To the Captain - Love advice please (other's thoughts welcome too!)
Hope you are well! I am back once again (11/22/68, 9:28 pm Philadelphia, Pa) seeking guidance. I had been seeing my Pisces man (3/4/65, 11:45 am Yonkers, NY) for about a year and a half and in many ways it was very good. He is loving, supportive, intelligent, funny and kind - but also very very needy. Freedom is a big thing for me - the need of my own space and time to do things alone or with my friends, and between family and work I have limited time in general. He tried very hard to be ok with this, but obviously was not and would keep coming up with reasons to be at my house fixing things or to helping me where it was hard to say no but he was always there. He expected to be included in everything and acted like we were married, which I have told him many times I am not ready for. Finally it got to the point where I was actually asking him to go away - first for days at a time and finally for a serious "break" which I asked for a month ago. Mind you we never lived together or anything but he was always here. Meanwhile since the "break" he still has no ability to leave me alone - constant calls, texts, emails telling me he's sorry for suffocating and crowding me and that he will now give me the space I need. Ironic because he can't seem to let a day go by even now without inundating me. He is actually calling my cell right now...
Compound this with the fact that when he couldn't reach me after the first few days he contacted some of my friends to find out what I was thinking etc and then at the same time another friend of mine found his profile on Match.com only 2 days after I asked for the break - which initially hadn't been a break up, just a need for space. I then answered one of his calls to tell him to stop contacting my family and friends and asked him about match.com saying it was tough to take his undying love for me seriously when he's on a dating site that quickly. He seemed genuinely surprised I was upset about him contacting my friends and said the Match.com thing was on a friend's advice to see what else was out there since I seemed to be slipping away. Anyway, I told him that at that point I still needed time and space to process this stuff and that he should do what he wanted and not wait for me. He said I was the only one for him.
Anyway, a month later I still feel no real desire to see him. I was so turned off by his needy, desperate behavior that I am forgetting all the good things that we had together. Will that ever change - his neediness I mean? He says he has never been that way before and is only that way with me - and of course promises to change. He is unemployed and has been for over a year and I know that makes it worse. He says that that is the major problem and he is up for a few jobs right now and all will change when he gets one. (he's a pilot) I'm not totally convinced though. I know in the past you told me he was good for me - and in many ways I know that to be true - but I just can't be with someone that suffocates me. His lengthy unemployment doesn't help the way I view him as a long term partner either as I cannot see attaching my life and kids' futures to someone not financially stable. We are fortunate to be fine that way on our own.
Meanwhile, at the same time 2 other loves from my past have popped back up - the Virgo (8/24/64) who has recently been sending me many texts out of nowhere. I really liked him and we had fun together and I sometimes wish I hadn't ended it, but not sure of his true intentions - maybe he's just suddenly being friendly? And the Scorpio - 11/14/64 - who has contacted me pretty regularly over the past year and a half saying he misses me and who I finally saw last week. He says he's now employed and things are going well for him and is certain that after dating a few others we are good together. I enjoyed seeing him, and might even see him again but he lives pretty far away and I am not sure whether it is viable long term.
So in all of this I keep asking myself what it is I am looking for and the truth is not really anything right now. I am happy being on my own if that is what is to be. That is not to say that I don't think someday it would be nice to share my life with someone based on love, support and mutual respect - I do, but I don't need that to happen right now if I haven't yet met the right person.
Captain, any thoughts on these 3 guys? Is the Pisces my soulmate as he claims, or just desperate to have a relationship and has set his sights on me? Why I am I suddenly hearing from the Virgo again - the one that I still wish I had given more time to. Does he just want to be friends or is he contacting me to feel out if I am still interested - and is it worth me even thinking about it? Finally the Scorpio could we ever make it work long term or are we best off as friends?
Sorry for the novel here. Just looking for some outside advice, as it is good to get out of my own head. Thanks in advance!!
There are aspects of all these guys that you are attracted to, but no one man has everything you desire in a partner. I suggest that, with your need for independence and freedom stronger than your need for a life mate, that perhaps you should just date as many men as you like, being straight with them that you do not need a permanent live-in partner (unless of course someone comes along who satisfies your EVERY need).
The Pisces man has always been needy in every relationship he has had but he doesn't recognise the fact and so he will continue to be this way until he finally faces the truth. You need to cut him out completely, as he interpets any communication as a sign you want to be with him. It could get very ugly.
Oh no, do you see it getting scary - or scarier? That already concerns me. He's getting reckless, and called my house today when he knew my kids would be there and when my daughter answered told her how much he missed her. I was livid and took the phone into another room and told him that I wanted him to leave me and my family alone. I'm convinced he still doesn't get it though. He kept saying to leave the door open for him and not give up on him. Help!
Hi Astronelly, What's your sign--in some ways you sound similar to me. I can do a general reading for you. There's nothing wrong with being alone. Sounds like you need the alone time just to stay sane, lol!
ps--I'm sorry, it's Sag! Right?
