AstraAngel..desperately need your help



  • bump



  • Hi sadAriesPrincess

    Let's look and see what we can glean for you.

    I laid out three cards to show you (Q Cups), him (K Cups) and his gf (Page Cups)

    Then began to look at the connections.

    Between him and you = Four of Cups so that is you feeling lost and let down by this relationship. You are really desiring something better. You deserve it.

    Then in terms of your steps coming up:

    Six of Swords, Eight of Wands and Eight Cups, so yeah, looks like you are moving away from him.

    Looking at the connection between him and the gf, the FOOL came up twice as I was running through the cards, so something is developing between those two that is a mystery (not fully revealed, kept secret for a reason) at this time.

    Can you step away from your involvement with him? On the face of it I would say you would benefit from some time away from him and establish your own life by yourself. Do you have a friend you can move in with?

    I also drew the Knight of Cups and Ace of Pentacles which seems to indicate a new Knight coming into your life who is totally focused on you. It will be solid. On asking "when" it I drew the Knight of Pentacles, so he is not going to show real quick. You are probably looking at some time by yourself, and healing, and seeking Spirit. The STAR shows hope for you.

    I am praying for you to do the right and wise thing, FOLLOW YOUR INTUITION and protect yourself, take care of YOU at this time. And then I drew the THREE of Swords which does seem to show the end of this matter with the present guy. You are moving out and away from him (Five Cups).

    I hope that gives you something to consider.

    love and light

    astra



  • oh no..i really do not have anyone else to move in with :(( if i continue thinking so negatively and being depressed no doubt things will end up the way you portrayed. but i really really want to try one last time to work things and turn them around before i walk out for good, if so, how do i go about that? is this thing between him and this girl temporary or very strong? danibo's reading indicated that he was not really in love with her and that if i hung around and be optimistic things would look up. what do you think?is there any thing i can do to make the situation in my favor? i invested 2 years of love, devotion and adoration in this man..stood by him in all his bard times..endured his brighter as well as darker sides..i really do deserve something coming from him alone :(( why would he care about this girl more than me??i am really heartbroken now :((



  • sadAriesPrincess

    Okay let's look further. My understanding is the Tarot indicates likely outcomes at this moment. Readings can change even from day to day. So the Tarot may be picking up on some very frustrated feelings on your part, and those kinds of feelings can cause us to make choices... and the Tarot sees where we are going based on those choices.

    I will be the first to say hang in there with any situation, as long as you believe in your heart that there is bright tomorrow, and you are willing to keep the faith. It all depends on you really. However I will say that the cards I was seeing earlier this morning did seem to paint an outcome where you are moving on... no matter though! Let's see what we can do to turn this around!

    You are the Page of Cups in this reading...

    Justice. Six Wands. Hanged Man.

    So this does seem to point to a solution for you. If you can hang in there.

    Justice is what it says. As long as you can stay sweet and loving in situations that vex your soul, sooner or later, you will be rewarded. And I went through a lot of cards with you and him trying to get to the bottom of this situation and came up with a real mixed bag. However there were always some nice love cards popping up eventually. So I would say if you can just stick it out and love him even though he has this other girl on the side, it will turn in your favor - eventually.

    That's where the rubber meets the road though. Sticking it out with him. Do you love him? If you do, then you just love him as best as you can in the midst of this predicament.

    If you don't feel like you really have a connection then move on.

    I don't think this other girl is materially significant. I mean, you aren't married are you? There is nothing in writing is there that says what he can or can't do? Then you really have no legal grounds to expect him to relate to you in a certain way. He has a girlfriend, it might not hurt for you to have another boyfriend in addition to him.

    Honesty, I get rather worn out with all of these love triangle/quadrangles, where someone is complaining because their lover has another person they like to spend time with. So what? That shouldn't impact your life. Your relationship. It still boils down to "Do you love him and care for him?" If you do, then love him. And don't demand him to only act a certain way.

    If I were you I would cook a nice dinner for him and his girlfriend. Candlelight, nice music. Look into his eyes. Look into her eyes. Ponder the fact that there is more than two people on this planet. Who know, this could be the start of a beautiful threesome, and a lot of fun in many other ways! Hey, I am just throwing out some ideas!

    You keep pressuring him to "give up" this other girl for you, you will push away permanently for sure. You open your heart to her as well as to him, you will open doors to love you have never imagined.

    We are ALL connected, you know? Every one of us has some kind of connection to one another. So what if we share more than one person, or have several loves? What's the big deal about that? That doesn't diminish your standing. Maybe you aren't ready for that though... hence the earlier reading with you moving on. It's up to you. I would pray about it.

    That's the best I can do...

    DaniBo! Where are you... What do you have for this lovely lady? I am outta answers.... please step in if you like and share your heart with her.... I do the best I can... love can be so very painful and it break my heart when I see the pain in our lives in these relationships... I cry out to God, to Heaven... sometimes I SCREAM out... WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO US????? To torture us? Put us through he ll? That can't be the answer.... there has to be good reasons... I guess we are all just learning about love... and the road there is painful quite often.

    Maybe DaniBo or someone can give you more advice sadAriesPrincess... that is the best I can give you right now... be at peace. love on yourself... I know that Heaven loves you deeply! That is about all I am sure about.

