Help with reading -What Relationship Would Be Like
Ugh, so what I'm sensing is that he back in a Land of Confusion? Brother. You know I just called him on his cell and left a message. Nothing major, just saying "hi" told him if he gets a break or wants to take a break to give me a call. If he's in full-blown Hermit mode he won't even listen to it until he's ready, although sometimes he will call me back claiming that he just "saw that you called and wanted to call you back - didn't listen to your message". I know that's a lie, I just sense it, lol, I figure he always wants to know what's on my mind before he calls me back because I so rarely do call him. But I feel like I want to know what's going on with him, if it's nothing great, if it's general stress, well okay, but this void is suddenly starting to bug me.
So we'll see if he calls back. I'm going back to that place of wanting to end things between us again, I don't know why really. (CLASSIC Cancer reaction here Maria, so take note!! Crawl into the shell is the first line of defense from perceived potential for hurt - real or imagined!) It's just so tedious always wondering where things really stand, I guess it feels easier to just release it all. Don't know how that's any different than if I were to just put it off my mind and see what time brings without me jumping to any major decisions. Why do I feel right now that I MUST have an answer. Am I just feeling a little out of control here maybe? Too much time on my hands here today and overthinking issues? Lol, probably! I know he tells me not to get worked up, but my intuition is in overdrive here lately that something is up...I have no idea what or where that keeps coming from....but something. I really can't explain it, but it's at the root of all this pondering. Maybe the erratic behavior. He was suddenly and surprisingly very available, then the past couple of days he just dropped off the map. Huh!? Maria can you do a reading (your choice of layout) and just ask, "what is R feeling about his relationship with J?" I need your objectivity right now. Just want to see where I stand with him in the context of whatever else he's got going on out there in "the Void". Thanks! "Love ya" in advance for doing this for me!
I did one. And it had an outcome im not surprised to see.
Before I give you the spread, I want to give you my input without even seeing the cards.
I think you need to stay away from that shell! It's only been two days, give him some time. He's obviously going through something, and guys need time to sort through their issues. Don't ask me why, but they do. It doesn't mean he doesn't care about you, or that you should break up with him. Just sit tight and see how it plays out.
So, the spread:
How he feels about the relationship: Ace of Cups
Where he wants it to go: 3 of wands
How he will do this: Queen of Wands
What he wants to get from the relationship: 4 of wands
Something you should know: The Empress
Possible Outcome: Queen of Pentacles
So, he obviously still feels great deals of emotion for you. Maybe he feels like you guys are getting to a new stage, since the ace is all about new or developing feelings. Three of wands kind of furthers the notion of a 'new stage', since my imagery shows someone looking out over the horizon, watching their ships come in. So, either starting a new stage or completing the one your in right now. He's obviously going to start being much more outgoing with you very soon, and also more open since the QoW says whats on her mind. What he wants to get from it, in my deck the 4 of wands is a celebration of success, so I'm assuming he just wants you guys to be happy together. Something you should know being the empress....this either is telling you not to worry, that he has strong nurturing feelings for you, or its letting you know his wife might be influencing the way things are at the moment. Advice being temperance is perfect. Control your thoughts, LOL! Balance your feelings, and weigh the situation properly. Don't make hasty decisions!
And the outcome as the Queen of Pentacles made me laugh. This card really is chasing you around. But she stands for security, and again i think she's a less powerful version of the empress. So I think things will settle down eventually.
I don't see anything that really makes me worry here....not that many cups, though. But I dont think his mind is tuned to long term yet.
Strange, Maria it says that you posted on this thread an hour ago but I do not see it here. Maybe I'm not supposed to get your message.....hmmmm......
LOL no sometimes it just messes up. The post is above you.
Ah, for some reason putting on that little post kicked it in.
Wow, I am relieved. I don't know what's into me, I know after nearly 7 months how "R" can be. I think I'm just going to keep cycling around with these thoughts indefinitely though, until something more definite and solid is established between us. I was working on a project here, and the thoughts kept going around in my mind (oh hell, let's call it what it is, I was "obsessing", lol) and finally dropped everything and did a Celtic cross asking, "Once and for all, what is he doing with me and where does he see things going?" I used him as the significator card (he is the King of Pentacles to me).
I got him covered by the 7 of Wands (big surprise) so that's truly at the heart of the matter some how and crossed (challenged/blocked) by the 3 of Swords (these two cards must be glued together in my deck).
