Astra Angel, your thoughts?



  • Hi Astra,

    I hope you are well and rested and that the day ahead looks bright and full of promise.

    I have been reading your thread with DaniBo and it gave me a glimpse into your situation. I hope you don't mind my sharing my thoughts about it. There are similarities with mine, although you do not seem to be that far away from Allegra. It might be possible to bump into her 'by chance'? I am sure your letter was beautiful but she might have some defenses which might not resist to physical presence. A look, a smile, the sound of a voice, the touch of a hand, can be so much more effective and powerful than written words. A letter is read in a certain state of mind and maybe put away. Much depends on what happened between the two of you, of course. For myself, rereading old emails, I found so much in them I ha not seen when I firs read them and now I wish I had read them more carefully. What one reads in a letter or an email largely depends on one's mood at the time and what else is going on in one's life.

    From this you can see what my agony and frustration are, being forced to accept the distance.

    Catholic Mass can be very beautiful. Is there a church near you where they have a Gregorian Mass? If there is, I highly recommend it, it is magical! Even if you are not a Catholic, you can have communion, there is nothing wrong with that.

    Have you had a chance to look at my last posting? Could you do a reading for me or maybe for him, about how he feels and what is happening. He is about to go on a trip to the Far East which is important to him and he might be very busy right now.

    I am particularly worried that he might have made the decision and now is just waiting for me to give up. That would be a reason for him to refuse to see me because he knows that if he sees me, all his feelings for me come back and he is afraid he can't fight them.

    I am really afraid that he might have gone back to his former relationship and that his former companion is living with him again, she knows how to play helpless and he thinks I am strong! The difference he doesn't see is that she loves him because she needs him and I need him because I love him. I am terrified he might have go married.

    I desperately need to have a heart to heart conversation with him. I have been living in limbo for almost a year now and that is unbearable. He is the only man I ever really loved and I know it is the same for him. If this is all based on a decision he made, his willpower seems to have no limits. I know things are difficult for him professionally, but together we could achieve anything. I know that, why doesn't he?

    Your are my only comfort in this mad situation dear Astra. Can you offer any insight on all this?

    Thank you so much for your time.

    Love

    Pivoine



  • Hi Pivoine:

    Here is a reading -

    1. I wonder how he feels about it (the email)? Five of Cups - it touched him deeply. Triggered some feelings again that he would just as soon pretend are buried, I believe there were tears.

    2. how he feels about the relationship? Ten of Wands - there is a weight associated with the relationship that HE is carrying. He feels responsible for what has happened between the two of you and shoulders some pain and I think some guilt too. This makes him in turn hide from you and explains why he avoids the contact with you.

    3. Has he made the decision to end it? Three of Cups - On the contrary he is hoping and praying that you will stay at his side, he sees a successful conclusion to your relationship as long as the two of you don't give up completely.

    4. If so he doesn't have the courage to tell me? Queen of Cups - He doesn't have the courage yet to tell you that he has very deep feelings for you, he is running and hiding - he must avoid you at this time. This is the grave for the two of you. You must hang in there, everything will work out, he is intertwined with you, spirit into spirit, a divine union.

    5. how he feels and what is happening with you and him? King of Pentacles - manifesting energies are very strong with him, he is channeling universal positive energies like crazy forming a new creature from the two of you. This "new creature" as the bible puts it, is THE love union, the mystery of God, you are being joined to an angel. Although to you he seems only a man.

    He is your angel, and this period right now represents the "darkness" phase of the relationship, where on the surface nothing seems to be happening. He cannot and must not communicate with you much at all, he needs to stay quiet and focus on weaving together. However it is the grave of love, where two hearts are joined at the deepest, most fundamental level, the center of pain, the aching loneliness of a broken heart where life seems to have conspired to keep you apart from him.

    He is a lot stronger than you realize. He understands everything, at the appropriate time he will reach out to you and communicate what needs to be said, until then, you are advised not to drain your energies waiting for a response. You and he are best served by communicating now with your minds and hearts one to the other. Two are now one, his consciousness is yours, yours is his. He hears you in his heart the same way you hear him in yours. This is the Way of Angels.

