Sagittarius lady with a Capricorn man

  • Hi, this is my first post and this is a problem that has been going on for several years now. My husband and I have been married for just 18 months but we have been together for almost 8 years. I am starting to feel very trapped by our relationship. I don't seem to be able to communicate with him and was wondering if anyone could help. Basically I need some more freedom, things are improving but he still has trouble letting me out of the house for anything other than work. Can we make it work or is it destined to fail? 😞

  • What are the exact birthdates?

  • You have to get him to listen to you or the relationship will fail. Open and honest communication is the glue that binds a marriage together. You have to make him see that he is smothering you. It sounds like he is turning into one of those abusive people who doesn't trust and tries to control his partner by keeping her close to home and not letting her out on her own. If so, you will be miserable indeed. You have to make him give you more freedom and trust or the marriage will fail.

  • I'm a Sagi and my first marriage was with a Cap - yep he was sure controlling and loved head games. Enough said why we're no longer together.............

  • They are 29/11/79 and 24/12/76.

    He is very controlling of me, I want to try and make it work but it is really starting to affect every aspect of my life in a negative way, relationships with my family and friends and my work.

  • Anyone got any ideas on how to talk to Capricorn men?

  • Hello,

    I am also a Sagitarius married to a Capricorn for 6 years now. I do remember going through exactly what you are experiencing. Capricorns like to have control and will go to any lengths, including trying to belittle you, to achieve this. What you need to remember is that you are a freedom loving Sagitarius that does not like to be held on a leash. It got so bad at one time that I simply left for the weekend to stay with my best friend and didn't tell him where I was going. That led to him texting me and asking me if I wanted to go to church (it was a Sunday) and I replied 'no that I wasn't sure when or if I would return home'. I did return home a few days later and it took a few days after that for us to have a heart to heart. Things have improved dramatically since.

    Just talk to him and let him know that you love him. . .They need reassurance constantly. They are afraid that you will hit the road at any given time and you probably will if you feel trapped. Once he knows this, he will back off and be thankful that he has such a great partner who loves him and is willing to tell him how she feels.

    Hope this helps

  • Hi, thank you. I have tried that one. I went to my sisters for a few days. 🙂 I am not sure if it is him that is the problem now or me. I don't feel like I can ask him if it is ok for me to go anywhere on my own. I know people say I don't need to ask his permission but I feel like I do. Hmmm, he is working this Sunday and I don't have to go with him, maybe I could ask if I can d something then.

  • Don't ask for his permission - Just go - And do it when he's at home - Just grab your purse and keys and say "I've got some things to take care of I'll be back later"

    I'm thinking this is a trust issue. Usually when these trust issues come up it is because he is either thinking of cheating or is already cheating. It's not you. Step back and take a good look at what is really going on here.

  • Mmmm it has always been like this though, not just recently. He has always wanted to know exactly where I am all the time. It is something he has a problem with as a child as well. He has told me that when he was younger he would cry if his mum was late home from work. Even when we had only being seeing each other for a year or so, if I didn't answer my phone he would call my friends to ask where I was.

  • Cmazza, according to your astrological profiles, both of you are constantly searching for ways to work out issues and improve your relationship. This search is based on the acknowledgment that problems exist, and on the premise that they need to be solved in order to proceed in a more productive and less antagonistic fashion. All of this sounds very logical, but in fact the two of you are looking out for your own interests as well. It is the tension between what you can get and what you will have to give up as individuals that provides the dynamic here. At some moments, you two can resemble politicians hammering out an agreement, at others, a buyer and seller haggling over the price of merchandise.