I am a Sag - 11/22/68, 9:28 pm Philadelphia PA. Thanks in advance for doing a reading. I agree there's nothing wrong with being alone. I mostly have been since leaving my ex husband four years ago - and in fact I generally prefer it that way. I really did have good connections with the Virgo (8/24/64) and the Scorpio (11/14/64) though and wonder if I gave them a fair chance since I tend to have commitment issues. Anyway, both have popped back into my life lately and I wonder why now. I would welcome a reading. Thanks again!
Ok, the Strength card is over this reading so that's telling me that you're overcoming life's obstacles by inner strength. You have patience and love. "Soft" control over others (time-out etc.) Things will get better, don't let emotion get the better of you. Your reading is saying not to blurt-out at anyone (although you feel like it), also follow your intuition. Your intuition is quite good.
This is a very social time for you. I drew the 3 of cups in your present situation. This social time is also an emotional time for you.
What worries me about your reading is in your challenges I drew the 3 of swords. Paired w/the 3 of cups suggests that a tragic event could unite you with people you are close with. My personal feeling is the #3. This is telling me that you haven't moved on from 3 relationships paired w/the 3 of cups and it's time to move on. The 3 of swords is usually a definate ending in most readings I've done. Since this is the main question or idea to this reading I think these previous relationships are not moving forward. Your reading also suggests that you need to make a decision. Also, a pairing in your reading speaks to someone avoiding responsibility for pain they have caused you. I don't know what that is--maybe you do.
Reading speaks of you being a confident and vibrant person. You can light your own path. Your liberated w/ a simple life and doing what you enjoy most. Understanding what you want. With the Star in your past, your lesson is that your becoming more aware of what you want.
In your future, you're thinking more about long-term goals. You want something bigger and better. Stepping out of your comfort zone. Still maintaining control and going your own way. The two of rods paired w/High Priestess is strong message to go your own way in something. In your blocks shows you holding onto something past it's time. Somewhat bored the need to challenge yourself. Seems you can't make a decision based on friends or assoc. Can't ignore decision. Avoidance will lead to greater conflict. Ask yourself why you're having trouble making decisions regarding these friends. Your advise is not to feel bad faced w/adversity, as it happens. Things turn good then bad--the balance is you. Your being shown as the stable one. There's a good possibility for a coming confrontation. Follow your gut on how to handle it. I read what Captain warned you about and your reading is calling for caution when you deal with some problem or confrontation. So, I believe, what she said is true as the cards seem to allude to the same--ok.
Hope this helps--
present--3 of Cups
challenges--3 of Swords
below--3 of Coins
future--2 of rods
blocks--9 of rods
friends--2 of swords
advise--Wheel of fortune
Sorry - just had to pop in - I was laughing so hard I almost fell off the couch! You are asking about 3 men and your foundation is the 3 of pents, with 3 of cups as the present and 3 of swords as your challenge. HAHAHAHAHA. Spirit can be soooo funny sometimes I am getting, give it some time and don't fret too much about these current men....someONE (lol) better will be coming along.
Also, I didn't really read through Daliolite's and Captain's readings, so just in case they did not tell you this and I wasn't clear, NONE of these current men are the one for you. Cut them loose, enjoy yourself dating and the right one will make himself known.
Right! Also, WG, the three of swords after in challenges. I'm actually worried about this guy who is OCD--the pisces--I'm afraid he'll find out about the other friends and go off deep end--your take.
I just took it as the 3 men she is considering right now - that NONE of them are the one for her. The Pisces guy she just needs to be definitive and clear that it is over instead of continuing to stay somewhat in contact. Any contact at all and any mention of it just being a temporary break makes him think there is still a chance. He needs to know it is OVER, will REMAIN THAT WAY, no further contact will be tolerated, etc. If he keeps up after that then she can see about getting a TRO, but I really think he is just clinging to false hopes from the intermittent contact.
Astronelly, I really feel you want to break out and live the way you want to - to be free to do your own particular thing - but that you may be worried what friends and family, even society, might think if you became a 'serial dater' or danced in the streets. But you have to do what suits YOU, nobody else. You're a Sag - your freedom is everything to you so don't get stuck with losers just because it pleases someone else. March to your own drummer and follow your own path. Don't stay in relationships that don't give you what you need. You do love humanity - it's just individual people who are hard to bear sometimes.
Wow! Thanks so much everyone! The three of you all seemed very certain immediately that none of these guys is right for me which is comforting. I do need to trust my intuition more, stop second guessing myself and not fear the outcome. I didn't want to hurt the Pisces because he seems very fragile, and yet this is the very reason I cannot be with him. I need to tell him in no uncertain terms that it is over.
Daliolite and Watergirl: I am wondering about the 3 of swords "tragic" event that you mentioned in my reading. Two serious things have happened in my life recently, and perhaps the cards picked them up? Last week a dear friend of mine (also a Sag 11/29/63) had a major heart attack that nearly claimed his life. After 6 hours of emergency open heart surgery he is now recovering and his puppy that he adopted from me is living with me while he begins the long road to recovery. He had always appeared younger than his years, vibrant and healthy - which makes it all an even bigger shock.
