How to make my Cancer man go gaga over Scorpio lady?
Maybe its also not the right time... maybe he's had trauma in his life... maybe its the 9 year Numerological cycle... maybe he's in a 7 year... I think it mostly aligns with what you need with where you are in life... The Rolling Stones said it best... "You cant always get what you wont, but you find sometimes, you get what you need"...
I say just be upfront and keep initiating...and always give the benefit of the doubt...I was requested that at the beginning from my boyfriend upfront...assume the best as well...and you know what? if you get hurt, well deal with it and grieve and then move on...it's better to have loved and lost, than to be afraid and not love at all...
I think the guy likes you, but is just treading carefully, he is obviously sizing you up by the way (asking about kids and so forth)...just follow your instincts and stay true to who you are. I feel Cancerians like people who are genuine and are themselves. They can sniff you out like Duke said...They are suspicious, so afraid and protective of their feelings...it takes time and patience but hang in there, it can be worth it!
I've been seeing a cancerian man for 9 months now (i'm gemini with moon in scorpio and venus in cancer - we're both male). it's been nice, albeit with MANY ups and downs - induced by one single misunderstanding...but sometimes the good moments are truly beautiful...it's really hard to resist them!
Thank you everyone for your helpful advice.
An update: I didn't see him that Friday / Saturday he had told me he wanted see me. I texted him and he never answered my question regarding our date. Christmas rolled around I texted him wishing him a merry xmas, he replied, wishing me a merry xmas too. January arrives and I don't hear from him. I have been dating other men, but they never make it to a second date with me because I don't feel the chemistry and I miss my cancer guy so much. I felt so alive in his presence. So, I decided that I would search him out one last time. I texted him last Thursday, Jan 19th, if he wanted to meet me for drinks or coffee one of these days and I also told him I hope that you are well. He replied, two hours later, a little unusual because he had always replied within 1 to 2 minutes of my text. He said that a drink would be nice and that he couldn't that weekend but Monday he would let me know. I didn't hear from him Monday. But he shoots me a very apologetic text Tuesday morning and tells me that he is sorry and that he is not ignoring me but that he is not sure he will have time that week to see me. And he asks me if he can tell me later if he is able to see me. I replied two hours later and told him via text, "Sure. No problem" By this time I feel like it is a lost cause and I tell my self that he is just not in to me.
After I had given up on him, he texts me the next day, and asks me out for a bite after work. I accept. We meet that evening. I see him and my heart melts. He has this effect on me, but I try to hide it. He tells me during dinner that he thought I wasn't interested in him because I didn't make an attempt to make out with him on our last date. I told him that the situation didn't present itself, since he told me he had to leave and he had to wake up early for his job the next morning. He said, "How about in my car? When I drove you to your car you didn't try to do anything. So, I thought to myself, 'oh well' ". I was astonished that he thought I didn't like him. I thought I was very affectionate in the jazz club, we kissed many times there and I did kiss him good-by in his car. It made me aware of how insecure he is.
I told him that I felt chemistry towards him and that is the reason I decided to contact him again. He said he did like that about me. We had great conversation during dinner, he touched me a lot and held my hands. He said that I looked amazing and that he loves that I am a good dresser. He disclosed a lot from his life that evening. Some stuff too sad, that it still hurts me to think about it. He told me that he had a terrible upbringing. That both his parent were alcoholics and that his mother tried to drown him twice. Once in the family pool when he was 10 years old. That his parents would argue so loud that he would go to the restroom to do his homework there. That he grew up in a two bedroom house, much too small for the family. I tried to just allow him to express himself without interrupting. I have a degree in psychology and I am used to hearing very difficult and traumatic stories in my counseling experience, but I wasn't expecting this from the man that I am in love with. My heart went out to him, and I feel very sad for the little boy that he once was, and that he had to experience such terrible treatment from the people that should have protected and loved him.