The foundation of the matter is Death (a familiar card lately for him), the immediate past is the King of Cups, the possible outcome or goal is the Star, the near future is Temperance (OK, OK, I get it!!! LOL).
His frame of mind on the matter is 3 of Wands, outside influences affecting him is 9 of Cups, hopes/fears or unexpected element is 4 of Wands and the outcome is Ace of Swords.
Wow, the Ace of Swords. Boy, this is either a very good card or one that will end us. My whole theme with him has been about "truth, truth, truth". He even made a point to tell me what a huge affect I've had on him in thinking about how he lives his life and about the meaning of truth in it. He knows that our relationship always hangs by a thread because I so hate participating in his lies. "I just want to live my life in truth, be free to be who I am, and I swear that I will never live a lie again like I did in my marriage" is my mantra.
So I have to ask myself, will he cut me out of his life to end the lies to his wife, which would also put an end the situation of me having to participate in his lies, or will he make a decision to live completely in truth and make an actual change in his life? Perhaps the 3 of Swords coming up so often may indicate how intensely he feels about NOT wanting to hurt anyone, but he needs something to change (Death). I was reading that the 7 of Wands can also indicate a conflict in conscience, it's about intense self-belief and being able to say "no" as opposed to compromising. It suggests "resisting fears and inner demons, being honest about what you personally want and taking action accordingly". So between the two cards perhaps he's in turmoil over the conflict between standing up for himself and what he wants and at the same time wrestling with the fear of causing great pain to others in achieving it? The 7 of Wands also asks, "make sure you really know what you want and ask: is it worth the battle?"
Love the recurring cards that showed up in your reading. Maybe that's part of what's bugging me here this week is that there have been an uncanny number of instances when the cards keep repeating and it's got me in a place of thinking that something may be about to give. Something significant is "gelling" here. But I guess my message is to just sit tight. Something I am obviously not very good at.
The number of wands you pulled suggest growth to me. I like wands because I see them as a positive force in shaping the future in a balanced way. The other suits seem so specific, even cups don't offer the promise of "taking action" that the Wands do and in this case I like seeing that Ace of Cups come first, followed by a little direction and readiness to take keep moving in a forward direction. Very interesting that you drew the Queen of Wands, she keeps coming up as a shadow card when I cut the deck. Wierd. I kept thinking that it had something to do with his wife. I see her as the Q of Wands for her negative attributes, potentially too outspoken, controlling and overbearing. Again, troubling me over why she's seems to be at the forefront this week (because even if I want her to be those negative things, she certainly has positive qualities as well and I always wonder if she'll lure his heart back).
I did do a reading on how "R" really feels about his marriage at this point. I'll post it here, but I won't elaborate because I'm kind of typed-out here, lol. Again, used K of pents as his significator: he is covered by 4 of pents and crossed by the Moon. The foundation of the matter is the Hanged Man. The 10 of Pents is on it's way out. Possible outcome or goal is the 7 pents, near future is the Wheel of Fortune, his frame of mind is The Sun, outside influence is Ace of Cups, hopes/fears is 5 of Swords and the outcome is the Queen of Swords. In general I see evaluation of the situation happening but still questions about fears, sacrifice, whether or not to stand up for oneself or just let Fate continue to make the first move. Queen of Swords confuses me. This is where pulling reversed cards would be helpful, but I find readings with reversals too negative. I know the cards well enough now to just realize there are negative aspects inhierant in them as well and I simply try to take that into account in the overall spread. In any case I suppose she means facing truth here as well, being honest.
Perhaps a day of reckoning really is around the corner?
Ok, I'm not doing any more readings on this (other than my standard "bed time" card, lol) and I'm going to do my best to just let things ride for a time. Between work and getting my boys back for the week tomorrow I should have ample distractions I think. Meanwhile, he knows I called and I'm leaving it at that.
Thank you so much for the reading Maria. It has been very helpful, and thank you for that little "slap in the face" to snap me out of my hysteria, haha. Seriously, I love that you are comfortable with telling me to just chill out already!!! I will try.......
P.S. its ace of cups, not ace of swords!