    Love and light

    astra



  • Hey SadAries, I thought I’d give my rusty car-tomancy skills a try and see what we could figure out. I need the practice anyway. I know this is a tarot thread, but anyways…

    FIVE OF HEARTS - This is a card of restless love and the card of all things female.

    SEVEN OF SPADES - This card represents the frustration of losing something loved and all around bad luck.

    This definitely describes your situation. You feel this guy is slipping away from you, and you feel lost and frustrated as you cling to not only your love for him but also onto the hope that things will work out and be like they used to be.

    EIGHT OF HEARTS - The card of pleasure and happy times, mutual love and respect, mutual faith and trust, and emotional fulfillment.

    ACE OF SPADES - This card is similar to the card of Death in the tarot, dealing with endings and beginnings and a choice that has to be made.

    Basically, a choice HAS to be made. Either you have to figure out how to incorporate this girl into your life, like AstraAngel was suggesting (though I’m not someone who would usually condone threesomes, but this is YOUR happiness we’re talking about), or you’ll have to do the hard thing and break away and make a life for yourself. The way things were between you is no more, and now is the time to take a different approach.

    Again, you’re going to have to put your feelings aside for a moment and think. You put two years into this relationship: time, money, and affection. Now, what has he done in turn? From what you described; cooled affections, lies, blame, and an expectation for you to stick around no matter how you’re treated while spend time with a girl that may or may not mean anything to him. This doesn’t sound like someone who is in need, it sounds like someone who wants their cake and eat it too.

    Now, AstraAngel also mentioned someone possibly in the future coming into your life who will have their attentions set on you. This is what I got:

    KING OF DIAMONDS - A mature man (either in age or in intelligence or both) who is very secure financially. Diamonds can also represent energy, and I’m guessing he’s also emotionally stable (goes hand in hand with the maturity).

    EIGHT OF DIAMONDS - This basically represents the movement of money, money ‘coming and going’ as I’d like to say, as one struggles to find financial balance. This could also represent assessing the future and looking at how to dispense ones time, money and energy in the future.

    There’s definitely someone in your future who is worth putting all your energy into who would definitely return your investment, but it requires you to make that choice. Another idea I had is it could very well be the same man you’re with now, only older and wiser and better able to take care of himself without having to resort to playing games to keep you around.

    If you do not enjoy the emotional hurricane you’re in, move out and find time to LOVE YOURSELF while he figures out what he really wants. If the threesome idea sounds like something you might want to try, go for it and see what happens. If you still think you can hang in there while this man continues to use you until something changes in him (NOT recommended as he may never change. Some guys are just like that.) then go ahead. Those seem to be the three choice you have right now. Take a little time to analyze these possibilities for a moment, then take Action! Love doesn’t require you to be used. Take control of the situation.

    Also keep in mind that you’re still very young and don’t really need to be tied down at the moment. This is more me talking as I’ve wasted a good part of my twenties tied down to certain people who, no matter how much we love each other, drove each other nuts and ended up hurting each other more than helped, and that was WITHOUT a physical relationship mixed into it as it is more familial. I’m just glad that when I leave, I won’t have that sort of baggage to drag along.

    Enjoy your freedom as a young single woman while you can. Time passes quickly, and before you know it, it’ll be gone. I wish I could’ve done that.

    ~JoyLily~



  • THANK YOU JoyLily!!!

    Wonderful counsel for you sadAriesPrincess!... I am praying for you... you are being guided by heaven, keep following your heart, pray, your angels are guiding you, keep the faith... protect your own heart, YOU are the loveliest person in your life... love THAT person with all of your heart.

    Wonderful reading JoyLily... I will be looking you up to help me... thank you so much for taking the time to do this for sadAries....

    Love and peace,

    astra



  • Astra and joylily I love you guys for reaching out to me. I really really do. I would never want a threesome with that girl but I had already accepted her as a part of my strife. I really don't care who is in his life just as long his behaviour is loving and caring towards me and not further and distant. I am going to give myself time until my birthday and see how it goes. I will be happy cheerful until then. Give him all my love support but at the same time not allow him to use me. I am going to be strong and see where this leads. Inspite of all this pain I still do believe that one day my life will be perfect and I will be very happy but sometimes I despair like a mad person with so much intensity! And I really cannot wait for this future knight. I hope my birthday this year brings lots of miracles for me. Thank you so so so much for your support to help me get through this and the worst holiday coming up in feb for heartbroken people! Xx



  • Sounds like you finally got a plan, SadAries. 🙂

    This will allow you time to figure out something if things don't work out. In the meantime, stand firm and don't take any flak if he tries to pull something again. Observe how he reacts and take those things into account when you make a further decision whether to stay or not. If he still acts the same way he always does and still doesn't return your affections during this period, you should consider moving to give each other space. Again, that may be what it takes for him to realize want he really wants and that he needs to treat you better. If this other girl really doesn't mean anything to him and you two are meant to be, that will be the kick in the pants that he needs.

