Captain ...Help!

  • Captain I’m in serious need of help and understanding. My husband was deployed for four months, he just got home on 9 dec. About a month before he came home, he stated several times that he is bored and doesn’t want to put any effort into the marriage anymore. Prior to this he was saying we are going to be a stronger couple and the past is the past. When he came home, I was hoping when he saw me the “I’m bored” feelings would go away and I thought they had. We had a great weekend and I thought he was actually trying to save our marriage. We got in a huge fight Monday night and he said I was going to wait to have this talk “the divorce” till after the holidays. The reason for the fight was I caught him sexting two females. He said he was just flirting and he’s not sleeping with anyone. He slept downstairs that night. The next morning he comes to the bedroom and says I’ll see you later right, and throughout the day he was telling me what he was doing and asking how my day was. We went out to dinner and I asked him straight up, do you want to try and save our marriage- he never gave a straight answer. The following night we went out to the comedy club and he slept upstairs with me. I came from work yesterday, and try cuddling with him and he said why would I cuddle with you. I said bc you’re trying to fix us, we are trying to fix us… it escalated to another fight. I honestly believe that he still loves me and he wants to stay but for some reason he keeps saying that he just doesn’t want to be in a relationship anymore, like he is trying to convince himself that this is what he wants but his actions are saying something different. I don’t understand how you can marry someone, tell them you never loved someone so much , and all of sudden want out. I’m so confused and all I want is my husband back. I don’t know what to do anymore. Please help me understand.

    mine 6680, his 8288, anniversary 9910

  • Sorry to say, your husband does have itchy feet. He is nice to you when he feels guilty for texting other women. But he wants to know what it is like to sleep and have relations with women other than you. At the moment he is not interested in fixing the marriage - he wants out, although there are some things he does like about marriage, like having someone to come home to after being overseas. Did he have much relationship or travel experience before you got married because this might explain his feelings of restlessness and curiosity?

    Trying to win him back won't work. You will just cause yourself a lot of pain and heartbreak. You should let him go if he wants to, as you cannot keep someone around who really doesn't want to stay. He may in fact come back to you after seeing what else the world has to offer. Use this time to do the things you want to do.

  • Well I took the first step, I went to the lawyer to have the papers drawn up but didn't file. His reaction was ok and he ended up going out that night coming home hammered., I started looking at apartments, I can't be in this type of environment but still waiting to see if something might change. I'm doing this for myself but I'm also hoping that this will make him see what he is losing and actually man up for once. I don't know why he is doing this, it's like he is letting his pride and stubbornness get in the way of changing his mind. I'm preparing myself for either way, I'm actually at peace with my decisions so far, first priority is taking care of myself.

    All I want is my husband back, our marriage back... we were so great together the best of life. I don't know who this person is, his parents don't know who this person is. He's not only pushing me away but everyone close to him.

  • Your strength and need to look out for yourself will help you get through this. Blessings and good luck!

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