For AstraAngel - An Update On Reading
To Astra Angel,
I just had to tell you what happened to me this past weekend. Remember the wedding I was feeling so down about before? I was still kind of feeling that way even after the reading you did for me earlier, but I went in with a brave face. I even took that first aid kit with me, almost like a security blanket to remind me its not my time yet, that my search is not over, and nobody knew about it.
Well, apparently, my brave face didn’t work.
It started with the rehearsal dinner, when someone started talking about how they needed to have more children on the bride’s side of the family (she’s marrying my cousin and there’s like at least 18 cousins on his side from his mother’s family, my aunt and godmother, and that did not include the side that I’m on!) The mother of the bride was sitting next to me when she made that comment out of jest, and a couple of others said something too, including the fiance of one of my uncles, and wonderful lady I really got to know the last couple of months, and I just had blurt out, ‘I know this sounds crazy, but I want six!’ She gave me this very surprised look then I added, ‘But I doubt that would happen at my age (almost 30).’ Then her expression changed and she said it could still happen by the time I’m forty, if I got married soon and had a kid every couple of years. Aside from you, Astra Angel, I never had anyone encourage me to go for that many!
But that’s not all that happened. This is where I started hearing the ‘God has a plan’ line I’ve heard so many times before. I don’t remember if it came from her, or my aunt (the groom’s mother) but at some point someone said it. Then the slide show of the bride and groom took place making the parents and most of the others all weepy. I was too, but it was for a different reason.
I began missing my mother. She’s been dead for almost three and a half years, and I hated the fact that she had been taken from me before I could get married. I’m always at odds with my dad, and can’t seem to get along with him. I don’t care if he’s being a dad towards me, I’m just sick and tired of being treated like a child, even though I’ve practically stepped into my mother’s shoes at home at an age when most children would’ve moved out a long time ago.
I guessed that nobody really seemed notice this, but as the weekend progressed people began speaking up.
The girls and older ladies had a little party of their own at the hotel after the dinner. Everything went fine and was a lot of fun. One cousin in particular, who was the groom’s sister, I had mixed feelings hanging out with. She’s very outgoing, very positive, though she’ll tell you exactly what she’s feeling. But a lot of the time, I often thought it was just a mask, so I often don’t talk to her much anymore (she and her brother and I used to spend a lot of time together when we were little). Her attitude is often too much for me to take at times, a little too bright and sunshiny for my taste, which is why I often felt like it was fake. She has this tendency to drag me into pictures with her when ever we are together, and of course, we took a couple that evening. Nothing much else happened with her that evening, with the exception of offering to take me to Disney World for my birthday next July (more on this a little later).
I got a chance to talk with her mother again when things settled down, and she was giving me her usual encouragement (This funnily enough, started after some of the other girls were talking about one of the other married cousins who had already left that was trying to hide the fact that she was pregnant, and the others started talking about when they wanted to have babies). In the past, my aunt would suggest things for meeting guys like social gatherings, church, and internet dating (I’ve tried that and it failed me miserably. Didn’t tell anyone though). Then the ‘God has a plan’ line came up again, at least twice. I honestly had to say that though I wasn’t irritated at her for saying it, I was irritated that I had to hear that line AGAIN, but I kept a calm smile on my face for the rest of the night. However, I went to bed feeling miserable.
The next day started out fine. We had a breakfast gathering for the girls with everyone bringing a hat to wear (I crocheted mine), had the wedding where they also had a table with pictures of family members who passed away, mom and her dad among them, and everything went smoothly, until we got to the reception. After the eating was done and everybody started dancing, I began to feel really out of it. My uncle’s fiance tried to get me out there to dance, but I just couldn’t.
Then something weird started happening. First, I had one of my other cousins invite me out to the dance floor and reluctantly went, then he started asking me questions about whether or not I had someone special in my life (he’s one of my younger married cousins) and also suggested that I dance with my dad (impossible, he doesn’t dance, and he was the last person I wanted to be around at the moment). Then one of my uncles, the groom’s father and my godfather, came over to dance with me. He didn’t say anything, but I thought it odd he did this after my cousin suggested dancing with my dad.