Oh my god...I'm freaking out. I just randomly did a 'what does he feel about me' reading and its literally the worst one Ive ever gotten:
5 of pents, two of swords, knight of swords, 8 of cups
What did I do?? Why did it get so bad?? So I did that reading I did for you for myself, and its completely different from last time
How he feels about the relationship: Ace of Pents
Where he wants it to go: 4 of cups
How he will do this: 10 of wands
What he wants to get from the relationship: 3 of swords (HUH??)
Something I should know: 7 of wands
Advice: The Fool
Possible Outcome: Queen of Swords.
Ugggh....I dont get it.
Ok, calm down and let me think about this.
Btw, the final card in the Celtic Cross reading I did was the Ace of Swords. Sorry to introduce confusion.
You know, I'm starting to think that we both need to leave the cards alone for a day, we're not making ourselves too happy here, lol.
I'll get back with you in a few.
Alright, what I think this is about is him focusing in on himself for the time being. I know you asked how he feels about you, but I'm not sensing that he's feeling too much about anyone but himself. He's obviously dissatisfied with things in general but he's unmotivated to make any effort. In fact he seems to think that taking on anything more right now will be a burden. 3 of swords may just suggest that, on top of everything else, he's still dealing with the idea of getting hurt in relationships. Haha, 7 of Wands for you too. Is he like "R" maybe, in some kind of internal conflict, it would help explain why he's so caught up in himself and not sparing much thought for you. Advice is he needs to take some chances, get out and try something new, get out of this rut that he's in. As you know already, the Queen of Swords confuses me. He needs to get honest with himself maybe, face reality, or if it does have to do with you, start thinking more honestly about how he feels about you, get things out in the open one way or another.
With that little four card reading, again, these are very self-involved cards. I can't help but think that he's all caught up in himself right now and none of these are really reflections on you. More the answer "well...actually Maria....he's not thinking about you at all". He's thinking about what he doesn't have, life is stagnant, he's agitated and not in an emotional frame of mind, and he's ready for a change. Sounds like he could use a little kick in the but to get motivated if you ask me.
Now my turn to scold you, you haven't seen him in how long? Might be a simple case of out of sight, out of mind right now. You know that he has issues with his life situation, maybe he's just been focusing on those while you've been away. Now that you're back you can start distracting him again with your vixenish charms. Lol. Seriously, there is nothing here that I would take personally other than it does stink that he isn't thinking about you, but on the bright side there's no evidence he's thinking about anyone else either. Just in a little rut by himself -although not in Hermit mode - he's not sulking, he seems to know he needs to take some action but needs to get psyched for it and build some enthusiasm. Maybe you can liven him back up when you see him Saturday.
Phew....ugh. I didnt even want to do a reading, I just kind of...did it by fluke. I think your right about the 4 card reading, and I hope to God your right about the spread :(. Of course I asked a slew of questions after I got such a horrible reading, and they dont look....TOO alarming. Though, the 4 of cups does show up again, so it looks like he isn't in the mood to care right now. Super. I did ask the cards how I can improve our relationship, and I got the Queen of Cups, Page of Wands, and Queen of Wands....so you are totally right, LOL. I have to assault him with feminine charisma.
I also asked the cards; why does he feel that way about me? In regards to the 7 card spread, and got: Knight of Wands, 9 of Wands, 8 of pents, Queen of Wands. This was kind of confusing. He's being free and holding his ground ...against working with me ooorrr he's working on those aspects of himself? Lol he wants to be a queen of wands. But the Moon card came after the Q of W. Sigh. Sorry x.x
So...weird. Something affected him and now he's scared of...foundations?
ooops that last sentence was supposed to be erased.
Ok, my last one for the night. Because I can't stop thinking about "R" being in so much turmoil I asked, "What is 'R' prepared to do to find his own happiness in life", I pulled 3 cards to suggest a trend in his thinking and a fourth card to sum them all up.
Page of Swords
3 of Cups
7 of Wands (I swear to God I shuffled the deck about 12 times and still got this one)
Well that's pretty normal I guess. He's wanting to be honest and truthful, he'd probably like some new mental challenges, he wants to spend more time with friends, he's prepared to start standing up for what he wants for himself, quit living for everyone else and be himself, and he seeks fairness, honesty and harmony. (While I'd like to think Justice means he'll seek legal counsel for a divorce, this may not have been the right question for that...but maybe, lol!) For all of his agitation I was just wondering how complicated things really are in his mind, is he making mountains out of molehills, and does he have an idea of what would make him happy. Doesn't sound like he needs much to be happy, which is in line with what he says, "I'm a simple man" kind of stuff, "doesn't like drama".