    Thanks for the compliment, AstraAngel. My reading skills are very rusty and I'm not good with big spreads but I can certainly get an idea a couple cards at a time. This definitely helped to take my mind off things. I'm still determined to get myself out of my own situation though. Been slow goings with having to deal with inventory at my store, but I'll be getting myself going later this week. If you do need a little help, don't hesitate to ask! 😉

    ~JoyLily~



  • well we had a fight when i was online at work..it started with something pretty trivial but he started getting in old fights and it all blew out of proportion..so i told him and we are finished for good..i know this is not my fault..it is his unbearable attitude and behavior towards me. last time something like this happened..i blocked him out of my life completely and he came back apologizing a month later.I dont know if ti will happen again. we were looking for a new place together as we hare getting ousted out of the old one but i told him if he feels so badly about me we should not be flatmates. he agreed we should live separately..abused some more and went offline. These waves of pains shall eevr cease. will he come to his senses realize my woth and come back to make amends even if takes some time? so much for my pland optimism. 😞



  • Wow, sounds like something I went through with my father last week, though I didn't tell him what I'm planning yet. Its not the right time for me. Anyways, I did another reading based upon the turn of events here:

    TWO OF DIAMONDS - This card represents financial partnership and is also referred to as the 'small money' card, dealing with a small financial loan or payment of some sort, or even a financial report of some kind. It is also a time card.

    QUEEN OF SPADES - Represents an ambitious and clever woman, and depending on what cards she surrounded with, like spades for example, can also mean a manipulative plotter up to no good.

    SIX OF DIAMONDS - The card of small gains, like a pay raise or bonus, or having just enough to cover expenses and nothing else. It is also the information card and the card of powerful energy and momentum.

    KING OF CLUBS - Represents a generous and socially active man. Can also be a 'married business man' or a man in a committed relationship of some sort.

    I pulled these out two at a time, but they all seem to go together. Though there is only one spade that is a face card which doesn’t necessarily mean bad (unless surrounded by other spades), this does not seem to bode well for you. First of all, there is talk of money, and it isn’t involving you. I don’t know what the little fight you had this morning was about, but there seems to be more going on than he’s letting you know about. If you already know, then its obvious he’s doing what he can to keep you out of the loop here.

    As I lay these four cards out in order, I notice that the Queen of Spades (the other girl) and the King of Clubs (the man) are looking at each other. You are nowhere to be found, and to top it off, the Six of Diamonds is between them. There is an exchange of financial information, or even money as we look back on the Two of Diamonds behind the Queen’s back (asking for a loan maybe?), as well as a great deal of energetic (emotional?) activity going on.

    I remember you saying he gambled away money before and lied to you about it, looks like he might be lying to about money again and is deflecting the guilt by blaming you for silly things, AGAIN. That Six of Diamonds also probably represents the time and affection he showers on this girl, and it could be because of money. Again, the Two of Diamonds behind her back. Maybe he’s planning on leeching off of her? If so, she either has a plan of her own (because the Queen of Spades is supposed to be a clever woman), or she only THINKS she knows what she’s doing.

    Then I tried to figure out what would happen to you, now that you decided to break it off with him for good.

    NINE OF DIAMONDS - This card represents extra money, MORE than what the Two of Diamonds would represent, and it would be in the form of a refund or rebate, a bonus, unemployment check or any form that is not the normal part of one’s income. It also represents one’s mental attitude, or attraction where someone is attracted to or desires something from the seeker. I’d say, depending on the cards, it can be you they want something from or the other way around.

    QUEEN OF HEARTS - The card of unconditional love. This represents a person who is very emotional, caring, nurturing, family oriented, a good loyal friend, and is also hurt very easily.

    Oh boy, here you are, the one who gave so much, no matter how much it hurt. I set these two cards after the first for, and what I saw was the Queen of Hearts staring at the King of Clubs who is looking away. The Nine of Diamonds is between you. You still have feelings for him, of course, but what you desire from him is not there. The connection is no more. On the upside, because of your willingness to break from him, despite your feelings (drew these cards separate from the other four), you will find yourself with more energy and money to spend on yourself. Take that opportunity. You will still the ‘waves’ of pain and sadness (I’m still having them myself) but I assure you, this will lessen with time. It may never disappear, but it will become more bearable.

    I drew a couple more cards and set them above the first for to see what would eventually happen:

    JACK OF HEARTS - A person who is young (or young at heart) for whom the seeker has an emotional attachment to. It can also be someone who is artistic or can do no wrong. The Jack can become the thoughts of the King and/or Queen of Hearts as well.

    KING OF SPADES - A man of authority, ambition and power. With spades, it can be someone who is opportunistic, deceptive, power-hungry, emotionally controlled and detached.

    A Jack and King that show up side by side usually means someone coming back into one’s life, but usually the Jack would come AFTER the King. That doesn’t mean this man will try. He has morphed into the King of Spades, and even though there are no other spades around, you and I both know this person enough to not have any spades to tell us what kind of person he is. That is what I’m getting. Plus, the Jack of Hearts is looking COMPLETELY away from him (what I refer to as the one-eyed jack). Your attachment to him is no more when he comes back, probably begging you for another chance (the king isn’t completely looking away from the jack as both eyes are visible). This King also has this sad soppy look on his face, like he’s trying to convince you he’s changed.

    That’s not all! I drew a couple more cards and set them above you where the King of Spades is looking:

    FOUR OF DAIMONDS - The card of financial stability, or at least working towards it. It can represent anything that is money related (cash register, check, desk, bank account, safety deposit box, etc.). This can also mean the four walls of a piece of property you are renting, a stable financial situation.

    FIVE OF SPADES - The card of anger and separation, cutting someone out of your life, or surgery of some kind. It can mean divorce, quitting one’s job, or going at it alone. It can represent anger, loneliness, depression, fear, resentment, and hurt feelings.