    Temperamentally, you and your husband couldn't be more different - you can be lightning-quick and overreactive, while he is more measured and difficult to arouse. Friendship is usually more successful than a love affair here. Because your relationship can gyrate between passionate conflict and indifference, it is rarely reliable enough to hang together for long without drastic changes. In a friendship, you two can generally surmount your differences, not least by fully respecting and even appreciating them. It is however in marriage that the true focus of this combination emerges most clearly, as problems are recognized and solved almost every day of the week. The problem is in the interpretation of 'solving' - your husband thinks he is solving the problem of you 'abandoning' him by controlling you - but, especially with a freedom-loving Sadge, this can have the opposite result. That's why you need to talk and communicate to him that over-control is NOT a solution to your marital problems. He does want to sort things out, but his own fears and issues mean that his solutions are not ones you can live with. In some sense, both your marital and personal survival are at stake here. Giving your husband little choice but to cooperate, you may be able to put your differences aside or work them out, for you both know full well that the grim alternative may be the end of the relationship. You must stand up for yourself, Cmazza, but also be ready to compromise. Keep the lines of communication open - and listen!

    Your husband tends to feel very unloved and unlovable, due to his upbringing. He doesn't feel he has much worth or value unless he has money. He tends to equate love with wealth and prosperity, to the point where it hinders his creativity and his ability to grant as much freedom to others as he needs for himself. He has security fears for his old age too, so he probably works quite hard. He must pass through the illusion of fear of poverty and loneliness to become more liberated creatively and emotionally, have more social confidence, and develop a healthier sense of prosperity.

  • Wow, thank you TheCaptain, that was very thought provoking and thorough. I am at work at the moment but will post a better reply tonight. Thank you again 🙂

  • Thank you again TheCaptain, it was a very insightful reply. I have been going through some problems myself at the moment and I wonder if these have made him feel insecure about our relationship. I have been suffering with really bad depression this last 6 months. He has been supportive but in a negative way if that makes sense. Instead of telling me 'you can do it' he goes with the over-protective 'you don't have to do it, I will look after you' approach. So I have been a bit distant and self-involved lately I guess.

    I hope that we can work this through because we are very close and people often say we are soul-mates including ourselves.

    I need to build up the trust again in our relationship so that he can let me have more freedom?

    The question is how. 🙂

    Thank you so much.

  • Yes, Cmazza, your husband has been trying to find solutions for the problems you are both suffering through, but it's up to you to tell him gently that his solutions aren't working for you. You need to find an answer that works for both of you. You have to be honest with each other and you must tell your husband what you need from him. Earth signs like Capricorn prefer straight, clear, no-nonsense talk. Don't imply anything or hope he understands your thinking and wishes. TELL him exactly what he needs to do for the sake of your happiness and marriage. And you will also have to give in on some points too. Ask him what you can do to strengthen his trust in you - but also point out that he is 'punishing' you for the sins of his mother or parental figure who made him feel so rejected and abandoned when young. And ask him what he needs from you to feel better (that doesn't involve control or imprisonment). Compromise!

  • Do you know what is causing your depression?

  • I think I have some idea. I am very unhappy in work, I have been struggling for some time. I have asked my boss for help but he is very flaky, he gives me some help for maybe a month and then things revert to how they have always been. I am doing a PhD and I am at the end of it now, I am worried that my depression has had a huge negative impact on it and I won't complete it successfully. All in all very stressful at the moment.

  • I think you put too much pressure on yourself. Getting your PhD should not be seen as life or death or the be-all and end-all of your life. So what if you fail? That would just mean you are meant to do something else. Humans rarely get anything right the first time. Don't be so hard on yourself. There is always another opportunity that comes along - no door closes without another one opening. You just have to ensure that negativity doesn't 'blind' you to other paths and opportunitites. When you look forward to the future with hope and enthusiam, you 'look up from the ground' and can see more clearly around you. What you do in life is not nearly as important as the type of person you are and how you treat others. All you can do is your best.

  • Thank you again TheCaptain, I guess it is the saggy in me that aims too high. 🙂

  • It's not wrong to aim high but aiming too high or too low means you may miss your target. 🙂

  • Thanks TheCaptain. Any insight into how my work situation is going to work out?

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