Then, my other cousin, the groom’s sister and the one I always thought was a bit of a faker, came over and took me out on the dance floor (she’s not one to take no for an answer). After a few minutes of this she dragged me over to the bar, handed me her half drunk beer (I don’t drink beer, but they were out of my favorite wine and again, she’s not one to take no for an answer), and began questioning me about my job. Before I could finish a sentence, she finished it for me, then went on about needing to get out more and said I should come out to Florida where she worked for Disney (on the corporate side) not just for that trip to Disney World she promised for my birthday, paid all by her, but to actually live with her!
After her saying that she had a big two bedroom apartment she lived in all by herself with rent easily paid by her and would be happy to have me there, for some reason I couldn’t hear anything else she was saying, and it wasn’t because the music was loud either. The expression on her face was unusually kind and concerned. I haven’t seen this look on her face in years (she changed a lot after going to college, which personally, I think, had some real negative influences on her). I think I was having one of those tunnel vision moments and somewhere during all of this I began crying.
She took me into her arms for a minute then took me across the room to the doors that led outside. By then, I think at least half the people in the room was watching, but there was nothing I could do about it, and I was afraid that I was making a scene. When she got me out on the deck outside, she held me some more and started telling me about how much she actually admired me for what I was doing for my dad in place of Mom (what’s interesting is as strained as my relationship was with my dad before Mom died, after doing everything I could while I was grieving and fighting off depression to make sure things kept moving at home, I think its actually gotten worse.) My cousin told me she could never do what I did, but also, I needed to move on. She missed my mother too and said I looked and sounded so much like her and prayed for me everyday (she was crying too when she was saying all of this). She was sorry for waiting three and a half years to say it.
After that, she kept saying how pretty I was and that deserved to be happy and pointed out a few things about herself and her cousins on the other side of her family saying that we all have some issues and I wasn’t alone. I was never alone.
There were a couple of other little things she touched on, including our grandfather (who was shown alongside my mom on the table at the wedding) and things we did as kids, that family blood runs deep and they were always there for me. One of the last things she said to me before we were done was that my prince will someday come, that waiting definitely did suck, but he will someday come.
Two of my other cousins (the groom and the younger married one I danced with earlier) came in at separate times during all of this to check on me and said their piece. After that, she took me back in and said if I went that long without talking to her again she won’t forgive me. ^_^ All this time I’ve been thinking very ill of her, but I totally misread her, as well as the rest of my cousins. Strangely, none of my aunts, uncles, or my dad asked about what happened and acted like they didn’t notice what happened.
The whole incident was so surreal I’m still not sure it actually happened, especially after the partying we did when the reception was over (they were all really sweet to me and twirled me around the dance floor at the bar). The next day on the long drive home (Dad drove) I was on such a high, knowing that God had a hand in it all, but during the last three days my feelings have been mixed, ranging from a continuation of the high I had the day before to being scared out of my mind on what to do next. A door has been opened, but I don’t know what to do with it. I still have things to take care of before I can make any big moves, but then I may not get any other chances. I can’t believe I’m actually considering my cousin’s offer.
This may even lead to other doors opening. There’s not much else for me here, at least, not that I can see. That could be part of my problem. The relationship with my dad, like I said before, has been rocky and steadily seems to be getting worse. Its clear that he views me and my sister as a burden, even though we’re both making enough to pay for everything but utilities (we help out with groceries now). Any expression of unhappiness of any kind, including those most would consider borderline depression, makes him believe we’re not appreciative of what he’s doing for us.
