Needing a reading desperately! Please!
I am in desperate need of a love reading. I am in my 3rd marriage going on 12 years in this one but I have met a man by accident. He sent me a text one day by accidently pushing the wrong number. We have been texting and talking on the phone for about 6 months now. He makes me feel like I have never felt before. He says he loves me very much and I love him. We have never met in person because I am in WV and he is in CA. He is also married and says he will leave his wife in a heartbeat if I will marry him. An older man read my palm the other day and told me I would be married 4 times. I never told him how many times I had been married. He said my best marriage is yet to come. This man I have been talking to is much younger than me. My question for a reading is what do you see for this man and me in the future? Is he the one I am supposed to be with? Is he the man of my dreams? Will it work out between us with the age difference? The marriage I'm in now is rocky and has been for a long time. He has cheated on me several times. I have been faithful to him until now. Although I am not cheating physically, I am emotionally.
Thank you in advance and God bless.
I sense having never met one another may be the obstacle to overcome. Writing to someone and than actually face to face everyday reality can be a difference story. You will really be taking a chance in my opinion. Ask yourself if you are ready for another marriage? What is different about the new man from your current husband other than he has a more elaborate romantic way of speaking to you? Iam not saying that the palm reader is wrong. The hand doesn'nt lie, but Iam asking that you give yourself every chance for happiness with your eyes wide open. I feel that you should take some time away from your husband (separate) and go in person ,meet this man. You will than know in your heart what you will do.
Dear Van 5521
I knew of somebody who was in a relationship for a year. Both were twice divorced.
Then after 1 year they decided its time to live together. Just after 3 months in the relationship it went sour.Just like what SHUABBY said THE ACTUAL FACE TO FACE EVERYDAY REALITY
CAN BE A DIFFERENT STORY.
THINK VERY HARD BEFORE YOU LEAP. The energy around you right now is not good believe
me that energy will be carried on to the next one. You have to clear the energy you have right now
before you start a new one otherwise you will encounter the same problem.
Thank you both for your advice. Your advice isn't things that I haven't thought of. I agree with you both. I will be very careful about my decisions that I make. I would never just leap I'm to scared to do that due to my track record with men. I seem to always pick "the bad boy".
Thanks again. Love, light, and God bless.
Just think everytime its new its always exciting and once it has settled down to everyday living it becomes same old thing again. Its all up to you to do some changes in your marriage.
Its all up to you to do things to make you happy. Find out
what makes you unhappy about your relationship and if you can talk it out with your husband so much the better. And then you know in your heart you have tried everything and you are still unhappy then you can make that decision if you want. Before starting a new one its always good to clear that old energy that has dragged you down. You said you seem to always pick the bad boy. Thats why it is always important to clear that old energy before starting a new type of relationship otherwise you will end up with the same type of guy.
How does one go about clearing old or negative energy? I know that I need to but I'm just not sure how to start. Any suggestions?
I believe you do it by facing the things in you that attract you to men that are not the lifetime partner you seek. Wow now that is a sentence. Let me elaborate.
There is some lesson that keeps bringing you back to the same type man. For example Maybe you desire the thrill of living on the edge and looking to the future to make you happy. Looking at the man to bring variety, excitement and security to you. None of this comes from a different person. It is all within you and at this time. The future is not your life. Your life is how you live today
Clearing means you face what is wrong in your marriage (and in you) and honestly evaluate what can be done to make your life as a person and a couple better. Then doing it. If your husband is cheating call him on it. Get it out in the open and decide what you both want to do regarding the marriage. You both may decide to leave.
If you both decide to work on the marriage then you both must establish no contact with anyone who is not a friend of the marriage. Seek individual counselling and perhaps marriage counselling to help find answers. Meditate and take walks to have quiet time with yourself. As time passes you will become stronger and more secure and happy with yourself and the decision to stay or go will be made from a position of strength.
The decision to break up a long term relationship is very painful but there are lessons that need to be learned. I suspect that you never did this with your past break ups as you keep repeating the pattern.
All of this must be done without another relationship in the picture. It is too easy to make decisions to leave when there is a possible safety net in place.
Encourage the man in CA to be doing the same thing as you but establish no contact once you have had that conversation. The thrill of "new" doesn't make clear thinking easy.
If the spark of love is still there after a year or two then you both come to the new relationship from a position of strength. I say a year or two because it will probably take that long to really figure out what is going on and what you are seeking. Give yourself the gift of finding the answers within your self. You deserve to be happy in a relationship.
This is not a threat but I've found it to be true The universe will get your attention at some point and in ever more painful ways. You are seeking answers now so are open to information.