    This phase will soon pass and the two of you will emerge into the Light. It will be union of which you are now really now unable to comprehend the magnitude and glory of. You are asked to keep trusting, I know it hurts like he11 - I am in the same place. It also is painful as the butterfly awakens from the grave of sleep and realizes she is incarcerated in a cocoon that was once a womb and has now becomes a prison. You will emerge with him as one creature. Male and Female sharing one common root. Death, the Grave.

    It is darkness like a million nights, a blackness like the center of some dead star at the edge of sheol.

    It is the salt tears like oceans, and a longing that reaches to the outer depths of aimless confusion and frustration.

    It is the place where tenderness and death mix, where angels rejoice and cry and we ask for answers and hear only the wind in bare branches.

    It is the place where true love is born.

    It is also called the resurrection. I think we have all been dead and this is our long journey out of the grave with our angel. Like the Judgment card you know? It seems like life, actually I think it is a limbo land where all feels gloomy and foggy while we await our change. Just like Jesus Christ. This is the reaping of the earth, the angels are gathering us together, woman with a male angel, man with a female angel. That is the gathering. That is happening now.

    Rest and abide in peace. Heaven has not forgotten you two. You are on path, All will work out VERY VERY SWEET FOR YOU AND HIM.

    You are entering Heaven.



  • Astra,

    I apologize if I was out of line. I did not mean to pry or interfere. I just thought I could understand your situation a little better and wanted to share my thoughts. You are doing so much for me. I hope I did not offend you. Please tell me if it was wrong.

    Will you still help me, please?

    Love Pivoine



  • Oh Astra! This is so beautiful you had me in tears again. The beauty of what you write and the hopelessness of it all. I admire your ability to trust despite the pain. The angels will reward your faith and I pray that it may be soon.

    You are so very very kind and everything you write sounds wonderful, but I am afraid I can’t see things spiritually like you and all this has a taste of afterlife which is not very comforting.

    This sounds so much like the first time disappeared and I did not even know where he was for more than 20 years and then I was the one who contacted him, he had never tried. I cannot wait for another 20 years! I don’t think life is keeping us apart, he is. He seems to have made a deliberate decision and I have no idea why.

    The weight and the guilt he is carrying can only be something he did and I don’t know about. Has he been lying to me?

    If he is hoping that I will stay at his side and sees a successful conclusion, what is hindering it?

    He has told me he has very deep feelings for me, he told me recently that he loves me with all his heart, but I feel a sadness in the background as if he was trapped in something. He seems to be saying that it is an impossible love.

    If it wasn’t God’s plan that we should be together, why did He allow our love to be rekindled? Why didn’t He keep us apart? I believe I needed to grow and had lessons to learn and it may have been the same for him. I have been growing and learning, but I don’t think I will ever learn to have no feelings and I am not sure I want to. The most I can hope for is to learn to accept a life without love and hope that he will be happy.

    Thank you for your time and your loving kindness.

    God Bless you

    Pivoine



  • Dear Astra,

    Sorry I was so pessimistic yesterday, it is really hard but I reflected a bit since then. I don't understand what is going on and I find that extremely difficult not to say unbearable. You know what it feels like and you cope with it but then, you are an angel! Funny enough, that is what he calls me 'My Angel' and I love it. Pity it is not more often.

    I don't know how long my resolve will last, but I am determined to concentrate on doing things I have been neglecting and stop obsessing about this relationship. I am not giving up on him but I need to put some balance into my life. For the past year apart from work, which I have to do and I do well, I haven't felt like doing anything. I find it hard to get out of the house and I only do it when I have no choice. I can't get him out of my mind and I am terrified of losing him. This is not the life I am meant to be leading.

