Women, especially Pisces, I need help

  • Hey,

    I have decided to tell the Pisces I've been seeing that it's not going to work out and I don't know how to go about it without really hurting her. A long story short. We met online and were attracted to each other, but she has two kids from different fathers and I told her from the beginning that I was not interested in dating anyone with kids. However, we hung out a few times and became intimate quickly. So I stepped back to re-evaluate things because I don't want to hurt her. I think she is a really amazing women but I'm not ready to take on a women with two kids. If she only had one it would be a lot easier but I want kids of my own and I could barely afford one right now let alone 3 if her and I had one. I am 34 years old and I realize a lot of women over 25 have kids and I know it's not going to be easy for a guy my age to find a single women with no kids, but I'm not ready to give up looking yet. There are still a lot of 27 to 30 year old women who don't have kids.

    Anyway, do any of you have advice? We both care a lot about each other and we have been up front honest with each other from the beginning. I Told when were first started hanging out that I was re-evaluating my stance on dating a women with kids, and I truly was, but I have now decided that I don't that at this point in my life. We have only been talking for a few months, and have hung out like 3 times in person. Her and I both admit that we have a tendency to jump into relationships to quickly, and that's exactly what we did. Once it gets physical, and it doesn't work out, someone always gets hurt. This sucks 😞

  • Cancerman, just be direct and honest about it, otherwise she might assume that she has somehow upset you, and will waste her precious time and emotional energy trying to figure out what it was. Just be a man and face the music. And for the future try not to get intimately involved with women who don't match your expectations.

  • Thanks VoplySoply I am definitely upset with myself for allowing lust to enter our relationship.

  • Hi Cancerman - If it helps, I'm 35 and have no kids - and certainly not for the lack of wanting any. It would be a dream come true for me - I CAN have them, but was with someone who acted like he wanted them, then the truth came out....And I have friends that are my age that haven't had any either... So there's hope!

    With regard to your situation, I can totally understand where you are coming from. I am a Cancer and I HATE hurting people. If by now you can't change your feelings on her family, then you probably never will. I don't think there's enough of a connection and it's better to explain that now. If you are honest and she knows you tried to reconcile yourself to it, then I would hope she'll understand - of course it will hurt a bit, but in time it sounds like she'll be alright with it. I would want honesty rather than a silent disappearance from you in this situation.

    Wish you the best!

  • Hi Mark,

    Long time no talk to....So sorry you are deciding that it won't work out. I think you should just rip the bandaid off. But don't tell her the complete reason. I would be hurt and pissed all at once. Hurt because a dreamy, romantic Pisces would never let something as practical as not affording 3 kids (1 in the future) stand in the way of magical love. And the protective mother in me would then defend my children...that I don't want a man who doesn't accept my babies...period.

    And here is a true story.,when i was 10, my mother was dating this man for like a year...he then dumped her to marry a virgin from Italy. Now my mother had 3 kids and that was overwhelming to him....flash forward 10 years later and I end up working for this man. He was my boss. He told me that he wished that he had just married my mother. He wanted a few kids from his wife, but she only could have one. and she was also very cold...and did not like sex... Poor Andy, he still had it bad for my mom. She would come visit me (it was a store) and Andy would sigh when she would leave....

    Make sure ending it is what you really want and then do it quickly...you know how we Pisces chicks get hurt.

  • I say step up and be the man you claim to be. Tell her the honest to God truth. I know personally I cannot stand dishonesty in a person because I am not dishonest. I was born on the Cusp of Aries and Pisces so I am a sensitive Aries Female.

    I also understand being that I am about your age and wanting children. I have one but want another and men around your age are done having them, or at least the ones I meet.

    However in this situation it is more hurtful to lie than to tell the truth. Lies are always a more hurtful way to go for someone. Think of how you would feel if someone had done that to you and left you with the broken heart?

    As said above, don't get involved if it's not what you want.

  • Yes like everyone said.. step up and tell her honestly. It's like pulling a band aid... you have to do it fast.. then it comes out clean. She will appreciate your honesty and straightforwardness..

  • Be direct and honest. She's going to feel the rejection despite whatever you tell her. You can't control that. One thing us Pisces girls hate is being strung along so do tell her the truth. Your reason is totally legit and I'd understand it if I were in her position. But the one thing you can't do is go back on that, get back together with her down the line and then drop her again. She wears her heart on her sleeve so treat her with tenderness.

    On another note. If she had those kids out of wedlock and slept with you after only three dates, I'd run. She's not a quality girl like you thought. Of course she's nice. That's what us Pisces girls are all about. But don't over look the fact that she seems to have no problem getting herself preggers with multiple guys. And you need to look at the facts as to why she's not with those children's fathers anymore. You may be next on her "baby daddy" list so if you do remain with her never forget to wear protection. Finally, if she's the type to sleep around fast, what makes you think that if things go bad between you guys if you become seriously involved with her and instead of working things out with you on a healthy level, she goes and sleeps with a new guy while still with you? Her track record doesn't seem all that good. Just wanted to give you a different perspective to think about. Don't feel bad. It's your life. Live it the way you see fit. You don't need to meet anyone else's expectations. I'm also in my mid 30's-no kids because I'm not married yet and I don't sleep around. 🙂

  • SeaSiren, does sleeping after 3 dates makes a MAN a quality man ?

  • @VS, he asked for Pisces opinions, not Aries. Last time I checked bold one, you were a ram. lol

  • Well, I volontered one, I'm sure he wouldn't object, ram or no ram. Anyway, my point is that it's a little bit unfair to apply different standarts to men and women, don't you think ?

  • Hi Mark,

    So what was the end result? Did you do it? Did ya break it off? So curious as to what happened.

  • Well if a guy thinks a girl is non quality after sleeping with them after three dates then what about the guy is he non quality as well? Both involved in the sex so instead of accusing the woman being non-quality how about you accuse the man to be non quality as well or just mind your own business and stop putting your own crap onto others. If you think that, great keep it to yourself, dont put yourself into the 'no quality' box will you? Yeh and what do you care if other ppl have sex after three dates just make sure you dont if thats where your at. Stop judging others instead why dont you judge youself more.

  • In reality I get really pissed off with guys judging others for their actions, I have found the guys that are more judging toward others to be the most shallow and need to get out and live a little before making such judgements. Everyone has their own way of life and I used to be judging but found it isnt so easy when you live out in the big world and have to survive. Guys like that havent lived, dont know what its like and have no right to judge others. Well noone does. Well isnt about time ppl got over themselves and realised that it doesnt really matter at all in the big picture? Whats a quality person anyway? Theres no such thing.

  • Every single person have their qualities and faults, which have nothing to do with the number of dates one has before getting intimately involved.

  • All I am saying is that if anyone has a problem with ppl who have sex after three dates maybe got to look at themselves instead of judging others to be of low quality. Ppl are different, if you dont like no quality then dont be with a no quality person, also quality and no quality are dependant on how ones see it. Like if for instance you have someone who dresses like crap according to societies rules then is a decent person is that a quality person? Or is someone who dresses with quality clothes and is a non decent person then is that a non quality person? Depends on what the person conseiders to be qual or non-qual.

  • Also depends on where that person is at and how evolved they are. So to judge anyone to be a quality or non quality says alot about the person who judges.

  • I agree about that - there isn't such thing as a "quality" person. People are not things, and it's unwise to put this kinds of labels on each other, especially based on such a shallow creteria.

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