He later asked me why I had never married. I am forty years old. In order to find some common ground I revealed to him that I grew up in a household with two parents that didn't like one another and that they remained married for the sake of the kids. That I never saw my mother and dad kiss nor hug. And that my father and mother would always tell me that I would never find anybody that would want to marry me because I didn't know how to cook and keep the house tidy ( My dad and mom are very old fashioned and traditional). I was only 15 years old, and I was an honors student and preparing for marriage was not on my radar. I told him that I have been engaged two times and both times I broke them off. Of course I didn't experience abuse like he did but I wanted to present a not so pleasant childhood as well.
When he brought up his divorce I asked him if he ever cheated on his wife. He confessed he had and proceeded to tell me that he cheated on his ex-wife for three years with his secretary at his law firm. His wife found out, but that was not why they divorced. He said that since his wife was also his employee that affected their marriage greatly. But he then told me that it was not like he was out cheating on his wife with many different woman every night of the week, that it was with only one and that they had a three year relationship. I listened intently, trying to understand his reasoning. But he noticed that I looked puzzled, so he told me, "Besides, I don't see it as cheating on my wife because prior to marrying her we made an agreement that I would be able to see other woman, and she agreed to it." They remained married for ten years, and that it took him a long time to get over his marriage. This was eleven years ago and he is not 49 years old.
I told him that I could never accept such an agreement, that to me that is a deal breaker. And I also told him that what he was revealing to me, about his cheating, would probably make other woman run the other way, but that I wasn't one of them.
He does have this bad boy thing about him, and I have always been drawn to "the bad boy". He later told me that he is happy with his life and his "girls". And asked me if I wanted to be one of his girls. I responded with a question, "You want me to be one of your 'girls', plural?" . He said, "Ok, do you want to be my girl, your the only one I am seeing here?" . He goes back and fourth from his his hometown state and California. "I said do you want me to be your girl?" He smiled and nodded.
After our dinner, I suggested to go to a lounge. We walked to his car to leave the left over bag of food in his car. He then pulled me towards him as he was leaning against his car. He began to kiss me very passionately and touch my body with such desire that he did not seem faced by the people walking by. He rubbed my body and kissed my neck so hard that he left two hickies on my neck. I of course allowed him to do this since I felt this incredible attraction towards him. I told him that when he first kissed me on our first date, I felt fireworks. He looked at me with a big smile and said I didn't know that you felt that way. I will definitely be calling/texting you more often. We continued to kiss and he opened his car door and we got in the back seat where we continued to kiss and he lifted up my skirt and ,yes, we had sex* right there outside the restaurant in the parking lot with people and cars going by. By now, everybody reading this must think that I am crazy, but I honestly just went with the moment and I don't have any regrets. I normally don't do that and we both admitted that we acted like teenagers, but it was very exciting and a lot of fun. He told me that he wants wants to see me next week. He texted me "good morning" the following day. And sent me another text later during the day.
I don't know what is going to happen, but we left it that he would text me as soon as he got back in town next week. I know that after everything that he revealed he has mother issues, and although that does scare me a little it still doesn't make me want to stop seeing him. The fact that he said his "girls" indicates that he is seeing other woman, but then again I have been dating other men as well. Since I wasn't sure where he and I stood. I even went back with an exboyfriend during xmas and my ex tells me that he still loves me. I realize that this cancer man is a very complicated man, but I am just that crazy to want to hang around and see what happens.
All comments are welcome.
I'm glad that you enjoyed yourself (and finally had sex)...It's funny how I feel these dates with cancerian men are more or less templates of each other! It really is like they are a species of their own from some planet in the shape of humans...
I think that you did well by having sex on the spot, it reflects your passionate self (which I know you are) and that you're spontaneous, I feel to Cancerian men, this is important, as they are highly sensual beings and sometimes, want somebody to go with the flow with them, of course when they're in the mood!
My Cancerian man did the same thing with me (on the first date no less)...sharing his sad stories from the past...and boy, are they stuck in the past. If you do pursue this, you'll realize that behind every negative emotion or experience, there is a story tucked away in their childhood that made them feel or become this way...the way to treat it is basically give security and reassurance and never to allow for those experiences to be brought up again (very difficult of course, but with attention to details - they drop hints - you'll be able to avoid them)...