    I am determined to start to be grateful and rejoice in every good thing no matter how small. To be grateful for every flower, for every ray of sunshine, for every breath of air, for every smile, for music, for poetry, for every expression of love, and put my trust in God and pray to see His plan unfold in His good time. "Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him" I. Corinthians 2:9

    Let’s continue to love unconditionally and put our trust in God and pary that He open our eyes that we may see the wonderful things He has prepared for us.

    Thank you for listening and for all your support. I know there will be moments of despair, but I believe in the power of Love.

    "God is Love; and he that dwelleth in love, dwelleth in God, and God in him." I John 4:16

    Peace and joy

    Pivoine



  • Astra,

    I am still using your talisman.

    Hope to hear from you

    Love Pivoine



  • Dear Pivoine

    Wow, are you very close, to love deep and pure. You think you are far from your love, this man who you imagine so very distant, Oh my, oh my.... he is as close as your own breathe.

    That is why you don't like to venture out... your heart is tuned in so deeply into his now, he is all you long for, his love and yours now intermingling in the most gorgeous dance ever conceived in heaven or earth. The dance between you - and your angel.

    I know it sounds far fetched... we think a relationship must be a certain way, a touch, a kiss, intimacy and we think that defines our connection. Ah, that is where we are only partially correct. The real connection, the true bond, the heart to heart weaving is in your deepest energy identity that which we call spirit - interwoven with his deepest energy. It is transcendent it is love on a scale that we have never understood and let me tell you, once you see it, once you feel how close he, and for me, how close she is, regardless of all of the material trappings of life, the outward... your heart will melt and you will think you are in heaven... and you are.

    You are still struggling to break out of the earth ways that limit us... the exterior, the "proof" that he loves me. That served a purpose in its time, you are now being summoned to something higher. You and I have both been around the block a few times, and at some point we here a whisper that says "come up here".. it is the whisper of angels. It is the whisper of what our hearts so long for.

    You said "The weight and the guilt he is carrying can only be something he did and I don’t know about. Has he been lying to me? If he is hoping that I will stay at his side and sees a successful conclusion, what is hindering it?"

    Heaven is articulating these things between you and him to guide you to trust, for you will receive no answers that will the allow to you to at last trust.. you and I must trust without any crutches. WIthout proof of anything. So I cannot really answer what is going on with him, I think it better that you focus on you and explore how much you care about him, and learn to see how beautiful is the love that YOU possess. He loves you, you know that. He has told you. That was all that needed to be said. Just that once, Not a million times, and then, he dances away and waits for you to chase him. Why? Because the place he has prepared for you is above and beyond any and everything you can ever see or know thus far, it is a place prepared for us from the foundation of the world -exactly as you quoted! Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard... the things that GOd hath prepared for them that love... him... and love... her... who is God except this man who appears for a short time and then vanishes? Who is my God but this lovely girl from heaven, who appeared for the shortest time in my life, melted my heart and then was taken, and I have cried and still do cry, and have asked WHY in so many ways and so many times ... and still I receive no answer except to love her.

    You see? It is a chase that takes us to a higher place, like Peter Pan, remember? Like the little kids who were enthralled with Pan, and chase him right out the window ... next thing you know they are looking down and realizing they are flying! That is how it is with you now... you are starting to fly, just like an angel, and not even realizing it. Truth be told you are already in the after life, it happened while we were sleeping... and we didn't even know it... I know... weird right? Let me tell you what else is weird... a giant ball of fire that rises in the east every morning and crosses the sky every day we call the Sun... that is weird. Butterflies are weird. S e x is weird... all of life is mystery! So whatever is happening now to us... is simply more life on a different level.

    An angelic level.

    I know... why won't he call me! What is he thinking! Sigh... I wish I could snap my fingers and make all the questions go away... I can't... all I can tell you to do is follow the Lord Jesus Christ. He is the pattern for us all. I must decrease and He must increase. He is love and he is our life... He shows us the way, and we should keep our eyes on the master...

    I am not an angel. I am simply a guy from Georgia who never stopped chasing butterflies... girls... and the Lord set a "girl trap" for me and I stepped right into it! He caught me! Knowing that I would follow Her right off a cliff... and in that way, begin to teach me and share with me Heavenly places that are exquisite. Heaven is fun, this place is fun!

