Not sure what I mean to him

  • Hello and Happy New Year to everyone.

    I was hoping someone would do a reading for me , please I am so confused about things anymore.

    Very long very involved atory short... I am in love with a man who says he wants me but has 2 other women in his life that he will not let go of.

    One is an ex wife , one an old childhood girlfriend. He an I have been friends for over 35 years and lovers for 20 but somehow I cant get past the way his face lights up when he talks or gets an email from one of them. I cant shake the feeling that he truely has no place or room for me in his heart when they are still there.

    We live together and he talks about the things we will do someday . Its in the days that he is so quite, doesnt answer when I speak to him that I feel like he is wishing to be somewhere else.

    He is cold , wont tell me how he feels about me other than I am special and I am feeling more an more like a friend than longtime girlfriend hopeing to be his wife...

    Help... My heart hurts... I am ready to just give up and leave to a place where no one knows or can find me

    Thank you :[

  • Hi alice8

    I will jump in and provide what I am getting here, and others here may have some great insight as well.

    I used a little spread to investigate the connections between all of these individuals to see what is going on. Here is what I got.

    You are the Queen of Cups, and your lover is the King of Cups

    Ex wife is the Queen of Wands

    Childhood girlfriend is the Queen of Swords

    I then drew a card to show the connections between these court cards and that way we can see what energies are flowing between everyone.

    Between you and him - The Six of Swords

    Between him and the Queen of Wands - The Nine of Pentacles

    Between him and the Queen of Swords - The Hanged Man

    The six of swords between you and him is a lovely card of intimacy, I always see the Six Swords as THE card of physical intimacy and so that seems to be the case between you two. Very close. This also shows that you two have a very tight intellectual understanding, and should be harmonizing nicely.

    Between him and the Queen of Wands is the nine of Pentacles, and so she appears to be very self-sufficient in her place. He must be drawing some material energy from her in some way. Perhaps he has material or financial concerns and she has some good advice or knowledge in that area.

    Between him and the Queen of Swords we see the Hanged Man, so this Queen is helping him to see life from a different perspective and he must be drawing some wisdom from her.

    I can tell you right now, that you should move away from your fears about him and these other two Queens. Why? Because the more you harbor concerns, the more you are going to manifest something like a break up between you and him.

    Face it. You are not in control of his life, and he is not going to drop these connections that are providing him something he needs (apparently, otherwise he wouldn't be engaged in them). Your advice - if you want to maintain a harmonious relationship with him - is to accept these other Queens as part of your circle and DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. You start worrying and doubting his love for you, and think to yourself, "Oh, look at that sparkle in his eye when he talks to Queen Swords! He doesn't have room in his heart for me!" - You think those kinds of thoughts, and that is exactly what you are going to get - no room in his heart for you.

    Do you really feel that is time to move on in your life? Do you feel your spiritual path is taking you in a new direction? It could be that it is in fact time for you to move on to more of a Hermit phase where you are by yourself, pondering the deep mysteries of life and of God. In which case, these situations have been arranged by the Universe to provoke you to do that.

    is that what you are feeling? That you need to move out, move on, and seek a new life somewhere else? In that case, pray about it and keep loving him while you plan your new adventure.

    Otherwise, as long as you do love him and are deriving positive energy from your association with him, then accept these other Queens and love them too! Embrace them and tell him so. Invite them all over for tea! In other words, why don't you expand your circle and see what happens? You have nothing to fear! That Six of Swords energy between you and him is very intense and bonded and sweet and very mysterious love energies. So as long as you can be at peace with everyone, you have a lot to look forward to. It could be a lot of fun!

    Keep in mind alice8 that we are ALL connected, okay? There is a part of you in those other Queens, and there is a part of them in you. We are all interconnected in lovely ways, and there should never be any fears in our relationships. Matter of fact, love will always seek the best for the other. We are all trying to 'get somewhere' in our spiritual walk toward the light, so these relationships are all helping us to learn some lessons that move us there.

