Captian could you help? Freaking out

  • I was actually recomended to Blmoon but it doesnt seem like shes on here to much. I am new to this site but I have seen that you have been very helpful to many other women on here. I would really appreciate it as my anxiety and stress over this relationship is getting to me. I really wanted to start this new year fresh but not without some kind of answer as to why I had to go threw what I did and why he did what he did. I feel like I am going crazy. Could you help and tell me if you see anything standing out? Ive been hoping for a better year but my faith is dying down. I can just still feel everything from him.

    I dated a scorpo man (11/6/1988) for about a year before he all the sudden ended things. He hurt me very badly because he used me for money towards the end of our relationship and than just left. I had believed in so much with him and I know he cared about me at one point but something just happened one day. He turned cold and mean towards me. Because I cared so much I helped him financially in hope that was what was going on with him. When I would ask if I did something he would say no but that he was going threw things. He than just stoped talking to me. Its going on 7 months since I have last been with him and I am going crazy. He's always told me how much I meant to him and i'll admit I started to see his insecurities and trust issues come out the more we got close but I am so confused as why he used those and turned agansit me. Theres nothing I did to deserve it. When I say it was like a switch in a day from him it's because it was. One day he was in love with me and I could feel it. I know what I was getting from him and his vibe but than the next day it was like he cut that love off. He stopped it from growing and turned into another person I didn't know. He's never used me before the money thing so I only helped him out of a caring heart.

    My birthday is 1/21/1990. My problem is I cant get over him. I've tried everything and I dont know why my heart wont let go. Usually by now im over people but with him I just cant. He is always with me. Everything I do I feel like I emotionally envolve him. Ive been used and hurt and lied to by many people in my past but no one has affected me like this. No one. I either wish he would come back for me or that he would leave my entire soul for good. I feel stuck in between every day. Am I crazy to feeel like this? Most of the time I have hope and its driving me crazy. I dont open up very much and my friend thought you could help on maybe what happened between us. I felt his love for me I just dont understand what happened or why. I dont know what else to do so I hope you can give me something. My emotions mix everything up and I can't see the bigger picture.

  • MysticAir, you and your ex both have a tendency to get carried away by your over-optimistic expectations of people. So when they disappoint you, you both are really shaken up. Emotional flare-ups between you can sabotage all your efforts and leave your relationship in a smoking ruin. A love relationship here can be very volatile. You two might love each other deeply, but can still have trouble maintaining consistency and stability in your daily life together. That's why this particular combination of personalities is usually better and easier for friendship than love. You MA tend to like to dominate your partner, even if in a subtle way, and your Scorpion ex has a way of triggering your anger and setting off explosions of feeling, which often lead to unhappiness and bitterness. You may often kiss and make up but, while your ex might be able to forgive what has happened, he will never ever forget an unkindness, betrayal, or disappointment and will be much more on his guard with you in future. Marriage also would have its ups and downs. It is more likely to fail than to succeed. You both have to learn to be more realistic in your choice of life partner.

    So what you MysticAir are having trouble getting over is not so much your Scorpian ex, but the dream partner you hoped he would be. You fell for a fantasy or a vision of what he COULD be, and it's very hard to give up a romantic fantasy. What really hurt you was that he turned out to be so very different to what you dreamed your ideal partner would be. All you want is to be in love, and to have your love returned by someone who feels the same way. You definitely are the marrying kind. What your ex wants is to be right all the time and to have his life in complete order. He hates to be wrong so when you turned out to be different to what he hoped you'd be, he got angry and moved away from you, like it was your fault you weren't his ideal partner. You did the same thing to him.

    You need to get over the 'teenage marriage' fantasy thing, and enjoy your freedom without being bitter or thinking you're a totally unloved and unlovable loser. Marrying for image is dangerous; you could trap yourself, but good. Control freaks like your ex are drawn to you because you are an independent free bird, but please - don't fly smack into the lion's mouth. And don't throw romance out the window and be all cynical, either. You do however have to look for a grownup partner, instead of 'children' with egos the size of a small country. You might find those sort of people glamorous or exciting but in the end, they are just immature and unreliable.

    Your ex was prone to a tendency to run away when he gets too close to someone, due to his stubborn and childish refusal to be in a committed relationship. He is so afraid of getting stuck with one person or kids who keep him from living his life or missing out on things, to the point where he denies himself a whole life. Basically he was attracted to your free spirit but when things started getting too intimate, he got all scared and backed off - like he has done before and will always do until he grows up emotionally. If you don't open your eyes and stop dreaming, you will keep on being more in love with someone than they are with you, to the point where you get mixed up with all the wrong people and call it romance. You WILL fall in love again - but next time keep your feet on the ground and your eyes open.

  • Captain thank you. I dont think anyone has explained it to me in that way and I have been thinking about what you said all day. I see what your saying and how it relates to my situation. For over a year I have had a fantasy of the man I needed him to be and never let go because I thought one day he would become it. A lot of times I still think he will but I see that its more in my head than in reality. He is very controlling and will even admit it himself but I am def someone that is not easily tamed. I always felt that from him too. He always wanted me to play by his rules and his games and I struggled with it a lot. Because no matter what I did he didnt trust me and if I didnt do it his way he was upset. Not that I ever did anything to hurt him or have dis trust but I never understood why he wanted to change the girl he fell so much in love with.

    I appreciate your post back to me. I really do. It has helped me open my eyes up even wider. I just wish I can find a man that will love me the way I love him. Not someone who likes to control and runs when all gets too intimate.

  • You will. You have learned from this experience what you DON'T want in a partner so next time it will be easier to find what you DO want.

  • By the way, 2012 for you is all about - YOU. It's a good time to work out what you want from life and where you are going. It's the time to initiate the changes and projects you want to achieve. It's OK to be selfish this year because it's your time for sorting out yourself and your priorities. Lots of new people and situations will come to you this year. Get out there and create the life you want!

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