Sending love and light
Well said by ABetterplace.
If your marriage ends donot go back to that guy in Calif.
Start clean and fresh with a new guy or whoever you are going to meet. Wait awhile before starting a new relationship because you will end up being a needy person and be confused again.That will not make you strong. Give yourself time to heal and enjoy and find yourself.
Believe me its nice to be alone I was there once. I enjoyed doing things without answering to no one.
Im not saying for you to divorce your husband. You are the only ones
that actually knows whats going on in your marriage and you are the only ones
that can decide whether you can make it or not.
We are just here to say what we think of the situation and its all up to you to make that decision.
I want to thank each of you from the bottom of my heart. I know this isn't a snap decision.
I am reflecting on what brought my husband and I together to begin with and you are all right. The new is exciting! It always is. So I need to make some changes to make my marriage feel new and exciting. We are in a terrible rut! I guess that is why when the CA guy started showing me some attention and saying that he loves me it made me feel excited about life again. Maybe that is superficial but a person needs attention to feel good about themselves, at least I do. My husband doesn't show me attention anymore and the cheating in the past (I don't think he is right now) has made me bored and uneasy about our life together.
I have called him out on the cheating every time I have caught him. He just shrugs it off and says it's my fault. There is always a ridiculous reason for it to be my fault. I keep forgiving him though because I do love him. I just hope that the reason for me forgiving him isn't out of familiarity and convenience.
I have a lot of soul searching to do and self reflection. I appreciate all your advice and comments. You have helped me tremendously.
Love and light, Van5521
Van It is good that you have been thinking about the situation you are finding yourself. I don;t know if you are in any position to go to individual counseling but it could help with clarity in your situation.
Why are you accepting HIS infidelity as your fault. There are many reasons that relationships are troubled and difficult but the choice to be unfaithful is made by the partner who participates in the act. It is never your fault. The decision to stray comes from a weakness or pain within them. The decision to accept it comes from a weakness in your. I say accept but I mean just glossing over the fact it happened with his shrug it is your fault.
Perhaps your husband is also bored, disinterested or seeking something different in a relationship. You owe it to each other to come to terms with what is going on. You owe it to yourselves to be a happy committed couple if possible. If not then happy individuals..
If you don't have that what do you have.
More soul searching for you. I think a lot of us here are soul searching and at times we can help to shine a light for another. Perhaps that is why we have been led to this place to teach, learn and grow.
Much love and light to you ABP
Yes definitely more soul searching for me. I have been to individual counseling. I went for 2 years. My counsler told me that my husbands cheating wasn't my fault also. I didn't ever think it was. That was just my husband's way of trying to find an excuse for his own actions. I believe he has something in his past that makes him want to cheat. He has cheated on every woman he has been with. (I of course didn't know this until after we were together) That is why I think it has something to do with his past. I am committed to my marriage and trying to find a resolution to our indifferences. I want our marriage to be fresh and exciting like it was when it was new. I'm just not sure how to go about doing that! I really don't know where to start!
I believe I was led to this place as well. I know everyone here is terrific and have gotten some great insights on my questions and problems that I have brought up. I appreciate everyone for all their time and energy.
Thank you for all your advice and shining light!
Love, light and happiness Van5521
I think if you started to do research on why people cheat that you may gain some valuable insight on why you are able to permit him to cheat on you. Not from the stand point of "OK go out and cheat" but from the rules of conduct to maintain the relationship. It seems like you accept it because you love him but you deserve to be loved like that also.If the reasons why are not faced then they will again come to the surface.
Sure he has problems but the point is what is he doing about them. Are they just under the surface so you have become just room mates.
Perhaps you can start with a heart to heart that the excitement has gone out of the relationship and you want to recapture it as a couple. That once a week is date night. That the only thing you will do is something that you both find fun. Talk about what he wants and is looking for and share what you need.
The are books that can help like The 5 love languages, there are web sites that can help such as survivinginfidelity and the healing library. Get absolutely all the information you can about building and maintaining a vital relationship.
I'm here if you want to talk
The problem with trying to talk to or open up to my husband is the fact that he spends all his time drinking and playing playstation 3. From the time his eyes open until he passes out from drinking that is what he does. Every day is exactly the same! Through the week he has to work so I get him up for work at 5am and he works from 6-2:45. As soon as he gets off work he stops at the store and buys beer. He starts drinking on the way home and doesn't stop until his eyes shut. As soon as he walks in the door from work he goes to the bedroom and starts playing that damn playstation! That is life with him.
