To My Friend AstraAngel :)



  • Did he like the date?

    THe Magician! Yes!!! It was magical!

    What is his view on you since you went out?

    THE 6 of Wands!!! Yay! Fantastic is all I can say!

    WOW asia this is great news I am thrilled you are getting to know him - I PRAY IT GOES GREAT FOR YOU in this relationship - you deserve this!

    As for me, today has been very rough for some reason... things just not really working out... but I am still here, still typing still trying to paint, still trying to believe that there is a hope for tomorrow! I would like to find my passion again, that is missing...

    I did send my screenplay to a few agents so we'll see... I am not expecting anything really as I am a rank amateur. I am happy enough with my cards and maybe a little painting once in a while. Not making much money at anything yet, people keep telling me to paint on canvas to make the money. But my heart is NOT in the art, that is why I am painting on cereal box cardboard (until I find the passion and THEN i'll paint on materials that cost $$$). I don't know what else to do for passionate work/art (hence me dabbling in all these other things).

    So keep me posted on your relationship, I will live my love life vicariously through yours for now! 🙂

    Blessings and happiness to you asia, nice things in life coming for you!!!

    your buddy,

    astra



  • That's good that you still sent out your screenplay-why not you'll never know what will happen-Why not go for it. That is good that you are still going after your passion-most just settle for less because the risk is of failure is too great especially when it comes to doing something they love. I really do hope and pray that you find your passion at the right time 🙂

    Me and the busboy have been texting each other since our date but usually it ends kinda quicker than I want it to sometimes 😞 but oh well he still seems interested just insanely busy. I wish we could talk more but I'll just wait to work-I hope I can see him this weekend.

    Does he want to hangout again?

    What is the best way for me to go about this? (I know patience is a big deal)



  • Hello Astra,

    Long time no see. How are you? 🙂

    The busboy quit his job yesterday. We have still been texting though but he has a lot going on alot of times so we really dont get to hang out much. It sucks but I still feel that he likes me. Ive been patient with it though because Ive been busy myself.

    Does he still like me?

    And would he like to go on another date?



  • Hey Asia118x

    Thanks for the good words on the script work... yeah well we will see I am not holding my breath or anything, it was fun to create and now that is done and I am on to other things...

    So the busboy quit hmm I wonder why.... let's see where things are with you and him!

    Wow - this is serious!

    I am looking at the cards and I tell you what Asia you and this guy look great for each other!

    You - Justice

    Him - The Tower

    Then, present situation - 2 swords

    outlook

    ACE wands

    That looks fantastic to me... no cups who cares. What is important is that you are both on the same wavelength - DEEP love can grow from that like big time! I am excited for you!

    The 2 of swords at present sounds like some reserve, kinda wait and see feelings... but a couple. You are connecting through your thoughts of each other right now... KEEP wishing him positive thoughts and wished and it will work out.

    The ACE wands seems a fantastic sign of UNION and one mind and path for the two of you. That is a wonderful card there in that position.

    You must really like him... I am sure he thinks you are pretty special too. You two should team up in the movie making things... get him to hold the camera or something and you can act... play around... dream...

    Would he like to go out on another date? 8 of cups. Yeah and I think he wants to get away somewhere remote with you, like parking in some out of the way and secret place, like in the woods or something.

    Keep your movie camera with you haha.. you might get inspired 😉 just kidding........ I do think he really likes you...



  • Thanks Astra! Im glad to see that you are still on the quest to find your true passion while trying out different things. Way to go!

    He does seem like he likes me its just that we are both busy-him alot more than me at times but I can't rule him out for that-he a pretty cool guy. I really do like him alot and would love to see where this goes. I like taking it slow but I get scared at times because I am not so sure what is going on at times but its kind of fun when that happens. It calms me down and helps me focus on learning and how far Ive come. A long time ago when we first met sometime around August or September he talked of going to Miami for his birthday and said I could join him. It may sound crazy but I actually would like to still go but I scared of how he would react if I would invite myself.

