Watergirl



  • Flow - I am in "processing" mode right now after our get together. Not in a bad way, just letting things gel a bit with regard to the situation, what I really want, what I am able to accept and not accept and where he is and what he wants. Lots to sort through! Just wanted to let you know this would probably take me a few days and to ask you to please not disappear as I will want your thoughts on it!



  • No problem.



  • Hi Flow,

    Well I have been through a few different "phases" this past week and today I am filled with a little anxiety and I'm not sure why. Spending a little time with him has been very nice, but it has also made it clear that I would need to spend more time with him in order to really figure out what I am feeling or not feeling for him. Unfortunately, I have no control over this. It is really up to him and I am still in the dark as to what is happening with him and the now distant girlfriend. We have talked about it, but I don't think he is telling me everything. Matter of fact, he acts like everything is just hunky-dory between them. But if that is true, then why is he trying to re-connect with me? I did see him before he left on his trip and he did send me a short message while he was there - with a beautiful photo of where he was (rocky coast overlooking the Pacific). However, I think my anxiety today is from feeling that although he is returning home today, I will not hear from him now. I have had a feeling that this whole thing was about finally getting closure, but if he just disappears like this again I will be nowhere near closure! Like I said, I will need to be able to spend some time with him in order to do so.

    Hope your weekend is going much better than mine!

    WG



  • I had received an email with jokes about why teachers get drunk....can't post the others yet this one was ok. I hope it's not to big



  • Again. 🙂



  • WG,

    I am glad that you went through this all calmly. We people pretend things are great just keep our tiny hearts safe. If we are successful at it is a different story yet we all do it at some stage. Him doing like everything is hunky-dory is something he is doing from moment go. How is he in managing crisis do you know? Just curiosity on my side.

    As to your question why did he re-connect …I think whatever went down with the gf and she leaving has sparked this whole endeavour on a professional and personal level. Yet WG what was it that you felt (besides it being nice) when you spent time with him from his end. Was it excitement of the moment or a reminiscing feeling of the past or curiosity of what could be (like figuring out…patch thing up with the gf or start fresh possibly with you). There must have been something oozing from his pores. lol. Believe me the answer has been in front of you only you have to see it.

    And I agree with you (if you can handle it) that spending more time for YOU would clarify a great deal. YET it isn’t your problem whatever is going on with the gf. Stand your ground regarding the not flirting and not starting anything he can’t finish. So if for now everybody (you and him) can handle a friendship I would say go for it. Just keep your head on…if you slip up physically that will be your own downfall (business and personal). All you have gained the last couple of years, confidence, peace of mind etc you shouldn’t throw up for grabs just because he shows you some attention. He needs to learn that this is a new you too and it’s here to stay no matter what the outcome will be.

    You will hear from him and the amount of time in between shouldn’t matter because according to him he isn’t a free man. So you go ahead with your life and take this a day at the time don’t get ahead of yourself. 🙂

    Flow



  • Ugh forgot to post....still tired and brains are like fried...lol

    My weekend was all sorts. Busy with the family etc. I got to see the Grammy’s last night and still yawning from staying up. Yep, once more an all night-er. I was glad to see RiRi performed my favourite song of her recent album. Stay! Have you heard it?



  • Hi Flow,

    Oh my goodness, I totally missed the Grammys! I don't know the song "Stay" but will search it on youtube. I have been trying to get the "Shine Bright Like a Diamond" line out of my head for 3 days now -- that song bugs me to no end! 🙂

    Hmmm, him in a crisis....it depends on whether it is personal or professional. Professionally, he is calm, logical and the one who can see through all the BS to the heart of the matter (much like me). Personally, he tends to break down a bit as he is not comfortable with his emotional side. Shortly after I first met him (we worked at the same place) he was going through a divorce. Even though he had behaved like a total you-know-what and deserved her kicking his butt to the curb, he still broke down a bit and acted like the wounded party - wounded child even. A few years later his eldest son was diagnosed with a brain tumor and they were first told it was inoperable. Again, total breakdown and wounded child, but how could one expect anything different in such a horrible situation?