I may not keep a lot of my promises, most of which involve just getting certain things around the house done, but he has yet to realize a lot of those things he asks me to do are difficult when you’re emotionally messed up. I admit I’ve had days were I literally did nothing because I felt like it wouldn’t matter what I did, and there were too many things that reminded me of Mom. I consistently ask for help, but the only response I get is that he shouldn’t have to do it. If I can’t do it, then I should just get out. As bad as that sounds, it would be a little easier to understand if he didn’t pull this with little things that literally don’t matter as well.
A lot of this does have to do with the way his own mother treated him when he was young. I guess that’s why its difficult to leave. I KNOW where this is all coming from. Around the time he got engaged to my mother, his mother threw him out for criticizing her for marrying his step-father, threw everything he owned away, stopped paying for his tuition for a major he had no control in picking, and demanded that he pay $25,000 (in early 1970s money) to pay for all expenses he incurred since he started working at 16. I don’t even want to get into his issues with his father, but thankfully, those issues were resolved before his father died. In short, his life has been hard, even years after getting kicked out.
I’ve gotten indications from other family members that this still doesn’t excuse a lot of what’s going on. I think the reason the stuff at the reception happened was because some of my aunts and uncles were involved. I didn’t hear a single word from them about it and the way they acted like nothing happened just seemed so suspicious. My cousin that talked to me may not be the best role model as to how to find happiness, but she was obviously the bravest of them all to say all she said. And she was sincere, like I said, she had a look on her face that I hadn’t seen in years.
I feel like I needed to tell you a lot of this because it all seems to interconnect to me finding love. One of the readings I had mentioned before also told me that this authority figure (I never told them it was my father) would eventually lose all control of me within the next year, and it coincided with meeting someone (there was not definite connection between the two, but it just happens around the same time.)
I probably should have mentioned all of this before, but I didn’t realize just how significant it was until the wedding. Any thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I don’t know if I can make a final decision until I ask an outside party. I can’t believe all of this came up so quickly after asking for your advice the first time! Its wonderful and scary at the same time.
P.S. This took me about three days to write out, because I was so unsure of what my next move should be and who else to ask.
Sorry to jump in, JoyLily, but I received a very STRONG message from the Spirit world....
YES!!!! MOVE!!!! BE FREE!!!!
Wow. That is a lot you went through. I was really touched by how much care and thought you put into this, the way you write feels so picture perfect, like that little hat you crocheted for the wedding. A lot of care and thought goes into every part of your life. This wedding sounds like it was kind of an epiphany for you!
Surreal is what I am getting too... like David Lynch surreal ha ha.. in a good way. The emotional undercurrents in your life seem to have reached some sort of headspring at this wedding, as a lot of heavenly energies and angels all converged to say some very specific things to you to help you keep going. I do agree that the underlying theme for you is LOVE and being ready when this person enters your life which I believe strongly will be soon.
The transition to Florida that is very interesting. So your cousin has invited you to live with her. That sounds pretty cool. Orlando huh? It can get a little warm there. Not sure what area you are coming from. I used to live in Florida so I am familiar with it, or some areas. Overall I feel your excitement at this move and I can tell your heart is certainly ready to try anything to follow your path and make sure you are in the right place at the right time for love!
I want to draw some cards and gauge where you are at and what your next steps will be and how your life seems to be heading... this will just be free form now a spread I want heaven to talk to both of us.
Okay, I asked for the Significator for you and drew the Queen of Wands so that is nice. You are in a strong position emotionally and as the Wands you are all about making the right decisions now...
Knight of Cups - well, there he is! Your soul mate. The one that heaven has for you, being prepared even as you are experiencing all of this surreal events! In the midst of tears and longings and reminders of what others seem to find so easily, and you have had to wait for - ther he is. You can't see him yet - not with your physical eyes yet. He is already around you though. And he is already sensing you... your paths are converging... wow this is so cool I am so excited for you. I am smiling... I feel destiny knocking on your door...
King of Cups - this seems to expand even more on him as the Knight, seeking you even though he is not aware of you physically yet. Your energy he senses. This King tells me he is just as determined as you and is NOT giving up for anything or settling for second best.