    Also, by posting on this forum, and by my responding to you, you and I now have a relationship. Granted, it is only in some words shared between us, however you really can't point the finger at him as if you are not doing the same thing. You and I now have a relationship too! Ha ha... as long as you respond to what I am typing here. So you see, you are in fact doing the same thing as he is.

    By embracing his other relationship interests and accepting them, you are in fact signaling him that you "get it" and are not going to try and imprison him with limits on what he can and can't do. That should be between him and Heaven. Then you might then be surprised at a marriage proposal! You can be his "Spirit Mate" who accepts whatever he needs to do in life, his other relationships, and all you have to do is love him and he then opens up even more to you, and the who knows... these other Queens may then have served their purpose and he focuses even more on you.

    However you are not going to get anywhere trying to impose your will over him to let them go. That will certainly end your relationship. A lot depends on what you are seeking and where you are at in your consciousness of the Universe.

    Celestial Seasonings makes a wonderful tea called Blueberry. I would go to Wal mart today and pick up some, sit down with your guy, and tell him

    "Darling, I have been thinking. You know your Sue, your Ex wife? And Candice, your childhood gf? I would love to have them over for tea and to get to know them better! I see that you have a wonderful relationship with them, and I want you to know I love you so much that I want all of our relationships to be accepted and lovely and totally a part of one another. And I just picked up some really nice Blueberry tea, and some pillar candles... why don't we have a little dinner... and we can all share and have a nice sweet time together?"

    You do that, and you are going to see your relationship with him head straight for the stars of love.

    Now, it is your turn to reply and then we have a nice relationship just like your lover has with these other Queens! I will be the Knight of Swords, how does that sound? 😉

    Love and light,


  • Thank you Astra for reading and responding so quickly.

    I always felt a great intimacy between him and I and you hit the nail on the head perfectly when you talked about the sexuality also ... Thats some of why I feel like his love for me is fading.

    Our sex life was on fire, couldnt keep his hands off me and the notes , sexts he would send WOW!!! but the last few months he spends a couple hours a day on the phone to the queen of wands and has nothing to say to me. I go to a cold bed alone as he sits up in front of the tv until the morning

    Nights are colder, he rarely wants to please me , he gets what he wants and is sleeping in minutes. The days are spent trying to make small talk and the hope of him responding to a hug or touch , even hold my hand.

    It just gets lonelier.

    I will do my best to hang in there and love him so dearly until he comes back around to me.

    As for friends with the queen of wands , I have known her my whole life , aside from the horrible things she has said and done to me , I assure you I do my best to be friends with her and have always been more than polite to her . Not once has a negative word come out about her to him despite what she continues to say about me to him .

    The queen of swords , well there is no way to be friends with her as she is hiding this long distance relationship from her husband while she cries to my boyfriend about how he told her she was the only one he would ever love and pumps his family and friends for the details of our relationship.

    He tells her she is the most beautiful girl he has ever set eyes on but then when she asks about me he says nothing... he has not said I am in his life or that I am not .

    So I can not try to embrace this queen as I am not supose to know he is talking to her . He told me years ago she is crazy and wanted nothing to do with her...

    yet he accidently leaves her email up on the computer so I no longer use his computer so I dont have to see that stuff.

    Yes I am thinking of moving on as this is a lonely life far from what I have known with this man...the love of my life.

    I coyuld never stop loving him but also know that I feel the need to leave so maybe he can have the life he really wants with one of these two other queens. I would never want him unhappy...

    Thank You for the help 🙂 I have a lot to think about


  • Alice8

    Looks like that was a stretch to have tea with everyone after what you are telling me. I tend to suggest things like that. Something a little 'out there' just to see where you live... then we can dial it down and arrive at a nice strategy for you.

