Sick and tired of this Cancerian man's emotional roller coaster!!
VOC stop waiting on him - go out with other friends and ignore him for awhile and if he wont come see you on his birthday then dont go see him send him a text saying happy b-day and then take the money you would of spent and do something for yourself
You have wants and needs and he should reciprocate - he is being selfish and that is not the way for a relationship to go
he did come back twice LOL this is what confuses me...anyway, i will cool down and see. wont invest any further..
well I never stay in relationship where I can't equally give and take
in relationships we are equal to our partners, business or romantic
your posts after my response, remind me of my own experience with someone else
he did exactly what your Cancer did, although he has no kids and fortunately at the time I had too much debts to be able to relocate and live with him
"fortunately" because after a few months he changed drastically. I can feel he finds someone else living closer (we were long distance and he kept complaining about it LOL) and that he has been trashing me in front of his friends. why would he do that, I don't know. I told him if he finds someone else I will not interfere and I can move on. It's long distance anyway, what's the big deal.
he didn't admit it but I didn't need confirmation as his attitudes showed it. I dropped him after 4 mths. good thing I never had enough money to do what I wanted to please him. I suppose there is reason for everything. forgot his dob but I remember he is not Cancer.
anywayyyyy like I said cancers don't let go easily, they keep coming back to exes. and you are not the only ex he has. if you can live with the emotional roller coaster my Gemini friend went through, then I guess you are meant to be together.
Well, we woke up this morning...I saw him on FB talking to ex lovers in New York, so I decided to bring up the topic...I said I wont travel to NYC or Bali with him, not with my financial issues - and certainly not to travel alone, to meet him (when he already made all sorts of arrangements for him and his kids) AND to have a room alone for me (LOL!). So he was like 'since we're making big announcements, I've decided to stay in this flat - meaning that we wont move in together. I asked how are they related? Is this like a punishment, and he said that no he already decided that...It bothered me. Anyway, he refused to discuss the thing...I mentioned that if I felt more appreciated, included, some sort of a priority with some give and take, I would've gone with you...but I feel that I'm just continuously giving and feel it's unfair and draining sometimes. He got upset and said you obviously made up your mind...you want me to be something I cannot...I am too old to change my ways...you have this image and idea of me and want me to fit in and you want to force it on me...I said no that's not true, I just want to feel that we both give and take...that we compromise...talk things over...be really equals (since he continuously advocates for this). Anyway, eventually he asked for space and asked me to leave. I said is this a break up, he said not necessarily no. But then he insisted that I leave, and I said angrily dont you bother contact me, he became upset and promised to throw my things away (LOL). I said don't you dare...he blocked me on FB but still hasn't got on any gay dating sites...
Frankly, I won't contact or initiate anything...when he is ready to be a real man, to be understanding, considerate, committed and be in a real relationship, he can contact me. Until then, leave me alone. I'd rather be alone, I cannot be with someone else now because I'm jaded, drained and tired...I do want to be with him, but I don't want to be a martyr, always giving and giving and compromising and understanding and making excuses, and giving attention and doing whatever makes him happy...although those things do make me happy as well...but I also want to get something in return...I'm not greedy honestly, I just want to feel that I'm with someone who really wants me...who is reliable and there for me...the same way I am for him...
If I were in his shoes, I would've done so many things differently...I would've really included him in my life...I would've given him so much already...I would've tried to work things out...I wish I could give more details, but I just feel they're too private and intimate to share on a public forum...
hmm he advocates equal, but not treating you like equal
no you're not greedy. he just seems to be back and forth between his past love and you
it's hard I can see with his children he will always remember their mother
but on the other hand he knows in the future it's most likely be you, that's why he doesn't want break up
i dont think it's the mother he's after (he is more or less a gay man now...) but I do feel that he doesn't really know what he wants...yes, he wants to be with me, yes, he wants the intimacy (but it also scares him)...but I get the feeling that he feels he is probably missing out on something...he still hasn't explored the gay life as much he wants to maybe...Also, I feel he has this grand plan for himself, and he wants someone who would conveniently fit that plan...if you don't then adios..
UPDATE: so apparently he discussed things with a common friend who sort of told me some details...this guy is really delusional!