Justice. Justice JoyLily. Do you know what a wonderful card this is for you right here? Angels and all of Creation wants you to know that your life is well spoken of, and your faithfulness to live out as best as you could in accord with higher purpose- has been seen and well noted. Justice says the scales will be balanced and you will discover that your patient waiting for the object of your affections will be dutifully awarded to you in the perfect time. Justice says its time for you to enter a new phase of your life, and the move to Florida could very well mark that entering in. You will find that in your case, waiting has its advantages and often Heaven saves the best for those who come later - the tears and two hearts merging into one can require some delay until the perfect setting has been found for a diamond love like yours and his.
Three of Cups - and another sign that justice is served in love and now the real party will be YOURS, and the whole Universe will be your guests, watching, and dancing too... and you will cry again at this wedding, because it will be yours and they will be golden tear of joy and lilies and happiness and fulfillment and contentment and passion and desire and a joining together of the two of you into one beautiful new creature, a heavenly creature of extraordinary love and magnificent, exotic grace. Wow, was that a run on sentence or what! Bottom line, happiness for you, like way up there happiness that is interstellar in quality! Lovely and so happy... I wish I could be there to watch.
Seven of Wands - well, now we come back down to earth and some practical matters must be attended to... choices... do I do this or not? Move, in with her? How will that go? Am I ready? ShouldI wait? I see that you will receive guidance as needed and every step will be made clear (with some little warnings as to what is coming next). So you should relax in spite of the energies that are mountain to take you there.
Five of Swords - be prepared for your mind to war with you a little at times, your viewpoint is changing and so are those of people around you, your dad may not exactly roll out the red carpet for your transition, as you chase after your knight.
For he loves you so much. He knows one day you will be leaving him, and I sense some fear there with him, but deep down this man adores you. Oh sure, he gripes.... "I'm not cleaning up, you can't handle it, move out!" - deep down what he is admitting is that he senses that you will soon be doing just that and he knows he will miss you a lot... so in a way it is like the father bird nudging the young out of the nest. He love you so much. You are a princess in his eyes.
Three of Swords, and there comes a time in all of our lives when we must say good bye to the past and embrace the new, what is coming, the transcendent love that awaits you, and that is out there, looming.. it is most lovely, like thorns in roses, they seem to hurt more than they actually do and that is the way of love, there is always some discomfort... and some tears...
Princess of Love... that is who you are... willing to do whatever is required... this next step will be a big one for you and this is a door to a castle, a magick land you have dreamed of... it too will seem surreal at times, this place you move towards... and that is the way it is in Heaven, all is surreal because it is so perfect and meant to be.
Six of Swords - you will definitely be moving soon, heading to this calling, a farther shore, a distant land, a magic kingdom where fairies and genies and mermaids are as real as anything else... and where LOVE for Snow White waits... for this Princess... who has waited her whole life for this moment... and everything is now perfectly prepared for you.
I am wishing you continued guidance and wisdom as you continue your remarkable path. I am so excited for you! Let me know about any specific questions you may have... this was just more a heart response from me to you...
Love and light
yes, amen! watergirl go for it JoyLily... I wish I could hide in one of your suitcases too....
Thanks so much to the both of you! This is truly exciting, but I knew from the start that my dad would make it difficult for me. Most at my age would probably just give him the finger and stomp out, not thinking about what they should do next. What holds me back at this point are other obligations, aside from those towards Dad which I could definitely walk away from at any time (and almost did). I do worry about being shoved out before I can make proper arrangements, and then there are my friends and my church. I also have to worry about employment, though I know my cousin is offering to stay practically for free, because I still have loans and insurance to pay, and of course, for savings and doing things that I want to do.