    Now, don’t be afraid of the Five of Spades. All those negative feelings are normal when you cut something important out of your life, like you’re doing with this man. The cool thing is, you have the four of diamonds set before it, which actually means ‘money spent’. Any time this card shows up in front of a diamond, it means you’re spending money on something, and in this case, it’s a place of your own. I also see the Four of Diamonds as stable energy or emotional stability. You’re cutting something away that makes you emotionally unstable, which will definitely hurt at first, but will do you good in the long run.

    Its funny how diamonds can have a dual meaning at times. The financial side of these cards can also refer to time and resources which in turn affect our energy and emotions. Its where the physical and spiritual seem to connect, not with the things or money themselves, but what we do with it. Making yourself financially independent of this man WILL make you happier. Like what we’ve pointed out before, there’s another man far more worthy of your attentions and investment. Man, its so sad to see that awful look on that King of Spades face as he looks across to what you are now trying to build for yourself!

    And finally, I drew two more for you:

    FIVE OF CLUBS - The card of action and change. It can herald a change in a work situation or social circumstances. Can be positive or negative, depending on other cards. It means the thinking or planning stages are over and now is the time to go after what one desires: a new job, relationship, project, or just cleaning up an old mess.

    THREE OF DIAMONDS - The card of small financial growth and taking the first steps towards success. It can represent extra money coming in from an outside source, like a side job or extra hours at work. The payback of a small debt, a deposit or withdrawal, financial opportunity, a promotion, a small pay raise. Around negative cards, it can mean scattered energy or lack of focus.

    I think you’ll find yourself well focused as you take the necessary steps to build your own life. The fives are hand cards and often are associated with physical actions. In this case, you’re making a change for the better, and the future seems to be wide open for you. These cards are basically telling you to take those steps that will lead you to a world of possibilities! What will happen next? Its up to you!

    I hope this helps. I would’ve gotten this up a couple hours sooner, but I had to go make dinner. During that time, I thought over the cards and all the faces and diamonds that kept popping up, playing out their mini version of the drama in your life. The only cards I drew after dinner were the last two.

    Basically, all you need to worry about right now is making yourself independent. Don’t worry about what this man is doing with his life. You are not legally attached. I knew that when the King of Clubs showed up it was him because though he’s in a committed relationship of some sort with you (even though its informal) he was still looking around like he was a free man. His morphing into the King of Spades doesn’t help his case either. I don’t think he’s going to like losing the control he had over you.

    If you need any more help, just ask. We’re on a similar journey and we could both use the encouragement. Just doing this reading for you is helping me out with my own issues.

    ~JoyLily~



  • SadAries, I forgot to add this, but what you've described to us is a class A example of emotional abuse. I remember the stories my mother told me of girls in high school who exhibited the same "But, I love him!" attitude towards their abusive boyfriends. I've never actually been around someone in the same situation before, so I was hesitant to flat out say it, until now: THIS IS EMOTIONAL ABUSE! This relates to my situation as well, and when I had a little conversation with my sister last week after Dad blew up about something incredibly silly (won't go into it because I've already put it on my own thread) I began to see a clearer picture of who my father really was, a picture I wasn't willing to look at before. As I said before, Love can be blinding.

    ~JoyLily~



  • Wow I cannot believe I skipped this over! I apologize so very much, SAP! 🙂 Please let me know how I can make it up to you!

    love,

    Dani Bo ❤



  • Been thinking about you SadAries. I hope you're okay! 🙂 Let us know how you're doing, okay?

    ~JoyLily~



  • oh joylily82...so many things are happening at an alarming pace..thank god for work ..the only bright spot in my life..kept me busy like a maniac for 2 days..

    The only financial exchange i can think of happening between them is that he is getting a laptop for her from the insurance we claimed together and that she is paying him for it as we need money.

    as for the emotional energy between them..i dont know what's gotten into him suddenly. but i have noticed that these things have always developed whenever me and him had a very bad fight so i really dont know. I wish i knew what to do to make him pay more attention to me.

    as for this girl..i have a strong intuition that she is very manipulative and clever. As paranoid as i may sound i was convinced she'd put a spell on him or something for such a sudden turnaround because he would never spend so mucht time with her before. And everytime we fought he would always tell me that i should not complain since he spends all his nights with me but for one night outside!

    Also he would never borrow money from this girl and laying out his financial situation in front of her like with me because he has an image to maintain and those kind of things you know.

    He knows very well that if he tells me he has no feelings for me or accepts to me that he is in a relationship i will leave and go and he keeps denying both these things and then tells me my arguments push him away.

    Also sometimes i thought he behaved very badly with me because he wanted me to hate him and leave but i don't know anything anymore. Very rarely he's tender and caring but more often it looks like he's determined to push me away from him for reasons i do not know. He knows how much i loved him and sacrificed for him.

    We do a have a financial partnership and it is only because of this we are now going to move into another house together. As for that fight that day it was something really silly about something that i misplaced..when i found it he became normal in a couple of hours and then we acted as if nothing happened but i can still feel the distance. And he has not entirely forgiving me for confiding his bad behavior to my best friend (who turned out to be ***** who blabbed everything to everyone..his current gf/whatever-she-is came to know and then he did)

    There is so much history and so much between us. How can he not feel it? All his emotional abuses i dealt with it. loved him through good and bad unconditionally but he is still determined to stay away or appears very confused.

