Is my cancer man cheating?



  • My cancer man has all the same "affectionate, love u wanna spend my life with u/ then "I need my privacy and room to do my own thing and not call u forever like it's no big deal" The thing is is that sometimes when I cant reach him and innocently inquire why he snaps at me and there is always some plausible explanation I am supposed to just believe and drop the nagging question and gnawing gut feelings inside. Everything I've read says cancer's are loyal and not prone to cheating but he wants sooo much privacy and I know in my own experience when I react to questions the way he does it was because I was doing wrong. I want so much to spy on him one nite but stalking is just not me...but maybe this once?



  • Believe your gut feeling. Don't stalk him though,but keep your eyes and ears open. For a relationship to work you need trust. He may not be cheating....but he could be flirting...obviously the plausible excuses are not relieving your gut ache. Don't make any major plans yet eg marriage or living together etc until that gut ache is relieved. If he is snapping at you, snap back that he is acting suspiciously, that you are hurting inside and that your trust in him is wearing thin.



  • Somehow I had gone from the stand up take no crap 14 year old girl he fell for 20 years ago to a submissive crying apologetic sap and his behavior and attitude continued to decline towards me then he changed back a little to the caring man then once again the other day I had had enough, he came to my work to pick me up and told me he had gotten a phone call from a friend of a friend to come help them move right then at like 4 in the morning, I had called him the same nite about 11 pm and he yelled at me that he was tired and all that, so then when he said what r u hungry for I told him I thought that I would just skip lunch and he said what;s wrong, I said ok I call u and get yelled at yet u drop evertything for other people, so when u can treat me as good as u do other people we will do lunch, then after thinking of what I really wanted to say I stopped and called him and said " I am too old to settle for less than what I want ever again, what we have is not the kind of relationship I want, the way u treat me is not what I want and I refuse to settle for this, what I want is for u to treat me like u did when we began talking a few months ago and if u can't or wont then I cant continue this" the next day he came to my work for lunch and I asked him if we were just friends with benefits and he said no, then he said he had almost bought us a house that would be perfect for us, I have one child he has custody of three, and pretty much he has been really nice and talking about this house. but I also told him that when he snaps at a simple question which in fact he told me I could ask him anything and he would tell me the truth, so I didn't think it fair and in fact his whole snappy reactions mirrored my own when I am doing something I shouldn't. he didn't say anything but I also had to go back in to work right then not that it would have made a difference



  • Having to go back to work does make a difference. You've said your piece. Let him now ponder on it. It is a big decision to move in together, whatever your age, and having children in tow makes it harder because you need to have a fairly harmonius atmosphere . I must admit I would be overly suspicious of his excuse to help a friend move....let that excuse go by at the moment....see if your gut ache eases in the coming few weeks because now you've told him how you feel it may shake him out of whatever he is doing if he is totally serious about sharing a house with you and having a good future together.



  • Hi Timzgirl

    Well, your whole situation sounds really tricky. But, I just thought I would pop in my own opinion because something you said in your first post really struck me. You seem (naturally) to be concerned about whether or not he is cheating on you. As women, we ALL have these thoughts especially when a partner is being illusive. It's hard to say what he is doing with his own time. I could be that he is cheating. I noticed that you said he has three kids, so could it also be possible that he is just feeling overwhelmed with his own situation and is just handling it badly. From what you say I think there is a chance that he really IS a good guy, but is just feeling maxed out and expressing it in all the wrong ways. (In my experience, guys are really bad at dealing with emotional overflow). BUT, what I really wanted to say is that when you say, I just asked him a question and he snapped at me, well, regardless of what the situation is, that kind of thing is really just not acceptable. I guess my big long blurb here is really just a long winded way of saying that no matter WHAT is going on a partner should treat you with respect ALWAYS. Don't teach him that he can cross that line with you. I have a friend who is in a situation right now that seems as though it is a mirror image of yours, and believe me, if he is displaying that sort of disrespectful behavior this soon, he isn't likely to change unless you tell him straight up that you won't accept it. In fact, if you let him walk over you once, he will probably do it again and again.

    Best wishes -- Marielle25


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