I’m still set on the home business thing. Most of my Christmas list this year is taken up by supplies to start me off, including a new sewing machine to replace the old temperamental one that was Mom’s, but its doubtful I’ll get one. If I don’t, I’m going to see if I can buy one a little later. My mentioning of the crocheted hat wasn’t just an insignificant detail. I forgot to mention everybody keeps telling me I should make more stuff like that. The cousin who asked me to move in with her kept exclaiming how crafty I was. She had fawned over a purse I had made a little over a year ago, saying she would pay about $300 for something like that!
Ideally, I wouldn’t worry about a job and just start making stuff. I already have the makings of a great network, and with my cousin’s help, it would expand exponentially. She’s such a social butterfly, its ridiculous!
You should’ve seen me dancing around my room when I came home from that wedding. I keep mentally calling out to my soul mate, hoping to find him as soon as possible. I have to settle for dreams right now, but I make sure I’m giving him kisses everyday. I can’t wait to kiss him for real.
I wish I could take everyone with me. I wish I could go right now! But I need to know what to do to prepare myself for this journey and help myself leave the familiar behind. I seriously feel like a Disney character. I used to watch all those movies over and over, but after years of avoiding them after becoming so skeptical that such stories could have any basis in reality, I started watching them again. My old favorite was Sleeping Beauty, then the Little Mermaid, and now its Tangled.
Another movie I ended up watching recently right before the wedding and after that isn’t Disney was Howl’s Moving Castle. I’m a secret lover of Japanese animation, and this movie is probably about as close to Disney as you can get without actually being Disney. I remember somebody earlier this year asking me at a convention where they have a mix of anime, steam punk, sci-fi, fantasy, and gaming if I was dressed up as a character from that movie (I was in a steam punk outfit I came up with myself. It didn’t have a bunch of crazy gears and stuff you would normally see, but it was more geared toward the Victorian revival with maybe a gear here and a metal bead there. Okay, the skirt had metal beads and fake pearls all over it, but still...). At the time, I didn’t know what they were talking about.
Then I got to meet the main character Sophie, and her world, where there’s not only steam powered machines everywhere, but also witches and wizards and kings and queens. She considered herself to be very plain and worked hard in her mother and father’s hat shop, never doing anything for herself. I don’t want to spoil the rest, but its basically about her finding her true love. I highly recommend watching it!
Right now, I just need to know what my next step should be. I haven’t said anything to Dad, my sister, or anyone else, friends and family. I haven’t said anything else to my cousin either after telling her at the reception that I’ll think about it. Everything’s back to the way it was, and yet I feel completely different. I’m in one of my paralyzing modes where I’m hardly getting anything accomplished except going to work and church. All of my other routines have been put on hold again (often happens when I’m having an emotional week). I haven’t even done any of the things I had planned for Christmas yet, and I thought that I would be jumping all over that stuff when I got back home.
Just the next step. That’s all I need to get myself moving again. What do I do first?
P.S. By the way, I live in North Texas. The wedding was in San Antonio. Florida is definitely a long way off!
First Step? Talk to your cousin! Let her know you considered her offer and would seriously like to take her up on it. There will be details the two of you need to iron out. As far as telling your father - don't until you have all your ducks in a row and are ready to GO (that way if he "throws you out" it won't matter because you'll be ready to go!).
You love Disney and your cousin works for Disney.....hmmmmmm....maybe she can also hook you up with a job???? Even if it's just something that will get you started with income flowing in. You can continue with your crocheting and other crafts on the side. My sisters and I love to purchase stuff like that off the "etsy" site. Check it out!
It's ok to be nervous. It's nervous EXCITEMENT you are experiencing. You are reconnecting with your LIFE which is long overdue it sounds like. Your friends and church will always be there - don't hold yourself back. Besides, you will make new friends and find a new church in Flordia. "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other is gold."
Your last message from Spirit tonight is from Archangel Michael...Don't be afraid of the unknown. Call upon me to cut the cords of fear and to bolster your courage. Have faith. You are on the right path.
Whistle while you work....la la la la la la la
Can I touch on something... I got some reflection and perception-seeking cards, and intelligence, and then a ten sword...hmm.... I think you should really think this through and ask yourself exactly why you want to move.
