PLEASE HELP- ANY INSIGHT FROM GIFT FOLKS INTO A RELATIONSHIP AND ITS FUTURE.PLZ
Anyone, please, I am horribly despondent over a relationship I have been in for a year now. This is with someone I now love, been friends for 14 years, out of contact for 10, re-united a little over a year ago, meet in person for the first time in 14 year three months ago, spent 6 weeks traveling together, then 10 days again recently, been three weeks sine I've seen him.
Hard to play house for 2 out of the last 3 1/2 months...we don't live near each other. He told me he loved me at the airport after 6 weeks of living together, arranged the 10 day visit, played house again, I brought up "where is this going, can it be, what does it mean" conversations 5-6 times throughout these visits, always ended with "I don't know, it can't be anything, I just got layed off don't know where my life is at, etc."...He said he never felt this way, single, never married, nearly 40. I have three kids and just ended a 17 year marriage.
I am a pisces, he is a cancer.
He has been distant since I left three weeks ago, only picking up every few days, I call him (which has always kinda been the pattern), he just got mad recently about an accidental call from my sister from my cell phone...said at one point, we are not at the point for your family to call, I told him I didn't say we where and it was an accident...he thinks I am playing games because he was getting hang ups and thinks it is me. I told him no and that it hurts my feelings that he would think that...much more. I haven't heard from him...he told me he loved me again at the airport and that we would see each other soon. HE also said a few nights early during a "serious talk" don't you think I am hesitant because I don't want to get hurt. He didn't say I love you more then three times, always toward the end...we have a GREAT time together, the connection is seamless and sincere and real.
I asked him before this recent thing if he would meet me next weekend, he said maybe we can do that, we'll talk....well the thing happened, and no calls, didn't pick up when I called, but he has family in town. Not unusual for him to be busy over the weekend.
Any thoughts? About the future? Him? Us? Is he mad or just taking a break? Is he trying to avoid me and let me down easy? Did he just freak out from his emotions? What can I do, be patient? Should I call again? Do you think he will receive it?
Do you think we will meet in person soon?
Any other insight? I wish I could just talk to him about it all...not sure if this is a break or a good-bye.
Thank-you for any thoughts...
If you give me both birthdates, I can compare your compatibiity.
Just off the top of my head, it does seem like you are doing all the giving and he all the taking at the moment. Relationships must find a happy equal balance if they are to work out. Don't do all the chasing and pleasing.
I should say Captain that when we are together and talk on the phone it is seamless, a very strong connect. The long distance thing and his distance is the problem...he called today and wants me to visit this weekend, pays for most things when we are together. Its the back and forth that is confusing.
Someone who is almost forty and has never married will tend to be very set in his ways and won't like change. Perhaps your friend is happy with things the way they are or is fearful of committing himself to anyone? He may not even be good at relationships. If so, you have to let him know what you want out of this relationship.
Looking at your astrological profiles, I see that this relationship generally tends to work best as a friendship, rather than a marriage or committed love relationship. A love affair here can be highly sensuous, but also sensitive and understanding. The two of you will usually take the time to get to know each other, using your quiet time together to reach new levels of peace and contentment. But your relationship may also have an outrageous and uninhibited side that it puts on for show. Humour can play a key role here, particularly when of the ironic and sarcastic type. Marriage is only recommended here if the two of you are willing to undergo serious adjustments to each other's needs, and to be willing to compromise and be flexible.
Your friend is seriously split when it comes to responsibility - on the one hand, he has a need to take on the role of caretaker to others (yet ends up resenting it like mad), and then again, he also has a desire to avoid messy dependencies. He wants to look after someone but, if they show too much dependence on him, he will pull back. On a subconscious level, he may even be keeping people in line by making them depend on him. He is trying to find a replacement for the ideal parent he never had. He needs someone who has the will to resist him and who can draw him out of himself and out into the world (because if he had his way, he would never leave home), someone who helps him, and sometimes forces him to live up to his word. He likes to 'play' at a very traditional "Mrs and Mr" game but in reality he has enormous struggles accepting the husband/father role that he so desperately loves to play. He is extremely self-protective and can even prefer to be miserable alone rather than be in the company of people who demand too much of him. He fears being controlled by another person who is not sensitive to his needs. Deep down what he really wants most is to find a place where he feels protected, safe, adored, and where he can be himself and feel secure and accepted.
Hi, My personal thoughts are that he's stressed at present with losing his job. I don't really feel like you'll lose him unless he's feeling pressure from the relationship. I would back-up some, kinda release any negative feelings and just wait and see. You all have gotten into this, it's time to swim around a bit. I'll do a reading this eve.
Words, words, communication---This is at the forefront for awhile. The King of Swords is above this situation. That is telling me what this reading is focusing on is clear communication. Get to the facts. Taking the lead. But while you want more info and facts this reading is calling for fairness and detachment when weighing the pros and cons.
