What would you do?

  • Hi there,

    OK it is the move question again. it has been going to happen for I think at least a year by now. My husband has said if it doesn't happen this summer then we should just forget it and that I should not accuse him of not doing it 10 years from now. My dilemna, I am taking myself and my children out of a comfort zone. i can do that to myself but do I need to do it for the kids? Strange country, different language even if they speak it well, different culture. Is moving to Ireland really the solution? We do want to move, I want to get away from this house, and we both want to leave this country or at least this part of it because the northern Dutch people (no offence Flowsco) are very rude and boorish in their mannerisms and we see our children growing like this and we do not want it. SO a move has to come. But Ireland? Another problem is that a couple befriended us when we moved here and helped us so much and they are really like grandparents for all 4 of our children, indeed they do all the things grandparents do for their little ones, completely spoil them rotten. It will break their hearts. The Mum Andrea is so worried we will take them away from her. OK my life etc but they have been more like parents to us then our own parents ever were. Andrea will not fly. So we will never see her unless we come here. This and the financial situation are two of my biggest blocks in the whole thing.

    So can I really do it? Does anyone have any opinions? I am so sorry for continuously bringing up this darn theme but it just does not feel right. otherwise I would have done it long ago.

    Oh and at the end of the day it will be my decision what happens because of the fact that hubby does his own thing. That is a constant. One at least.

    I would really appreciate any insight, opinions, objective comments, psychic input, tarot card.

    Thank you for reading.


  • Hi Paddi,

    First... no offence taken...lol

    I got one question ....WHY IRELAND? I don’t see anything in Ireland that will be of growth to anyone at the moment.

    If the rudeness and mannerisms are your concerns then I am afraid you will run into that no

    matter where you go. Yet isn’t moving to the South and option? Like Zeeland? It’s more country-like and the pace is a bit slower there. Recently a great deal of people from the “Randstad” relocates to the South for the quality of life they would get like for instance in France. The area is also good for business if that is another concern of yours...and the houses are cheaper. They

    got a tourist/business office you can inquire what they got to offer.

    I am not trying to convince you to stay in Holland yet I have been at the crossroad that you are now and I came to accept in my case to just sit it out and let events around me take their own course. BTW I was planning to move to South America. Still looking at those flyers yet I came to accept that I can’t do anything of the kind until my son is settled with school etc. What I am trying to say is that I was planning to force my own needs upon the timeline and it wasn’t having it.

    If your heart is set on Ireland then I suggest you take a vacation there and truly experience the place before packing and landing in the middle of “nowhere”. Kids will not forgive and certainly give you a hard time if you all didn’t get a taste of it and make a joint decision.


  • Hi Flow yes I was thinking about down south or even Belgium, the education system is supposed tobe good and the childrens allowance amazing lol.

    xIreland because that is where I am from and have family but family has never been supportive so they probably would be no better if we were there.

  • Paddi, if I could move I would, but I know the grass is always greener, theres no one perfect place for most families, if the family isn't supportive thats not going to do you much good, just one more thing to deal with? The friends you have sound wonderful, that would be hard to give up, but can they visit you elsewhere? If you know in your heart your house and country doesn't feel like home, its probably worth exploring where it is that does feel like home to you and your family, unless you can make peace with the country and or the house. I live far from my family too, and I don't care for the city I live Iive in, but I compromised to be with the person I'll eventually marry, its not easy at all, I suppose we have to figure out what we can compromise on, and what we don't want to live without? I miss the mountains, and beauty of where I grew up, the friends there, but I like the safe feeling of the schools where I'm at for my kids here, even though it doesn't feel like my home, they know no other place, and want to be here, and of course I want my partner in my life, but I know I had to give up where I would rather be for what I have:(

  • Hi Paddi,

    Belguim education system is indeed good. I heard positive things about it. Yet that is not what is foremost the important part of your move. A move is a fresh start with positive things to look forward to. The Ireland that you hold dear in your heart isn’t as it was when you were little. What the country has to offer at this moment...is that what you want to give unto your children?

    Don’t get me wrong. My son also has to deal with the less positive influences that are lingering in the Dutch community yet I...from home give the standards I want him to have and how to conduct himself when he gets outside there. No one besides me is boss in my home. I don’t care what or who has anything to say...if it doesn’t fit it doesn’t manifest. Simple as that. For example at school they (teachers etc) all know me. Not because I or my son cause trouble or so but because I don’t take BS from none of them. If my son is wrong or has caused wrong doing he knows he is in trouble with me. Teachers tried a few things and so has other students and I was on top of it and got them all sorted out. So every time I go for a report meeting one of the first things I hear is that my son is well mannered.

    What I am trying to say is that you can run but you can’t hide. Whatever is not making you happy in your current situation you will have to deal with it eventually...allllllll the layers.

    Returning to the subject Belguim. They haven’t had a government for over 526/7 days and they are also sitting on a ticking time bo.mb. These are also things to consider...meaning the perks can also disappear as soon they get themselves sorted.

    Got to run for the day... I will check tomorrow to see what other advices you have gotten.


  • Flowsco do you have a good network where you are? I. find it so difficult, the people here all grew uphere and have their cliques and are not very open for new people. Another issue, lol .


  • Did I mention my husband is working in Switzerland till April then in Germany till the end of the year. With his company headquarters here. And then he wants to be in Ireland every weekend to be with us supposing we are there.

    Folks I am just getting my thoughts out it helps to think.