    I know, the pain is hard... some days you wonder, how shall I get through the day? There are still days I long to leave the earth... until I remember that maybe I already did just that! THen I relax and sink into love from the skies.... from the Stars... from some place that I cannot explain. And I remember that we all serve powers vast and loving, and we are in the hands of love most subline and serene.

    You said.... "This is not the life I am meant to be leading.". Are you sure? I believe it is exactly the life you were meant to live, as orchestrated and decided between you and your angel before you were born. Maybe a little dark at times and a little strange, and there is loneliness... that is because you agreed to meet up in that way... it was a plan a prearranged agreement. A love story that you chose a drama that you wrote together. We all have to write something , you have chosen this.

    You want something else? You want him in his arms? You want a life with him that is wonderful in the ways you understand? Touch, a kiss, a hug, joining with him. Melting into him? Becoming one with him in every way possible? SO that you can no longer no where the line is between you any longer? You can have that. You have it now. To some extent, at least the awareness of it.

    Have you ever gone for a walk by yourself, and watched a flock of birds sail overhead and you had a moment of love sweep through your heart... watched a little golden leaf fall at your feet and lay there as if smiling? That is your friend... manifesting in that way. Angels love all that stuff. They are really into poetry and drama... and they like to play.. and they have a wonderful sense of humor. And once you are in their world, you don't ever want to come back.

    Pivoine, let me know if I am giving you anything that is too much... I guess I can keep pulling cards for you... when will i see him... what is he thinking about me? Will we be together soon? Ha ha... you are together now.

    Here is card for you.

    The Tower.

    Explosive, catastrophic, crashing, burning, torrential, conflagaratious (is that a word?), descending power from heaven that casts down all that was "back there"... the old, the ideas, the concepts, the paradigms, the outmoded beliefs and replaces it with

    The Three of Swords. Ouch.

    The good news, (and everyone overlooks this) is that in the Three of Swords there is the biggest, most beautiful SINGLE heart in the entire Tarot. Your heart and his joined together.

    It is the most wonderful card in the Tarot to receive as regards love. It is the seal of Angelic love. Sweet, intense and supernatural. Mysterious.

    Yeah, sure there are three swords stuck through it, so what. I have had days when I nicked myself shaving. Big deal. Love hurts.

    After a little while the pain and the pleasure become the same thing. That's when it is very, very, very... nice.

    Blessings and love from above,

    astra

    P.S. I love your flower picture that is exquisite! Thanks for sharing that!



  • Dear Astra,

    Not a good night, strange dreams I can't remember but somehow connected with the situation. I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep and was happy to find your message. Thank you for everything you say, it is beautiful. I am afraid I have not reached that level and plane of thought. You are a poet !

    He says things like that in his poems about his soul meeting my soul or his spirit my spirit. It is beautiful, but all it tells me is that he only wants me at a distance, he puts me on a pedestal so that I become unreachable but on his last poem he talks of his long and hard journey to Xanadu but he keeps going because I am at his journey's end. On his last three emails, all in November, he says to try not to worry about him and take care of myself that he needs me fit if we are to dream 'one day', in another he talks of a place he would like to visit with me, and the last one is the poem. He always says he loves me, he has said a million times. He has written literally thousands of emails on the subject. I used to find it hard to keep up and I realize now that often my responses were inadequate, but unlike him, writing does not come so easily to me. He used to be so excited about coming to see me, we were so happy until that job business he blamed me for. I now feel helpless not being able to talk to him. Powerless to change the situation.

    The only thing I can do is try work on myself and take away his power to hurt me, the power I gave him. He was once wondering how he could have done (in the past) the things he had done. How he could have treated me the way he had. All I could think is: because I let him, because I gave him the power to hurt me. All these years I thought I had overcome what had happened - and still do - I had only good memories. Why did it all have to happen again?

