Desperate for help with relationship with Cancer Man!

  • I am a 44 year old Virgo woman and have been dating a 44 Cancer man for about 2 1/2 mos. He has been married and divorced twice and I recently divorced earlier this year. We have casually known each other for over 10 years but not well. I knew his wife who has remarried. We are both accomplished professionals and have a mutual respect for each other. After our first date its been like a whirlwind. We laugh alot and we have discovered we are so similar and have so much in common. We enjoy so many of the same things like fine dining, fine wine, traveling, love of animals, etc. I thought I had finally found my soulmate. He have been away to several romantic weekends and everything seemed perfect. He was attentive, affectionate, and we really connected in all ways. Then almost abruptly he seemed to withdraw about a month ago. At first I thought it was work stress affecting him so I didnt bug him about it. But he was texting less and more distant in person although it was subtle. After a fabulous weekend together 2 weeks ago, he suddenly emotionally checked out. When I asked what was going on he said he didnt want to "lead me on" and thought I was feeling more than he was and he wasnt sure that this was going to work long term and that our chemistry was "off." He said he couldnt put his finger on it and wasnt sure if it was all the baggage from his marriages or an issue with the 2 of us. I was blindsided because everything had seemed great. He suggestsed we mull things over and talk later. He was very conflicted. I cut off contact and 6 days later he came to me and said he was sorry, he missed me, and didnt know what he wanted. He said lets start over. Since then I cant make heads or tails out of things. At times he is so present in the moment and connected and other times he seems so distant. I cant help but take it personally and keep thinking he is questioning his feelings again. Ive tried to keep my feelings light and positive and stay upbeat and fun but Im in love with him and Im, struggling. I think he does really care about me but Im scared he will hurt me again. Any advice?

  • Hi Bellasmom

    I can so relate as I believe many others can as well to a Cancer man who is so into you one minute and then total opposite the next.Like you I dated a Cancer guy for 5 months, half the time going back and forth like you are now. I can only say from my experience that I should have walked away when he first told me his heart was not in it that should have been enough for me. Like you I was confused and thought that if I only made him see how great we were together he would come around. He was not responsive to me when I tried to talk to him about our situation in part I think because I was so honest with my hurt feelings. Cancers are very bad with emotional confrontation and they usually are not the one's to break things off they have a lot of guilt about it I think this is why they usually come back but if his heart is no longer in it it will never be the same.

    If you feel he is worth it and are not ready to walk away I would suggest an upfront conversation with him BUT keep it light and upbeat like you have been kind of when you first met him before all of the hurt feelings. Again they are not good when people get emotional over something they have done. Going forward treat it as someone you just met a step I think we all miss when dating a Cancer since they rush into things and just sweep us off our feet!! In retrospect it really is not normal in a normal courtship it takes time to get to that same place when you were traveling and spending weekends away. So treat it lightly give him space and definitely talk to him but not in a confrontational way.

    I share ONLY from my experience but really I am just as lost as you.Hope this helps, good luck and stay positive! Keep us updated...

Log in to reply