    Honestly, it felt like he was feeling all three - reminiscence of the past may have been what spurred him to contact me, then once we met there of course was the excitement of the moment, yet I do feel there was an overwhelming feeling of "what if" or "is she open to a 'something new' with me?" However, he only lets himself get so far before the boundary of the girlfriend goes up. And I am also unclear as to whether he would or did want something fresh to start with me whilst still remaining in his current relationship or in lieu of it. That is the $64,000 question.

    I was leaning toward friendship, but now wonder if that's even possible between us due to the chemistry. Maybe if we spent more time together it would fizzle out, but who knows?

    So for the time being I guess I just need to focus on taking things as they come - living my life in the meantime as you say. I would like that $64,000 question answered, though!

    Stay Well,

    WG



  • I do know that song - love it! Lyrics are a bit a propos for me right now as well 🙂



  • Hi WG,

    Ok that confirms to me where he is at. Curiosity arose by him regarding you and surprisingly the chemistry was/is still there. As I said before he genuinely is confused…not of what he feels but what is right for him. He has learned a couple of lesson along the way and change is always scary besides he isn’t too good at being alone. If I may talk about difference between you and the “gf”…. you see “through” him and he knows it. That is scary for anyone (ahem...lol) yet it also comforting not to need to have a mask up. We as people don’t run into that mirror often and it is the level of maturity that enables us to either look into it and accept or run. So when you can’t hide and if strong enough you try to embrace what is before you. He can’t continuously pretend with you and when trying you will/have notice(d). When relationships dissolve it is ALWAYS a two way thing always. It’s like a basket of goodies. You add different items then you either take out or nibbled on or leave stuff in yet the balance is always disturbed at some point then the question is… was anyone paying attention in what was going on in the basket? So yeah the $64.000 question. Look, I think both of you are going to feel out this thing and by you being clear of your terms (towards him which he is going to respect) and conditions (towards yourself) it shouldn’t be bad thing. The outcome depends on how much honesty he can handle. You should know when you have been hurt in the past…your fault or not it is terrifying to start over. Sometimes you choose a middle road that doesn’t force you to be that vulnerable. In a “perfect” world it would be great to be swept away from your feet into the magical feeling yet we all know that isn’t how it works. That mirror will always be there.

    The plus you two have is chemistry. It is exciting to feel “alive” like that. 🙂

    Let your instinct continue to guide you and stop putting “mental blockages/fear” in your way…not needed. You are stronger than you think…relax. 😉

    Uhmm about it fizzling out….if.. it is as strong as you say it is…then that is going to be a tall order. smiles with experience

    
    Ah…I am glad you like the new single of RiRi. I have another one for you and that is a song by Labyrinth and Emeli Sande – Beneath your beautiful. These two songs are my anthems….love them.
    
    Do they show a re-run of the Grammy show? If so I hope you get to see it. It was interesting to say the least. The fashion was a theme on its own…as usual. I am looking into some courses for basic music knowledge. I can’t read notes etc so I hope to find something affordable to sink my teeth into. I am a bit bored to be honest…craving for new knowledge. And I am seeing ripples of changes around me with people I didn’t expect to actually make a change so that’s encouraging.
    
    Positive changes that’s what we are aiming for right?
    
    ;-) Flow


    • nibble on


  • Ripples of positive change...especially with people we don't expect to make a change...that is beautiful. You really do have a special gift of seeing the bigger picture and what is important.

    I downloaded the Labyrinth and Emeli Sande song you suggested - Beneath Your Beautiful. Are you picking these songs just for me??? It certainly feels that way! It is a beautiful song and once again the lyrics really hit home.

    We were able to spend some time together this week and it was very nice. We can talk with ease or sit in silence comfortably and we do have a way of making each other laugh. It has been a lot of fun and yet we also have had some very open, honest and vulnerable moments. His girlfriend has been gone for a couple months now and returned for this weekend. It will be interesting how he reacts/processes seeing her again after having spent some time with me. I do wonder about her and what she wants or does not want with their relationship. It feels like neither one wants to hurt the other, but they have gotten so far off the path and have settled into a comfortable brother-sister type of relationship. An empty basket. Then again, that could just be wishful thinking on my part!

