Have I Lost Him Forever?

  • Ok, here it goes. I married my highschool sweetheart at age 19. We have been married for 22 years and it has been a real roller coaster. I am not afraid to say that he is not a very nice person. We have no friends and I am not allowed to have any friends. We do nothing other than with each other which usually ends up in a fight. My husband works construction and use to work alot out of town. About 5 years ago I started working construction and got on steady with a company and now he works close to home and I work out of town. We have both been unfaithful in the past. Anyhow...when I started working for this company I met someone there and we started an affair. We stayed in the hotel together during the week and then I was home on the weekends. He was going through a Divorce. I am a Leo and he is a Libra. He is 10 years older than me but that does not matter. Our relationship grew very quickly and very strong. He was the love of my life, everything was perfect. Sex was that butterfly in the stomach feeling every time (and we did it alot), we knew what each other was thinking before we said it, we liked alot of the same things, we complemented each other very well and we just enjoyed being together no matter what we did. In 3 1/2 years we never had one fight. However my being married put alot of limitations on our activities. He bought a house and I helped him with it as much as I could but it could have been more. We had discussed that I may never leave my husband but it wasn't a real topic of discussion. About a year ago he asked me to marry him (no ring or anything, just a promise) and I said yes if I was ever able to get away from my husband. He seemed to be happy with that and understood. We were so happy together. As things turned out my husband bought us a piece of property while I was out of town and before I knew it we were building a big house. I felt guilty, but my boyfriend never let on that anything was wrong. Then just as I moved into this house (4 months ago) I went to my boyfriends house one day and he said to pack all my stuff and he was moving on. He said he loved me so much and didn't want to share me anymore and if he couldn't have all of me he didn't want any of me. He said I taught him what love was and that I was the best thing that ever happed in his life, but he wanted to be with me more than on a part time basis. He never wanted to see me again but he let me keep our cell phone and he wanted to be friends. How do you be friends with the love of your life who dumps you because he loves you too much??!?!?!?!? We were working on different jobs at the time but still sleeping together. He was everything to me from the moment I woke up until my head hit the pillow. Then it went from bad to worse, I fould out that he had met someone he knew years ago and started a relationship with her the day after we broke up. There were lots of phone calls and lots of talking and crying and lots of blaming each other. When I fould out about the other woman I smashed the cell phone with the excavator while he watched which I only shot myself in the foot with that one. He is the most gentle, loving and caring man I have ever known and I can still not believe that he did this. It has changed my view on him somewhat but I would still take him back. We have had to work with each other alot since we broke up and it is so tense. Sometimes we can speak to each other and sometimes he just snaps at me. Everyone in the company knew we were having a relationship were happy for us but now some of them have turned on me because I didn't leave my husband. He still says he loves me and wants to be with me, but he is with her now and promises that if it doesn't work with her that he will come back to me and accept the way things are. Today he said he is not "allowed" to say that he loves me anymore because it upsets his new girlfriend even though he indicated that he does love me. I know I should give up and just live my pathetic miserable life, but I've had the love of my life and I can't get over it knowing he left because he wanted me too much. I did nothing wrong but love him with everything I had to give. Am I an absolute moron??

  • Hello Sweetie,

    I didn't know if I wanted to touch this one.... But since noone eles whats too....

    If you love him get a divorce from your husband... Trust me as soon as this guy hears you have filed you just might be surprised how fast he runs to you... He stayed with you for over 3 years and wasn't with anyone eles??? Knowing you were going home to your husband... Hello I don't a guy that would put up with that. You are upset with him cause he got a women that is single to be with him all the time. Yet your husband was building you a home. LOOK I don't agree with what you have done I must let you know this.. But since you both have been unfaithful to each other in the past I'm sure you don't have any reason to trust the other and of course all you do is fight when it comes to your husband. If you don't have trust you don't have anything... Start being true to yourself and everything eles will fall into place. Good Luck to you!

  • It's like you're living this weird double life. How can you have a boyfriend when you have a husband. Had to scratch my head on that one. Look you never mentioned why you have not left your husband, and you said he was not a very nice man, mostly because he is very controlling over who you are allowed to have in your life. You also said you have both been unfaithful in the marriage. When I put all those puzzle pieces together it spells out distrust, which is what your husband has for you, and with good reason. You could not of possibly expected this sham to go on forever, your "boyfriend" did the right thing by letting you go and going out in the world to have a relationship that can give him 100% of their time, love, and attention.

    One other thing you mentioned you had four children but you never mentioned their ages, just curious. It does make a difference in how you should handle this.

  • Hi, Well, I agree that 3 years is a while to make your mind up.If you never found the courage to tell your husband maybe it's better this way. If he is with someone else, chances are this is the end of your relationship. I would let it be. It's a bad situation. Indecision played out. At this point, he has made his decision and you have made yours. At any time it is possible to meet someone else. I guess he was tired of the situation. Remember, you do have someone at home who thought enough to build a house--right.