On a whim I just asked: "what's it going to take for his wife to be happy in life?"
Ace of Wands
Haha, wow, her sights are set a little higher than "R's" I'd say. Major Arcana cards and an Ace. Hmmm, summed up by the Lovers maybe she'd even like a new man, lol. Ace of Wands maybe a new everything! Too funny, I was just playing around here, but it made me laugh and I needed one.
Ok, the icing on the cake, "what's it going to take to make Jen happy?"
Yep, I need to work at a job where I can feel a part of things, making a contribution to feel fulfilled (call me crazy, but I really like working, it gives me 'purpose' in life), I enjoy my sense of freedom and want to be able to pursue the things that make me happy and satisfied, Judgement is going deep, but "yes" need to liberate myself from old ways of thinking and find new approaches (I am that work in progress) now the 3 of Swords as a summation....most likely a message to quit being so dang hypersensitive about every little thing. Tied in with the others it probably means getting more involved with all of those other aspects of life to avoid feeling hurt or rejected so often. Perhaps a warning that putting too much weight on too few things will continue to make me unhappy.
That was fun Maria, try it on yourself and see what you get. "What's it going to take to make Maria happy in life...." Go!
So, I was inspired by the reading yesterday and I went ahead and text messaged him. I've never done this before, but I just text him and asked him how he was and how his week was going. So he said everything was fine, thanks, how was I? And so I responded and he said great, but he just came back from dinner and was going to bed. So I asked him one last question and he never answered me back. I'm starting to get really annoyed with this text messaging business. I find it hard to believe that someone who cares will blatantly not respond to a question. He did this before, too....it was his birthday. I texted him and said happy birthday, and he responded back, and since I was at my internship which is close to my work, I asked him if he was working that day, cause if he was I'd come into work and give him a birthday hug. He never answered. So, my initial response to that was 'fine, eff you dickwad.' But then I had the rest of the day to fume on it, and I decided -what the heck? I'd go for it. So, I went in, he was working, and I said happy birthday and gave him a hug. The confusing thing was he said 'So....what are you doing here?' and i told him 'to wish you a happy birthday!' and he got a big smile on his face and he kind of laughed, and his reaction confused me because he should have known I was coming since I text messaged him. And there's no reason he didn't get it.
So...anyway, I asked the cards. First, I asked: Why hasn't J replied to my text message? and I got:
The Sun, The 5 of Pentacles, the 9 of pentacles.
I hate that 5 of pentacles card. So, for this reading, the sun threw me off right good. Now I don't know how to interpret it. It's almost like...he learned something that made him feel bad about his status or something?? That doesn't make any sense.
So, the final question I asked was: What did J feel at my last text?
6 of Cups, The Hanged Man, The World. And the Devil flew out of my deck and landed on the floor.
That's a pretty intense spread for a text message asking him if he wants me to send him some youtube clip I found that I thought he'd like!! The majors really confuse me here. I don't get this one at all, either. Help ;.; I want to understand what is going through this mans head when he appears to not care.
SO. I'm not going to do that spread, because I can tell you what will make me happy: A man and a real job. DONE! lol, I have everything else I need. A good family, and good friends. All I need is a good man and a good job, and I'm freakin perfect!
As for your readings, it looks like he's prepared to do something for his happiness, that's for sure. He's gonna use his head (maybe even be a little sneaky...that page of swords aint all that wholesome. LOL I dont trust the swords at all.) he's gonna have fun with his friends (or maybe his mistress 3 people on that card!) and he's gonna keep fighting to get what he wants. But, it looks like all in all, he isn't out to be a bad guy. He wants to try and keep things fair, or, maybe for once he wants things to be fair for him.
LOL yah, his poor wife. Looks like she's lacking a lot. Looks to me like she wants some tradition back in her life, or maybe someone to guide her. Passion (or a new start) and maybe the knowledge to know what to do about her situation with her husband. To know what choice to make. Yikes.