    He still doesn't flirt with me too often (Except for the time we were alone with each other) but I think its a respect thing too and him being careful.

    Does he see us as just friends or does he want more but just taking it slow?

    I feel like I have been doing great but how should I go about this?

    I also feel like Ive showed interest but scared that Ive shown too much-does he see me as being to aggressive?



  • Hate to be a burden with one more question but I have to ask-How does he think I feel towards him?



  • Hey Asia

    I drew a few cards to your questions see what you think

    Does he see us as just friends or does he want more but just taking it slow?

    5 of cups - that sounds like a change of heart for him... I think he is still trying to figure out what the two of you are! Until then slow and easy...

    I feel like I have been doing great but how should I go about this?

    Ace of Swords - keep your wisdom and clear mind in the midst of the emotions... set clear boundaries, communicate clearly, simply, keep it simple seems to be the word.

    I also feel like Ive showed interest but scared that Ive shown too much-does he see me as being to aggressive?

    The Moon, no not aggressive. A little mysterious or emotional maybe. The Moon is not aggressive though, very quiet and calm and a little dark perhaps.

    How does he think I feel towards him?

    2 of Swords - he think you are a little cold and closed off I think. However that seems to be the guidance anyway, keep your cool, and that is just the way it will be.



  • Hey astra! lots to talk about lol. Ive had a crazy week. Ive got my fasfa for school coming up and my mother can no longer which puts my education on a string. my father has been making efforts to talk to me i just havent been ready for it to be honest. the busboy also hasnt text me for a week. i think he has too much going on to really show the interest i crave badly.



  • Hi Asia

    Okay it sounds like your sorta juggling different things... the interest you crave with the busboy is something that jumps out at me. What kind of interest are you talking about? Is this leading to a movie idea? You must be working it out as we go... amazing. Asia, I have to hand it to you... what an artist you are. Have you picked out a title yet haha///

    I am shopping for a motorcycle. Its what guys do I guess... my current choices are BMW and Harley. At the moment I am really leaning toward the BMW's.. what do you think? Either the 1200 RT or 1600 GTL... both are awesome bikes. And I plan on a trip to Roswell, check out the alien controversy first hand... I think there is more to the story. (I have a theory). Other than that I am enjoying the change of weather, sort of. Not sure I am as prepared for Winter this time. Ugh. Tropics or something sounds a little better... there I go again... my fantasy world... back to reality.

    So your dad has tried to talk to you.. and you don't want to talk... you said not ready. I think you are doing exactly the right thing, take your time and only when YOU are ready, then let him know. He should understand that? I think it is wonderful that he is reaching out to you, I know he must really care about you.



  • Hey Astra! Haven't been on here lately as you can see been busy with life lol and not having steady internet puts a damper on things. I noticed that I need to create stronger faith for myself-I get shaken up easily and tune out and drown myself in negativity sometimes. I really do feel bipolar disorder has a lot to do with this but I still haven't been checked out yet. I want to but Im scared to. But then again, it will be the first step into helping me focus. I haven't talked to the busboy in a while-I feel he probably is to busy or just doesn't want to talk to me more. Too bad, I really did like him though but Ive got to move on. I was going through a lot these past few months-we got evicted from our apartment-long story as well as going through the trials and tribulations editing a co workers wedding. She thanked the guy I worked with way more than she thanked me and seemed to be angry that her work was taking to long to complete but never told my co camera guy that and seemed way more cool with him than me about it and I cared way more about the video than he did. I was hurting bad about that. Luckily we found a house weeks before out eviction date but again I don't have a room or any space for myself-I just find a place to sleep and still have limited availability being that I am forced to watch my 2 year old brother all day during the week (hard job if you ask me) and work 12 hour days on the weekends.

    Its hard not to be down on myself at times because I am never where I want to be or not even half way there and my outlook on the future is always semi good. I might feel better tomorrow-Im in a really bad mood right now but thought about you today and just wanted to update you on everything and see how it was going.