    All i can think is when will he get away from her? or how long will it take for me to get close to him..then i think how crazy i am..but then again after 2 years of everything i gave him i do not want to give up on him leave him when he needs support in his life the most even though he is too proud to admit it. i just hope that someday he will realize what he has done and change for better and treat whoever he might be with at that time in a better way.

    I am writing very long posts i have seen. you are very kind to read it all joylily 🙂 You are in florida aren't you? xx



  • Dear DaniBo,

    Please don't feel so bad..Astra and Joylily have been very kind and wonderful to me during your absence. I hope your new uni term is going very well for you 🙂

    I just wish if there was some magical way to make me and him come closer and eclipse this other girl out or atleast get him to pay us equal attention. Your prediction about the wands and evrything happening too fast was very accurate. I do not if this man has romantic feelings for him and i am very confused. Because if he does feel anything for me and cares for me even one bit, he is doing a damn good job of hiding it.

    And i am just not looking forward to valentines day 😞

    xx



  • Forgive me for this post, as I rant quite a bit in it, but I have to get this out.

    Okay…WHY on earth is he buying a laptop for her with insurance that was meant for the BOTH OF YOU? That doesn’t sound right AT ALL. Does she not have her own insurance? And I’m curious as to why you need the money from her. What he’s doing is still technically borrowing, so that threw the image thing right out the window! She apparently knows something about your financial situation, or this wouldn’t be happening.

    Its safe to assume that he doesn't have any feelings for you left, and even if he does, its not worth hanging around to find out anymore. You don't deserve to be treated like this. Don't expect something magical to happen that will kick this girl out of your lives. You claim that she might have put a spell on him. If she really is that manipulative and clever, her hold is very strong on him AND you!

    Somehow, you’ve convinced yourself that this girl will leave soon. That’s doubtful, considering the control she has on your relationship with him, and he’s basically going along with it, WILLINGLY. That still seems to apply to the adage I mentioned before: he wants to have his cake and eat it too. And she has given him the solution. He’s getting something from the both of you, she doesn’t seem to mind having you around since she gets all of his attention and affection (spending every night physically by your side is still not time spent together, BELIEVE ME, I KNOW), and you’re seriously getting the short end of the stick dealing with this set up, relegating you to a mere house-warmer, if you catch my drift.

    FORGET ABOUT THE HISTORY. That history between you doesn’t matter. Its your future that matters. You’re still clinging to something that isn’t there anymore, and you’re way too young to condemn yourself to a guy because of “history”. You DON’T have any children together, you’re NOT married to him (which would make their relationship an affair if you two were married, and no, it does not have to involve sex), and even the insurance you two got together isn’t sacred to him. Not even money apparently. The only thing you two share exclusively is an ADDRESS, for the moment.

    Take another good look at the last reading I did for you, and think it over. Look at AstraAngel’s readings too. There’s something better waiting for you if you’re willing to break away from these two. Don’t wait for him to flat out say it to you. Actions speak LOUDER than words! I remember you mentioning another girl he was engaged to. You said he didn’t want to marry this girl, that his parents were responsible for the set up. Do you even know all the details about that relationship? Are they still technically engaged? If they are, then that’s yet another girl who has some claim upon him.

    What I don’t understand is why you’re even in his life. I’m trying to get in his head to see what compelled him to move in with you without even finishing his business with that other girl. Sounds very irresponsible and should’ve been a red flag. Forget about how sweet and attentive he was before. Its possible he viewed you as an escape, from her, and now this new girl could be an escape from you. Sound crazy? Not as crazy you might think. He’s avoiding responsibility when it comes to relationships, at least, that’s what I’m getting from the information you’ve provided.

    Your own words:

    "There is so much history and so much between us. How can he not feel it? All his emotional abuses i dealt with it. loved him through good and bad unconditionally but he is still determined to stay away or appears very confused."

    No, he’s not confused. The more I think about it, the more I’m positive he knows what he’s doing. He just doesn’t want to say it out loud. Mind games, I’m telling you. You’re enabling him to keep using you. Emotional abuse is WRONG. He might as well be hitting you over the head repeatedly with a brick. That’s how wrong this is. HE doesn’t DESERVE you or your love. Drop the unconditional part if its forcing unnecessary suffering, or better yet, how about learning what unconditional love ACTUALLY IS. Way too many people have fallen into the same trap because of the misinterpretation of the word ‘unconditional’. It doesn’t require you to endure this, and at times, it does mean walking away. This investment is becoming a dead end. If you want any REAL hope of gaining back what you’ve lost, give the space that is REQUIRED. STOP BEING SO CLINGLY! He will never learn, unless you do. DON’T WAIT.

    There’s still a small chance that he could change, but you can’t make that happen in the place you are in now. This ain’t a movie, honey. You’ve gotta face reality. You don’t have to stop loving him, but you have to stop letting these two have their way with you (that isn’t unconditional, that’s abuse). Ask yourself, if he loves you, then why, WHY can’t he show it, even when you put on your sweetest smile or when you’re begging on your knees, why doesn’t he think about your future in spite of all the things going on in his life (and for the life of me, I can’t understand that), and why do you have to be the scapegoat for the stupid things.