For you, it looks like you want security as the first thing. After that, yeah, judgment is a good one. I find it REALLY interesting that you got the 3 of swords as a summery of what will make you happy. Especially since you're a cancer, and my cancer just got the 3 of swords as what he wants from a relationship. I was looking this stuff up on the net, and someone interestingly pointed out it might mean a fear of getting injured like you did in past relationships. You want to get over that fear, or you're desperately hoping this time won't be like that. Or this relationship will be able to heal you from your other bad experiences. Does that ring true for you? Cause it sounds really cancer to me, LOL. Man that 3 of swords has been flying around between the two of us like no ones business.
oh, btw, when you see ive posted but you cant actually see it, go up to the URL bar and where it says the page number, type in the next one and you'll see my post. So, this is page 13, to see my post which isnt there yet erase 13 and put 14, then hit enter. and voila! stupid forum.
You know that first question about why he didn't reply to your text, I think you're taking it too personally, I think he didn't respond because he was going to bed, lol. just look at the 5 of pents card (Rider Waite vesion), the people in the card are worn out, cold, it's late. Haha, sorry but true. The sun is he's thinking about morning. 9 of wands is about stamina and strength, he needs that for the morning. I know I'm being such a pain here, but seriously, sometimes I read waaaaay more into the cards than is actually there and I'm thinking this might just be the case on this one. Plus guys being guys, when they're done talking they're just done, not as courteous as women that way - that's my opinion.
Next reading you did on his thoughts: he thought it was nice that you called (6 cups obviously makes one think of reconnecting with someone from past). Hanged Man - well I don't know what you asked, but he didn't feel any real urgency to respond, so he didn't, the World...hmm, he's glad that you're back maybe, World can suggest a trip and completion so you've returned from your trip, and the Devil card, well, that's tricky. When cards fall out of the deck I do see them as having special significane. On a positive note it could mean he thought something naughty about you, if ya know what I mean on the negative it could mean that he thinks you're possibly obsessed with him? Is he obsessed with you? So hard to know here since the Devil doesn't seemt to tie in with the other three cards.
Well I felt like such a doink here when "R" returned my call bright and early at 8:30 this morning. I was working so I couldn't answer it, but he left a message. His computer is still in the shop (I knew this) and he broke his phone the day he "dropped off the map". Just got a replacement yesterday. "Talk to you soon" he said. He's on IM again right now actually, but it's mobile so I don't want to bug him and eat up his minutes on his temporary phone. Soooo, see, I AM so guilty of just going fatalistic at the drop of a hat. Ok, maybe this IS why there are so many angst-ridden threads of the trials of dealing with Cancers, lol.
That is interesting when you reminded me of "J" getting the 3 of Swords. Being hurt is one of our deepest fears and pure avoidance of situations that could bring us hurt is one of the best ways to insure it doesn't happen. Doesn't even matter if there's past history of hurt to overcome, it would be there at some level anyhow. My brother is a Cancer and I've never viewed him as being as overly emotional as me, probably because he's a male. What I do know though is once he's found what he thinks is the "right" woman he sinks his soul into the relationship, and let me tell you, if it fails, omg, the pain is with him for months. This is why we are so cautious. I know everyone hurts when relationships fail, but seriously, I've never known anyone, other than maybe a Pisces, who can wallow in misery indefinitely like a Cancer.
I have to laugh, one of my best friends is an Aries and she is being driven completely mad by a Taurus man. Ooooh my god, her suffering. There is simply no understanding him, he won't open up and he is slower than my Virgo in offering any kind of tangible idea of what he wants out of the relationship. So, my advice Maria is stay away from Taurus males. Seems to be a bad "fit", lol.
Oh a little sidebar on that three of swords thing though, since Cancers are so keenly aware of being hurt themselves we are probably hypersensitive as well about causing hurt to others. I've avoided some relationships simply because I knew I wasn't whole-heartedly interested in a guy and I didn't want to risk him getting in too deep with me. I reeeally hate hurting other people because I know how it feels.
That makes sense, he told me a couple of times he was scared to hurt me. I don't know why he says that and then clings to me. He said he wanted to be alone. This was like....in November. And in January he told me he was scared to hurt me, he liked me a lot, but wasn't ready for a relationship. Oh man, in September I'll have been going through this for a year. I can't believe it. It blows my mind. Why am I so insane? I swear, sometimes I regret finding this forum, this website, and all the other information i've gathered on Cancers on the internet. I feel like I would have given up a lonnnngg time ago if I hadn't.