    BTW how have you been?



  • Hey Asia

    I am trying to get back in the forum here... ugh, i don't know why i crawl away ... what can I say I need to be alone, I guess. There are times when others would not want to be around me.

    We sound like in the same place.. I also drown myself in so much frustration and anger at life. There is hardly a day that comes that I don;t pray to be "gone from here" as I am so fed up with not having income and living in a situation that honestly feels like h3ll to me... whatever... my cross to bear I guess. I have given up on love, relationships. Right now I am focused on getting back to my hobbies, RC helicopters, maybe get a telescope. That was the only things that ever worked in my life, my hobbies, ALONE. I have had NO luck in relationships and honestly don't feel that is meant to be. Fine. Whatever. I am shopping for a heli now, probably a T-rex 450 to start with, and get better at that. I had two BIG helicopters and loved them... for some dumb stupid reason I sold all of my hobby things a few years ago back when I actually believed my life had a purpose and had bright hopes for the future in my art and love. Not any more. I learned my lesson. Believe in love, believe in a beautiful purpose in your life... and prepare to be sent through the wringer... whatever. I guess the designers of the Universe said "Hey... how can we make this a torture chamber for people? How can we break people's hearts? How can we cause them to do stupid things, thinking they are doing the right things...?" Maybe they like to watch us all cry and we are on TV in heaven, dramas... and they laugh at us maybe. I am tired of being laughed at... used for money... treated like dog crap from telling someone I love them... fired... from believing in love only to be proven I was wrong.... whatever... maybe the gods are also suffering from BPD.

    So, as you can see I am not always super Mr. Positive haha... I get mad as freaking h3ll at "whatever" through us to the wolves down here. Whatever...

    Okay, now back to you... enough of me... doesn't matter....


    I say YOU are doing great. Even though you don't feel like things are progressing, I still have this sense about you Asia that the life experiences are all contributing to your art in some way. Like you will draw from all of this in your films? That is how we learn maybe. Or what gives us something to work with when we create. I think creative people are best to stay alone if you ask me.

    Here is a card for you... 10 of cups a lot of emotion about something....

    Well keep going as you are... I hope it gets better for you. I have all but given up on anything ever working out in any way I thought it should or could. I do hope it goes better for you and I know it will... keep filming with whatever you have.

    Turn that wedding movie around and make a mocumentary out of it. Edit it down into a drama, TARENTINO style... you need to be using these stupid dumba$$ situations you are dealing with and make a movie from THAT. Maybe I should do the same I have tried filming these bozos I live with (my ex and teen kids) and they jjst scream at me. I should publish that for fun haha... I am out of ideas....

    Here is another card for you... this one is free... the first one will cost u I will send you a bill for it... haha just kidding...

    5 of wands - so you are going through a path change... that can be very unsettling. I am going thru the same thing maybe... like. You think your life is supposed to be THIS way... and your whole mentality gets centered on that, like it HAS to be THIS THING or THIS person or THIS PATH and then things never go right iin accordance with that path... and it causes a LOT of distress... and pain... and you are SCREAMING at the sky... WTF are you wanting with me anyway???!!! That is the 5 of wands for VERY TALENTED creative people like You asia... you got it sister... all of this is working somehow for you I don't know how... keep it going is all i can tell you... do a film journal,

    DAY 1 - (Camera centered on you with your kid brother screaming in the background)

    "I want to die..." (and then run the camera for about 5 minutes with you just sitting there looking at the camera with things flying through the air in the background.

    Fade to black.... titles... DAY 2

    (camera centered on you again, now there is some apartment person in the background talking to someone about eviction .. a cop is there too... the kid bro is also screaming...)

    "I didn't die yesterday... maybe today" (And you smile a big smile and stare into the camera for another 5 minutues.

    ...