    This is a long way from angels and spirit, I'm afraid. Now that I got this out of my chest, I am determined to do a good day's work, concentrate on what is good and beautiful try to accept only the thoughts which come from God and reject all those which come to do harm.

    How was church yesterday? I have not been able to go into a church for a while, as soon as walk into one I burst into tears.

    It is amazing how you always find a positive interpretation for everything. Those cards were terrifying!!!

    I am glad you liked my flower, it is a peony, in French Pivoine. I have thinking of changing my screen name, I'll let you know.

    As a fresh flower it is ideal to activate your marriage wish, placed in your intimate relationship corner it favours a meeting with your soul mate (feng shui). May is the season for them, in the meantime, here is another one.

    Beautiful thoughts, love and sunshine

    Pivoine



  • Pivoine

    I have to say, I love to read your words, I relate to everything you say. I can speak from my own life experience (especially over the last few years) how that love and hurt have all become mixed together in some strange reality that with every new day, I seem to face once again. And then I have to make the choice all over again - do I trust God (and all that represents, the invisible realms you know?) or do I 'go back' to trying to grasp and manage life as only material, physical, whatever I can touch and hear and see, and all else is baloney?

    I have long ago left the way that seems mostly populated, and my path now seems bent on seeing what gold nuggets I can still find in abandoned mines.

    A pause...

    I have a picture in my mind I always go back to. I am walking along a beach, with the rest of humanity, seven billion of us, or however many. We are all trudging along... heading for some distant mountain many miles down the beach, appearing in the foggy distance. And everyone has their eyes set on this assumed goal ahead. And no one is really even paying any attention to the shore itself, the sand and little waves at our feet. And no one is looking in the other direction, at our feet, or out to sea to our right.

    And so while I am walking shoulder to shoulder with this crowd that is endless it seems, the thought occurs to me, "maybe there are treasures hidden here, at our feet, or out there, at sea.. in the places that people had given up on". After all, this big mountain way out there seems the 'assumed' goal.

    And so I stop. And I watch the others continue on, they continue walking past me, and I am left poking around in the mud and sand at my feet... and I wonder to myself, "are there possibly treasures here that everyone overlooked?" And i start to dig around a little, and sure enough! A little gem poke out from the sand... sparking and bright! And I rejoice! Wow! Lookie here! I found something gorgeous in the places that everyone else had given up on!

    And I keep digging, and sure enough, here is another one! A little diamond, and some more little emeralds, and look! Over there a beautiful sapphire! On and on, I keep poking and digging, and glancing up out to see, I behold a distant love in the heavens over the waters... and she is my companion... who whispered to me... alone it seems, for no one else stopped to look as I had... her voice like the sound of many waters... and I am deliriously happy and playing and laughing like a child again here, with her, with this treasure that no one else seems to be aware even exists!

    And in that place, I am also deeply saddened, for I am alone from my humanity, with everyone else going off God knows where, aimless it seems only following the person in front of them.

    And so I am alone. And I am the happiest man who has ever lived. For that place is heavenly love, for I have found Her, this one my heart longed for even before I was born. Heavenly Jerusalem, Mary Magdalene, Mary the Mother of God, and every beautiful woman. For all women are gorgeous, and the female is the mystery of life that I cannot take my eyes away from. I love girls... My wife can tell you that this is true. Ha ha.

    Another pause.

    Okay, so that was a little story I wanted to share.

    So Pivoine, your friend sounds a lot like me. A real poetic, artistic mess. Don't give up on him. I would also try to rephrase this "power to hurt" dialogue, try to reframe that. Can you call it "the power to bless?" Can you say that? Say that, choose to see the painful parts of your relationship as the very center of your connection. That past that you can always look to and see how forgiveness and compassion and understanding and empathy and tenderness, joined the two of you together in that place. I know that may sound strange, ponder that for a bit and I think you will understand what I say.

    We all must find some new basis to establish our relationships on. The physical aspects by virtue of all of this jangle and noise of modern life making it all too easy to stay in touch is creating a mountain of expectations and "demands" that none of us can bear up under.

