Cancer Woman and Virgo Man
I am a Cancer girl and have trouble with a Virgo man. I hope that someone can help me. I have read a lot of your comments here and they all describe him in a way.
We were dating for 6 months now but it was a long distance relationship. I saw him every 3 weeks and stayed with him for the same amount of time. At the beginning he was so in love with me, crazy about me, he was a sure thing! Later he was bothered by my constant attention (SMS, email). He has a very responsible job and says that he cannot talk to em constantly. I understood that and didn't nag him anymore. Later we talked less and less, he hated using Skype, Facebook... One day we had a conversation and he said that he doesn't know if we can go on with this relationship because he doesn't know what he wants, he wants a career, I don't live in his country. So I got really scared that he will leave me and I did everything that I got an internship at his job for one month. I didn't see him for 1,5 months (the longest) and he was always writing me, being sweet to me, telling me how much he loves and misses me. When I came to the airport, he was cold. I was confused. Afterwards we went home, had "fun" and after that I sensed that something is wrong and I asked him what. He replied if I really want to have this conversation now?! I understood what is going on. Long story short, he left me! Just like that, out of the blue. I stayed with him in his flat for 1 month because I had a job contract. At the beginning he was sure it is over, later he said he needs time and he still loves me and doesn't know what he wants! By the way, I was his first girlfriend. he says that he is not a relationship person. We were acting like that we are together, we had the best time of our lives. The last day he took me to the airport, kissed me very friendly and left. He said it is too hard for him. After a couple of hours, I arrived home and he just cut me off. Like I never existed, no text, email... Over!
He said he needs some time to think. My question is, should I leave him alone completely (no SMS; emails) or send an email saying "how are you?"? I am afraid that he said he needs some time to think that I would not worry so much. He can't see me cry, he cries if I cry.
I feel a real strong bond with this person and just can't convince myself that I will never see him again or never be with him again. The strangest thing is that if you look at us, I am quite attractive and he is not and I am the one who was dumped. But I love him and I find him cute. I cope with his fussiness, constant complaining, I turn it in a fun way. I also helped him change a bit and gain a lot of confidence in himself and his EGO is now sky high and I am devastated and lost.
I am also worried because I have read a lot that Virgo men have 2 sides, there is no third option. Either they want you and they would do everything for you, or they don't and they threat you like you were never even in his life. This is my greatest fear.
Should I wait for his move or send a nice SMS or something to let him know I am thinking of him?
Unfortunately, Virgo men make up the biggest number of bachelors in the world. Very organized and orderly, he is afraid that his intimacy will be violated, and his discretion and bashfulness make him terrified at the thought he might be expected to manifest his love through gestures he does not feel he can make. Besides that, he is the practical and economical kind, and love could mean a waste of his time and energy - he always needs his personal space so that he can concentrate on his goals. Yet what is most terrifying to him becomes precisely the great fascination in love: the fervency, the spontaneous expression of intuition and imagination, the energy and love of life.
I feel that this guy is in love with an idealistic perfect kind of love that doesn't exist in reality. When you are apart, he is full of this perfect romantic love for you, but when you get together, the reality of the relationship hits him in the face and he retreats. He wants the perfect woman (who is not real) and he can be very picky and critical of real women. always seeing your faults more than your virtues. He wants the perfect lover. If you become too possessive of him, he will hate it. He needs to often be able to detach himself and be free. Really this long distance, on again/off again relationship suits him because he prefers not to see anyone all the time because they don't live up to his perfectionistic notions. If you want more from a relationship, you will have to look elsewhere. This guy is a bit of an immature 'teenager' in his emotions and needs to grow up a lot before he is ready for a real committed relationship.
Some hints for Virgo lovers:
1.You are organized, orderly & clean
2. You are domesticated
3. You have good moral values
4. You are either pretty or attractive
5. Not aggressive
6. Doesnot nag or question him
7. He doesnot like women that talks a lot and doesnot like foul words.
8. He wants a peaceful environment
9. Doesnot like women that argues. You have to be gentle with words when you like
to explain things to him because he doesnot communicate well.
Anger just makes him shot down on you.
10. You have your own agenda this way he feels you wont check up or
question him all the time
11.Gives him space- he will forever needs that that will NEVER change and if you do that to him
he will also give you all the space you need.
12. Sometimes he might make you feel you come seconds but it doesnot mean he doesnot care
or loves you. He just keeps his emotions to himself.
And lastly have a sense of humor. He likes laughters and happy moments instead of
emotional moments. He treasures this very much.
Do you think this is too much to handle?
It doesnot mean they are not good people. They are.
They are good providers too. I think they are the most misunderstood sign of all.
All signs have good and bad ones.
Just remember its us that creates our own happiness and sadness. If it doesnot make
you happy exit out. Thats all there is.
Thank you The Captain. That was the best answer I could get. I have figured it out already... They are maybe easier to "handle" than us, Cancers because they come with a manual. We have mood swings and constant emotional breakdowns. I understand that I am also not easy to handle sometimes but as Maqickal said I have most of the stuff on the list with two exceptions; 6 and 7. I feel insecure and I question him all the time, I talk a lot... Sometimes I feel I come second yeah...
