Help with reading -What Relationship Would Be Like

  • LOL, IF, shits and giggles is a very positive way to look at it...and maybe necissary. Its very easy for relationships to get boring, I think. But usually that happens when the two people fall into a 'comfortable rut' and just act like a married couple and never do anything spontanious. its funny, but I think half the battle isnt even like....communication or understanding, but keeping things fresh and fun. I remember my last that got stale REALLY fast. And its not because you need DRAMA...its because you just need chemistry. Like, I bet if your Cancer just walked up to you one day, grabbed you, hoisted you over his shoulder and carried you back to the bedroom for some caveman like fun, that would be enough excitement and 'drama' wouldnt be anywhere near the corner of your mind.

  • yeah we play dress up we looooove it, but we started doing that before we got serious, whipping out the nurse fit insn't a half bad idea thanks.... i guess the game playing funner in retrospect then at the time, at that time I was misirble and hurting unless i knew he was feeling the same way about me.... yeah deffinately funner in retro. but never the less funny. and maria, tho you adressing if you are right, if my cancer did that it would be fun fun fun!!!!!! Shite now i don't know which costume to pull out. lol....

    @ IF yeah... open honesty has only got me the short end of the stick, that's why i started playing silly love games,,,, the funniest part is the same things that they do to get you feeling all crazy and lost, they fall victim too.. after a few bumps i dropped the "treat people how u want to be treated" and followed up with treat people how they deserve to be treated.... it keeps me sain and the playing field even, because guys play game (with me at least) weather I want to play or not , so then I'm like "let's play then" and sooner or later one of says "let's talk"

  • I just got "Love Game" in my head by Lady Gaga. LOL. I see what your saying with 'honesty gets you the short end of the stick'. It's very true, I'm a stupidly honest person,and so far with men it's gotten me nowhere. I feel the trick is to start the game early before you REALLY like them. Cause then it's way easier. But if you already desperately like that person, then it's hard to mess around with them because your paranoid of what the consequences will be (or at least, I am). But like, with the guy i've seen a couple times, it's so easy for me to play the " I really interested?" card and tug him around, because I dont know him that well and I dont LIKE like him yet, so i have way less to lose. if he stopped talking to me i'd just shrug and look for someone else.

  • I gues I'm kind of arrogant cause I just KNOW a man likes me and will be missin my kissin (or whatever) useually guys get preety addicted to attention and get their little feelings hurt when its gone.... just like us. I guess I'm the opposite when I really don't know a guy I show him a lot of attention cuz if he doesn't reciprocate no big deal, but I don't like a guy I am really feeling to take me for granted I'll just disappear and leave him wondering what he did wrong and how to make it right.... I have never had a guy just not give a dam so I concluded they all act (kinda) the same when it comes to love games.... nobody likes being played with..... it's crazy feeling confused and all worked up inside... but without them a person (male or female) is a little less fun.... or so it seems... or maybe that's just me and my crazy gemini ramblings

  • Ahaha, man, I wish I could think like that. I get insane amounts of compliments, but I think I'm kind of insecure from my childhood. It wasn't even that I was unliked or an unattractive kid...I just ended up with the 'wrong crowd', however that ended up developing...and so I didnt get much guy attention. In highschool I went to an all girls school, so I didnt get the chance to see how guys took to me...although the ones that did meet me gave me a lot of attention, I guess it just wasnt enough. So imagine my surprise when I went to college and half my class had a crush on me...LOL. But, anyway...the point is, I can't be that confident even if I wanted to. My only hope is getting Seriously Pissed Off. Because once that happens, it pretty much works the same way. I say "Fuuck you" and I skip away.

    Though, honestly....I think 'J' has things he needs to work on, and I can say with 90 % assurance that no amount of ignoring or game playing is going to speed things up. I know exactly how it'll go, actually. First i'll make him jealous...he will respond to get my attention back. Once it's back, he will slide back into himself and go back to his internal dealings. Then eventually I will get annoyed enough to do it again, and thus the cycle will repeat. We've gone through this before...actually, I think you'll remember at one point he told me it was best for me if I moved, I did. We spoke like...a paragraph to each other over a 3 month period. Thats actually when I noticed him and "A" hanging out a lot. As soon as I popped back into the scene, their relationship visably died down. I get the feeling he was absolutely devastated and turned to her for emotional support (and actually Tarot has told me something like that too.) Things between us are better then they have been in a while, but now we have this added drama of him being a manager. It's a fine line to walk...especially since everyone we work with are SUCH drama queens and they will very quickly shout 'favoritism' if it suits their purposes.