I guess that is why I was so intrigued by the man from CA. He has shown me so much attention and made me feel special.He told me he doesn't drink and he hates video games! It made me think about how much different life would be with someone like that. My husband doesn't show me the time of day much less attention and he hasn't made me feel special since we got married. The honeymoon was over before it even started! It's because of his drinking. He can't do anything without a beer in his hand or before drinking a 6 or 12 pack. He averages 12-24+ beers a day! I honestly don't know how he even gets up for work but somehow he does. I have to wake him up but he gets up and goes to work.
I want him to stop. He promised me that he would quit after I kicked him out for cheating in 2007. He made a lot of promises that he never delivered on. He is an admitted alcoholic. He just doesn't want to quit. If I say anything about his drinking he gets mad at me and very defensive. So I have quit bringing it up. It doesn't do any good anyway.
I guess that is a big factor on why my feelings for the CA man developed so quickly. He told me he loved me first and after about 2 months of talking. I love him or at least the idea of having a life with someone like him. He promised to take care of me and love me forever with all his heart and soul. I am really confused about everything.
I love my husband and haven't been unfaithful physically. I guess emotionally I have though my emotions are charged with confusion and anxiety about what I should do.
Anyway, that is the big factor in my marriage that keeps the communication and the reconnecting at bay. I want to make our marriage feel new and exciting like it did in the beginning but I don't know how to do that with the alcohol as my husband's first love.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Lots of love and light, van5521
Ahhhh now the picture is clearer. Hugs to you ((((van5521)))))
My advice is to get yourself to an Alanon meeting and stop supporting his destructive behavior. I am going to make this short because I want you to go back to my post of 12/20 you will see a word starting with surviving. Put (surviving infidelity) together with the w w w and you will find a site that has all kinds of threads. You probably will not need the just found out but they have much information about being married to an alcoholic.
I still stand by my orig advice to not continue with the man in CA. You too have work to do on yourself. The fact that you have made a choice to stay in this situation that is not loving and supportive says something about your self esteem at this time. It appears you don't know what to do so just drift along. I too have some of that problem. It is like walking up the down escalator.
The reason I am so instant about no other relationship .at this time is you owe it to yourself to bring a new strong person to make a new strong future. The man in CA is also broken or he would not be seeking another person outside of his marriage.. Sounds harsh but true. He needs to take care of his baggage also. If you use the same name on that site I will find you
I know I have a lot of work to do on myself. I will perfectly honest with you on why I am still in the relationship that I am in, I can't afford to live on my own. That is an awful thing to think much less say but it is so very true. You see I had a great job that paid well with excellent benefits but the work was very physically demanding and well after 4 surgeries on my elbows and hands I can no longer work there. Worker's comp is sending me back through school now. I started school in August. I was also in a very bad car wreck the end of August where a man rearended me going about 50 mph. Needless to say it totalled my vehicle so I now have a car payment again and a house payment. There is no way I can support myself on my workers comp check with those 2 payments alone that doesn't even include all the utilities and extras, like food!
I know that is a terrible reason to stay but I don't have any other options. He knows it too. He takes full advantage of it. I have asked him why he treats me so bad and his response is "Because I can"! So there it is in a nut shell. I hope that when I finish school I will be able to find a job that I can physically do and that pays half way decent. I know I won't be making the money I was but my physical limitations make it impossible for me to go back where I was. I have permanent ulnar nerve damage in my right elbow and I am needing a 5th surgery now. It has been a long and difficult road. I just keep thinking things have to start looking up for me eventually. I am trying my best to change my life for the better by doing well in school. I focus all my energy on that. I currently have a 4.0 and I pray that I can keep it!
I have had a twist just thrown at me too. My high school sweetheart just contacted me and wants to see me. I was so in love with him back then. I am going to see him without any expectations of a relationship. I just really want to see him and catch up with him and everything that is going on in his life. He is a drummer and is awesome at it. He is very busy with his band and has a hectic schedule but he said he really wants to see me. I am really excited about seeing him after all these years. It's been 24 years since we graduated! So a long time has passed and a lot has happened over the years. It will be great to catch up.
It's been great of you for giving me your time and advice. I do totally agree with you on the CA guy. I do think he has some issues of his own or he wouldn't have sought me out to begin with. I enjoy talking to him but he is 2500 miles away so the chances of me ever seeing him is slim to none so I don't worry much about that.
Thanks again for all your advice! Lots of love and light your way, Van5521
vann5521 it is not your fault that your husband cheated no matter what excuse he uses!! He had a choice and he chose to break the vow that he made you. Now it is up to you to decide to forgive him and make the marriage work or to move on.