    And I would like to know, WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON WITH HIM THAT MAKES YOU THINK HE NEEDS YOUR SUPPORT!!! From what I see, he’s not going through a trying period in his life WHEN HE HAS TWO WOMEN FAWNING ALL OVER HIM, AND A POSSIBLE THIRD ONE DOING THE SAME THING YOU’RE DOING AND WAITING ON HIM TO CHANGE!!! And weren’t there other girls he was seeing when you were with him all this time? Didn’t you fight with him over this current girl the year before last, before things got serious a few months ago? Didn’t you overhear him saying he was going to marry this one for some motive? HE SPENT THE HOLIDAYS WITH HER, FOR GOODNESS SAKE! AND HE’LL BE SPENDING VALENTINE’S DAY WITH HER AS WELL? GOOD GRIEF! THAT DOESN’T SOUND LIKE A PERSON IN NEED OF YOU!!!

    His poor communication skills and wishy washy behavior you said he displays when he’s upset and the way he withdraws and becomes moody with you but social with everyone else, that sounds like my dad, and I don’t hesitate anymore to label that as childish. He’s a grown up, remember? Treat him like one, and let him feel the burn of his bad behavior.

    Harsh, I know, but it needs to be said.

    I try, honestly, I do. I attempted a couple of readings to see where this girl he’s so infatuated with is, and all I get are good cards. No spell casting. Your guy showed up in one of them. There is something going on. You need to PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN AND FIND OUT WHAT’S REALLY BUGGING HIM!!! Don’t let him get away with deflecting the argument to the “I do this for you, you should be appreciative” defense. THAT’S WHAT ABUSERS DO! THEY LOVE MAKING YOU FEEL GUILTY! Tell him to tell you the truth, or you’re out. Your not his slave, you’re not in a friends with benefits situation (a.k.a. an open relationship), and he should know better than to associate with a girl that clearly causes you misery. That ain’t love.

    Maybe it is a good thing your friend blabbed to everyone. It got him scared that his cover was nearly blown. Abusers don’t like it when you tell others what’s going on. You had a right to say SOMETHING because it was seriously affecting you. This isn’t the old days where a man can force his woman to shut up when she seeks emotional support outside the relationship. You’re hardly his woman anyway!

    Again, I apologize for my intense emotions here. I had FAR harsher words typed out for you, but I don’t want to get in trouble for railing on someone since it involved a great deal of cussing. But seriously, move out. Don’t seek another house together. This relationship is dead, for now, and there are better things waiting for you. That is my advice. The key word here is SPACE.

    What sort of financial partnership do you have with him? It looks way too much like a threesome over here from what you’ve described about the laptop, only one of you isn’t getting any say in the matter. Besides, if money is all that’s keeping you together, you need to talk to him about setting up separate accounts or something. He shouldn’t force you to keep your finances together. Again, YOU ARE NOT MARRIED, and that is yet another method of control. Are you the sole breadwinner or the only one paying the bills? If you are, BIG RED FLAG!

    I get nothing but bad vibes when I think about him. I’m making my head explode here just thinking about this whole situation you’ve put yourself in! And again, don’t let history tie you down. You came to this site to find a path to happiness right? Not to relive the past. I read back on your earlier posts, and it doesn’t sound like much of a past anyway.

    Like Danibo said at the end of her first post:

    "It's not clear…if this relationship will become the one you want it to be. You must think hard about the possibilities of that."

    Yes, maybe your relationship will get better over time, but it might not end up being the type of relationship you WANT IT TO BE. In other words, its possible that the kind of love you two will share in the future will not be romantic or a commitment where you both pool your resources together. It might just be friends. Think about that possibility, while allowing yourself to find a far more fulfilling romantic relationship elsewhere, or just a loving relationship with yourself. A true friend still loves unconditionally, but doesn’t allow themselves to be taken advantage of and will occasionally put their friends in their places when they need it. No guilt necessary.

    If this doesn’t help, then I’m all dried out here. Oh, and find a date for Valentine’s Day. Even if it’s a couple of girlfriends. You wanted happiness, remember? I’ll admit that I’ve never had a date for Valentine’s, and I’m about to turn 30. Good luck.

    ~JoyLily~



  • dear joylily...

    i think i should have elaborated the insurance bit..we claimed the insurance together but got a gift card instead of cash so we wanted to cash it..on of my friends bought a laptop for more than half the amount..and he told this girl that his male friend has gift cards which he is seeling for money so she can buy the laptop that way..he asked her because we asked a lot of people before her if any one wanted to buy anything and pay us for it but no luck with that..

    as for the rest of ur post..i really have nothing to say in my defense..i'm hoplessly bound and i have given up on myself for good..All i know is that if the karma cyycle really is true then happy good things must be waiting around the corner for me and i hope it finds me just like how everything else found me..

    I dont have any girlfriends here ..most of them have moved away and the ones left are celebrating with their boyfriends..i seem to be surrounded by couples..

    I really do want to know what is going on in his mind. Because he has not sbroken the older engagment as well so he technically is an engaged man with relationship with someonle here and liing with another..WHAT A MESS! I haveen't the slightest of what is going in his mind..just one day i would like to get inside his brain and see how it works..he does seems to be passive aggressive no doubt..he told one of thehis friends that she is getting too close to him and he just cant help it but i think its utter rubbish..one always has control over these things unless there are real feeling involved.

    its just that most times i really really hate him for being so insenstiive to me even as a friend. ok..so i dont want a romantic relationship..is it so hard for him to be even friends with me normally like with other people instead of taking out all his anger on me everytime something goes wrong..that's what i meant by burning bridges in my previous post where i would love to rant my heart out..slap him and walk away with my head held high but then i become weak gain..everytime i meet somene new i start comparing him with this guy and it goes all wrong..i lost my heart out to him and do not know how to get it back 😞

    when i think logically i think all the same things you ranted but when i let my heart think..i am lost and fallen again with hopes that never cease to die..

    xx



  • Listen to your thoughts when you think logically. You're LITERALLY killing yourself here, and it tears me up to see that. YOU ARE NOT WEAK! STOP THINKING THAT WAY!!!