    You could create a feature film that way ... it would be 90 minutes divided by 5 = 18 scenes... I mean its one idea...

    Okay I saw your post and wanted to say hi... I am trying to get back here to give some readings. about the only thing working for me right now... still trying some paper craft art things but it is a pita....

    See ya

    Astra

    P.S. Also drew the Universe card so you CAN KNOW that it will all work out for you Asia... you are a beautiful lady and a lot of heart I don't know why you have to experience what you are dealing with... maybe one day, a million years from now someome will explain it all to us.... blessings to you.... sri that I am not more of a help, I am rather depressed myself...



  • Here is a heli I am looking at... T-rex 450... my girlfriend!



  • oops... wrong size...



  • Nice one Astra! Are you thinking of buying that? Seems a little expensive but nice nonetheless. And your right all of these trials and tribulations are tying into my work. I just hate being stuck at home tied down to my little brother when I could be working on projects. I dont want peopld to think Im lazy or dont want sucess enough. I want to solely have the time to focus on my art, work and school thats it. There is this guy I will call Jake that I have been following on YouTube. The videos that he shoots and edits is amazing. He gets soooo many views and has his own style and video business now and hasnt even graduated college yet! And not to mention he is very cute lol. I messaged him once on Facebook about tips on video work and marketing. He was very nice and wished me luck. I would love to work with him further but he seems to be a loner. Do you think if he could direct some of my writing he would be interested in working with me? Btw I think he is a Cappy



  • Asia

    I don't know about this guy you are talking about I think you need to stay alone and film your OWN life and your OWN ideas right where you are at and forget about everyone else. Focus focus focus on what is around you and make that your life's creative work would be my suggestion.



  • Hey Astra! How are you??? Im going to shoot my new movie about the psychopathic zealot in Feburary. Hope it gets into film festivals! Im so excited about it and really sticking to my gut about how much this can work.

    I have been going through the same torturous mood swings lately and I feel people at work are beginning to notice which is embarassing for me. I sincerely feel its bipokar disorder but Im scared to rule it out. I woukd really love to go to therapy because I have so much undetlying issues including anger and sadness and its affecting me in life and love. Im so cautious and frustrated with people I feel they reject me no matter what even when they are being nice. My impatience with people stems from the hurt and pain I recieved from others in my past. Its percieved rejection alot of tines because deep down I feel unworthy at times. But other times I happy and feel like I deserve friends or somebody to love besides my family.

    Im speaking of this because this guy (I will call him Cudi) I had a crush on at work doesnt seem to like me at all but then I feel there is a slight interest sometimes but I never tell him or act like I like him back. I just play around with him by being sarcastic and mean in a joking manner. But last night he showed up at a little party of ours. That I got so tired of him ignoring me to the point. I ignored him and got kind of rude with him. I feel bad now because I feel I need to stop taking my pain out on others.

    Did I hurt Cudi feelings last night?

    Does Cudi really like me?

    What does he think of me



  • Hey Asia

    I deal with the same things, all of the mental self-torture and feelings of rejection. I am thinking of getting some counseling if I can afford it or find someone for free... a lot of our concerns about life could be totally self-generated delusions that is a perversion of reality. I am very close to coming to that conclusion about myself, that none of this is "real" in any dependable sense. Reality is totally subjective could mean that everything we see... every color... every detail... the people... the settings... is a completely self-generated construct that has no real substance. That sort of leaves you in pure energy land... which could be what Tarot forums are for hahaha.....

    So your "film" sounds great... let me know if you need an extra I once was an extra in a famous movie... well... not really famous, but did have some good actors in it... sorta....

    Did I hurt cudi feelings last night? 10 of pentacles. Doesn't say anything emotionally. Something very physical was said though.

    Does cudi really like me? 4 of swords... that isn't exactly the 2 of cups. However it does show a person laying on a bed so maybe some fantasies cudi has?

    What does he think of me? 7 of swords. I dunno, what do you think that means?