But maybe not....because he KNOWS, he just freakin KNOWS when i've had enough, and he comes after me. Every time with no exceptions. But I haven't been able to test and see exactly the lengths he would go to, because I see this HORRIBLE, worried, emotional look in his eyes when he looks at me and I just can't bear the thought of hurting him. Like seeing his face breaks my heart. So I scurry back into my confused cranny of misery. I'm just in shock about how much I care about him. And like....well. I know it doesn't matter to him, how much I care. Cause he's gonna do what he wants to do no matter what. Anyway....
And hahaha, seee! I'm glad he got back to you. It's amazing what happens in life to prevent people from talking to us, that we take personally. Man, this makes me worry about how much I've offended J without even realizing it. Not that he seems to think about me too much outside of work, but....still. I'm glad you posted your worries here so you didn't flip out on poor virgo ;).
So, I wondered if the text I sent did anything, and I redid the 'how does he feel about me' question and it looked a lot better. But...like, I don't know what to make of it. I got attacked by pentacles court cards.
Knight of Pentacles, Page of Pentacles, 7 of Cups.
The Star card flew out this time. I only take flying cards seriously if they fly away far enough to hit the floor, and this one did. It doesnt seem to make sense, but it's a good card so I'll put it there, LOL. So....i dont know how to translate the knight and page into feelings. he feels I'm sturdy and secure? In it for the long haul? But those arent feelings they're like...opinions. His feelings are....steady? But, with the 7 of cups, he feels confused? I dont know. At least it isnt the 5 of pentacles.
I also did another spread, and it was interesting. I wont post the whole thing cause I've been posting way too much stuff. But, what I will put a few positions that I found interesting.
Relationship in general: 6 of swords
What kind of relationship does he want: Death
Why hasnt he started a rel with me: Knight of Pents
What would be the perfect sit. to for him to start a rel with me: 2 of swords
What is he doing to prepare for the rel: 10 of swords.
Okay. Actually that seems like a lot....oops, sorry. So, with the relationship in general, its one that is hopefully going to get a little less turbulent and a lot more calm. That is very nice. But what kind of relationship he wants as Death is interesting. He wants a change? A new phase? This is also kind of reinforced by the 10 of swords as what he's doing to prepare. I know I often think of that card as 'woe is me' but I doubt that's preparing for much. It can also mean ending something. I laughed when I saw the two of swords as what he's doing to prepare for a relationship with me. This either means 'it hasnt even crossed his mind' or he's working on coming out of his shell a little. But i think it's probably the first option.
Okay, im done with this now. Cause it doesnt matter anyway. What happens happens, at this stage.
Wow you've been at this for nearly a year with him and things are stil this uncertain...hmmm. That stinks. You seem to recognize that the ultimate good solution here is to put him off entirely and just let him freak out. Short of him ever actually opening up and offering to join you in a "real" relationship, it's really the only way you're ever going to know if he has heart-felt interest in you or if you're just good for his ego and self-esteem.
Let's face it, anyone's constant attention is flattering and makes us feel good, and how convenient when we get it without ever having to return the favor. I'm on IM right now with "Sag man" who absolutely adores me. I like that he adores me, but is it going to get him another date? Not likely, I don't want to feel like I'm leading him on. I can be his friend forever, but that's not what he wants so I figure he'll blow me off eventually. If he pushes me I will come right out and say that I'm not interested in a deep relationship with him, but until then I just let it ride. Sound familiar? Lol.
I think that in that first little reading he does see you as steady and firmly in focus, you're practical and know how to do what you need to to get what you want, and you have lots of options in life. 7 of Cups can be chaos, but it's also choices, weighing out options.
Next one: 6 of Swords - moving on, picking up pieces (how long ago was his last break-up, dang he can't seem to get over it). I wonder if Death might symbolize that he doesn't know what he wants, only knows what he doesn't want. Argh, Knight of pents...get this all the time with "R", gonna take his good sweet time and that's that. Unmovable. Just like a 2-ton rock.
I think we need to look at the reverse of 2 of Swords - he needs to become "unblocked", quit being defensive, get "unstuck" in his outlook. Ten of Swords may mean that he needs to recognize that he has seen the "worst" of relationships and realize that things can only get better from there. He's been at the "bottom" but it's time to quit acting like a victim and take some responsibility for his feelings and figure out how to approach new realtionship opportunities with optimism. Going into each new relationship waiting for the negatives to surface will get him just that...negatives, nothing good. "As we seek so shall we find...." (Is that a real quote or did I just make it up?? Lol, it works here though.)
Curious to hear how things go tomorrow. I'll be looking for the update!