    What I see is you haven't lost your heart to him, you're just scared. That's right, SCARED. And the reason why you can't see yourself as friends with him is because you're still stuck. The way you're describing yourself as hopelessly lost sounds like fear. YOU ARE NOT LOST!!! YOU HAVE SOMEONE HERE SCREAMING AT YOU THROUGH THE COMPUTER SCREEN!!!

    Seriously, girl, I'm going to keep screaming until you move that scaredy-cat butt of yours out of there! You wanted happiness, right? RIGHT?

    Go ahead, rant your heart out to him, he deserves that. If you love him, you would at least be honest about how you feel and not let him get away with what he's doing. Looks like he has a stranglehold on you, and you will die of it, unless you go. NOW!!! THIS IS URGENT!!!

    Your heart has been seriously poisoned. Don't listen to it anymore. BE LOGICAL. I'm a feeling person too, and you know what? This is beginning to affect me. Honestly, I did not sleep well last night because of this. Hope does not mean you have to stay and take the abuse. Should I go over the classic signs of an abuser again? You don't have to inflict physical bruises to be and an abuser, you know.

    That hope that "never ceases to die" is an illusion, a fantasy. There are countless women who stay with their husbands and boyfriends in hope that they will change for the better. It never happens. Did you hear me? IT NEVER HAPPENS!!! Its time to let your heart take a back seat long enough for you to take some real action. I didn't come to your thread because I was bored. I was drawn here, to someone that needs the right nudge to get out of a self-destructive situation that resembled my own.

    Oh, and how about trying to make MORE friends instead of focusing on him and comparing every guy you meet to him. From what you've described, he isn't much of a catch. And who says you need a guy anyway?

    You know what I would do if you were my little sister? I come over there and knock some sense into you and drag you away! I would forbid that idiot from having any contact with you, until you actually start thinking like a sane human being. My sister KNOWS I would do that if she tried to pull the same crap you're pulling right now.

    When you get to be my age, you'll be wondering why you did this to yourself. I was around your age when Mom got sick and eventually died, leaving me where I am now, wallowing in guilt over her death and over the so-called "burden" my dad claimed I was putting on him, never-minding all the stuff I did to pull more than my weight around here.

    There are better things awaiting you, and it doesn't involve him. If I have to come back every night to scream at you, I will. My dreams aren't letting me rest. It sucks. SERIOUSLY, THIS SUCKS!!!

    Quit thinking of yourself as a hopeless case. That only ensures that you'll NEVER be happy. In case you didn't notice, there are people who actually care about you, who WANT to see you happy, who do not take their sweet time deciding on what you mean to them while you languish in misery! THERE'S A PERSON OUT THERE ANXIOUSLY WAITING YOU TO SHOW UP IN THEIR LIVES AND MAKE IT BETTER, BUT THEY WON'T GET YOUR LOVE BECAUSE YOUR WASTING IT ON A LOSER. That's right, a LOSER.

    Believe it or not, I spent several hours last night on that other rant when I should've been doing other things because this was bugging me so much! You want to see stubbornness? Well, I'm it!

    Its time to think more positively about your other options. You don't have to stay with him to love him. Count yourself lucky you even had a chance to love at all. I haven't. But its time to step away from the stupidity, and let him out of your life, until you can see yourself HAPPY by someone's side again.

    Here's another idea for Valentine's Day: Take YOURSELF out! That's right! Forget about the couples around you. Do what my sister does on Valentine's and celebrate S.A.D. (Self Appreciation Day). That's right! Appreciate YOURSELF, not the stupid creep who has a hold on your heart (your heart needs a good kick in the pants and a HUGE dose of reality, by the way). When her boyfriend began pulling similar crap on her, she broke it off. The guy, as sweet as he was, was still being too immature to handle a REAL relationship. They're friends now, my sis still loves him, but she's waiting for him to grow up. He's come a long way, but he's not finished yet. Will they get back together? Who knows? Are they both happy now? OH YES!!!

    You might want to go over all the times he lied, went out with other girls, placed blame on you, remained distant, and ignored you again. If all of that still doesn't convince you to get away from him, then you truly are hopeless. I have my hand out. Please don't slap it away. I have no clue what will happen to me next either, but I'm not letting that stop me. PLEASE DON'T IGNORE WHAT I'M SAYING!!!

    I need to go rest now. My head is hurting. Think about what I'm saying. THINK! DON'T FEEL!!! Feelings can be deceptive, especially if you're used to your current situation. I know what I'm talking about.

    ~JoyLily~



  • Joylily I finally did it. I ranted my heart out and needless to say it ended very badly with me being abused and called names and hearing things like how the other girl is much perfect n better. M sick of it. Never treated me like the other girl did he? I still love him and I don't know right now how I will get through this pain 😞



  • OMG, I thought I was going to have to come in here and scream at you some more, but WOW! You did a very brave thing there!

