Help with reading -What Relationship Would Be Like

  • he's moving about 300 miles away. He already paid the deposit for his new place and is leaving next month. yeah 3 years. its a 2 hour drive, (not that bad he says). He has other options there are psyche programs out here he can attend or transfer to... i guess. yeah it sucks big time. I'm trying to enjoy the next few weeks befor he leaves, i want us to remember eachother with fondness no matter where our journeys may take us.

  • I think thats a very good idea. I'm sorry its happening like this after finally getting together with him. I think for the first couple of weeks you should see how it goes, how he acts when he's away, and decide from there. I know you've kind of made up your mind, but you never know. Although, its probably better for you emotionally to let him do his own thing for a bit while you do yours. I just know its going to be hard to drop each other just like that, so maybe it'll be easier if you kinda...ween yourself off.

  • Yes, so it goes in love.... I am sorry too, but glad that we did have a chance to be more then "jsut friends" I feel like the only way I can get him to understand my feelings about his decision is to limit contact so that he can feel the pain of not having me to lean on. I feel like if I were to ween myself, I'd also ween him, making it easier for him to leave... I'm not going to do that. The easiest way to get over 1 man is to get under another. I haven't seen K, over the last week or so, but if or should I say when R leaves spending time with someone eles will make it easier for me.... the same way I'm sure sooner or later he will be doing . I'm not depressed or anything, if its ment to be it will, if not we had some goooood old times that i won't forget, and I'm sure he won't either. That's why I am just going to make sure we have a good few weeks and a peaceful transition.... I am ready to move forward if this is not meant for me.

  • As far as finally getting together.... we were together before it was official. I've seen him every 3 or 4 days a week for the last 4 years. We've been exclusive for over 3 years... not too bad I say.... known him for six dated exclusively for 3 that's preety long term... to me at least. It may have just run its course and now it's time for me to move on. If so I am ready to do so with hope and joy for the next love of my life.....

  • correction: 3 or 4 days out of the week for the last 4 years, we've been exclusive for over 3. We've shared alot... deep dark secrets, intimate secretes.... we've had a lot of fun for a long time. I feel fortunate for what we have/had. Like it wasn't all bad, and horible, and fights and tears... when I look back it was the oposite, but if this is not forever, I'm ready to find someone that is..... and still love and appreciate this experience and him as a great love in my life, even if I find he is not THE ONE.

  • Omg, SO SORRY for the delay in posting!! My internet and computer have been completely screwed x.x I got all virused up and had to fix it and since then it's been on and off like crazy.

    How is everything with your Cancer??

  • crazy as usual. He won't let me go.... but it is he who is leaving me. He keeps wanting to talk more and work out and all this nonsense. He knows this is really hard for me and he just wants to have it both ways. He keeps asking if I am mad at him and saying he doesn't tell me he loves me enough and all this stuff... but he wont say he will stay.

  • :( Well, has he given you any solutions as to how exactly you guys are supposed to have a relationship so far away?

  • He's sudgested that he will stay with me on weekends, I'm not exactly sure what that will look like since we just started including our children in our relationship a few months ago. He has every other weekend with his children and we usually have our closest moments on sunday nights and friday nights sometimes I sneak away on a wednesday or thrusday. He will be arriving late friday and have to keep going after he drops his children back off on suday.

    We won't be able to share the intimacy I enjoy, but I will be unable to date others because he'll be layin up in my place every weekend. I haven't told him that I think that's what he's up to.... but it is.

  • p.s because I am a single mother I don't I only date on friday, sat, and sun when my son is with his father, RK knows this.

  • Hmm...sneaky. But thats cancers, they're super sneaky. Why don't you play along and try it out? If it doesnt work then you have a good reason to tell him to stop. You never know, you may be able to be more intimate then you think. And its going to be hard to just tell him 'no' without really having a good excuse. But it not working out is a pretty good one.

  • I'm thinking it over, I make a descision on a day to day basis. I don't feel like I need a good excuse to not be interested in a ld relationship, it's something I really don't believe in. Men have a hard enough time being faithful in true when a womans right by their side, let alone when shes miles away. I don't know if I can feel safe and secure.... we both have to feel good about the relationship for it to work, or elese why doit? Ulitimately I have to decide what's best for me, like he has done. I'm not sure if making him make a choice or letting him know how loyal I can be is best for me. I'm a gem so my mind changes day by day , but I'll know for sure by next month.

  • Well, I definitely have to give you a major pat on the back for being able to keep yourself as the main priority in this situation. I cant believe how many times in the past I've put ME on the backburner for this cancer boy, and as i've realized this and wont do it again, I still know how hard it is. So, good for you, girl. Keep you and your needs and whats best for yourself in your direct line of sight. I think its sweet that, although he is still leaving, he's at least showing that he cares enough to try and keep you in his life.

    I can't decide if I can sympathize with him or not. On one hand, I guess he has a right to know whats best for HIS life as well, and if he thinks doing this will help him accomplish his dreams in a way that staying never could, then I guess he has full rights to go for it. On the other hand, once your with someone and you make that connection, I feel like you have a responsibility to that person if you really care. Like, I know a lot of my friends who are in very committed relationships who have shot down good jobs because it meant they would have to leave their sig. other. They dont regret it at all -in their minds, it wasnt even an option. Thats what kind of irks me about this situation. The fact that he has you, you're TOGETHER, but he saw this opportunity and just jumped on it. Sometimes people have to understand that careers arent everything in life.

  • i can see it both ways too, that's why I try not to be mad or take it personal. He has to do what's best for him and me... me. If it's meant to be it will endure if not, keep moving. I don't know what I would do in his shoes... probably the same thing and hope he would come with me.... I don't feel sorry for myself, though but I think i gave so much early on there is nothing left to give and I was ready to move on when we became official. so that it lasted until now and became official, gives me solice about all the stuff I put up with in the beggining. If this ends I will remember him fondly and be better about loving myself first in my future. Thankful for the lesson and the lovin'

  • You know maria, I am not happy that he is leaving me, but it is what it is.... sometimes there are no good or bad guys, right or wrong choice, villians or victims.... there just is what is.... I don't know how it will all play out, but either way I am not going to regret giving love a chance and will live and learn to love again... starting with me.

  • Thats a very good attitude to have, and its very true. So, just enjoy your last few weeks with him, I guess, and then the rest is pretty much up in the air and for fate!

  • yes... I let you know how things go as they do. We've been spending a lot of time trying to talk out our feelings in general and if there is a future specifically. K the engineer is straight up flirting with me nowadays I don't know if it's a coincidence or if I'm sending off single soon vibes.... what do you see in me getting to know him better?

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