What baffles me about cancerian men is that if they do cheat, they find means to justify it...mine justifies his past cheating with 'oh, in retrospect, my partner cheated on me as well, so it's Ok' or 'oh, we weren't having sex for a long time so I was led astray'. This really leaves me at unease.
I'm surprised he brought this up however, and it is possible that he was testing you (the same goes with the comment on 'my girls', to probe if you have other men in your life, and it made him happy possibly that you are adamant on being his one and only - having said that, it sounds like for you to be the only one IN california - yes, they can be that specific, and later on, it would be your fault not being able to be that specific)...I hope for you that it is merely a test and just his way of feeling you through...the same he asked about kids (he was trying to size you up probably)...
Anyway, I wish you the best of luck! I know it's hard (I have a moon in scorpio) to tame or control our passion, intensity and feelings, but try your best to do so...it feels all a bit too rushed and too soon. Having said that, love makes us feel alive, and it's always worth a shot...it's better to love and have lost, than not love at all...best of luck to you!
Are you a Scorpio? Tell me are you still seeing your cancer guy. How are things going with you?
Thank you for your comments. enjoy reading what you had to say. You are right, the cancer men do seem to be a different species. But that doesn't stop us from going crazy over them.
I agree with you, he does seem to be testing me. But I also believe that he doesn't want to hide anything and just wants to put it all out there for me to see. So, that way, if I do end up in a relationship with him, and I complain about his behavior, he will remind me that I knew what I was getting myself into with him.
Another thing he told me that evening was that he does not have a house nor rental in California. He told me that he sleeps in his law office. That he has a sofa bed, a microwave, a shower and TV there. He said that is better than the hassles of the maintenance of a house. He said that he has a pretty nice set-up and asked me if i would like to go see it sometime. I told him that I would love to check out his office/bachelor pad.
Although I love his unconventionality, I don't understand why he doesn't at least rent. I mean he does own three law firms. He also drives an old car. Which I don't mind of course. I am not a superficial person and I have never been into the high rollers or anything like that. But I can't help but think why he doesn't treat himself a little better. Maybe this reflects his self esteem, or maybe he is just stingy with his money. But when we go out he never comes across as cheap.
But this doesn't bother me at all and in a weird way I actually find it attractive and I love that he is so different from other boring attorneys that drive their Mercedes around trying to impress everybody with their material possessions. This guy has charisma and is affectionate and that's all I need.
By the way, my Chinese sign is the Pig and he is a Tiger. My birth date is 11/1/1971 and his is 6/29/1962, I hope that TheCaptain can tell me if we will make a good pair.
Thank you to all in this community you guys are all awesome.
Yesterday he texted me to tell me good morning. He informed me that he was in town and asked me if I wanted to meet him for dinner. He informed me that his friend and his friend's mother would be there. I accepted. I had a great time meeting his friend and his friend's mother. He later told me that that is his best friend of twenty years and when I asked him how often they got together, he told me that he sees him everyday for breakfast or dinner when he is in town. I felt very flattered that he would want to introduce me to his best friend. I hope his friend liked me. He seemed to have, he gave me a big hug good-by and we laughed a lot during dinner. His mother was a darling and a sweet older lady that had a great sense of humor.
When we left we went back to my cancer guy's office. That is where i left my car. He invited me in. I saw his office/bedroom, he has a nice set up, looks very professional during the day. But at night he folds out the sofa bed and turns the TV on and it felt like a bedroom. Really cool. During dinner, in the spirit of the playful conversation, I asked his friend how many drinks did my guy need in order to be easy. His friend said , he is always easy he doesn't need any drinks for that. He also added, "Don't you see the sign he has on his forehead that says 'Easy' it's right below the sign that reads 'Cheap', he should have his own sitcom and call it Cheap and Easy," We all laughed and I found out that indeed my cancer guy is cheap, that explains why he doesn't rent and sleeps in his law office. But I am ok with that, that only tells me that he is careful with his money.