    I was honestly dreading coming back here, thinking maybe I've pushed you too far. I was so worried that I ended up buying three candy bars after work a little while ago, and I've already eaten two (working on the third). I even had quite a few encouraging quotes all lined up to hopefully cheer you up, but all I can say right now, is WOW!!!

    You can still love him, just don't let yourself be abused anymore. You've taken a very painful step, I know. I had a few of those with Dad, particularly within the last year and a half, but it was when my cousins (and an uncle) cornered me at a wedding last month that I suddenly realized just how ridiculous my situation was. I was killing myself. You know, when I posted that story on my thread, I had Watergirl rush in and exclaim that I needed to get away, NOW! She's right, and I'm currently working on my escape.

    You'll get through this. There are people here that care and are willing to listen to every pain-filled word you have to say. You're future is starting to open up even though it feels like the end of the world right now, but its really a beginning for you.

    Here's some quotes I had planned on putting up. Hopefully, they'll still bring you some comfort:

    Seek PEACE, and pursue it.

    There are people who take the heart out of you, and there are people who put it back.

    I am strong, because I've been weak. I am fearless, because I've been afraid. I am wise, because I've been foolish.

    A promise means everything, but once it is broken, sorry means nothing. (One I have to remember sometimes)

    A REAL MAN ends a relationship before he starts searching for another one.

    Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you meant what you promised. Silly me. (A good one to throw back when someone tries to weasel their way out of a promise. Good for liars too.)

    Fate controls who walks into your life, but you decide who you let walk out, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go. (REMEMBER THIS ONE!!!)

    We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. ( I need to remember this one too.)

    Speak the truth, even if your voice shakes. (YES! SPEAK!)

    You have to trust the person you love or love someone else you can trust. (Another good one to remember.)

    At any given moment, you have the power to say: This is NOT how the story is going to end.

    Hurt me with the truth, but never comfort me with a lie.

    There's a point in life when you get tired of chasing everyone and trying to fix everything, but it's not giving up. It's realizing that you don't need certain people and their crap. (We're not giving up! We're just tired of being abused!)

    That was the day she made herself the promise to live more from intention and less from habit. (A good promise we should both make to ourselves)

    I'm sorry, you seem to have mistaken me for a woman who will take your sh@t. (Another good throwback!)

    Stay true to yourself because there are very few people who will always be true to you. (Ain't that the truth!)

    Yes, I am nice. No, that doesn't mean you can walk all over me. (Remember that!)

    Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. (Its the same as death.)

    Learn to let things you cannot control go.

    There are certain people who are not meant to fit in your life, no matter how much you want them to be. (Good advice)

    Love doesn't hurt. Lying, cheating, and screwing with people's feelings and emotions hurts... (Both of us can relate)

    Sometimes, you just need to distance yourself from people. If they care, they'll notice. If they don't, you know where you stand.

    REAL MEN STAY FAITHFUL. They don't need to look for other women because they're too busy looking for new ways to love their own. (Keep this in mind when you start a new relationship)

    I'm single, not because I don't pray for love. I'm single because I don't PLAY around with love.

    Life has no remote. Get up and change it yourself.

    When a girl tells you about her problems, it does not mean that she's complaining, it means that she trusts you. (REAL MEN know this!)

    No one can drive us crazy, unless we give them the keys. (This one made me laugh, and its true!)

    There is a difference between giving up, and knowing when you have had enough. (You should contemplate on this one for a while.)

    Just because I'm here for you all the time, doesn't mean you can take me for granted. (SO TRUE!)

    If someone makes you miserable more than they make you happy, it doesn't matter how much you love them, you need to let them go. (Another one for you to contemplate.)

    What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it is supposed to be. (The story of my life!)

    The only guy you need in your life is the one that proves the he needs you in his. (YES!)

    It doesn't make sense to let go of something you had for so long. But it also doesn't make sense to hold on when there's actually nothing there. (Again, contemplate on it!)

    Welcome to today - Another day, another chance. Feel free to CHANGE.

    Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. (This one I have on a picture of a little yellow duckling looking into a mirror and seeing a swan. It sits next to a picture of my mom in our living room. I bought it shortly before she died. I should've taken those words to heart sooner.)

    You were born because you are going to be important to someone. (You are important!)

    The worst thing about being lied to is knowing you weren't worth the truth. (Especially if its a habit!)

    Never chase love, affection, or attention. If it isn't given freely by another person, it isn't worth having. (Good idea. We need to focus on loving ourselves right now, anyway.)

    Deja Moo - The feeling that you've heard this BULL before (another one to put a smile on your face!)

    Don't wait for someone to bring you flowers. Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul.

    When you have to start compromising yourself or your morals for the people around you, it's probably time to change the people around you. (A rule I try to live by when finding friends)

    Treat me like a joke, I'll leave you like it's funny... (A good laugh, but something serious to think about!)

    I'm a good enough person to forgive you, but no stupid enough to trust you again. (Don't trust him anymore!)

    If someone wants to be part of your life, they'll be there, so don't bother saving a spot for someone who won't make an effort to stay. (Ask yourself: Is he making that effort?)

    If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree. (Seriously, you're not!)

    People that know they are important, think about others. People that THINK they are important, think about themselves.

    Never make someone your priority if you remain their option. (Another thing to think about.)

    Oh, and one more thing:


Log in to reply