Question: Now we are apart, each in his own country. He doesn't contact me. Should I totally ignore him (no calls, sms, emails, comments on Facebook...) untill he makes a move and give his space that way or will he with this act think that I don't care and easily forget me and move on?
Let him make the next move. Let him contact you if he is still interested. Chasing him won't improve things - he does need his space to process and understand his feelings since Virgos (or any earth sign) aren't comfortable with emotions.
Thank you TheCaptain I was thinking the same although I got the feeling that he also expects me to say "hi" or in other words show that I still care. I ignored him once for 2 days in the past because I was angry and also that triggered this separation. He was obviously very hurt because of that. That is why I am confused, on one hand he doesn't want me to write, if I ignore him, he got really made and hurt.
CancerGirl87 I can relate..... I;ve been with my Virguy for about a year now and it has been one emotional rollercoaster trying to understand his hot /cold behaviour,,,,, I am about to give up on him,,,,,
It seems that they expect you to leave them alone when they want it, but want you to be there for them when THEY need it.
Caribhic: I guess they are a bit "special" if we started a topic because of them here I am also thinking to give up because I am afraid that he will never call me again... But we really have something special and I really don't want to face myself with possible reality that he will never again contact me. Well holidays are knocking on the door, maybe that will be the opportunity to write me something... If not, then he really has no heart! But on the other hand, he will be with his friends for New years ewe and have fun and forget all about me. I will probably be waiting for his sms, call email all night and give up at 2h in the morning and write, receive a cold response and fall asleep. Now it's been 2 days since we have no contact. That has never happened before but since we are separated, I guess it is normal... Still don't know what to do here... If I cut him off, he will say that I am playing again but when he does is acceptable like TheCaptain said.
Another one I forgot to mention. Virgo guys create a barrier to protect them. They learn from
their own experience and the more the experience is bad the thicker the barrier becomes. They
think women fall in love so easily in that way they think they will fall out of love so easily also.
Its hard for them to handle dramas and they dont like dramas. Thats why they stay away when
they feel that you are getting too emotional with them.
They are the only ones that can brake that barrier. Once they feel 100% sure of you that barrier
will brake down and things will get better. This is a tough sign they use their head more so than their heart. It might take months,years or never for them to brake down the barrier SO GOOD LUCK GIRLS!!!!!
Thanks Maqickal! I didn't know that. But I am confused here, shouldn't he feel safe and secure with a person that really truly loves him? So that means that if I would be shallow and for example date him for his money, would be OK and he would stay. That makes no sense to me at all. Now it's been 3 days, I am suffering but I am determined not to brake. He obviously doesn't care or even thinks that is so nice that he can be free again without any sms, calls and emails. But he assures me that he truly loves me and doesn't want no one else. Insane! So I should wait and it will not take weeks but months?!
This is a difficult sign. No matter how much you psyche him up you will still have doubts and questions about what he is doing and exactly how he feels.
All I can say is continue to do the things you normally do before you met him. Relax & go easy
on yourself. Dont let that guy get you frustrated. He is doing what he wants to do so why dont you do the same thing? Go out with your friends and keep yourself busy also.
Yes, I can see. I am doing all that things but it always hit me when I come home in the evening. I am applying for jobs in the country that he lives and the dead line is today. I would really need his opinion on my motivation letter but I don't know if is smart to contact him and ask him? I read somewhere that they hate if you ask them for help?!
Virgo men are ultimate narcissists. They live their lives without any regard to reality, or other people's feelings, and want you to join his vision of the world, which might exclude you as a human being with your own feelings and thoughts. My advice - don't go out of your way to be with him - it will be a disappointment and waste of time. If you apply for this job, do it only for the sake of the job, if you really want it. Don't count on the Virgo - he won't be there when you need him.
VoplySoply, I am seeing that now... He doesn't care for my feelings. I am dying here. I was waiting for his response for the whole day. He didn't reply. He didn't have reception because he was with his friends, drinking. That is true because we had that before and I went there and he showed me his phone. The deadline was tomorrow and he said he can't do it today! If it was him, I would go home and look at the letter. it takes 10 min! After that I sent him another SMS, asking if is really OK if I send it tomorrow (it says 16.12.) and NO reply! I am so angry and sad right now. I just want to call him and tell him how he makes me feel but if I do that he will move further away. I know that they don't want drama. I didn't contact him for 4 days and he didn't say a word about that. He really doesn't give a damn. I want this job a lot but also of course I want to get it just to prove him that I can also get a job there, live on my own and of course near him... If I leave him alone for weeks, will it get better? I think he will not contact me... But he says that he loves me and we are not over but on a pause!
CancerGirl87, I am a Cancer and my husband is a Virgo. I left him alone for months and the end of it is DIVORCE! Run dear. They have no emotions or compassion. It is ALL about them and only them. Virgos can shut you down til the end. So shut him off, move on with your life and let the ugly get the best of him. Just my 2 cents! Also remember, Virgos are sweet-tongued and know the right words to tell you but do they really mean what they say is the question to ask. Mine still says he loves me and always will....yet he signed the divorce papers without even reading them. To me, that was enough sign that he is ready to get out of the marriage. Wish granted! He is now a free man and I, a free woman. Look up, chin up, head up and SMILE at the world and the world will smile back at ya. Stay strong, don't break. Hugz and Kisses!