    Thank you for once again reminding me to not let my mental blocks and fear run the show. Due to how hurt I have been in the past where he is concerned, I have been a bit hyper-sensitive to things and allow the past to take over the present at times. I have been much better at just taking one day at a time and not getting too wrapped up in the "what ifs" or wondering if he is up to his old tricks. I do have to give him credit - thus far, he has been unbelievably considerate toward me. An example of a positive change not expected!

    Let me know how you do with learning to read music. I also cannot, but a long long time ago wanted to learn. It doesn't feel that important to me now, but I have a feeling the urge will resurface in my future 🙂



  • No, I haven’t picked the songs especially for you 😛 … I am addicted to them due to their simplicity in text and wanted to share also because I have been where you are now. Let’s call them the offline backup. lol

    Thank you for the compliment. I am realizing so much lately … a great deal that I was ignoring somehow and it all found a way of manifesting. So yes my ability to recognize the bigger picture I am trying to get more comfortable with it.

    Soooooooooooooo that didn’t take long…LOL. I am happy you are getting the opportunity to sniff out what all of this is really about. Wishful thinking …I hear you, you, you, you (that was a very hollow echo)…lol. I had some myself yet life has a way of keeping you grounded. 🙂 I am with you regarding the curiosity towards his and her reaction in general. I am assuming that she has to go back?! No need to poke into that …as I said that is his problem.

    You’re welcome! I just echo what has been shared and what you yourself have been signaled upon. As I said fear is good…keeps you sharp…too much of it is destructive. The “what ifs” hmmm I once had a situation where I too misjudged a person and the situation they were into because they were a bit hard to read. Then one day we were having a conversation and they brought up the item. And what I heard….the real reason…was nowhere near to what I thought/imagined with my “what if”. So I stepped down from doing that and chose in my case to take what is shared as the truth. What I did do is take responsibility of my own actions and if I run into people who intentionally lie to get ahead with me…they will never get too far because I trust myself and my abilities.

    I am glad that he is respectful towards the ground rules. I told you he would. big grin I hope you kept busy this weekend and didn’t leave your brains wander a bit too much into his direction…hard thing not to do …I know!!

    Music is a healing aid. It has been so for me numerous times especially during the classes I had in the past. I have a younger cousin where we discuss her back stage adventures during performances like last Friday in The Voice Kids. I know you don’t have it where you are...we just had our second season finale last Friday. Anyways this cousin is going now for that course. It’s full right now and I have to find out if it’s only once a year or if they have more during the year. I am really proud of her; she is like a daughter to me. I do believe whenever you decide to pick up music in whatever form that you will be stimulated in a good way to get the best out of yourself. The conductor that we worked with last year once more send out invites for last moment performances yet this time I have other appointments that I can’t reschedule. Besides what he does is very much in the classical corner and I don’t mind doing that once in a while yet what he is inviting us/me for isn’t too appealing. A paying gig would be great too and that is harder to come by. 🙂



  • Hi Flow,

    Yes, she has to return to her "new home" in California. And yes again, I did allow my thoughts to go to him far too often this weekend! It is my birthday Monday so this was my weekend to do things for myself. Yesterday was filled with getting a new haircut and then a manicure/pedicure. I then took myself out to dinner and had a great glass of wine with some fabulous food (of which I ate too much!). However, without someone sitting across from me to talk to my thoughts had nowhere else to go 🙂 My fears have gotten the better of me, I'm afraid. I did try to clear my energy this morning by taking a nice little nap in a lounge chair in the backyard. It was 70 degrees today and quite lovely - even got some color on my face. I then used a gift certificate my sister gave me for Christmas and got a massage this afternoon. All in all, it was quite a nice weekend - just one of slightly too much solitude. Hence, the fears that entered. My thoughts run away with me at times - I am an air sign after all 🙂

    Tomorrow is not only my birthday but a national holiday, however my employer does not recognize it so I will be working. This is fortunate, because I feel being at home alone another day and on my birthday would be too much for this gal. Losing myself in work is exactly what the Dr. ordered!