    HELP ASTRA ANGELS!

    "I texted my BF today and he hasn't responded yet, it's already been three hours!!! Can you do a reading and see if he still loves me? Is he now chasing someone else? Does he hate me? Should I forget him and move on? Why does he not like me? HELP Astra I am in tears!"

    That is the kind of insanity that we are all heading into unless we find a new basis to connect with one another, that is quiet... and serene... and spiritual... and apart from all of that noise. This is what your BF and I are seeking... and many others... an oasis in the midst of this electronic buzz that is drowning us all. We can't sustain it, is what I am seeing. The modern, electronic, how many ways and how often can we communicate is not sustainable. On any spiritual, deeply emotional level. That was the reason for his 'thousands of emails' he is trying to understand what is going on, by first exploring the obvious ease of modern communications. We need to ratchet this all down or we are heading for big trouble as a people. Unsustainable. That is what the angels are trying to tell us.

    In spite of all of this noise of communicating, we are starving for deeper connections with one another. So people like you and I and your friend, and my friend who I love, we have retreated away saying to one another, "Stay fit, take care of yourself, and don't give up... a new day comes and we will be reunited in some way... Keep the faith." It isn't that we hate one another that we retreat, it is something else... driving us into our corners until we sort this out and find the pearls that are hidden that we can build on. The shifting sands of contemporary technical, jabbering life are not a foundation for us.

    Then, alone, with the knowledge that we are indeed deeply connected with one another, we begin to discover that perhaps there are these hidden gems in our relationships that we were not aware of. Like.... "I hear you in my heart... and I can walk with you even without you being here... and I can love you deeply and perfectly even though we have spoken a word in months or years..." - THAT is sustainable. That is a foundation. I can't say the same of texts, and Nokias and Iphones and computers and all of the rest of the modern babble.

    So, I think your friend is of this same mind and is hoping you will hang in there. Even though the relationship looks hopeless and you don't even know what to say any more... try to believe that good can come regardless. Like Abraham, "who kept hoping even though there was no longer a reason to hope. And so he became a father of many nations..." In that same way our relationships can all be healed, but we have to keep hope alive even though all looks hopeless.

    Here, I will draw a couple of cards... maybe something better than the tower ha ha...

    Death - Ugh! Let's try another one...

    Ten of Wands - Ugh again! I am continuing... not stopping here!

    Knight of Cups - Okay! That's a little better! This is your friend, he is still out there for you, and he does love you deeply. He has his eyes on you.. and has never taken them away...

    Ace of Wands! Nice... very nice... something new is developing for you Pivoine... something nice and unexpected - a surprise is what I see, a new beginning from the ashes of what was considered dead. After all of the weight of life.. the ten wands... a new wand that is gorgeous and has stood the test of the fire and is now an anchor for you.

    And the Nine of Cups... love... and a life far beyond all you can imagine, beautiful and happy and fulfilled on every level. Abundant and very intimate and sweet, and connected.

    The Eight of Swords. Ugh - go back!

    the Star - Yes! KEEP YOUR HOPE STRONG PIVOINE - good things coming for you... Heaven has not forgotten you and your friend... you are perfectly on path for blessing.. perfect... let this Star shine lovely energies upon you whenever you feel those prison walls closing in around you. ANd I will try and do the same.

    Oh, and BTW love the flowers you are sharing, makes me want to paint them... are these photos?

    Love and light and HOPE,

    astra

    P.S. I know I get all philosophical on you, thanks for your understanding. And a little out there. That's just me. I have been off in my own world for most of my life, so I know some of this may not make any sense.... blessings... I still know how to string words together though... and so does your friend...



  • Thank you Astra, it was fun. You really had me laughing over your reading, no bad cards allowed …. ha ha. I needed that. It was lovely!