    In these kinds of situations, when love is ebbing and you are not sure "why is it happening this way?", you need a strategy. An attitude, a mindset that creates a foundation under YOU regardless of what the guy or his butterflies are up to. I see you in a position of establishing your own philosophy, understanding and belief about love - and your life - that is going to carry you safely through this phase - and prepare you in a wonderful way for what is coming next.

    What is coming next?

    Something pretty nice is what I am seeing.

    Let's set your guy aside for a moment. Put him on the back burner. Hey, he's emailing bobby sue and gloria and off in his own world of love issues... he is a loose cannon it sounds like. At this point you want to make sure the cannon doesn't roll over you. Time to prepare yourself for your next phase and learn through this - and come out stronger for it!

    I am not going to tell you it is over with him. Only you can decide that. That six of swords could mean moving away from him... it could mean moving toward him after some sort of light bulb moment he has and comes back into your arms in those sweet ways you once had.

    Do I know which way its going to go? Honestly? no. Yeah, sure, I can flip some cards and try to get a sense of that.... is that really what you need right now? I don't think so. You need to prepare to be ready for something new is what I am getting.

    Are you open to that? Or do you really feel you have some sort of very deep, mystical, ageless connection with your guy? Can you honestly see moving away from him? Why don't we try that on for a bit and see where it goes?

    THe Devil. Yeah, It was hot. Hotter than the center of the sun. Guess what? You know how many suns there are out there? A bunch. And some of them get pretty dog gone hot. Hotter than hot. Hotter than hotter than hotter than hot. So as good as it was with your guy...

    it can be better.

    A lot better.

    The Sun card. See what I mean? That's you with a big smile on your face cause you have an attitude and a strategy and an approach that no one can take from you. That's you... laying in that cold bed... while he is typing away in the next room to Penelope from high school. Then...

    He comes back to bed. And you are smiling. A nice big smile because, while you would like him to be that romantic lover that he was, and make love to you like the good old days... you also aren't holding your breath. Instead of holding your breath, you are smiling to yourself. Why?

    You have a strategy. An attitude. Something that you KNOW will hold you up strong no matter what happens with your guy Fred.

    "Hey alice... why are you smiling?"

    "Oh me? Oh... I don't know... I guess its just something on the inside. ;)"

    Little does Fred know that you have a philosophy that has you so excited about your future. A philosophy, an attitude that doesn't depend on what Fred does or doesn't do in the bedroom to cause you to feel love. Like a lady. A queen. A gorgeous female who deserves better.

    A lot better.

    "Good night Alice... (Gosh... why is she smiling?)"

    "Good night Fred. (smile)"

    You see Alice? All you need is a little something to keep in the back of your mind at all times, Something so hot, something so dependable, something so revolutionary, that no matter what, you are going to be happy, happy, happy.

    The Seven of Cups. Oh my! Who is this? Hmm... well it isn't a "who is this. It's a who are these? As in ... more than one. Hmm... ennie, meenie, minie, moe.. which lover is the one for me? Oh my! you mean I have a choice?

    That's exactly what I am saying.

    Hey... what's that I see? I little smile starting to show up on Alice's lovely angelic face? How about that... a beautiful smile... because, you should be smiling... if you could see what I am seeing coming for you...

    Nine of Cups. Alice, they call this the Wish Card in the Tarot. Made any wishes lately? Dreamed any big dreams? Imagined any amazing possibilities that didn't depend on what Fred or Bobby Sue or Rebecca are up to?

    Well... you should. That is what this card is offering. Do you know how to wish? Oh, it's easy. All you have to do is imagine something really nice FOR YOU and envision something really fantastic FOR YOU and whisper sweet dreams to your angels FOR YOU. And understand that your life is beautiful and fantastic and will only become brighter and brighter and brighter FOR YOU.

    That would be called a wish.

    And that is what is happening in your life. A future very radiant and fulfilling that in no way is dependent on what Fred or Glenda or Suzie Q does or doesn't do... it is YOUR LIFE AND YOUR LIFE IS FANTASTIC IN LOVE AND HAPPINESS STARTING NOW.

