Captain, can you help me with this blast from the past?

  • Hi Captain,

    I wanted to ask you about someone that I havent seen in years since middle/high school. His name is Alfred and his bday is 4/24/84. He became one of my facebook friends and we exchanged numbers. He recently got out of a relationship and seems to be interested in me but I'm just not sure that he is. Can you please give me some insight? Oh and also can u tell me if I will hear from Richard 2/6/82. I stopped speaking with him because I felt like it was a waste of time due to his lack of effort, but I keep feeling like he will try to contact /reach out to me. Thanks so much.


    bday 2/9/84

  • Be careful of 'rebound Alfred' as he is just out of a relationship. You have to wonder what happened - did he rush into it (like he seems to be rushing with you), and then regret it? I feel he has 'feelers' out for anyone at the moment, with several women in his sights and him just hoping for a 'bite' on one of his many 'hooks'. He's not looking for 'the one', just 'a one'. There is a definite danger here that both of you could get caught up in your ideal dream of a relationship and not see the true reality of the situation until too late. This can be romantically and sexually fulfilling for a while until one or both of you loses interest.

    With Richard too, he always had other 'interests' besides you and he has returned to them. The relationship lacked any real direction or guidance from either of you. He may come back temporarily if you let him, but he will always be pulled away by his other interests.

    Truth to tell, you keep attracting guys who are unavailable or not entirely committed to you because you deep down love your freedom and independence more than you want to be tied down to anyone. Like attracts like. You might do better being a serial dater who is upfront with her men friends about not wanting to get too serious rather than always avoiding a deeper commitment. You have to live the way it suits you, not live to please your family or friends or society.

  • Thanks Captain,

    I'm not exactly sure how long he's been single and he hasnt exactly said he's looking for another relationship the moment. I can only say that he is showing a subtle interest...or maybe just being friendly since we knew each other as kids. He told me that with his last relationship, the girl got pregnant and he was super excited about being a dad. She went and had an abortion to be with another woman. So I guess my question is if Alfred and I have potential to grow into anything. I'm not interested in rushing into a relationship just for the sake of having one. If I do get into a relationship, I'd like to take it slow and really have a relationship of substance with someone i can be there for and someone that can be there for me and just have a mutual happiness , not a superficial situation. As far as Richard is concerned, I feel like I really tried as much as i knew how and he's wasted enough of my time. i cant say that if he were to call me that I wouldnt be happy to hear from him, but I'm hoping he doesnt so that I dont fall back into a meaningless "relationship" with him. I have no intentions of ever contacting him again.

    I also have my ex of one year coming around again. We have a son together but he isnt keeping it ONlY about our son. We were together for two years and I loved him alot. He bought me a diamond ring for Christmas last year and broke with me before New Years rolled around. I was devastated because i thought the ring meant we were progressing. I didnt see it as an engagement but definitely a move in the right direction. I'm still not over it and hold alot of resentment for him asking me to have his child and then it turned out the way it did especially when i made it clear to him that i didnt have any desire to have anymore kids. I felt like he pressured me into it and then decides two years after the child is here to just walk away. (I didnt try to stop him from leaving because having a child for a man doesnt repair relationships and i know that) To make matters worst, before I met him I was totally sure i didnt want anymore kids so its hard not to see my youngest child as somewehat of a financial burden. my ex's name is Kino (bday 5/31/83)....can you tell me why he's lingering around me and not just completely moving on as he should at this point? It cant be for our son because i allow him to have a relationship with our son even tho he doesnt help much at all financially. i'm hoping one day he will step up and help more with our son but I hold him under no obligation to keep the promise he made of sharing a life with me and always being there for me. He broke that promise a almost a year ago. Thanks sooooo much for listening and offering your insight. Deep down I am heartbroken and trying to sort thru my feelings and just go on with my life.

  • I really don't see one man as being able to give you everything you need.

  • That is true advice for allll women Captain:) !!!

  • There is only one person who can know you well enough to give you everything you need - and that is yourself. Then you won't need to have so much given to you from someone else.

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