When you say " ...There’s not much else for me here, at least, not that I can see. That could be part of my problem."
As friend, I would stop you right there and look you in the eyes and ask you what is it about the place you are at right now, that makes it "not much else for you there?"... I am not saying no to your journey, my first reaction was YAY! Go for it... now though I an feeling a pause... I am simply saying you want to really know what the real motivation is. Is it "fleeing something" or "flying toward something?" - there is a difference. I just bring it up, in any case... follow your own heart.
I think your art and craft work I am sure is beautiful and you can do that from anywhere... lots of arts and crafts shows in Florida I used to do those years ago...
"...Any expression of unhappiness of any kind, including those most would consider borderline depression..."
Is someone calling you that? Or is that something you are calling yourself?
( Confidence ), it must be someone else, your dad? That is tough... I can understand wanting to leave...
The 10 of Swords means it is time to stop thinking so much about how you want your life to be and start taking ACTION toward creating that life (the Queen of Wands). It feels as though when your mother died you stepped into her shoes - taking on her responsibilities (as well as some of your father's perhaps?). Your mother was much older than you - she had already stepped out of the nest of her parents' home and spread her wings. You are not an old woman!!! It is now time for you to do what your mother did when she was young - start the journey of YOUR life. It is not necessary for you to stick around and take on your father's "stuff." You are still young and no matter how it may feel, there is still plenty of time to find the man you want to build a family with. For now, your call to action is to light your own fire and start living your life with passion. The man will come in due time.
Say NO to fear and YES to breaking free and spreading your wings. That does not mean you should barge ahead without taking the necessary steps to ensure your safety and security. That is why the first step is to speak with your cousin. Not only about the living arrangements and her expectations, but about employment. Make sure you head out there knowing you have the cash and support that you need. In the meantime, get your handmade items on etsy and start selling - this will help you with the cash you need to move.
I normally do not respond to threads that are specifically adressed to someone else. I was strongly drawn to this thread and then strongly urged to give you the messages that I did. This is all happening for a reason. Embrace the unknown and step forward on the path that is being opened up to you.
And here are the Earth Magic cards I just pulled for you...
Desert - Vision Quest...a spiritual journey that leads us to a better understanding of ourselves. Mostly I feel that this card is about the JOURNEY for you. Once again, time to leave the nest and start building your dreams into reality.
Dragonfly - Emergence...this is a message about you emerging into your true self and a sign that you are starting a new cycle in your life. The important thing about the dragonfly is that it does not have a cocoon stage. This is not a slow or gradual shift you are in the midst of. Dragonfly tells you that things are happening rapidly and unexpectedly and there is no time for pauses, contemplation or INDECISION. You may be feeling unprepared, but you are. Rely on the wisdom you have already gained.
Lightning - Power...this a message about your personal power, or more accurately - your Life Force. This card is urging you to feel that life force flowing through you and to utilize it as it is in congruence with the will of the Divine. What is required is for you to tap into this spiritual force within you, get clear on your intention - what you want to create in your life - and then be willing to ACT.
Thank you for your enthusiasm, Watergirl! Yes, I need to spread my wings and fly, but as Astra Angel pointed out, I need to look into why I want to go on this particular journey.
I do feel this would be good for me, however, I don't want this to be a long term thing. I'll miss my home state too much. ^_^ I don't think I could live with Florida's weather for too long! If this is an escape from something, it'll be temporary for sure, and it'll give me a chance to work out other things outside of the environment I'm currently in. Its not like I'll be sitting there doing nothing. I'll be in a very different place where I'll feel compelled to do something because I'll no longer have the safety net I have now. My cousin may be paying the rent, but I'll still want to contribute somehow, not to mention I'll have other things I'll need to pay for myself.