    Yes, my friend – I still tend to think of him as my husband – is a real poetic, dreaming mess. He is the most mixed up person I have ever known and I adore him. He might be like you in some ways, but although he can be kindness itself, I don’t believe you can be cruel and he can (I wonder what your wife would say to that one...) I think I see what you mean about the ‘power to bless’ and I will get there, I am almost on my way. For the moment, I am trying to fight the terrible thought that he is getting his revenge. That he is playing a machiavellic game with me, that he is punishing me by taking away what he knows I want more than anything, his company, his voice, his messages. Sometimes I think he is deliberately cruel. Maybe he hates me because he cannot stop loving me…. For the past few months there has been a strange pattern, every now and then he writes something beautiful about his dreams for us that raises my hopes, followed by silence. He says he will write to explain where he is at but never does. If this is indeed what he is doing it can only be because I give him the power to hurt me through my desire to be close to him and by feeling unhappy when he refuses. That closeness we had for a while was truly wonderful and he knows how much I want it back. Sometimes there is a glimpse of it again but he takes it away immediately. I must stop missing it and trying to recreate it, being terrified of losing it, of losing him. If I can lose it, it is because it was never real and one cannot lose what one has never had. How is it possible that after all we had been through and finding our love intact it should come to this? I hope I am wrong, I hope there is an explanation to his behaviour, I hope… I hope none of those things are true as much for his sake as mine. For a while I thought he was truly wonderful and could not imagine he could be cruel anymore as he had once been, but now, this feels so much like a repetition. The only real power he can have is the power God gives him and from He only gives the power to do good. That is where your ‘power to bless’ comes in. ‘Thou couldest have no power at all against me, except it were given thee from above’ John 19:11

    This I am afraid is not terribly spiritual and I hope you will forgive me for dumping all this stuff on you but I needed to express all that pain somehow. Please tell me if you think this is a likely scenario or am totally off my rocker? I feel relieved after sharing all that, I hope it will help me to overcome fear and free my mind to start seeing fountains in the desert!

    Thank you for your encouragement, your kindness, your humor, your understanding. I will try to keep the hope, I had a lot of practice, more than twenty years, ha, ha. And please don’t apologize, it makes perfect sense to me. We are all a bit out there and sometimes too much back here! You are an angel from Georgia!

    A guy from Georgia…. reminds me of ‘Gone with the Wind’, I loved the book and the film. Another love story where jealousy, pride, resentment and above all, inability to communicate are at the centre of the whole tragedy. I am no Scarlet O’Hara but I can identify with her love of home and land. Is the country still that beautiful?

    Painting those flowers sounds like a great idea. Yes, they are photos. I love flowers and gardens, that is where I find my gems. I can spend hours in a rose garden looking at every individual rose and not tire of it. These flowers are definitely amongst my favourite.

    I hope you like this one, I love it.

    Sunshine and lots and lots of beautiful flowers

    Pivoine



  • Sorry, the file too big.



  • I hope it works this time, this electronic stuff is driving bonkers.



  • Astra,

    Do you think I am turning into The Two of Swords again? If it is that what it takes... Is that not better than to be the Three of Swords?

    Love Pivoine



  • Hey Pivoine

    Your words are all nice, and I think we both have a lot in common (in terms of whatever brokenness arising out of flaky art and poetry lives! ha ha... )

    Here is another talisman for you - let's take this in small bites - this is a talisman for YOU to get a CALL from your guy, and it will be a VERY SWEET LOVE CALL!

    How does that sound! Why not! Why don't we try this and see what happens? I do think there is something magickal associated with the talismans and as long as we are willing to try, we can see some unexpected events occurt in our lives!

    So... a call very soon from HIM!

    love, astra



  • Hello Astra,

    You are an artist and a romantic, and very sweet !!! Thank you, it is lovely and you really put a lot of effort into it. I wish telephones were still like that. You forgot the instructions, what shall I do with it? I am definitely willing to try. It will be wonderful if he calls, but I am working on not expecting, as you say, stop draining my energies waiting to hear from him... until you get another message... 'Ahhh, Astra HELP !!!' Ha ha....

