Captain, can you give me your opinion?



  • Hi Captain,

    I have asked you some thing before and I appreciate your honest answers, so I would like to ask your opinion about another thing.

    I met my boyfriend in February (his DOB is 02.02.1984) and although we lived in different countries we managed to keep the long-distance relationship going and I finally moved to his country in October. Things have been going okay so far with him, we have been getting to know each other more etc, but last week he suddenly got very weird and distant and he refuses to talk to me about it. I have no idea if he has changed his mind about me or what is going on. I'm going crazy thinking of a million different reasons for his behaviour.

    I'd like to know if you think there can be a future for us? Things are a bit difficult because I'm new in this country and he is practically the only friend I have here so far. I recently started working and got my own apartment but I am just settelling in and I know it would be very much harder if he was no longer here for me.

    My DOB is 17.04.1981.

    Thank you in advance and happy holidays!!!

    Best regards,

    K.



  • I wish I had better news but this relationship actually works best as an easygoing friendship. It does not do well under the pressures of a romance or the duties of a deeper commitment. Your relationship with each other calls up starkly polarised character elements and demands their literal integration if it is to be successful. Specifically, it can have a double effect, although a contradictory one - first, it will sympathetically awaken either partner's slumbering child, and second, it will bring to life the somewhat stern though understanding adult. This bewildering manifestation may initially pose psychological problems for the relationship, but these opposite 'characters' may later be integrated into daily life, powerfully melding enthusiasm and responsibility. Or you two may still remain stuck as the adult and the child, hopelessly at odds with one another.

    Simply speaking, the two of you can get right down in the sandbox together and have a wonderfully uninhibited time. Whether as friends or lovers, your relationship can be fun. Equally, though, when either partner feels sandbox time is over, you or he may blow the whistle on a somewhat startled companion, or furiously start ringing the dinner or bedtime bell. Unless the relationship can absorb such abrupt changes of attitude, over the long run they may prove intolerable, and a breakdown of harmonious and easy attitudes will urge a breakup.

    The relationship does not usually place much priority on self-examination - you two like to keep things light. Even if you do take the time to explore deeper emotional levels together, your relationship, though it may avoid some kinds of problems, may still fail to create the solid basis that is necessary for it to survive times of difficulty or outright disaster. Your love affair may be pleasant enough, but not necessarily lasting - good for fair weather but not for foul.



  • Also, your partner has a big fear of losing his independence and this is probably what has him backing off as things become closer between you. In fact, you also suffer from the same fear at times.



  • Hi Captain,

    Thank you for the answer. You were right. Actually, yesterday he told me that we can't be together anymore, because our personalities and cultural backgrounds are too different. I love him a lot, but I understand his point.

    The bad thing is that now I'm living in a country that is very far from my friends and family and I'm not sure if I should stay here. Can you give me your insight about that?

    Thank you and happy holidays!

    K.



  • No I don't feel there is anything there for you. Yet I also feel you may be drawn to another place rather than your homeland which can work out well for you in the long term. Follow your gut instincts, not your heart or mind.



  • Hi Captain,

    Thank you for the answer. I think at first I need to go to my homeland to heal to wounds a bit among my friends and family and maybe later some other opportunities come along.

    Do you have any idea what that other place could be? Somewhere in Europe? What would be the attraction in that place?

    Thanks again!

    Best regards,

    K.



  • I feel it is somewhere that you have been drawn to visit before or been interested in, but never got there.



  • Hi Captain,

    Thank you for the answer. Don't know which place it can be, but I guess time will tell.

    Best regards,

    K



  • You may have to cast your mind back a bit.



  • The Captain,

    I would like to ask if you would please help me. I have spoke to others and get different answers or just don't understand them. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 yrs and we plan to get married but "something" isn't right and I don't know what it is. Is he cheating ,bored, unhappy?

    I'm so jealous and can't tell if this is my problem or his. Most of the time we get along very good but when we do fight.....oh my gosh you would think that I had attacked him! He 's screaming so badly and totally out of control (although that kind of behavior rattles me to my core) that I can't even talk. I feel like Ive never loved anyone until him so what's wrong with me or him? Thank you!



  • Earthgirl6, this is Kuruts' thread. But if you start your own personal thread by clicking on the "Create a new topic" button at the top right of this page, I shall answer you there. I don't like to mix the vibes when reading. If you can include both your birthdates, it will make it easier for me to read you.



  • Hi Captain,

    I hope you have time to do another reading.

    I have been trying to get over my ex, but I just can´t stop thinking about him and about why he really wanted to finish things. I know he cares a lot about me and I think he still loves me . Actually he called the other day to check if I'm doing okay and said that he still thinks about me a lot and loves me and he feels bad things didn't work out. But what is the deal here, I just don't understand. If he cares about me and loves me why does he give everything up so easily?

    Some people have told me that he just got scared of taking on too much responsibility and if he sees that I manage on my own and don't need him in my life, he wants me back in his life. Can that be true?

    I still haven't figured out about the other country I could live in. France or Spain could be good options but I don't see any good opportunities there now considering the crisis and everything.

    Anyway, thank you and sorry for so many questions.

    Best regards,

    K.



  • Kuruts, he wanted to leave the relationship but didn't feel he could tell you the truth, that you might not be able to handle it. But in order to let go and move on, it helps to know why a person doesn't want to continue the relationship. You need to get him to tell you the truth so that you can be free of this situation. It wouldn't be the same if anyone else but him told you.



  • Hi Captain,

    Thank you for your reply.

    However, I think I can't get him to explain anything more. Maybe he doesn't know himself what went wrong.

    Best regards,

    K.



  • Yes he does know.