I've been thinking up a plan today. I could definitely get started on some of my crafty stuff, do some practicing for my family by making a few things for them for Christmas (I'm in a chronic crocheting mood right now!) I won't have much time for anything else until after the holidays. There's my sewing stuff I've been meaning to get started on also (C'mon new sewing machine!).
Sometime between now and Christmas, I'll try to contact my cousin again and hammer out a more concrete plan. There's my sister's birthday in January and a couple of other things I don't want to miss out on. Then there's breaking it to my dad and to other family members. Not sure how to handle that yet.
I got a couple of signs today. One was while I was walking to work (I currently don't have a car), where I found a penny, tails up. Normally, that would be considered bad luck if I picked it up, but lately, I've picked up every piece of money I can find (you should see my collection of change!), so I took it and looked on the head side to see what year it was. It was 2008. I immediately thought of Mom because that was the year she died, a week before my birthday in July. Then, during my lunch hour, I went to my favorite Chinese restaurant, and when I asked for a fortune cookie, they gave me two instead. This is what they said:
APPROACH ALL AREAS OF LIFE WITH A BOLD ENTHUSIASM
BE ALERT FOR NEW OPPORTUNITIES IN BUSINESS OR PLEASURE
I'll be keeping these with me everyday! Its almost like finding bread crumbs in a maze! I think I better get moving on my projects. Its definitely a place to start!
If either of you get any other feelings, signs, or anything, please let me know! I'll be checking in, periodically, hopefully with more updates. Again, thank you so much, you two!
I think it is wonderful what is happening for you! Pay no attention to my previous rather 'introspective' over analyzing reading ... sigh... it is my mountain goat nature to ponder each step forever it seems, to make sure it is onethe right . In your case I think heaven is watering down on you wonderful blessings just as watergirl18 has beautifully shared. I am so excited for you and simply add my faith to you for continued wonderful and thrilling doors being opened to you...
at some point you simply have to leap for joy and care not where you land!
love and blessings,
Well, I think those fortune cookies are quite the blaring, neon, sign type of message we all pray for! And I am quite certain that penny was from your mother. She is with you and has a lot to do with the doors that are opening for you right now. Do not let fear hold you back.
My image for you today was of a rose - tight in a bud. But this beautiful flower was starting to bend over from lack of water and sunlight. You have been in a soul-deadening environment for a while now and it is time (as I have said before) to spread your wings and fly. The doors that are opening for you right now - golden opportunities and synchronistic events - have been Divinely operated. You really could not ask for more clear or loud signs or messages! You don't need to run off tomorrow, certainly get your ducks in a row, but please do not allow yourself to over-analyze which is really your fear running the show. This door opening is really the first step for you. Trust. And that rose tight in the bud reminds me of a quote (can't remember who it is from) that says something like "And the day came when remaining tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom..."
Your desire for a soulmate connection is really your desire to experience being loved which will begin with you loving yourself enough to start pursuing your own dreams rather than remaining chained to other people who may not have your best interest at heart. Allow yourself the freedom to CREATE. Not just with your crafts, but with YOU...your life. BLOSSOM!
Enjoy your holidays at home, but then make a commitment to yourself to start moving forward.
Okay, I'm biting the bullet, and sending a message to my cousin tonight. I have it sitting on my desktop right now, ready to send after I'm done typing this (its about half past seven central time here), but I'm still very scared. I really hope I'm not making a mistake. I don't want to think about what Dad will say if he ever finds out, and its been beating me over the head the whole time. Even my sister will object to this!
The signs just keep coming, like something is begging me to contact her, before its too late! I also got two more little fortunes from that restaurant:
MAKE THOSE SPECIAL TALENTS YOU HAVE WORK LIKE A CHARM
YOUR LIFE WILL BE PEACEFUL AND FULFILLING
I can't seem to bring myself to do anything else until I get this done. I'll be cleaning my room up as soon as I can get this off my chest (we had a large family gathering Saturday, and a lot of stuff ended up in my room before I could properly straighten it). I'll put on some music and try not to think of this anymore tonight.