He told her that I was the one who woke up and just walked away (he blatantly asked me to leave...)...in any case, he said that this time it is different, as he is not sad, grieving or angry, in a sense, he is relieved, because he was always afraid that I'd break up with him, and that was a permanent tension! He mentioned that I asked him to deliver my things (though he was the one who asked...I just told him to deliver them to my place, I never initiated that question). he also mentioned that this break up is different as he is not saying that he won't come back to me either...he thinks that I flirted and maybe hooked up with guys during the relationship, but never told him as he might do the same...he thinks this is a similar pattern with my ex of 6 years (before him) and that I was trying to do the same dynamic: break up, whore around, come back and then rinse and repeat!!! though my ex we only broke up TWICE in 6 years! with thsi man it has been over 4 or 5 times in the span of less than a year!
He said that in previous break ups he was severely hurt, in pain and so forth, hence explaining a lot of the hurt he caused me...
I felt this was really an eye opener..I understand him a bit better now, but the double-face truth is truly bizarre...he sees and interprets things very differently...that is sad...
Reading his actions made my head hurt! You deserve better
Makes my heart hurt! big time...the issue is that we have beautiful moments together...and have already created so many memories..and i feel i've invested so much...and it really hurts to have waste and lost all that...i know i sound like as if i'm just asking for trouble, sort of a masochist...but i really find it difficult to move on and just forget...it is too hard. and what makes it worse is that I understand him well sometimes and know he does love me...he just has sooo many issues he needs to deal with and he finds it difficult to do at his age i guess..
the thing with delusional people is they think everyone else is delusional
the more I read your story the more I remember my experience similar to this
he is gemini though, not cancer. change mood easily, one day nice another all yelling. bad tempered too, easily angry. always ignoring, but when he wants to talk, I have to be there.
after 5 mths I dropped him. I can't imagine a yr with such person.
I'm not going to post everything as this is your thread, you have written enough LOL and also it's in the past, I'm just glad it's over. a good lesson learned.
it was long distance anyway and he kept complaining that I live too far. I'd rather he finds someone closer than keep throwing temper tantrum and complaining.
so in a way I set both of us free
I hope you too will someday be free of this unnecessary drama. you have invested enough of your time, yourself, into this drama. at the very least take a break from it. I suggested 6 mths previously because that's how long it takes for me to get over most heartaches in the past. it may be too long or too short for you, I don't know.
But I know you need this break, go away somewhere or just meet other people, spend more time with your friends, take courses to occupy your mind (if work doesn't). During my break, I found clarity and more information so it's not a bad thing to take a break from drama.
VOC- he is totally not respecting you and being a man about this, you deserve someone who will cherish you and give you as much if not more than you do. Think about what life would be like if you were with him not tomorrow, not next year, but the next five years? This push and pull BS. Do as I say not as I do. There are a million people out there who actually want to include the person they are with into their lives. He seems like he is trying you on for size but not actually buttoning up. (weird analogy I know) Steel your heart and get your head straight. When he comes back again (and he will) be prepared to ask for you need and do not settle for anything less.
CMwTF- I need to ask you something but this isnt my thread , so if you can Ill go to the one we originally communicated on. Thanks
Voc, can you read my mind? My situation or should I say, my Cancer man's (over 3 years) behavior
is very similar to your Cancer man.
When I was a very young woman, I was madly in love with my Cancer man, perhaps a crush is the best description? I never spoke to him back then, he worked at a club my friends and I would hang out at. My Cancer man was the totally hot bar tender at this place. Every girl wanted him and he did sample everything. Fast forward 25 years, I run into him at an event to celebrate this "club". I hadn't thought twice about him in all those years however when I see him, I walked up to him and introduce myself and explained that he served me as a minor and I might still owe him a tip? lol!
There are no words to describe the incredible magic we both felt that night. My cancer man found me in a crowd of over 400 people and took me to another part of the venue to buy me a drink and chat a bit.
Cancer man went to use the bathroom and I thought it best to split. I was there with friends who were concerned where I was.
That was November 2008. I spent endless hours on line trying to find him. Classmates? was how I finally was able to email him. OMG! The day I got his return email!!!! Wow!!!
The beginning was overwhelming, heart stopping, loving, caring. I had little bruises on my arm from pinching myself!
Cancer man lived in another state, he's hearts desire was to move back to our home town. His family is here and everything he loves. Cancer man would come back to town every 6 weeks to see me. All expenses paid by "moi". Cancer man has a little issue with the bottle and a DWI usually causes lots of problems.
Cutting to the chase, I went completely out of my way to help him sell his house (out of state) I lined up job interviews in our town. Had resumes made for him and sent them to company's in our area. Sent money and gifts regularly because of the legal problems he had.
