Captain: Some more help....Please
My husband and i had seperated for about 5 months, and then he came back hom in AUg. When he came back things were wonderful.....Now i see the same patterens as before he left. Getting very frustrated by me, secrets, angry.........I am worried that he is wondering if this is really the place he wants to be? I love him very much, but honestly it was a very hard time before he decided to leave,,,,,,,,we were always fighting. I just dont want this to happen all over again!
WHats going on???
Yes it will keep happening over and over as long as you both take the easy way out and don't try to understand each other better and work on your relationship, like I told you before when you asked for a compatiblity reading. As painful and upsetting as it may be, you two have to talk openly and honestly about what is happening in your marriage and work out a compromise that makes both of you happy. If you cannot, then the marriage is over.
You yourself have to deal with your old fears of being abandoned and ignored. Your husband has a need to be on his own that you must respect - it's his way of dealing with life when it gets too much for him. It is also about his need to help others less fortunate. It is not about him abandoning you. You need to have your little escapes too in order to recharge your batteries and do some self-development. So a bit of space between you from time to time will keep the relationship fresh. A little 'me' time for both of you is beneficial as long as it doesn't go on for too long.
Your husband has problems with being tied down - he is an idealist and altruist who wants to help the world and sometimes feels he doesn't have the freedom from married responsibility to do so. You have to learn to trust him enough to let him go off to do his humanitarian thing when he needs to. He needs to be accepted and recognized for his good work. Yet he hasn't come to realize that he is chasing the wrong thing to make him happy - he thinks he wants attention and acceptance from many other people, yet what he really needs is the security and happiness that can be found only through a deep, intimate love bond with one special person. Can you be that person who puts her fears aside and gives him the freedom he needs to discover what he really wants? By putting aside your own needs for a while, you can help your Pisces man become the good husband deep down he really wants to be. And then you both can get what you're looking for.
Thank you, again!!! Happy Holidays
Captian, do u have any suggestions on how to approach our past, or how to come to come to understanding? We can talk, come to a middle ground....but then sometimes his attitude so is mean that i can't talk to him. And then we do this for about a week....a VERY long week!
Any suggestions that u have are well appricated
You cannot let him keep on being mean and getting away with it. Maybe he doesn't (want to) realize how serious the situation is. Tell him if he doesn't work out with you a solution that you both can live with, then your marriage might end. You have to make him face the problem and his responsibilities as your spouse. If either or both people cannot be happy in their marriage, then what is its purpose?