Wow, I've never been more clueless as to what to do. I feel bad, suddenly going all 'meh, eff you' on him after I made it obvious that I cared how he was doing by texting him just a day ago. Isn't that the kind of stuff Cancers are put off by? I mean, it's confusing to anyone. But I do agree with you that I need to really see how he feels, and that's the only way. I've known it for a long time, I just chicken out every time. He also needs to learn that if he want's me around he's gonna have to put some freakin' effort into it. I do notice him making attempts to talk to me, but this whole us not hanging out alone after work is annoying as hell. UGH, I didn't tell you how he flip flopped on me a few times when we tried to make dates. Wow.
He just like...panics and backs out unless it 'happens naturally'. Like, once we were taking the subway home together, and I commented on how I barely got to talk to him. He said, well, its hard to at work. I agreed with him, and said lets get together after work then. He got this look on his face, and he asked 'why...?' and I laughed and said "so I can talk to you!" and he actually looked surprised. Like....really? Why it was surprising that I would want to talk to him blows my mind to this day. And he was like "Yeah. Alright. Lets do it. But when...?" so we didnt have time to say anything because his stop came up, so he told me to message him my availability so we could work something out. Needless to say, I was pretty happy. I wasn't under any impressions it was a date, I was just thrilled I got to spend more time with him.
So, I messaged him, he messaged back...it didn't look good for that week, so he said I'll see you at work. So when I saw him at work, I cant remember if I brought it up or not....i think i didnt because I wanted to see if he would. He didnt, so I text messaged him and asked him. That's when he suddenly started to get complicated. He said he wouldn't go out on any day he wasn't already working. I thought this was total bullshit and got totally offended that he was being so freakin picky about when we went out, like I wasn't worth the effort of leaving his house unless he had other reasons to. And ,since I'm me, I actually told him this. he laughed and said wow, dont get offended, it's just how I do things. So I said....fine...how about saturday? Oh, and the whole time he kept telling me "i'll see, i'll tell you later". but i hate having things hanging in the air, so I finally forced him to pick a freakin date. By the time we were done talking, I didnt even want to hang out with him anymore, I was so frustrated.
But then the day came....and the other busser didnt show up to work, so i had to close the effing restaurant. Which means our date was not going to happen, because HE wasnt closing so he was getting out of there at like 8. And it isnt right to ask someone to hang around from 8 till 1 am. So....he comes up to me and asks me if they're going to let me off, and I said no...I have to close. It got kind of silent and awkward, and he pulled out his cell and started showing me stuff, LOL, i guess to break the tension. So we were just standing there together, not knowing what to say, and then I was like "So...wanna have coffee at 1 am ish??" and he laughed and said no, that was a little too late. That seemed to satisfy him, so he got ready and left.
I was so pissed, I can't even describe it. All that damn work, down the drain. And I was still insecure about it since he made such a big deal, that I was thinking he didnt even care. But then, when I got off work and checked my cellphone, he sent me a text that said "Have a good night, we'll reschedule."
Yah, that made me happy. It made the whole night worth it. BUT!! When I actually tried to make another date with him....he totally refused. Like, not SO harshly, but the next day when he came to work we sat down to eat together and he asked me what time I got out the night before. I said "Freakin one in the morning..." it got silent, so I said "I was mad that I had to close..." and he laughed and said "not a big deal." and then I said "Man, and I finally got you to just pick a date, too!" and he was like "Yah....thats not gonna happen again." and I looked up in shock and was like "....what??" and he was like "I love not knowing when things are going to happen. I just like them to kind of...happen on their own." I don't think I need to describe how annoyed I was. Especially after he TOLD me we would reschedule. So I was like "OKAY...."
So, I decided to work with him, and I think the next week we both got off work at the same time, so I asked him if he wanted to go and grab a drink, and he was like "No." so I was like "wow, okay." and I never tried again after that. It's possible he was just in a bad mood, but it didnt matter to me. I was sick of trying so hard and getting weirdness from him in return.
Eventually, though, we did end up going out for dinner together. He was the one who hinted at it, too. He rarely actually asks me anything, he just kind of crab-walks sideways into getting me to say it. He did that a couple of times where we ended up hanging out together. Once I was the one who hinted and he picked it up and asked. i remember, a while ago, we hung out together every single weekend for a month. But then I went to Italy, and when i got back, I never had any shifts with him, and the shifts I did have I was closing and he wasn't. So we have barely hung out outside of work for the last like....2 and a half months. And when we did, it was always with a big group of people.