The other thing is my parents' beloved 11 year old dog, who may as well be mine as they travel alot and he always stays with me, was just rushed to the vet yesterday as he was acting strangely and they found serious heart problems in a chest xray. My mom is on her way there right now to see if anything can be done, but it doesn't look promising and we are all pretty distraught. Anyway, I know the 3 of swords is the heart with swords going through it so it made me wonder if that card turning up has something to do with those things. Also, since it's the number 3 should I fear there may be a third event coming? I tend to have a pretty positive outlook on life in general, but wonder if that was a warning that I need to be careful here.
Thanks again so much to all of you for your help! It makes more difference than you know.
Often the 3 of swords is health related--tragic. Yes, I would be careful. This is a somewhat tragic time in the life of the Pisces--losing the job. I know how you feel regarding him. In my early 30's I was a victim of a serious crime so I don't disregard what some messages may mean--ok. I look at the negative as well as positive. Every reading tells a unique story, however, it's my role to tell you of pitfalls it brings up. You actually have a very positive reading. You have a lot going for you so stay strong and unique. The 3 of swords next to 3 of cups is an event that draws friends and family together so very well could be the 2 episodes you mentioned and I would GUESS the Pisces. Anyway, good luck and I'll close for now.
I wouldn't fear a 3rd tragedy upcoming as your cards did not allude to anything "bad" happening in the future or anything happening that you need to guard yourself against. Your advice and outcome is Wheel of Fortune and High Priestess. Nothing sinister or foreboding there - just a message to go with the flow, be free, be yourself and enjoy doing what YOU want to do and seeing (or not seeing) who you want. That's why 9 of Wands came up as a block and Strength as your crowning - you are too worried about hurting other people's feelings or what others may say. Honestly, the 3 of Swords, 3 of Cups and Strength card could allude to these current events in your life, but for me the strong message that came through was cutting the cords (definitively) with these 3 men. And the 3 of Cups came through to me as the dating (or dating potential) of these 3 men. This card does not suggest romantic love or passion. It is more of a familial, friendship, agape type love so it was confirming to me that you really aren't in love with any of these men. 3 of Swords - sever the ties, cut the cords, disappointing dating choices. Strength and 9 of Wands - be true to yourself and do what feels right for you not anyone else. I am never one to shy away from giving someone the TRUTH that comes through or deliver bad news - I just did not get any foreboding in your reading. Remember to read the cards through the context of your question as well. If your current environment, advice and outcome cards had been different then I may caution you about the potential reactions of the Pisces guy. But really it is just teling you to give him a FIRM no - there's not future here - and then completely cut ties so he does not feel encouraged. Change your phone numbers if you have to.
Sorry if I was babbling (LOL) - rushed to get out the door this morning!
Thanks again Captain, Daliolite and Watergirl! Meant to thank you earlier but it has been a tough couple of days for my kids and me as my parents' beloved dog has passed and he was very much like one of our own. This has shifted my focus completely away from the 3 men issue - which is probably a good thing.
I am cutting all three off as you recommend. It makes sense to me and I think I knew this was the right choice all along. Not sure why this has been so tough for me. I generally have no problem telling it like it is (or at least as I see it to be and was always honest with all of them, but I guess people hear what they want and not necessarily what you tell them. And so I find myself in this situation with the Pisces...
Do you all feel I am destined to be without a partner in this life then? I have a full life now blessed with my kids, family and close friends, but there is still a part of me that hopes someday I will meet someone that makes me actually want to be in a relationship again. I do not need someone to fill my every need - that's my job - just someone who can enhance my life without feeling threatened by my need for freedom. Know that might be a tall order, but one can dream. Any thoughts welcome, though you have already helped me so much. Thanks again all. Have a great night!
Actually I didn't recommend cutting all of these guys off - I just think you should date several men - who says you cannot? I don't get the feeling you want someone round all the time, just on and off when you are feeling lonely. I don't feel you will ever find one person to satisfy all your wants and needs (nor will you need someone to, as you say) but that you can be very happy with many admirers. I feel you are going to prize freedom, adventure, and independence as your greatest friends from now on.
Underthesun last edited by
Hi astronelly. I stumbled on this thread and I couldn't help but to weigh in. While it seems that you have a desire for freedom, it also seems that you have a wanting to be part of something that is bigger than just being alone. I am a believer in romance and, as a Sag myself, freedom in romance. It seems that you had some very caring feelings for the Pisces man, there may be some very good reasons for this which only you can be aware of as you were in the relationship. Having been with a man, who I am still with, while he had an extended period of being unemployed, I can understand how his inferiority has led him toward neediness. This is a trait that I found incredibly oppressive. I also decided, against others advice, to stick with this man because I loved him and had developed a history that only I understood. I did, at first try to distance myself from him but found that it wasn't what I wanted but was my heeding advice from others. He is now working and probably finds me needy now, but am so happy that I stuck by him through his difficulty...as is he. I am a bit concerned about advice that is purely objective without having a grasp of the details of your caring for these men who others are telling you to completely cut off. Only you can determine that based on what you have experienced with them and based on what traits you found attractive about them. When you are with someone for a year and a half, you must have some faith in your own judgment that there was a reason why you had wanted him to share a part of your life for that long. I just hate to see someone regret actions suggested by others.