Shows in past you haven't stood up or spoke what was on your mind--a wait and see approach. But now you really want to become more vocal. Seems you both are organized people. Shows teamwork, feedback needed. You need situation to be well-ordered. There's a lesson to be learned that will help you in future. You got to this place by decisions YOU made. Be careful not to pass judgement. Almost seems at times there is other litigation pending. There is something that you're definately not tending to in this relationship. Are all your cards laid out. I do get this feeling that he perceives you as deceptive. Or by withholding something it's deceptive--I don't know exactly what this is I'm getting.
You need to look at this scenario from a different emotional and intellectual angle. You feel isolated and trapped. Make clear and direct decisions. I get the feeling that your looking into future feeling that you'll lose him or that you can fight this battle alone--no you can't. You'll be happy when you don't feel constrained by his rules--and this feeling always comes with the King of Cups. Don't be in love w/love as an idea. Neither one of you have strong tendencies to make the first move as far as commitment or expressing feelings.
Looks like his economic picture will improve.
For you, what this reading is about is making the best decision for you. The best moral decision. There is a strong romantic attraction between the two of you that can't be denied. Seems sometimes the easy path isn't the right path. This reading is telling me that you need to take the path that isn't as easy because there are aspects of this relationship that need clarity. You're not going to be happy wasting time with this guy is what I'm getting.
Above--King of Swords
Present--3 of coins
Below--7 of Swords
Challenges--8 of Swords
Future--5 of Swords
Blocks--10 of Swords
Friends--Knight of Coins
advice--King of Cups
ps--would like to say in order for this to work looks like you're gonna have to detach emotion and intellect and really work together. Looks like words aren't gonna help much as give and take. Remember this is someone who has been alone.
Thank-you so much Daliolite and Captain...both of you have offered a lot. Much to weigh and consider.
I am going to see him this weekend. Do either of you have any insight into the weekend? Are there things I should avoid or bring up or just enjoy the time with him? Any insight into his thoughts/ intentions with the weekend?
I think you can be fair and non-judgmental and still speak your mind. Avoid disagreements/arguments. He will remain detached but there is an attraction--I know this doesn't help much. You have a lot of swords in reading--words, ideas, communication. It's almost like there's tension rising or you're really afraid to speak your mind w/fear of losing him. Your personality is different than his.
You must strike the right balance with your friend - not so needy or clingy that he pulls away in fear, but yet able to show you would like to have him in your life as your partner whom you can rely on for support and love and care.
Yes, I think Captain nailed it. Good words.
Another quick question or potential for a brief reading...he has told me he loves me and is NOT one to mince 'feeling' words or give them freely. He pulled away, or so it seems to me and my romantic style/ pace. Was he pulling away or just thinking or not aware that more contact is important to me? Am I chasing him to much, does he like that, or want to chase me or doesn't care about those games? Does he want me to come out or did I push this visit? Does he still have as strong of feelings for me? Do you think this visit will do anything in terms of pushing it forward or settling it into something?
I am afraid to ask these questions either AGAIN or bring up serious stuff because our last two visits it came up in some way. He always says the same things...my hands are tied, I just got laid off, I normally work overseas and can be anywhere in the world three months from now. I've never felt this way, but don't you think I am holding back because I am afraid to get hurt, I want to see you as soon as I can.
<sigh>I just want to have a nice, fun weekend...enjoy him while I can. But, don't want to be an insecure wreck when I come back.</sigh>
I feel that you have to take him at his word. Actually, his hands are tied. This is a long distance relationship you've got. It's probably weighing heavily on him as well. Nobody can really tell you what to do. I do get this overwhelming feeling that you need to back-up on a major scale. The problem is that emotionally you're in over your head. If your looking for my personal opinion, I would never get involved in a long distance relationship, especially w/kids w/someone who's been single forever. He can travel because that's his station in life. You're where you're at because that's your station. Have your children met him. I would be more concerned with family. Realistically, does he want a family now or sometime in future and do you want to keep leaving your family. I don't normally give additional readings until a period of time has elapsed. Generally, don't need any background unless I'm having difficulty. You can try back in a month or so. Hope things get easier.
Yes I agree - the relationship you have right now is not one that is going to satisfy you or meet your needs. However it cna change with careful management. Your friend is very empathic and senses your need for him, which is bordering on desperation. You do need to pull back because you are overwhelming him with your needs placed on top of his other problems. You have to be the supportive friend at the moment until things get better and easier for him, and not the needy clingy lover.
Once things calm down a little for him, your friend can then turn his attention to you and your relationship. Now is not the time to push for more, but to have fun and be happy with what you have, secure in knowing the situation will heal if you don't 'pick' at it.
Much thanks to you both...here now, trying to just have fun and not be so serious. Be in the moment, knowing they are precious.
Much love and light to you both for your kind and insightful wisdom.