I went thru this almost 2 yrs ago & let my man know it will not be tolerated and if he did it again he is history.
after all it is the little things like a peck on the cheek or the compliment that makes a relationship work and it cant be one sided good luck & take your time to make the decision that is right for you
Van5521 I think you are doing exactly the right things as far as your marriage goes. You know why you are still there. You are lining your ducks up and doing the hard work of prepping for a better life. The choice you make will come from a position of strength. Your decision to tolerate his behavior is also coming from a position of strength because the marriage is giving you the financial support and motivation you need to create a better life. I can see things are very difficult for you but I can also see you are growing and have not been defeated. If he makes the choice to grow with you then that will be an additional blessing. If he can't follow your path then he will take a different path without you. Either way it will be OK. You will be OK.
It is wonderful that you will have an opportunity to meet your childhood sweetheart to catch up. Cherish the moments of reliving the past and catch up on the happenings since you last talked. Don't refall in love with him. Finnish unpacking your current baggage before adding more.
A 4.0 is something to be proud of. What is your career choice.?
Poetic has a wonderful thread which is titled "light shines behind the clouds" Makes me smile to anticipate the power she shares in making life better. Maybe it will make you smile too.
Lots of love and light, Will talk soon I hope. ABP
thank you for sharing your experience with me. I have forgiven him on too many occasions. It has happened more than once! I forgive him and move on and get burned again. I just keep thinking that my future has got to look brighter.
I appreciate your understanding on why I am still in the situation I'm in. I am creating a better and brighter future for myself though and I think that is what really matters. I'm not just laying down and taking it I am trying to change things. It will take some time and a lot of hard work but I think anything worth doing is worth the hard work it takes.
I love school even if it is all consuming! It takes every ounce of my time and energy but I truly believe it will pay off in the end. I am going for a Clinical Assistant degree. I researched several different degrees and this one gave me several job options when I finish. So if I choose one I don't particularly care for I can try another. I have set a goal for myself though and that is to work in a lab. I believe that I would find that a fascinating and stimulating career. A hospital maybe or a private company it doesn't really matter where right now. I will probably be able to determine where I want to work later on in school as I get more into the program. Right now my main classes are prerequisites to the program. ( I don't think I spelled that right lol)
Thank you once again for your words of wisdom! Oh yeah, I almost forgot! The CA guy finally showed his true colors! He reared his ugly head! I figured there had to be something wrong with him. I only attract losers for some reason lol.
Lots of love and light, van5521
I wrote a nice reply a couple of days ago and "puff" it was gone.
Anyway I wanted to let you know how impressed I am with your focus and movement towards a goal. It is a wonderful blessing to be able to see the path you are taking and that it is correct for you at this time. Doesn't a lot of the joy we receive come from the journey. the thrill of a change that is going well and the anticipation of all of the good things that are coming to you.
I did notice you wanted a financial reading and Captain wants to do a more complete reading. That will probably really help to clarify your struggles and the lessons there in. I can tell you though that once you achieve a degree in healthcare there are numerous paths that you can follow that will offer you personal fulfillment and an income that is steady and the variety is limitless.
I hope that in time your husband will see and cherish the strong caring woman he married. if he doesn't it will be his loss but sometimes those changed are for the greater good also.
I am happy that the CA guy showed his true colors. You knew there was something off with him or your wouldn't have been seeking advice. Kind of a trust your gut instinct.
Much love and blessings to you coming from ABetterPlace
I want to thank you for all your encouragement and advice. It means a lot to me.
Yes having a goal to work towards and knowing that it's going to change my future for the better is very fulfilling and exciting. I am hoping to have a career working in a lab when I finish school. I believe that would be a good fit for me because I love new and interesting things and I feel that career path will offer that to me daily. I know the money won't be as good as what I was making but I also know that money isn't what makes me happy. It helps of course but I'm not all about money. I want fulfillment in my life and I do not have that right now. Maybe never!
I did ask for a financial reading because my situation is extremely stressful right now. As you know, my husband drinks heavily and he got a DUI back in September I believe it was. I just found out my insurance company is canceling our insurance because of it. I just got a new vehicle November 1st because of the bad car wreck I was in back in August that totaled mine. So with everything with money issues, my husband, getting my insurance canceled, school, and the cops are looking for my daughter again I'm just totally stressed out and feel like I'm suffocating under the pressure of it all hitting me in the face. I'm trying to swim upstream but I'm getting tired! I keep looking toward a brighter future but it can't come soon enough!
Anyway, I really wanted to thank you for everything. You have been wonderful!
Lots of love and light. van5421