG,

    How are you these couple of days? I know how important it is to get settled with your own feelings and everything that has to do with it. To me from the get go you were dealing with it in a good way for yourself. And that is what matters how you feel about it all. Not what my or anyone's opinion is...because just as how you feel about not reading to not to give a tainted view is the same with someone else opinion no matter how good the intentions are.

    If you are certain that something better is out there for you then you are in my opinion more prepared to enter that without regrets. And that is what is life about being able to live with little regrets if possible none.

    Being alone I consider a great gift that is deeply underrated. A person gets to know oneself and can define a bit better what they want in life. And for you to have had this opportunity after so many years is just because it was time for all that went down between the two of you. Both of you have gotten out of it exactly what was necessary. However it develops or if it comes to a full stand still is just what is “scripted” right now.

    Do me a favour keep your head up high….nothing to be ashamed or for you to apology to in any near future.

    Big hug,

    Flow



  • WG,

    Do you remember that I have been saying for the last couple of months that I feel unsettled and in a strange place? All the dreams etc well I found out why this was all happening.

    I have clearly received bad news about a person I care deeply for.

    When I got this board I was mesmerized with a Libra and I have over the years grown close to him. Yet I was always hesitant in fully giving my all to him. Lots of additional reason yet the bottom-line was we both stayed at a "safe" distance when it came to deeper feelings.

    I had a habit of calling or texting him and we communicated like that when we weren't together yet it could also be a period that I don't hear from him and that is due to his way he stands in his life.

    Last January I had the courage to tell him where I finally stand through lyrics of a song. And then oddly I stopped texting after that. No arguments no nothing just a full stop. February, I texted once again. My life became hectic on its own and I was restless.

    Then one night in my dream I heard a voice telling me that I had cancer and I cheeky enough said well if it's so start healing me then. (Yeah I am something like that with my mouth) anyways I was stretched and lots going on so when awake I didn't give it so much attention because I was swamped with all those "dreams".

    Then a few weeks later I dreamt with this man and ambulance...yet stupid me didn't caught on that it was a message from him. He is a healer and is further developed spiritually than I am.

    So last Friday I was on my way to the hospital with my 2nd dad for a check up and when riding in public transportation I saw a cousin of mine parking his car. I called him to say hi and tease him a bit. Then he with a undertone in his voice start mentioning this man. I have to explain that I don't discuss my relationship with this particular cousin since he is best friend with this man and he has feelings for me that I am not happy with.

    Then he broke the news to me that his friend was diagnosed with cancer. I was in total shock and glued at that chair. So I asked a few question and he explained the situation. At first I didn't believe it yet when sharing the news he said a couple of things that I made out that he was telling the truth.

    I am gutted. When I got back home I start calling the hospital and called his business and they confirmed that he was hospitalize yet the annoying thing is for me, my cousin and his colleagues, is that he isn't answering his phone so no one really knows where exactly he is at. I have an idea yet I need to get it confirmed first. So I have been bugging my cousin to go through some channels to find out if he is where I think he is at.

    What we gathered is that he gone in for an operation for his stomach somehow needed a second one and while he was there they discovered the disease. This is all hear say so I am remaining positive until I get to see or speak to him. Being through this motion with a friend of mine that I lost a few years back I can only imagine how he is feeling.

    It sucks big time. We were discussing his big birthday party bash later this year. He letting his band play and me singing that is if I don’t chicken out. I hope he doesn’t “hide” too long and things turn out in a positive way for us all.

    I feel so dumb missing out on his signs. I just totally missed it. He is so gifted in what he does as a healer and a friend. He actually can read aura’s very well. Saw him in action once…I am no where so good.

    I went to church today and lit an extra candle for him. Hoping to see him soon.

    Flow



  • Thank you Flow - big hugs to you. There is too much judgment coming my way about this situation and it's nice to hear your voice of reason. I am doing fine. Getting through the ups and downs as best I know how. Work is very demanding which is good some days as it keeps me busy, but not so good on other days because I am just tired of my whole life being about work! No matter what happens, I am grateful to him for what he did give to me this time around. It was different in many ways from the past and I have some very special memories to take with me. He is a very special person and I will always have love for him, regardless of any pain my relationship with him may have caused me in the past (or even right now for that matter). He seems like a bird with a broken wing right now, but it is not my "duty" to fix it. I think I have done my part 🙂

    Thanks again for being here for me.



  • You’re welcome. Yet why are you been judge? As you said it is a good thing that work keeps you busy. A bird with a broken wing…hmmm so true. He has to take care of himself first. And you keep taking good care of yourself.



  • Oh, just people giving me their advice/opinion, but based on their own experiences and filtered thru their own ego. Intentions are good, but boundaries are definitely an issue! Funnily enough, just ran across this picture...hope it posts!


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