    Oh... what's that I see... another smile? Get used to those Alice8. Expect the "smile factor" to increase now. Regardless of circumstances. Regardless of people. Regardless of anything but YOU.

    Knight of Pentacles. There's more than one rooster in the barnyard. A lot more. And as good as Rooster Fred has been... there is better... as hot as it was... there is better... and as sweet as it was... there is better... a LOT better... how do I know? I know because I know a God in Heaven who loves to lavish his favorite children with wonderful companionship... deeply rewarding love... sweet and kind relationships that eclipse everything that has ever been known.

    I know a Universe that has an amazing plan and purpose for your life that can't be stopped once you engage the Smile Factor... once you wrap your arms around YOU and don't let go. Once you hold yourself and look in the mirror and say I AM SO LOVELY, I AM SO DESIRABLE, I AM SO LOVE BY HEAVEN AND A BUNCH OF BEAUTIFUL MEN - SOMEWHERE! With that attitude you cant go wrong. With that love of yourself coupled with your love of the Universe there is no force known to humanity that can prevent your HIGHEST BLISS from coming to pass.

    Eight of Pentacles. This is the Card of the Apprentice. See yourself under the care and guidance of the angels now. They will now take over and lead you gently by the hand and take you to Love's sweet entryway. The UNIVERSE will now guide you to a life that is so far richer than what you have had with Fred so far, you will be gasping to catch your breath at the magnitude of it. You are being guided now by the angels and heaven and you really don't have to do a thing.

    Except... just smile. Smile because you know you are going to have some wonderful options, some new playmates, some new doors opening. Smile because you know deep down you are worth it and deserve every possible happiness. Smile because you are such a lovely lady who has never given up on a dream relationship in spite of the Freds of the world.

    Now, don't rule out Fred coming around. He could. He could change next week and become even more deeply in love with you than ever and tells Julie and Samantha , sorrry, I have my hands full with Alice, so long. It's possible! It could happen!

    It is also possible that a flying saucer could land in your back yard tonight and little green men get out and cook up some martian hot dogs for you.

    What am I saying? I am saying get a vision for the life of love that YOU deserve in spite of this clown. And smile because you know you deserve better and you know you are going to get better. Better choices, better surprises, and better love!

    Hey, I don't like throwing in the towel on any relationship. I am the kind of person that would still be believing the titanic could be repaired today and put back into service. However, with this approach you don't have to choose, you can keep your options open as you dream dream dream.

    That can be the hard part though when you are in a lukewarm relationship. It can be a challenge. And you could very well be looking at a time soon where you will have to say adios to Fred. But I wouldn't stress over it. There are other ways to make yourself happy in the bedroom if you catch my drift. That don't depend on anyone else. That's called loving the most beautiful person in the Universe.


    love, astra

  • OH wow Thank You Astra!

    🙂 I will smile ! You are amazing thank you for being there at the right time.

    THe smile it makes them wonder what you been up to thing is something I can do ...

    and as far as dreams and wishes... yes I have a couple !

    Being a musician I always hope for that big Break that brings me success and badly needed money to boot.

    Mostly I just want to make music, be given the respect I deserve as an artist and I want badly for someone to love and support me just as I love and support them.

    I never dated much and this man is only my second lover in my life.

    Sure could get used to the idea that there is another person out there that I could be so happy , feel safe with !

    Again thank you for helping me...

    My life has not been a very happy one. Parents didnt care much bout kids then lots of death , the whole family passed , there was just never much to laugh or smile about ...

    The last year I had been finally learning to relax . .. I had always been waiting for the next bad thing to come was even told I was cursed , not once but twice!

    Things had been going well but I could feel the sadness coming

    Thank you for being here for me , I feel like I have a friend , I feel better and think I can see things better.

    Blessings to you Astra

    here is a smile too 🙂


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