Back in his office/bedroom, we started to kiss and we did have sex* again. Although I enjoy being with him, I have to admit that both times we have had sex* it has been very brief. When we did it in his car he finished in less that 2 minutes. Yesterday he, finished in like three minutes. I don't know if it's because I turn him on so much that he can't help himself or whether its because he has a problem. But I guess it is too soon to determine that. But it is getting better, who knows maybe he will last four minutes next time, haha. I am not in any birth control, he did say that I had to get on the pill. He texted me "Good morning" and texted me once he left court to let me know it was a good court day. I feel like he is letting me in to his life a bit more now. I know that I did accelerate the intimacy level by having s* but I guess it worked. I normally don't go this fast in my relationships. The boyfriend I last had waited two months to kiss me and get this intimate. That relationship lasted five years and my ex tells me he liked that I wasn't easy to bed. I guess guys size you up depending on how fast they go to bed with you. They tell themselves if she was this easy with me, then she is this easy with everybody else. I can only imagine what my cancer guy must think of me. Whatever he may be thinking, he sure seems a lot more interested in me. Lets see what happens. I know I am playing with fire and that this can really hurt me if I fall more for him and he just takes me for a "Fun" girl to hang around with when he is in town. But I guess I will take my chances. I hope I don't regret this.
hmmm interesting. no i'm a gemini but with a moon in scorpio...yes cancerian men are very fiscally responsible let's say, they do it to create a sense of security. i think you should invite him to your place if you have a warm home - they're quite the homebodies. love home cooked meals and a base to work from...take it easy, seems you're hitting off well. but yeah, 2 minutes doesnt cut it for me (i'm a gay man), i prefer longer, more sensual and passsionate sessions, adn cancerians are usually like that actually.
It's good to know you have read my posts and I appreciate your input. Thank you for your advice I will make sure to follow it.
I am also glad to hear that you are gay because my cancer guy's best friend, the one he introduced me to is also gay and he has been his best friend for twenty years. When I asked my guy what his best friend said about me he said that he thought that I was nice and very attractive. So yeah!, I got his friend's approval. During dinner we joked around a great deal and I pretended to flirt with my guy's bff and he said, I don't think my boyfriend would like that. But he said it with a smile. We had a good time .
Speaking of a good time, I finally had a real love making session with my cancer guy last night. And he lasted longer that 4 minutes, haha. Well, he was just amazing. What a man beast under the sheets he is. It lasted a long time and he wanted me to spend the night with him. He was very creative in bed and took charge but at the same time was very sweet and sensitive. He woke me thru out the night with hugs and kisses. I can see why so many people on this site are going crazy for their cancer men. What a treat to be with a cancer man.
He texted me the following morning to thank me for going over to his place and spending the night with him and told me he liked having me there.
He is funny, intelligent, warm, loving, caring, an excellent father and a great lover. What else can a girl ask for?
By the way, I did initiate our meeting by texting him and asking him if he wanted to get together after work, he just got back in town on Monday. So, yes, this cancer guy does need a little push but once you are part of his life he will show you his tender side. I love him! I want to marry this guy.
And from reading the cancer and scorpio love compatibility it said that we are a perfect fit for love and marriage. The Captain was nice enough to give me an analysis of my match with my guy based on our birth dates and it was very favorable for a love match.
Has any scorpio lady out there married a cancer man or is engaged to one? If, so I would love to know how you got him to propose.
All feed back will be welcome.
I am a Taurus woman in a two plus year relationship with a cancer male...anything you want to know......ask. We are one of the success stories......
Thank you for your reply. I would like to know how you managed to become exclusive with your cancer man. I haven't asked him if he wants to make our relationship exclusive because it is fairly new. But I did tell him in our last encounter that he is the only man that I am sleeping with.
How do make him want to ask me to be exclusive with him? I want it to come from him, not me.