    I did send him a text a couple of days ago...I told him flat out exactly how our situation made me feel. I told him I missed us being close...I told him I understood things were complicated now, but the fact that he's cutting our relationship down to suit his work needs makes me feel expendable. I told him he didnt need to respond, so he didnt, but he probably wouldnt have anyway. I did a reading and he's very conflicted...he didnt know how to defend himself because he knew he couldnt. I get the feeling he knows he's gonna have to make a move soon, because i've made it very obvious the last two weeks that I'm nearing the end of my rope with him. Actually, last weekend I kind really jealous and let him know it. And now this text...though he moves as slow as any Cancer, so God only knows when that'll be.

  • I agree that's how it'll go, that's how it went for us until I got on this format and was like "enuf shite or get off the pot buddy".... it could've gone either way... he decided to make a move. Why you get jelous this week? Was it A again, or someone elese?

  • No, it was A. He didnt anything. I just showed up to a party and they were there already, together, and I couldnt handle it. J paid plenty of attention to me, probably because he noticed I was pissed and ignoring him. But its gotten to the point where I cant handle even seeing them talking to each other. I dont know...I cant do it anymore. Its been a long time....

  • Dayum! That's hard for anyone, sounds like when I first started dating rkd, and he brung some chick to the holiday christmas party..... but he told me eariler that day he would and I begged him not to..... I still don't appreciate that b.s.!!! so sorry girl.

  • He called me the next morning so we could "talk" and I was like that's more then any one should have to stand and that it was the most hurtful thing anyone had ever done to me.... Wtf!!!!! You should not have to tolerate that! Has he even tried to explain yet? Do you know what type of boundries you even want to establish as a condition of your contiuned affection? I think you should lay it out and if he chooses to walk, let him walk out the door instead of walking on you and the feelings you two share, as he is doing to her (in my opinion).

  • Maria if he chooses to leave, do me a favor (and you) make sure it's because you stood up for yourself, and not because you didn't... you will never forgive yourself or get over holding out hope against hope and he chooses to move forward with A or B or C.... Comes a time when a man (or woman) has got to stand for something or fall for anything.... stand up and be counted you deserve it... if he doesn't agree to your terms.. You tell what a hurtfull, selfish, heartbreaker he is let him see you cry make him look at the damage he is and has done then tell him you quit....... you will feel so good and he will feel so bad. It's a better alternative then one day he just won't or can't be your "friend" any more.... that's what happend to the girls from my job. btw I'm not giving advice that I haven't taken..... I did all of this shite at one point or another ,

  • Hey all, sorry I've been away. I'm trying to keep up w/ you guys to see how everything's going, but you know how life is...busy!

    @Maria...I'm sorry that it seems like you're going through a rough patch with your Cancer. I know that we can't really generalize a sign because there are so many other things that factor into our personalities, but sometimes I really find it hard to believe that Cancers are supposedly wrought with guilt when they hurt you. If that was the case, why do they continue to hurt us? At least the men do, judging from all these forum posts. I totally feel you right now sounds like you're at the point where you're just emotionally exhausted and tired of going through the same endless cycle with him. Didn't this post start sometime in 2008? That's when I met my Cancer and still I go through things with him. You're right, it's a long time to deal with the rollercoaster ride. And you were also right in your previous post...I d-a-m-n sure don't want drama, it's just the excitiment/butterflies I got from him that I miss. Honestly, if he showed up at my doorstep right now I don't know what I'd do. Well, that's only partially true, I guess. Because I would for sure give him the cold shoulder and I actually think he'd have a hard time breaking that (before, I'd always melt when I saw him even if I was mad). But I would let him talk because I'm so curious as to what bulls**t excuse (or maybe for once, the truth) he comes up with. I'm sorry that it's hurting you to see them together, Gem is right when she says you don't deserve that. I've never actually seen my Cancer with his on/off girlfriend but I'm sure I'd feel livid too. What an a-s-s. Did you a pull a card recently to see what might be going on? I sure wish I had that talent...I had a reading done a while ago and the woman told me that he still had feelings for me and would come out of hiding to contact me soon. But how soon is soon? We're working on Cancer time, you know? Unfortunately that's not matching up with my time, but I have a sneaking suspicion it'll happen when I graduate in a couple of months and move back home because it's convenient for him. Lame. What are your thoughts on the readings that Tarot offers---would an internet reading be reliable?