  • I have no idea what that 7 of swords means but I told him I was kidding about the other night and asked him could I borrow his 8mm camera. He responded normally that he will pick it up when ever he goes to his dads. I guess that a sign Im in the clear. I feel WAY BETTER today. I think his ideology and ignorance on somethings irritates me. For example he is black but he told my friend that he doesnt like to hang out with black people. Im black and this offends me because its one thing to be diverse but another to completely shun your own race. Im am extremely diverse and dont have many black friends but not because I dont like them. He carries that attitude with them even though he talks to me and sometimes I think thats the reason he wouldnt ever really like me. I mean I really hate ignorance.

    I guess he is ok though other than that.

    Is he just laying low to ask me out or does he really not date his own race?

    Does he find me attractive?



  • Hey Astra Ive been extremely stressed out since school and it is becoming very distracting. Im still forced to watch my brother during the week and work all day on the weekends all while dealing with my possible bipolar disorder (I feel this is the reason for my intense mood swings) the stress of my home life and trying to get my movie done in order to provide for myself.

    For example, I have been working very hard in this math class which is very hard but due to my lack of focus I havent been able to do the best I can do. This is my second time taking the class but will have to pay for the class ifI fail again. Im on the borderline and I turned my stuff in but I couldnt make it my best work-Im frustrated because I try so hard and dont want to drop out but will if needed.

    Any advice?



  • Hi asia

    May I ask a dumb question? Why do you need "math" to do movies? Isn't that why God made calculators, so we don't have to TAKE math classes?

    I dunno, you are NOT "bipolar" or whatever that is... that is a word we throw on life to "name" something that is entirely normal. Creative people are always dealing with mood swings, and emotional ups and downs it is all a part of the mix.

    I always feel some hesitancy with you on your guy situations. This black dude sounds interesting though! I would ignore his "race" comments that all sounds like drama to me.... he is watching you to see how you respond. Tell him the next time you see him that you can relate ... you don't like to hang out with Eskimos.

    At least he has a camera and a real one - 8mm! That is way cool.

    Math class I got a 4 swords, that shows taking a rest from it, relaxing. You could be putting too much pressure on yourself there. Hanged Man seems to be not doing much about it either. The Moon... a lot of emotional concern about it. Ugh, I dunno why you have to take it, is it to get a degree? Diploma? What kind of math is it? I can't tell you to drop the class. That is something you will have to decide on your own. You have a friend to help you? I still can't figure out what the math thing is to do with movies.

    What are you wanting to be in your life?

    What comes naturally to you?

    Asia, what in the world is going on with you?

    You ever thought about getting on a bus and just heading for Hollywood and start working your tail off there to get into the biz? You would make it. I cant tell you to do that either. However there comes a point where you have to live for yourself ... whose kid is it anyway that you are "watching"?

    I better shut up I don't want to encourage you to move out or anything... head for L.A. I feel like life is got you in this prison or something, and you are struggling to make the best of it, but you are really getting hammered in these life situations. Math class? Little brother? Some guy that has plain come out and said he doesn't to hang out with certain races? You want a racist for a bf?

    So I come back to YOU asia... what about YOU? Forget these situations. the 8mm camera... the racist bf... the snotty nosed little brother... what about YOU? Where is your heart. what do you want to do?

    What comes EASILY to you in life? What creative thing do you LOVE to do that you wish wish wish you could do all the time. on and on and on?

    We gotta get some fire going in your life!... all of these questions about this guy, that guy, the grocery bagger guy, now the racist guy... and you are now thinking you are bipolar? Huh?

    You are a CREATIVE person asia... I dunno, I am trying to help but honestly you leave my head spinning... what simple thing do you love to do, that you CAN do right now without waiting for some "break" in life?

    Blessings dear Asia118x! Sri I am not more help on the math class... I loved math when I took it, I did pretty well, took calculus... made A's back... you know what kind of math I do now? I count on my fingers.

    Astra