I really understand your situation because you like this guy so much.
VoplySoply and RosietheCrab make sense they have given you the best advice you can get.
Just look at the " thread for Virgos" so many women had heartaches with Virgos.
I have given you pointers but then your relationship with him is not going well now.
I'm one of the very, very, very few that have a successful marriage to Virgo. I think we were just
meant to be. I thank God for it and I really appreciate the blessings God has given me.
I really like you to be happy but he has given you so much difficulties, so is it worthed?
Please think hard of this decision. Like what VoplySoply said if its the job you want for sure
then go for it but if its something to do so you can prove something to him you better think twice again.
I have one suggestion that might help you if you want wear a Sodalite bracelet. It doesnot have
to be expensive. Cheap ones are OK as long as they are true sodalite gemstone.
Theres a lot of them in the market thats stretchable. It will make you calm and give you peace of mind. See if that helps you especially at night.
Another hint please dont start the NEW YEAR DAY sad and frustrated you will end up
like that for the rest of the year if you do that. Make plans for a Happy X'mas and a Happy New Year.
MANY BLESSINGS TO YOU AND MAY YOU HAVE A BLESSED NEW YEAR AND A BLESSED RELATIONSHIP!! TAKE CARE!
RosietheCrab: I don't know what to say, when I read this I stopped my breath for a few seconds... I also think that "leaving him alone" will lead to a break up because I think he is just using that time to forget me, to erase all the memories we had although they were all good. We never had a real fight! Only I made him nervous a couple of times but that is all... I just can't "understand" that we are over! Until the second my plane went to air, he was treating me like his girlfriend, sending me SMS and emails with "X" at the end. When I came back to my country IGNORE and response without "X". Maybe is a detail but that tells it all. I just can't understand how something so perfect turns out like it never existed! He really has no heart I guess. I will not give up just now, I have another plan to have a normal conversation with him every day about movies or things like that... He replies to that. He always helped me in the past but now I had a deadline to catch for some papers for work and I asked him if he can take a look and he said "tomorrow", never replied me. Then I saw that he really doesn't care and loving me is a lie I guess! Maybe he doesn't know what love is?! I have mood swings, half of a day I am smiling and happy, half I am down and crying. Especially mornings are the worst, I wake up with that feeling in my stomach... And can't sleep at night... So leaving him alone doesn't solve anything right? XOXO back and thanks so much!!!
Maqickal: I am very happy for you! Well maybe you should ask your husband what he thinks about my situation? Only he can give me the right answer. But probably he will find it silly... I am really afraid of holidays because everyone is happy with their friends or boyfriends/girlfriends... I will try to be OK but this pretending just hits me at the end of the day. I had a lot of boyfriends before, each had a different story, but he really hurt me! I really feel that we could work together. Actually I am sure about it, but he was afraid that now that we are dating, we have to make the next move (marriage, moving in together, kids). He just can't live and see where life takes him. I also need some insurance but only in a way to know that he will be there for me and love me. My ex boyfriend was a Virgo too and I don't have any bad experience with him, he still calls me every week after one year and asks me to come back to him. I left him because we are not at the same level... I was superior to him and would never work...
Happy new year to you too!!!!!
Question to both: Should I write him a long email, explaining how I feel and that I can give him an ultimatum (1-2 months time to make a decision) and tell him that I am not a toy that he can play with. I want answers, I can't wait around because it is killing me inside... He said that he can call me on Monday, should I explain this on the phone or third option, do nothing?
You can tell from Rosie & Voply how Virgos are it should have helped you somehow to handle this.
But I guess since you like him so much I know its hard to leave it be. You want some answers.So if you want you can email him and ask him if he has any interest at all in you. Ask him to tell you the truth and to be honest with you. Say honestly that you are not trying to pressure him but you are in limbo and waiting for some indications.
Say I really would like to discuss this matter to you and please get in touch.
You cannot give him a time limit thats pushing.
If he doesnot respond after a period of time you just have to try harder to move on.
I would not call him cause you are so emotional right now you might scare him away.
Try not to make your email long it might end up emotional and like what I said you might scare him away. I know women that had bad experiences with Virgos might say I'm crazy for telling you this so
its all up to you if you want to do it.
Try to drink some chamomille tea or some kind of relaxing tea to calm you down.
If you want you can start a new TOPIC for SHUABBY the psychic and ask for a reading.
She needs your birthdate & his so he can read you both.Maybe she can answer you tonight
so you can at least have some peace.
Lets say what she has to say. She will probably tell you to wait or to move on.
Good luck & Many blessings to you
See my above email and also I asked my Virgo husband and all he said was,
Email him and tell him exactly what you want. Make it simple and short thats all he said.
Knowing Virgos I wrote you just a simple email to give you an idea.