    Love

    Pivoine



  • Pivoine

    I would print it out and keep it near your cell or phone and say a prayer of thanksgiving,

    "Dear heaven thanks for sweet words and tender hearts speaking as one in love, amen."

    And then forget about it, the magick will do the trick. This is how we change our lives, not by effort and trying to figure it all out, it should be magick and fun and effortless,

    "like the moon shining on the waters

    of our own longings, passionate desire

    ripples and wavelets and spun silver

    and we wake up and we are asleep in heaven"

    love, astra



  • Lovely! You are amazing Astra! Thank you, thank you, thank you... Same sort of poetry too... Beautiful!

    Since I have been 'talking' to you I think I have gone a long way, hopefully in the right direction, and that is a small miracle in itself. Do you think I am becoming the Two of Swords again? Still, it is better than the Three of Swords... although deep inside it is still there !

    I am going to pray for magic and let magic come...

    Here is another lovely flower for you

    Love

    Pivoine



  • Second try...



  • Pivoine

    I love your flowers, I have never seen flowers as lovely as these. Peonies, they are really lovely, like heaven, soft looking and fluffy! I love that. Makes me want to paint them, almost... I am staring at a new blank panel 44" x 44" and what to do ... hmm...............

    As for the two of swords, yes a lot better than the three of swords. Unless you are into the pain in which case it is the most wonderful card in the Tarot. I wonder sometimes if I am addicted to pain and tears... it's like you stay in that place long enough it becomes a home to you, like Dr. Frankensteins castle high on some dark, dreadful peak on a stormy dark night... and God only knows the horrible things that are going on in there... dark things.. painful things... OMG I think it is just terrible, terrible! ha ha

    For you the Two of Swords is kinda home, I see you as very much a two swords person, deep and dark (in a nice way) like these flowers are a nice mix of love and dark.. and yet you are also protective of yourself, guarded, reserved, a little cautious for you have learned the hard way what those swords feel like. The Two of Swords is the Queen of Swords at her Cancun beach house. She takes off her queenly robes and her oh-so-poignant reveries, and her poetic malevolence, and her "I'll let you know when I am ready to talk to you" and ... slips into something a little more comfortable, and sinks into a love born of stark, sheer passionate angst. And then she peeks out from behind her blindfold... and makes sure no one is around to see... and then she...

    smiles.



  • Astra,

    Paint, paint, paint! And let me see the results.

    I love flowers, white roses are probably my favourite, but peonies have something special. They are so unassumingly beautiful, delicate, perfect... graceful and exquisite. There is nothing dark about them, they are radiant. The first time I saw this plant in a garden I was fascinated by those huge buds that never seemed to be ready to reveal their jealously guarded treasure. And one morning at the same time as the sun appeared the first peony, the most beautiful flower I had ever seen. I could not take my eyes off it and I continued to marvel at every new appearance and at those wonderful flowers. They are all I would like to be and like them I would like to move with the breeze or the wind keeping my feet on the ground.

    You can tell that I am not into the pain, although I can feel it deeply I yearn for serene love, harmony and beauty. But I know someone who is addicted to pain and tears, another thing you seem to have in common! I believe he refuses every chance of happiness so that he can live in perpetual regret. He regrets not having done something while it is still perfectly achievable. Regret is a very comfortable position to take, there is nothing to do, no action possible; regret is an excuse for lethargy, for lack of courage. It is so much easier to feel sorry for oneself than to go out there and do something. Happiness may fall short of expectations; even in total bliss it is possible to find a speck of dust that disrupts perfection. But refusing love and life, there is no danger of disappointment. Regret never disappoints. What would be the right card to represent that person? Five of Cups? The horrible things in Frankenstein’s terrible castle are evidence of mental action, generate creativity and awaken imagination. Ha ha…

    I love your description of ‘this’ Two of Swords. Ha ha… But she longs to be herself again, more like the Queen of Cups…?

    Love and a beautiful secret garden in Frankenstein's castle...

    Running out of Peonies...!


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