Needing reading...very much!

  • Hi, I'm new to the forum--I don't know how it works exactly, but I need help, as I'm in a quite bad situation personally. Can I request for a general reading please? I'll provide more information if needed.

  • Yes, you need to be more specific about what sort of bad situation you are in. A general reading might not adequately cover your particular concern.

  • Well, basically my mother passed away--I'm caught alone and abroad--struggling in completing college and suffering from anxiety symptoms. I'm generally lost on the direction in life to take--concerning future career path, etc. I've high sensitivity to being around social situations (including talking in front of people, performing activities in public spheres) due to significantly neglected/abused childhood as I basically had no mother/father/brother/sister growing up--it is my major stumbling block in life--for I'm in my nature a highly mature and smart kind of person (good at many things), yet due to this one seemingly trivial abut tangible obstacle, I feel as if I'm not good at anything at all. What should I do? If you need more information, please let me know. Many thanks!

  • So you mainly want to improve your social skills? What's the best way? Practice.

    Don't worry - social anxiety is a very common fear. Everyone worries that other people won't like them or may think they are stupid or crazy, and reject them. Believe it or not, most people are more concerned about their own performance and appearance than yours. Most shy or socially phobic people I have met were so focused on themselves and making mistakes that they never think how the other person is feeling, that they may feel just as awkward or shy.

    You don't even have to be able to talk a lot - a good listener is popular everywhere so simply ask the other person how they are or how their day was and then really listen, offering a little comment or feedback from time to time to show you are really attentive. By focusing on someone else, you can stop obsessing on yourself and your fears. And the best advice is - smile! Everyone loves a smiler or at least they'll be drawn to find out what you're smiling about. 🙂 Also try to relax - take ten deep breaths before you engage anyone in conversation or give a speech.

    With practice you’ll develop more comfort in a variety of social situations, and when you become comfortable, you’ll naturally be yourself. And that’s the basis of effective interpersonal communication — just be yourself and feel perfectly at ease with who you are and what you bring to a conversation. When you feel totally comfortable with who you are, your ego dissolves. You aren’t thinking at all about yourself, how you look, how you sound, etc. You’re thinking about the topics you’re discussing and about the other people. This is true whether you’re having a conversation with an old friend or giving a speech in front of hundreds of people. When you feel comfortable with yourself, your focus is on the content of the communication and on the other people, not on yourself. As you practice and gain more “stage time” in a variety of social situations, the unknown will become the known. You’ll be able to feel comfortable in new types of interactions.

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