Need advice w/ cancer man
i'm a gemini and i've never dated cancer man before so, this has been one hell of a ride. he told me that i'm exactly what his been waiting his entire life. asked me for my ring size 2 times within 1 weeks. wrote me love letters and asked me to be his girlfriend w/in 2nd week. dance & sing for me in the parking lot full of people just because i asked. made me home made chicken soup when i got sick (8hrs of cooking), and brought it over to my crib when i couldn't eat anything. asked me to go meet his family next april. text/call me 7-10 times a day to see how my day is going, and that he missed me. he started asking me if he made me happy, so when i said yes. he will then say.... okay that means you won't leave me. i told him that i would never leave him b/c i think i'm falling for him.
now, this lasted little over 3 months, and he went in to the silent mode. i felt like i've done something wrong b/c he shut down for no reason. aft trying to contact him by a phone call & follow by text in couple of days, i mailed him breakup letter. after i mailed him the breakup letter i text him to dis-regard b/c i refuse to break up w/o explanation. after being in silent cave mode for about 2weeks, he came out and apologized. he said he was starting to have his 1st panic attack due to stress that was cause by me. he said he couldn't talk to me so, he shut down. when i asked why me, he stated because he has no control over himself regarding his feelings towards me, our relationship, and me. so, i said... i'm sorry but i am kind of freaking out too b/c this is going super fast and i have no control over my feelings too. i asked him if he wants to stop seeing each other, or take a step back and move things slower. he suggested that we should move things slower but doesn't want to go our separate ways. he made me dinner, had a good talk, kissed me good bye and i left. things went back to somewhat normal except he was still being little distance. i didn't think it was a big deal so, i went along with it. we continue to chat, talk, and made plans to run more races together, coach each other in running, except he text less and less. about 3 weeks ago, he went back into the silent mode. he was driving out of town for thanksgiving 1 week early to beat the traffic. he wasn't talking to me so, i had no idea if he arrived to his destination besides what he posted on facebook read to me by my roommate. he didn't call me on thanksgiving day so i knew something was up. so, i tried calling and he didn't pickup. so, text him this long message stating that obviously i am less priority than your facebook account so, i'm done with his BS. he didn't respond or call me back again b/c that's what selfish cancer man does.
last friday, i called again after cooling myself off for 2 weeks followed by a text. i told him that i want my stuff that's at his place. he called back and said that he was going to go out w/ his boys for drinks and little dancing and won't be home until 2am. funny b/c he hates dancing, club, or even bars so i knew he was trying to avoid me. so, i told him that's fine but i want to get my stuff tonight so i'll wait up till he calls. he then called me names. names he shouldn't be calling me at all. so, due to the heat of the moment i told him that i was on a date and i want to get my stuff now. i told him that he should man up instead of avoiding communication. he text and said... let me communicate with you. you are stressing the hell out of me. you don't make me happy. i tried telling you after my 1st silent mode. i thought you would get it but you didn't so, i stop talking to you and i hope u have FUN on your date. then he said i should come sunday when he has no plans. i told him that i don't want to waste another day, min, month, or even sec on him so, i'm leaving my date and coming over now to pick it up. he then said... good for you. also told him that i had a 2 dates sunday. it isn't a real 2 dates but i didn't explain. i had 2 dates w/ my girlfriend's 3 years old twins who loves me dearly so, my gf and her husband call it my 2 dates w/ twins. i didn't explain, and i just let him assume. he text and said... hey your stuff will always be here and it's not going anywhere. come get it whenever you are free, or i can come and drop it off at your place. in the heat of the moment i said.. that's not necessary b/c i am on my way now & told him i know why he was single for so long. i drove my roommate's car to his place to pick up my stuff. his never seen my roommate's new car so, when i drove up to the driveway his eyes LIT up and than his eyes looked sad. he couldn't even look me in the eye. he looked at the car like it was my date's car. again, i didn't explain i just let his assume. got my stuff that he packed up, told him that i wish he is happy with life and sending him nothing but happiness and then i drove off.
i have no idea how all this happen so quickly. it's been 1 week and i've been in super hibernation mode. i bought his x-mas present 2 months ago. now, i need advice. should i mail him his gift w/ a card explaining the "assume" part short and simple, or should i just continue to recover from dating cancer man and move on. i miss him so much. i know he didn't mean to say lot of the things he said. i know he said it due to the heat of the moment like i did by the way he reacted after i told him that i was on a date. my roommate thinks he will be back but i know he won't due to his ego. where did it all go wrong? is it me or is this what cancer man does? how can everything go so perfect to you stress the hell out of me when his the one who was planning everything? i'm so confused i can't sleep, eat, work, or function.
1ladybug ~ I read that your guy eventually returns your stuffs as for mine cancer he simply won't return me my stuffs even thru i went to his hse countless times and he simply won't return and yes he isn't sure abt his feeling and he went treating me hot/ cold and distants for 5 mths ...yes we do textings in these critical period and some argument and he went hiding and simply won't care a damn to me.. and we have been together for 6 yrs only this recently his attiude changed.
For my understanding these guys simply want something that they cannot get which is meant
do not easily give in or declare your love to them for this will surely scare them off ..
same applies to my guy and now he is back to normal like in the past and i treated him a loof and he's coming back to me in more attentive way after many many months of cold treatment from him..yeah he did told me that cancer is sneaky and also will cling on just give them space and they will come back to you and patient is the key..
Remember do not simply say you love them .. this is havoc and would send them hidden beneath their shell and you just can't do anything but wait.
thank you for sharing your experience and your advice, vircheery. i almost feel like i've been played and he doesn't care much about me and everything he said was a lie. part of me wants to be patient, but part of me wants to get over him fast as possible although it's only been 1 week. he really hurt me and i can't imagine going through this kind of treatment again. i got some of my stuff, but his still holding on to some stuff and refuse to give it to me. i'm not really sure if his doing it as a power trip or not.
should i send him his x-mas gift w/ card? or should i just let it go. i really don't think he will be back. our break up was pretty bad. it was the worst out of all my relationship.
1ladybug .. At the moment simply refrain doing anything cos it's useless what if he still passive after you sent him regards and you will feel even more devastated won't you?
I can understand your feeling right now as like i had been thru this heart breaking and uncertain long torment period and I 'd told myself to give up and forget abt him .. eventually time will made you less feeling about him and wound will be heal gradually and even get over him without any bit of pain . This is kind of addiction to see him , hear from him and get close to him but since he doesn't treasure you just give yourself space to think thru if this relationship worthy for you . I can sense that your cancer man is going thru uncertain period thus he still keep some of your stuffs to keep him remind abt you .. My cancer guy been reading my texts repeatedly and looking at my pic and my stuffs while he was at his space to keep him company .. If he is genuine to you he will be back without even pleading just let him be and at the meant time keep yourself occupied and dun stress too much becos of him .. Cos again nothing much you can do.
vircheery. after making a list of pros/cons regarding him over the weekend + long run, i've decided to let him go. it is what it is. my self is worth so much more than a person who can't man up to what he feels weather if he actually felt something for me or not. closing the chapter for my own self recovery and moving on. thanks for listening and replying to me. this is my 1st time posting and i felt so much better knowing that i wasn't alone.