Also, I have a small business that I decided to sell so that Cancer man and I could buy a house together. Start a life together. That's what we both wanted, each-other.
When we were together, the love was sickening, everyone could see it. Like, kids!
Our share of problems is an understatement! I always had the since that I was missing something, like a joke you don't understand but still laugh and then ask a friend later what it meant.
Cancer man moves back to town and settles in comfortably with his elderly mother. Turns her garage into a forte where all his buddies come over, drink beer and listen to music. BTW, Cancer man is 54 years old.
As I mentioned, I own a small business as well as the property. My life is constant with things that need to be done to the property and Cancer man has always been right there for me if any kind of maintenance needed to be done. My business is also computerized, we were there one afternoon, Cancer man was using the computer to check is email and facebook. No big deal.
Upton returning to work Monday, my assistant asks who "Cancer Man" at yahoo.com is, my assistant doesn't know anything about him, she show's me that Cancer man had left is email and Facebook page open on our main computer! LOL! I knew he loved me even though we'd had issues. Lot's of issues. I read his email and Facebook messages thinking he had confessed his love of me to one of his friends, selfish I know. I needed to hear him confess to his friends that I was the best thing that happened to him. That his love for me was like nothing else he'd experienced.
What I read still breaks my heart, a year 1/2 later! Not only did he not confess his love for me, he was sending gifts to women with the money I had given him, making dates with "so-call" friends of mine. Essentially every woman he's ever been with (sexually and romantically) he's still involved with. Never have I felt such pain, such emotional abandonment!
So I've been reading about Cancer men as well. I sucked up the heart ache, the name calling, the abuse, Valentines Day 2009 is when we became intimate for the first time, Valentines Day 2011 I got beat up. As Cancer man explains, I was yelling in his face! Guess that deserves an "ass whooping"?
A few weeks later he weaseled his way back into my life. As I was leaving the Vet's office, I had just sat with my 14 year old lab as the vet put him to sleep. I had to get back to work, Cancer man was texting something and I basically told him "not know"! In a few short words, I told him about the dog and next thing you know..... He's back!!!!!
Cancer man's paranoia got the best of him about 6 months ago. He had 2 Facebook pages? 1 profile being himself and the other was a stupid name "Redneck Rob" (it's ironic because I helped him set up his Facebook page when he lived out of town. He's a complete and utter Facebook whore. I'm disguised)
A mutual friend told me of the Redneck profile. At this point, our relationship was over, again. One night I decide to check out Rednecks profile, he had change the profile name to mine!!!!!!
With the word (Wacko) in the middle. WTF????? My head blew off!!!
Cancer man and I have the some computer geek, who I phoned immediately! While on the phone with computer geek, I realize the only way to change the name is change the password!
AND I DID!
Figuring I was already in trouble, I might as well check out what Redneck has been up to. Once again, the messages to women, some... complete strangers. Some former friends of mine, he alienated most of my friends but he was still chatting em up on Facebook.
Silly Cancer Man!!!! didn't realize that his 2 accounts were linked so I was able to access his "actual" Facebook page and it was the same! He blew me off on his birthday, little did I know, he was in boxing a girlfriend from 30 years ago and they talked all night on the phone.
And why did I spend time with him this past Sunday? He's called me horrible names, he's let his friends message me saying mean things about my genitals. He's humiliated me to everyone, left me in restaurants by myself, having to get a ride home.
Cancer man refers to me as phyco/crazy? I must be, as I read this, who treats a person with such disrespect? Who sticks around for it?
Leo Scorp said it all...Delusional people always blame others for being delusional.......damn that was good...so simple and true......
Thank you guys for the advice, i really appreciate it (just the fact that you actually read and listen and feel...I really do - most of my friends are bored with the topic and just sort of zoned out...). anyway, last night i got a bit, well, pretty drunk after a night of clubbing...when i got back home i found him on the dating site - one of many we use - and i spoke to him, i was surprised he replied. He said that he is surprised I contacted him, asking him how is he, for I said 'dont you dare bother calling me' (this was after he asked me to leave) and he said that basically i intentionally push his buttons just to make him mad, break it off, so I have time alone to 'whore around' (it is true that I slept around each time he broke up, but it was raelly for me to try to move on...each time, i didnt think he'd come back) to hook up with my ex! (which is nuts, because we are very good friends and the guy wouldnt even go back to me) and flirt and whatnot. that this pattern happened way too many times before and i make the siutation unliveable. he also said i have double standards because i asked him not to conact me, but then i did when the time was ok for me...