    "Talk" soon 🙂

    WG



  • Ooohhh Birthday gal...yay

    scrapes throat and gets into a Steve Wonder mood 😄

    ~Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthdayy~

    ~Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthdayy~

    Best wishes from me to you.

    I got you a cake and a bouquet..lol



  • Hi,

    How are you? I hope you didn't work too hard on your b-day and that in the evening you celebrated it.

    I am just popping because I was browsing around on the web and ran into an u tube film of Vin Diesel singing Stay by RiRi. You need to see this....such a romantic.

    Flow.



  • Hiya Flow,

    Thanks for the bouquet and cake 🙂 I had a pleasant birthday on Monday. My boss closed the office at 3pm and took us all to a movie - Silver Linings Playbook - great movie! It was a happy ending and the entire movie gave me hope for a happy ending of my own. I was tired afterward so went home and got to bed early.

    Mr. Man called me Sunday night when he got home from his weekend away and came over to give me a little birthday gift. I was surprised to hear from him so soon. He asked to see me Tuesday, but schedules kept that from happening. I did see him Wednesday AND Thursday before he left again for the weekend (to go see his parents who also live in California so I am assuming his girlfriend is there as well). We are seeing a lot of each other, though aren't we? Sometimes I feel like I am falling for him again and have to catch myself. I did tell him Thursday that although I was happy with the way things are now, at some point I probably would become unhappy with it and would have to say good-bye again. Not sure how he felt about that! I also said earlier in the week that a few of the things he has told me along with his coming around only after she moved to California tell me that he just has a hard time being alone. He said "that's PART of it..." Thursday he told me that I turn him to Jell-O. Hmmmmmmm.....

    He gets back tomorrow and then I leave for a business trip Tuesday morning so not sure I will see him before I leave. I don't return until late Saturday afternoon. It will be good for both of us to have some time to think about what we are feeling for each other, if anything.

    I was extremely busy at work this week with some very difficult situations. I handled them as I know how and have received A LOT of recognition for it. Several contracts came back for me this week as well and I have already exceeded my revenue goal for the 1st quarter. The tide really has turned for me at work and I am extremely grateful for it. Last year was so difficult! I normally have weekends off, but had to work a full day today and will do the same tomorrow. I'm tired!

    Thanks again for the birthday wishes. Hope you are doing well - sending lots of love your way.

    I am off to search youtube for Vin Diesel singing Stay....

    XO,

    WG



  • nice to see that it was your birthday watergirl.. happy birthday to you..

    poetic555 from the thankful thread. has made a facebook group. most from tarot are on there.

    not sure if anyone here would like to join.its called the Golden Pathways.

    Floscow bloom is on there too from enchanted pound and laurie. watergirl your free to join in.

    Does anyone know if Blmoon has facebook and would love to join. Hope you guys dont mind me asking this. Would be good to get all we know on the group sorry if i am interupting anything 🙂

    Flow it would be great to get to know you there too. 🙂 My former name was AngelBee. but coulnt remember the account email or pw 🙂 i had it on. Lovely to see everyone.

    Blessing n love Bee xx



  • Hi Flow, hope you are doing well. Since my last post...did see him Monday before I left and received a text from him Wednesday, but I am feeling a very strange energy this week. Not sure if its universal or just this situation. Feels like he may be patching things up with the gf which leaves the two of us in a strange place. Really wish I knew what he was feeling or even thinking but its really not my place to ask. Just not sure what I should be doing or not doing at the moment - cut him loose or continue to let it play out on its own.



  • Hi WG,

    It is universal. I will get back to you on this. I am in a strange spot myself. Keep going about your business your view on your path will clear up soon.

    Flow.


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