    Well I hope you're doing OK. One thing we can say for sure when this situation is said and done, no matter how it goes you'll walk away with a ton of experience in relationships. All of that knowledge will serve its purpose too. There's your silver lining, girl. Keep your head up though, you know what you deserve!

  • Umm.....actually, he's said quite a bit about 'A' to me. But its always off handed and with another person starting the conversation. And the most important time I was sooo drunk so I barely remember it. But he said...what did he say. So, someone was like 'you have a girlfriend, it's "a"" and he was like "shes not my girlfriend." and then he said...he's not ready for a relationship. And then the girl accused him of being a player, which I thought was hilarious, and he said "No. I can develop feelings for just has to be the right girl." and I remember him giving me this deep stare. And I remember feeling really giddy. Thats ALL I remember of that night. Its fucked up...I woke up, didnt remember anything....and then all of a sudden that conversation SMACKED me in the head. Its literally all I remember.

    Oh, and then another time we were talking about him being a manager and its hard for him to be friends with people from work because of his status, and i was like "Oh, well I guess A is exempted from that rule." and he was like "honestly....we dont hang out that much. People talk...but its all a joke." At first I didnt believe him, but sometimes when A talks to him I see that she asks him questions like she hasnt seen him in a while.

    Anyway. You know what, ladies, ive had a bit of an epiphany. I was doing so good being positive and just KNOWING everything would be alright, and continuing with my life. So, im gonna do that again. Actually, one person did a reading and said I needed to change my attitude. Which I do. A and J have a relationship, friendship or otherwise. He cant just stop talking to her, and he wont. Its evil. So, Im not going to get bent out of shape about it. Whats the point? He knows I dont like it, thats all he needs to know. I can tell he makes an effort not to speak to her when I'm around. I guess thats all I can ask for. Considering he isnt ready to be with me yet, I dont have the power to tell him who to talk to and who not to. Its all in my head. I'm making MYSELF unhappy. So, no more!

    And, IF, good luck with yours....and tarot does have tricky time lines. Though, I must say, usually it happens in around 3 weeks. Thats what i've noticed. Or a month...but I think it can be up to 2 months. but thats distant future. Near future is probably about 3 weeks.

    And sexygem, dont worry woman...ive spoken my mind to him PLENTY. Hell, I fully walked away from him once. We didnt speak for like...2 months. But, I have to remember that he wil lNOT give me anything to go on. He wont tell me how he feels. He's too scared still. He needs his space from me and he needs that coushiony, easy friendship between us. So...fine. Thats what he gets. And im not going to be upset about it.

  • if you are happy, then I'm happy for you. If it's ok with you, it's ok with him, but are you happy? is it ok?

  • btw I didn't mean if he'd explained if A was his gf or not.... she's NOT. I meant hanging out with you then not 2 weeks later showing up at a party with your co worker.... I think THAT is mean. I wasn't sudgesting that you should ask him to stop speaking with her (although I did) I was wondering what , if there were some boundries that you could establish as a show of good faith on his part about your relationship......Sometimes I have a hard time realizing that everyone doesn't think or feel like I do, and the most important factor in any relationship is not how others feel, but the understanding of the parties involved.... it sounds like you two have an understanding. So you are doing the right thing by staying positive and knowing that everything will work itself out, because thing trully do work out the way they are supose to. I honestly don't know how to establish a trused and commited relationship without rules and boundries, but that doesn't mean it can't happen. Hope it goes as you desire. keep us posted......

  • love your attitude maria! i'll keep that in mind what you said about near/distant future...i can't recall whether it was near or distant now that i think about. but we'll see. also, i know what you mean about the deep, meaningful stare! i've gotten that so many times and i would get soooo excited (inwardly) about it lol. little did i know at the time i was being played. anywho, we'll see where everything goes. in the meantime i'm resolving to keep myself happy too! whats the use in moping around you know?

    also anyone know what's going on with jen? haven't seen her on here in a while...