  • Hi Pussycat819,

    Did I miss something? I read your posting and you don't mention at all about the feelings you have for your husband other than controlling personality. I was married to an Aries for 15 yrs and with 2 kids. If you are like me ( haven't been doing this stuff for too long), as a leo, I want compassion, loyalty and respect. Given that, I'll move the moon for my love. My ex took that as a weakness to go behind my back and eventually she got the house and my next door neighbor.

    It is easy when your dating and always putting your best foot forward. Does your husband make emotional deposits into your account or has he taken from you until you are overdrawn? Be fair to yourself and your spouse. If it's not working, you need to change something and soon. Has your marriage always been a roller coaster or since you met your Libra. And if you wait to long to decide, you will lose them both. good luck lady cat. Find your happiness first then you can love without restraints. It all starts with you and you control more than you think. Be true to your inner spirit, get your pride back like us cats need and may the force be with you!

  • it's 2 months old posting I just found it. it may not make a difference now but if it's ok I'd like to post my thoughts about this situation.

    I am a leo too and I understand how hard it is to avoid having an affair when we are not happy. Also, it's hard not to be attracted to Libra, they seem to know how to make a woman fall for them and seem to know which woman they can attract. you have been married for so long, you said you are not happy. maybe you stay for the children, but really, you can't have 2 relationships at once. you need to get out of one and make a new start.

    what is it exactly that makes you stay if you are not happy? you need to take a vacation and sit down think about it. be honest to yourself what exactly goes wrong, do you contribute to the problem too? once you find the answer to this you will know what to do and which relationship to let go. having one relationship is enough, you don't want to have too many on your plate.

    I may be younger than you and I haven't been married that long, but don't you think what I said makes sense? if you contribute to the problematic marriage, you need to stop blaming your husband and make a new start with him. if you are completely innocent, then leave your husband and make a fresh start for yourself, with or without the Libra male. do you even love yourself? if you don't you won't know who really loves you, your husband or this Libra. Libra males are players (ok just the ones I know) you see for yourself he said he will come back to you if it doesn't work with the other girl. so he is not serious with this girl, why is he having relationship with her? he is just making her some kind of escapade until you leave your husband. maybe he waited 3 years for you, but what about what he does to this girl? do you really think he won't do the same to you? if he has an affair with a married woman, what makes you think he will not have an affair when you two get married? is there any guarantee on that?

    your happiness doesn't depend on this Libra or your husband, it depends on yourself. I hope you can find a solution soon.

  • I met a man I thought was wonderful. He was a debt collector for a company. He was working to pay his ex wife and support his 3 children. I had just lost my husband to cancer and had debts and a daughter at university. He had lost both parents to cancer two years earlier so I found an understanding shoulder to cry on. I kept having dreams of being attacked by a snake but also I saw him surrounded by a dark cloud. He would appear with the dog at my door. I also saw him in past life dreams. I thought he was the one, singing you are once twice three times the lady in the dream to me. Two days before I met him I awoke from a dream where I was being told the Magician is coming. This was in September 2007. Two years later my life has changed. He was a liar and a cheat living not far from me with the oman he cheated on his wife and children with. I asked for help in a prayer and this lady came to me in a dream and told me to look deeper. I saw him and his life, where he lived and how this woman controls him with a snake. He was married in June1989. He caused great hurt his ex wife in a terrible way and he has never admitted the wrong he did. She took everything from him. He cant understand why his life is a mess he need to go back to 1996. When you are married with children your purpose in life is to care for those children because they are also from the Great Spirit. We leave our true path in life when we cause harm to others and consequently, we punish ourselves as a way to say sorry. When we hurt others we are only hurting ourselves. To forgive yourself you must be truly sorry for the pain you have caused your family. Children feel pain deeply and they pray often to the Great Spirit for love and protection loss as a result of a broken marriage. Your lover's new partner is a lesson for you to understand rejection and loss of the person you love as your husband has endured for the past 3 years. How alone and broken was he? Your marriage is a covenant and some covenants are more binding. When we become parents we surrender to a higher calling and this is also a covenant between you and the Great Spirit to care and nuture spirits in bodies. Look at your husband again look at old photos. Reflect on the past and ignite the fires of romance with embers of your marriage. Like an old fire search for the remnants of the previous fire. Look deep into the ashes you will find small coals, remove the ashes and add new logs. the old coals will ignite the new logs. Start the fire slowly, a kind word, a warm smile, nice clothes for him and you trips away. Talk about the past the good things he did for you. Look for the light in his eyes and the touch that lingers. Ask him for the kind and style of love you need show him the break in your heart. It is wrong to look for lovers whilst maintaining an existing relationship.

  • I do feel sorry for you, I often find it difficult to trust because I often people misuse their gifts. I was able to see my lover and didnot give myself completely to him. If you have doubts about a partner ask for answers and the truth will come to you.

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