Well, for us, it just became a given. One thing for me, I am not a person by nature who wants to make anyone do anything. We are different there, which is ok. But for me, if someone wants to be with me, fine and if not fine.
But, you said you want to make him, but you want it to come from him? Well, I get what you are saying, but, the answer to that is simple, you are just going to have to relax, be yourself and allow him time to figure out what he wants from your relationship.
I know it's hard, especially when you like someone so much, but you do not want to become pushy with a cancer male.
My best advice, just enjoy him and where you guys are at, allow yourself the ability to give up control and allow the relationship to grow on it's own.
Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. I do realize that I tend to be controlling and you are right I do need to relax and enjoy my relationship with my guy. I know that I need to give him space and breathing room.
I have done that, and he doesn't do the initiating. That makes me wonder whether he truly likes me or not. Wish is kind of sad. But once we meet he shows me how much he enjoys my company. I do get a little confused with this cancer guy.
What I have been doing is allowing him the time and space to get back to me if he wants to. Like the morning after our last hot session, I didn't text him or anything. And he was the one to text me to let me know he liked having at his place the night before. So I guess I should continue giving him the space he needs.
It is a fine line between giving him space and appearing not interested. I certainly don't want him to think I am not interested. I guess I am just confused right now on how to handle this relationship with this wonderful cancer man.
Thank you for your advice. Tell me a little about your courtship with your cancer man.
I understand why you are confused!! been there!! lol They are just slow moving creatures. I can tell you this, with a cancer if he didn't like you, you wouldn't ever see or hear from him.
About our courtship...wow...where to begin.....we had an instant connection. We just clicked. We became friends instantly and our friendship grew for 2 years. he would tease me, still does.....I would always get so embarrassed!! My face would turn bright red, etc. We would chat for awhile, then go about our business.
We got to know each other pretty well, started to share more and more as we became comfortable, then one day...he asked me out! It shocked me. I just thought we were work buddies, exchanging laughs, etc...and I was like..You want to go out with me? he was like...isn't that what I said...I said why? He said bc I am attracted to you..I said...Oh...ok.
We have had some rocky moments, just like any other cancer relationship. It always boiled down to me wanting him to say more, but I realized his actions said more than any words ever good. As I became more secure, I started to flourish as a woman, for possibly the 1st time in my life.
As that was happening, he started liking who I was finally being comfortable being......then one day, I realized I was in love and so did he.
Odd things have happened, like one time, I just had this overwhelming feeling that he was using me, it was all in my head, I confronted him, he said exactly this.." I don't play games, get over it and let's get back to where we were." I said...Ok...fine. In that instant I realized he was the real deal. Of course, it took me awhile to wrap my brain around that!! lol Sometimes, I think I am still in shock!!
But overall, I would say we get along great!! We are very, very, very playful. We laugh a lot! But, oddly enough, we do our best to keep things simple.
I enjoyed reading your reply about your courtship with your cancer guy. It's a really sweet love story. Your love blossomed from a true friendship. That is what I believe we all wish for. What better way to begin a love affair? It sounds like your sweet and cute nature made him fall for you.
I am happy to hear that you are still together. Please tell me how soon after being friends did he ask you out? And what type of rocky moments did you have?
Nice hearing from you. And any advice is welcome.
It was two years before he asked me out. Simply bc both of us were ending long marriages.
Our relationship has only been through what any other relationship goes through. Learning about each other, learning how to communicate effectively, personal hangups,kid issues, ex issues, money issues... etc. We've had our share and I am sure we will have more. I think that is just a part of it. But it is how people deal with those things that make or break any relationship.
I hadn't posted since February, but just wanted to let all you girls out there that are struggling with an elusive cancer guy to hang in there, give him space and time and he will come around. Mine finally did. Although he did make me suffer with his distant and evasive behavior. I can honestly say that six months later, he is finally showing me the love and sweetness I so much wanted.