Good for you!!! Say NO to fear Just take a deep breath and walk through it. You are taking the first step toward living your life with passion and it is a GOOD THING. I pulled some cards for you and they speak for themselves....
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Watergirl and AstraAngel you are both very good human beings, to both of you have a great Christmas but my job search continues do you guys see anything /
Its been two days now. Still no response. I'd hate to bug her again so soon, but this waiting is just killing me! I'm beginning to have doubts again. Maybe she's avoiding me. There's no indication I'll be seeing her at Christmas. You'd think she'd be happy to see that I'm trying to talk to her. I can't concentrate on anything right now. I NEED to know!
Okay, that was just me over reacting! I got a chance to talk to her for a moment during Christmas (I wasn't expecting her to even be around for the holidays) before she got swept away talking to everyone else. She says she's looking for a job opening for me in Florida, and her offer to live with her still stands. No matter what happens, she definitely wants me to come for my birthday at least. We'll most likely be discussing details, especially if she is successful in finding a job (she's set on finding something with Disney, which would be pretty cool). She's also urging me to do something with my crafts as well. She's one of a long line of people who keep telling me to sell stuff on Etsy (got another sight in mind, but its similar).
I just wish we could have talked face to face more, but we had a record number of people attending as we're blending literally three families together and inviting good friends from a fourth family to join us. Anyone who questions whether there's any real meaning in celebrating Christmas anymore has yet to meet this group! For some of these families we've accepted into our fold, this Christmas is a huge contrast to what they've experienced in the past, and there was an all around goo vibe.
I hope the both of you are enjoying the holidays. Mine was practically made. Got the good sewing machine I wanted and the reassurance that I WILL be leaving this house soon. Time for a change of scenery!
Excuse me, I meant "good vibe". Got too excited to check!
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AstraAngel Happy New Year well I am still looking for a job but I got some canvasses also do you see any light at the end of the tunnel because making ends meet is getting harder......
good for you on moving forward with a relo. I know things are going to be fantastic for you! Keep doing whatever it is you are doing cause its working for you. I am sending you positive energies to keep the momentum. Thanks for the Christmas wishes, mine was very nice and I took some time to just take it easy... Happy New YEAR to you and I know 2012 will be great for you!
Happy New Yeart to you too! Good for you on the canvasses. What do you plan on painting? I have been doing some drawing an that's about it. I can look at some cards for you on getting ends to meet...
Significator - Queen of Pentacles - no surprise there, you are concerned about material provision and this card captures that essence.
Wheel of Fortune - Yay! This is a great sign of impending changes where things will turn around for you, hang in there and keep doing what you are doing, this says that matters should be changing soon.
Queen of Swords and the Four of Wands...
So this looks like you have this "Queen Swords" phase to work through and then you enter your victory ... the wheel of fortune then having turned for you.
Here is what I am getting for you... from the book this card represents "This queen knows a lot, from personal experience, from extensive reading, as well as from observing life around her. She can... chat with anyone about almost anything... she can see the big picture... she loves to help and share what she knows..."
So this sounds like
Draw from life around you in your art, could be anything, painting outside or from life...
Keep reading, anything that you like to read. You can stumble across ideas that way for income
Stay in touch with people you know, call places back you have contacted. Keep talking with friends and let everyone know you are looking for work and income
Consider starting an art blog and PAINT and WRITE about what you are doing and that can develop connections too. If I were you I would paint outside, find places where there is plenty of traffic (people) and paint and have a few paintings with you that you display while painting and those are for sale... then people will see you working and they will buy what you are displaying, keep prices reasonable. Offer a discount for more than one painting!
that should give you some ideas, everything will work out this is a great reading for you, that wheel of fortune and the four of wands are very positive signs for you! Try to embrace the energy of that Queen of Swords, your mind and intellect staying sharp and be determined like her and you will do great! She is a great role model!
Matter of fact I just did a drawing of the Queen of Swords! - below.
Love and light,