Anyway. I'm gonna stop babbling now. Sorry!!! LOL. I'll let you know what happens at work, if anything at all.
Okay, so....LOL. I don't know what to tell you. It was a pretty average day. The only annoying thing was we went out after work, and since there was another guy there who kept freakin talking about girls and strip clubs and what not, he joined in, too. And I don't care if they talk about boy crap, but like they'd be pointing out girls and be like 'yeah, she looks good, but you cant have a conversation with her.' 'really? maybe she has a boyfriend.' 'No. Trust me. I know for a fact that she doesnt.' and I was just like....ugh....seriously. It didn't make me feel very special, that's for sure. I hate men.
So what's up with you??
Aw, I'm sorry to hear that things went so....well I do I say it, blah, yesterday. Men are doinks that's for sure. I have a Capricorn friend who says that the only thing men are good for are to use for a while and then get rid of them before they cause you any trouble. Seriously, she lives that philosophy. Needless to say, she is my hero, but I don't think I could ever be like that. Someday I'd like to find a nice partner, and I could never be so mean as to use men that way and then live with myself. Well, at least not yet. By the time "R" is done with me, I might be right where my Cappy friend is, lol!
I've been busy with work and the boys. These weeks with my kids get hectic. Haven't even had time to obsess on "R"! Eee gads, at this rate I might forget all about him! (Yeah, right, lol.) Honestly, if I had my boys all the time I'd probably have a lot more empathy for "R" and his ability to get together. Course if I had the boys all the time, we'd also never find an opportunity to get together at all. I did pull a card to see what he was thinking about me today: "5 Cups" So asked, "why disappointed?". Page of Wands. Hmm, he was disappointed that I haven't contacted him in two days maybe? So I sent him an IM around dinner time. Totally random, said, "Quiz ur kids: Q: How many silks on an ear of corn? A: 1 silk for every kernel. We're shucking here, lol."
Ahahah, so silly isn't it, that 's what I like about it. That will really confuse him if he's been feeling disappointed - kinda like, "well, I got what I wanted but it doesn't make a dam bit of sense". Lol. He should be contacting me anyway if he misses me, humph! Otherwise haven't seen hide nor hair of him on IM all weekend. Maybe he's hiding again or crawled into his cave from an overdose of family life this weekend. Ahahaha!
I've also been busy communicating with three people outside of the forum over my "Heart of a Virgo Man" thread, doing some readings for them so that's been occupying some of my time here. Do you ever read that thread? Go to the final posts involving Dttn. What a gal, she's been such a warrior this past week. I did some Rune readings and eventually some Tarot readings for her and they were pretty darn accurate. I wish I had your flair for "telling the story" of the cards. I feel like I'm getting really good reads on the situations, but not always feeling like I'm conveying the message the right way. I guess I'm just more of a "nitty-gritty" reader.
Anyway, I posted an e-mail address for Dttn to contact me so that we could talk privately (you are welcome to it as well, btw, if you ever want to make that move). Next thing you know I had two others contact me...all of us in very similar situations. It's been REALLY fascinating to hear their stories and compare notes. Two of the three are in the process of "dumping" their Virgos actually. Hmmmm, can't imagine why, lol. I'm telling you Maria, you may think your Cancer man is a pain, but these Virgos....omfg. That's all I can say.
I have to work on a job application that's got a deadline of 4:30 p.m. tomorrow so this is the last of me tonight. This is also the week I should hear something about my job interview from a couple weeks ago. I'm trying not to get nervous, but I'm going to anyway. It's a position with my former employer, where I worked for 9 years prior to having babies. Never would have left if it weren't for my boys. Going back to work there would mean so much to me - kind of like everything coming full circle after my marriage - regaining what I had lost. Ok, can't think about that right now or I'll start freaking out. I won't even pull any cards to ask about it, it makes me that nervous! I'll keep you posted if/when I hear something. If I lose out on the job, I will probably be on here crying about it, so just be ready for that, lol.
Oh hey, I haven't looked at it yet, but one of the gals from the other thread gave me the address of an Astrology site she uses. I'll pass it on to you here too, might be fun to read up on more about Cancer men. Okay, maybe fun isn't the right word...lol. Go to astrologyzone.com.