  • Bluecat I can make peace maybe with the country but not with this house and the part of town it is in. Plus I have a hubby who wants out and has romantic notions about Ireland which clash with my more realistic ones hence the delay in making a decision. It is hard to find a compromise. I think since husband works most in Continental Europe that this is where we must stay.


  • (((((HUGS)))))

  • OK . I have made a decision. Ireland will have to wait. I will stick to my original wish to own a holiday home there and spend the vacations there. Hubby was not happy but agrees. As for moving within the country, yes definitely preferably to a quieter place.


  • Paddi That sounds like a great plan. If the house and the surroundings are a stress to you then take care of that at this time. Make a small move. The adopted grandparents sound wonderful and offer the children support and security. It sounds like you are alone often and can use the extra support also with the children.

    Flo had some fine advice and like she said sometimes you can't force a time line. Find a happy place to live physically and spiritually. Now isn't that easy to say?? And take the moving in small steps. You will be moved home at just the "right time" Blessings to you.


  • Hi Paddi,

    You made a decision...good! And it's not a bad one either. And you know what...that holiday home can be a good investment...eurowise and/or emotional. You have now the time to "feel out" if moving to Ireland was a good idea.

    You asked if I got a good network. I am guessing you mean like babysit etc. In that sense I got a good network for when I got calamities. As you know people here are fond of their privacy and time and don't like to take on your headaches if it isn't absolutely necessary. Through my work and my other activities I do have a diverse network that I have carefully build up over the years. I do have family yet as I said everyone is very much focussed upon their own families/situations.

    I was wondering when I was out if you ever contacted the Ex-pat network here in The Netherlands? It's worth the try. I know there are a great deal of British and Irish people in Amsterdam that are part of that network. I am sure if you dig into it you might find other ladies or something to your liking.

    The British bookstore in the Kalverstreet/Spui has a newspaper (I think they still publish it) with info in what goes on amongst english speaking people in Amsterdam. It's the one right next to the flowerstand.

    There is also the yearly emigrationfair....I think it's held in Houten (go.gle it) and they also have about moves within Holland.

    I hope you got a bit more piece of mind with your decision. Keep me posted about the purchase of your vacay home. I would like to know how the market there is etc.


  • Flow, I met my best friend via expatica 7 years ago, we used to go to a lot of expatica meets before the kids came. We have got some friends in The Hague too. Not completely isolated but it would be nice to have more activity and people coming and going.

    Just after I made my decision I came across a holiday house right where I wanted it at a price of EUR125,000 fully furnished, new, 4 bedrooms. It is in a development of new holiday homes and if we bought it we could rent it out while we were not there. I have asked my Dad if he will stand as guarantor for a bank loan seeing as we are not known at the bank in Ireland. Money was always a sore point for him so I have never asked but he might agree to stand up for us. Time will tell.

    The market is still dropping, I do not think it has hit the bottom yet.


  • I know what its like to be outside of the cliques, everyone growing up together and such, so you have a plan your good with now?

  • Morning Paddi,

    I understand you when you say that you would like some more activity and people coming and going. Yet this is something you yourself have to cultivate. Find likeminded people and do something you enjoy doing. Perhaps if you like cooking you can organize a once in a month dinnerparty at your home for grown ups and plan something with your little girl so at the same time they also have something that keeps them busy. For instance..sinterklaas is coming up...if you can you can opt for the man to come to your home. Invite your friends over and have a fun evening ...take it from there. If you can't get a Sint to come...if your hubby is up for it...he could get the costume on..lol.

    Your purchase sounds good. And not bad for the price at all. Next to asking your Dad...how about investigating if your bank here has a bank there they work with so you can see what are your options if your Dad can't stand in. If your bank here doesn't do that..find out what bank the company has and if that bank has ties to Holland. I can't imagine both country with euro currency don't have a bancaire connection.


  • Lol Rabobank only subsidises in Germany, Belgium and France even though they are set up in Ireland. I will be on my own with the kids for SK because hubby is in Switzerland but he hates it anyway (German) and I only do it because all the other kids get stuff too. We celebrate Chtistmas in style. There are a lot of Muslim families in this wijk that do nothing at all.

    New day new plans it is strange having made the decision but I have to stick by it.

    Flow, our dream is to have a stolpboerderij (a farm for those not speaking Dutch)!!!

  • Okay ..so I get it now...it's not the country is really a problem ..it's the location. Then you should definitely move.

    That stolpboederij...(since I can't look into your wallet)...is it a dream that can be realized soon or is it a long term thing?

    They are lovely btw....I have seen some beautiful ones in the Beemster and I know around the German border you can find one or two also.

    Do you and your hubby want one ready to go or do you want a renovation project? A few has been sold with a big patch of land in Landsmeer/Purmerland area. I would have to check if there is any still for sale yet I doubt it.

    Sorry if I sound excited..but when it comes to housing/building projects ...I flare up..lol.

    And I can relate to the funny feeling when you finally made up your mind and no longer in doubt. You will be okay.

    As for the bank. I still would ask around. They always have a "secret" constructions to finance things.

    Oh yeah..for fun check out vakantie veilingen. You might find something to your liking there. lol.


  • Lol we are in Zaandam

  • Ah I see..nothing said then...lol

  • Paddifluff I am so sad you are not happy in the area you live in and flowsco had some very good advice about a smaller move for now to a new part of the city. now about the home you want in Ireland is it a new construction because if it is the builders usually have their own financing department hope that information helps (I used to work in new homes construction before the market crashed a few years ago)

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