I feel he is not being entirely fair, true, i was upset because he asked me to leave (he syas now he just wanted his space that day) and said those words, but i mean i forgave much worse from him, and it's like i am asking him back, i just asked how is he and the conversation took a weird turn. I do want to talk to him and see what can be done and if he can really commit to giving me the things that i want at least...I know it is crazy, but something tells me not to give up, although another part says count your losses and give it a miss...the good times were beautiful, the sex incredible, intimacy beautiful...we clicked on so many levels but had a weird communication breakdown to tackling difficult topics. basically, it would have been perfect if i were in a good mood all the time and never asked for anything and never wanted anything...but that is a very unrealistic situation and he doesnt see that.
what bothers me is that he blames me for practically everything! what alo bothers me is that sometimes it takes a small gesture just to make things right, but is so set in his ways, unyielding, uncooperative aat times...he just wants to nag like a brat and have it his way. i think he needs therapy. i can be there for him sometimes and help him through that but it would require me to take breaks to just catch my breath frankly...
Oh and he replied to my text this morning saying that he has to think if he wants to see me...I don't know really!
Wow dear those guys mean big trouble.....no messing around hey ahahah
I just met a cancer guy last December at my gym as soon i passed the door he was right at my face , full on me
But as soon i show him i was interested to know him, he started to be cold, not replying, just weird
responding to txt in one little ligne or most the time not reponding at all
He asked me to meet up but as soon i say yes he change straight his mind
That went on 4 times before i put the guy in his place and told him i felt he was messing me about and i am not going to stand up for it
He then stop contacting me at all but i kept contacting him about flat and rooms as he said his looking for a place as his ex cheated on him.
I wasted my time and my friend time to trying to get him a place as he said it was urgent
Each times i sent him the details of something he never respond or show little interest on what i was sending to him
It's only when i asked him if he was interested to find a place that he told me know, so selfish
I started to feel very unconfortable at my gym because of the whole thing and because i didnt know what he want and why he was so friendly at the start with me but now he is so cold
I told him right at his face by txt that i find him immature full of s.h.i..t and that he can get you knocking when his around but when his not with you you really wonder if you met this person at all
I told him clearly that i liked him but i felt in this time of my life i was not ineterested to just like someone
i needed someone that liked me too and show and return my affection thing that he couldnt do at all
Whatever he seem like when i met him that is[ responsible, mature, loving, caring and looking for help and love] was not what i find with the real him later
I told him i pulling away as this is not working for me and i also told him i met someone else that is very nice
He then went to his FB and put that his now in relationship ahahah
I txt him and congradulate him on his relationship and new love and i was happy for him
He didnt reply to me
I was going to stop to go to my gym but really after reading everything [That sound perfectly like him] i feel so lucky i didnt get involved OH MY GOD, serious problem hey.
I am going to keep going to my GYM and Smile and do my life, i didnt do anything wrong.
And i dont care about him i dont know him ever
To all the ladies out there, think about it, this kind behaviour from this kind man doesnt and cant possibly make you feel loved as it;s very painful for sure.
The mind games oh dear, the insult
You may stay because you remember the bite of romance at the start but really is it really worth it
I was a bite bother when i told that guy i didnt want to be involved with him
i felt Old as his 21 years and i am 35 but i was well i prefer be with myself and wait for someone i have a greta connection with then feeling S.H.I..,T inside with someone
This guy goes around the gym and in 15 minutes tells you all his misery from his ex cheating on him to him been kicked out on street by both his parents and exposing his hard life
I mean COME ON thats is not normal the guy been praticing before, he goes around and target anyone that is new to the gym, i mean girls
He said he was looking for a place i think he wanted a free room to exchange with S..E..X
I offered him a room in my house as i am landlord but in exchange of deposit and a rent, i dont think he liked this much ahahah
But yeah fall in love but try to open your eyes to what is happening
If someone treat you badly is because in way you let them do that to you
That person will never change because HEY? what would they, it doesnt bother them
Cancer man seem to look and behave at the start like sweetheart and wonderful people looking ONLY for love but boy as soon you try to get close and give them your love and try to meet somehow in middle to get they love too
The trip fall short
It's very easy for anyone to take then to give
Thats no surprise of life and no breaking news ever
And that things goes well at the start well thats not big surprise ever it;s what happen later that matter
Any feedback or comment go for it:)