He texts me almost everyday and tells me he misses me and can't wait to see me. He tells me that I am in his thoughts a great deal. I love him so much. And all though it seems weird to say this, but I loved him even before I fully got to know him. Just something about his tender smile and eyes just melted me.
But I must admit that I did give up on him back in April, he didn't contact me for almost one month and so I decided that he must not be that into me, so I left him alone. I didn't text him, I didn't search for him. I actually went back with my ex boyfriend after I didn't think that my cancer guy liked me. But I found myself always thinking about my cancer guy when I was with my boyfriend, during kissing sessions, love sessions, i pictured i was kissing, making love to my cancer guy. I know it wasn't fair to my boyfriend, but that is the impact he had left on me.
But one day, out of the blue, my cancer guy texted me and told me he wanted to see me. I was elated to say the least. I told him that I couldn't since he called me too late at night, but i let him know that I wanted to see him some other day. I did play a little hard to get because I was hurt that he hadn't looked for me for so long. I soon parted ways with the boyfriend I was seeing and now I am completely devoted to my cancer guy.
He is now living in the same state that I am and tells me that he will see me as much as I want to now that he lives here. It has been very difficult getting to this point. What I did during the hard times when he made me feel rejected was read all I could about the Cancer man, I would seek refuge in reading the forums and know that I was not the only one having a hard time with a cancer man. I learned everything I could about what Cancer men like in a partner. And I realized that I do posses a lot of those qualities and I made sure I let my Cancer guy become aware that I am the ideal woman for him. I know that we belong together it is just taking him a little longer to realize it.
But all is not perfect yet, he still hides in his shell sometimes and I am miserable for awhile but i give him his space and he comes back with more force. I still don't know where this will lead to. All I know is that if he proposes to me I will be that happiest woman alive. But that seems far away right now. I am just happy to have him in my life right now. I will update you later.
Thank you for all of your advice and please I welcome all comments.
Ha, thats easy my dear, ur a scorpio.... REMEMBER THAT!! u are pretty much the definition of passion. With a cancer just try a bit of a deep and meaningful and casually mention ur underwear
I love him so much. All I do is think day and night about him. I sometimes feel as if I am going crazy over him. He is soooo slow at getting this relationship up and running. I feel like our plane is just going in circles on the runway and can't seem to be able to take off . BTW, the plane is our relationship in this silly analogy . But he has come along way. From ignoring me and not showing much interest in me, now he is actually calling me. He would only text me before.
His birthday was two weeks ago and I bought him accessories for his guitar. An amplifier, a tool kit to fix or adjust his guitar strings, picks, a key chain that holds his picks. You see he just started guitar, music school and has decreased his work hours to dedicate himself to learning the guitar. He loves music and even moved one block away from school to devote himself to it. I admire this about him. Well, I wrapped each little gift separately and put them all in a gift bag. He unwrapped one at a time and was so excited to unwrap the next one. He thanked me and the first thing he told me was, "now I feel guilty". I knew exactly why he said that, but told him that there was no need to feel guilty it was his bday after all. But i know why he said that. The reason for that statement was because I gave him his present one week later. because he went to Vegas for his birthday and disappeared on me for like five days. He didn't call me nor text me. He basically treated me like I was not important to him. It hurt me, but I told myself that I need to be patient with this man. He asked me out to dinner and later told me that I was the only one that gave him a bday present this year, with the exception of his 21yr old son that bought him a book but told him that he would give it to him once he read it himself. I could tell that he was truly touched by my thoughtful presents and really appreciated it.
He is warming up to me. But we have yet to talk about being exclusive. I don't want to push the issue because I would want him to bring it up himself. But I don't know what I need to do to bring about this conversation.
I see him about once per week and during the week he randomly sends me texts telling me he is missing me or just wishing me a nice day and calls me sweetie or baby a lot in the texts. I know I sound like a teenager in love but that is how this man makes me feel. How do I get him to be my boyfriend!!?? Lol, going crazy here.
Sorry for the long post. Any advice will be appreciated.
Wishing love to everybody.