  • I'm still around, I've been on my thread "Heart of a Virgo Man" mostly, but I always check to see what's going on with my friend MariaRia. You all have been taking such good care of her I've been letting things ride. Lots of personal-life, non-male related issues I'm dealing with in my life as well, so I haven't had a lot of time.

    Short story is R remains in the picture, and scorp-guy, as I would have predicted, was a flash in the pan. Typical scorp male, didn't get things the way he wanted and so he finds a way out and blames me. Well who needs it. We can still be friends, but I don't consider him to be relationship material at all. I don't care if he thinks I'm perfect, it's not all about him and what he thinks. There's the biggest issue right there, he gets something in his head and that seems to be all there is to it. Hellooooo, I am not a puppet. Lol.

    Gotta get my rest and get better here. Been sick for a week. I am keeping an eye on things here, so Maria don't think I forgot about you. ;o)

  • Hey, Jen! Aww...too bad about Scorp guy. But he was a nice distraction, right? Thats what they're good for. AND, he showed 'R' that he cant just keep you in his back pocket. If he doesnt step it up, you're gonezos! So, in that sense, good for you.

    So, about that guy I went on a date with -went on another one. And...yeah. Like Jen, he's a no go. He definitely wanted too much, too soon, but in a different department -I am totally not up for that. One thing I love about Cancers is that they're gentleman. He'll keep his physical space until he gets a good hint, and then he'll go in. This guy just swan dived right in there.

    As for boundaries in our know, I've never asked. But I feel like it would be a no go. The guy has never told me how he felt about me., thats not true. He actually said it a while ago when he was drunk, but I have a feeling he wouldnt be up for boundaries. I mean, the guy wont let me into his life past work. There's no way he'd agree to stop seeing other people. Or maybe he would, hell....but.....I have to wait for the right time to have that conversation. (i.e. When he's drunk. I always get the truth out of him then. His defenses are down.) I've always wanted to, but I feel like I have nothing to work with.

    I dont know, I feel like that will make him feel pressured and he wont go for it. Im kind of starting this new (but not really new cause ive done it before) strategy where I flirt endlessly with him...but show him that im not his and im free as a bird. By flirting with other guys, and also by having plans like, after every shift. Talking about all my projects, etc.

  • Nothing to work with? You have your friendship to bargain with, he probably likes you (and the attention) a lot more then you know (then he shows) I know how you feel and where you are and that you feel you have no right to ask (I've ben there) tell him how you feel including that you feel you have no right to ask, but need to know that this relationship is mutual and if it is not you are cool with his decission either way.... but at least you and he will know where you stand and how his dicissions affect your friendlashionship. Like me and my cancer discussed how long it took for him to talk about his feelings for me and I knew.... I just knew he loved me and would control himself with the things that would hurt me so I told him what I needed and if IF IF he wanted to be a part of my life as much as I wanted him to be he would and did make some adjustments I didn't get everything I asked for, but he gave me enough to hope on, to believe in him and the potential for a future... not saying you have to ask for something outrageous... just a little, just enough to make you know he cares about you too.

  • Hmmm.....yeah, I like that. I never thought about that. I've always been too scared to set any kind of boundaries. I'm gonna sit down and make a list of what I want and what I think is reasonable. Actually getting a chance to talk to him is the hard part....I mean, at one point I did tell him that I missed being with him...but that isnt the same as actually asking for it. it's i wish he wasnt a I actually talked to him about us hanging out more before, and he said it had to be this way for now. Though, also, at that time, I didnt set parameters. I just told him I thought we were closer before, and he said he was closer with a lot of people before, but now its difficult to hang out and be friends with people, and then have to come to work, and possibly fire them the next day (which actually happened....which doesnt help.)

    Okay. I'll sit down and write this out. Thanks, sexygem 🙂 Although tarot has been advising me to ignore him and act like ive moved on with my life...i'll just play it by ear, and if i have an opportunity to talk to him i'll go for it.

  • You should do both, ignore him until he is ready to talk, then tell him you've been waiting to talk to him about some concerns and just want to make sure this a mutual thing and tell him what a reassonable casual relationship would look like to you, then ask him what he sees. then tell him for this to work there are certain things you need from him, then tell him.... even if he balks at first when he comes back around AND HE WILL (they ALWAYS do) he'll know the rules... you have to believe that you are worth it, in order for him to believe you are worth it.

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