Religion, confused :(
well, i've been a christian most of my life but i've always kinda thought that there was maybe more to things. always been interested in esoteric stuff i guess.
i've reached a point in my life now where i don't know whether i believe it or not. i'm confused, i feel guilty, angry, upset. it's hard to let go of something you've lived with for so long.
don't really know where i'm going with this!
long story short - i've got 2 kids from my first marriage, my husband died just over 2 years ago. he was a christian and so have i been up until now. my current partner is not a christian, which may have something to do with it. but i've felt increasingly isolated from my church for a long time now, over 18 months. do the math, they didn't bother much after my husband died. so i'm bringing up 2 young kids, i feel i owe it to them to take them to church coz of their dad, but i hate it every time i go. the people are rubbish there and it's getting all a bit fire and brimstone. i'm not the only one who feels this about the church either, so i don't think it's just a personal thing.
as a side point, my horoscope for this year indicates a massive shift in my belief system, which is obviously true from what i've just said! but i'm kinda scared, don't know what to do.
any insight would be good, thanks
It's easier to let go if you realise that the old religion is not helping you. You are growing away from needing the crutch of an organization and moving into forming your own personal idea of what you believe, instead of being told what to think. It means you are 'growing up' and thinking for yourself. You need to reach a philosphy that works for you, not for anyone else.